


Adam's Rib

by wily_one24



Category: Firefly
Genre: Alliance, Alliance Conspiracies, Angst, F/F, Original Characters - Freeform, The Alliance is super evil and they do super evil stuff, all of River's super psychic friends, but our big damn heroes fight back, scientific experiments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 07:36:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 108,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14467995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wily_one24/pseuds/wily_one24
Summary: "You're not a link. You're a heart." River nodded, completely sure of her words. "Big, beating engine of Serenity. In the Earth that Was, they knew only nine planets, revolving around one sun, a ball of fire. They couldn't make their own light, so they took hers, without her, there was no life, no warmth."Kaylee blinked."Are you...? Are you comparing me to the sun?"River rolled her eyes as only a teenager can."We're planets. Nine." She took Kaylee's hand and drew it down the wall of the shuttle they had just reached. "Serenity is the sun."





	1. Timely

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Joss, Fox, many people richer than me. I own naught. Tell ya what, I ever make any money from fanfic, I'll send you all a check. 
> 
>  
> 
> Comments: This started out as one little scene to help Kaylee get over a few issues, it turned into something bigger and I'm not even sure if it's done.
> 
> * * *

***

"So there we were," The two voices giggled through the engine room and Simon stopped just outside to listen. "flush up against the wall, when in walks the Captain." 

His face reddened at Kaylee's words. River's voice was soft and muffled, he couldn't hear what she said, but there were more giggles. There was a change in the air next to him and he turned to see Mal as Kaylee's voice carried out again. 

"And that's how I got the job." 

Mal nodded at Simon. 

"True story, Doc." 

"Cap'n?" Kaylee rushed, red faced, to the door. A non descript engine part in her hand, several streaks of grease on her coveralls. Her eyes flickered towards Simon, but didn't linger. "We're nearly finished in here." 

"Simon?" River's face joined Kaylee. She looked from one to the other. "You're not very timely." 

"River, it's... uh... it's time for your meds." He stumbled over the words, not looking either of the girls in the eye. 

The color drained from Kaylee's face. 

"Oh, surely it ain't gonna hurt her to stay a bit longer. We'll be done soon." She gestured futilely at the engine behind her. "I just got a few parts to tinker with is all." 

"You go on, Doctor." Mal watched Simon lead River away, he turned to Kaylee. "You got some mighty fine notions, sometimes, but encouraging that girl to skip her medicine is not one of them." 

She blushed. 

"I didn't mean... it's just." Her brain tried to think up something to cover and threw out the first thing it thought of. "Sometimes it gets lonely here." 

"You?" Mal raised his eyebrows, his disbelief obvious. "Lonely in the engine room?" 

"Yes." She nodded, quick and decisively. "Why don't you stay and talk with me 'til I'm done?" 

He looked around, as if trying to spot the catch. 

"Ookaaay." 

* * *

They were sitting at the dining table, eating the remains of lunch. Zoe and Wash were trying very hard to get Jayne to see the attraction of commitment and fidelity. Book was laughing to himself. Jayne sighed and took a large gulp from his mug. 

"You know what I mean, doncha, Inara? Down right unnatural stayin' with one person for so long." 

"Leave me out of this, please." She kept her face rigid, but Inara's eyes glowed with amusement. 

"Maybe he just likes the choice, I remember..." 

"Don't help me out, Doc." Jayne pointed with his fork. "I ain't never heard you speak of one woman, let alone more'n... one... woman." 

"Just because he don't brag," Kaylee forced her way into the conversation. "don't mean there ain't nothing to brag about." 

Simon smiled smugly at Jayne, who curled his lip in response. 

Mal walked into the room. 

"Just got us a new job. It's on Heathmore." He let the name hang in the air. Mal, Inara, Zoe, Wash and Jayne all looked at Kaylee, some of them not bothering to hide their grins. Simon grew puzzled. "Kaylee, I need you to check out the second shuttle, the release mechanism has been sticking. Way I figure it, you're gonna want to use it when we land." 

Kaylee blushed, looking down at the table. 

"Oh, no, Cap'n. Probably not this time." 

Jayne choked on his food. 

"Yeah, right." 

"Just don't push it, Captain." Silence as everyone took note, Kaylee's voice had taken on a tone of command that she rarely took with anyone, least of all Mal. Her eyes flashed at him. "I'll fix the shuttle, but I won't need it." 

* * *

River sat up in her bunk, her feet swinging in the air. Her mouth fell open as the memories hit her, harsh and clear and vibrant. The fear made her tremor. 

* * *

"Serious, Captain, it's not a good idea. Just drop it, okay?" 

"Am I missing something?" Simon looked between Mal and Kaylee. "What's on Heathmore?" 

Jayne smirked into his food. 

"Little Kaylee has herself a stud farm." 

He got a slap on the shoulder for his troubles. 

"One man is hardly a stud farm, and it's not like that at all." She set her shoulders and made her face very prim. "We just have regular visits, is all." 

"Yeah," Grinned Jayne, this time prepared for the shove when it came. "in his bed." 

"Oh, ha ha." She poked out her tongue at him. "I won't be needing the shuttle, but thanks anyway, Captain." 

"Be that as it may," Mal poured himself some tea. "shuttle still needs fixing." 

"I got plenty of fixing to do with Serenity's engines already," Eyes in the room flickered between the two like a tennis match. "I'll look at it tomorrow." 

"Tomorrow we land. You can look at it tonight." 

"If no one needs it, it don't matter if it's not ready." 

"I said tonight, Kaylee." 

"We can't land without the engine fixed, Captain. There ain't time to do both." 

Everyone looked at the floor, the walls, anywhere that wasn't Kaylee herself. This was new. No one saw the flash of color slip through the ship, the glide of bare foot over metal gratings. They didn't see the sudden relief that washed over Kaylee's face as she alone saw River skip into the engine room. 

* * *

The glide of texta over the page created a streak of color that sometimes seemed so out of place on the stark lines of their rooms and sometimes seemed so welcome. Simon reached out and drew back the curtain of River's hair. Her lip trembled. 

"You can't hide from them." She shook her head, letting her hair fall back, out of his reach. "They'll find you." 

He paused, trying to gauge how deep she'd fallen this time. The page before him grew florid with dark reds and blacks. 

"You've been spending a lot of time with Kaylee." 

Deep brown pools looked up at him, boring deep. 

"It's not what you think." 

He smiled. 

"I think you're having fun. It's good, you both need it." 

Her mouth quirked. 

"Kaylee's not having fun." 

"Jien tah-dah guay, Mei Mei, Kaylee adores you." He watched her expression change into a set, stubborn, slightly amused line that he recognized. She knew she was right and it was only a matter of time before her idiot brother caught on. "C'mon, I hear you two laughing and chattering away..." 

River rolled her eyes, bored with his refusal to accept her obviously superior view point. 

"Kaylee needs to laugh, because she doesn't know." 

Simon frowned. 

"Know what?" 

The air exploded from her throat in a gust of frustration. She shoved the paper at him and tossed the texta to the table as she stood up and stretched her long legs. 

"That you can't hide from them." She insisted. "You can't hide from the nightmares." 

He watched her walk away, then looked at the picture he was holding. Unlike her other drawings, which had precise, clear lines and intricate detail, this one was wild with angry splashes of red, black and white. Something about it niggled at the back of his brain. Like a lot of his conversations with his sister lately, this one had left him with the distinct impression that he was missing something completely obvious. 

* * *

It never really got dark on Serenity. There was always a light source from somewhere. Kaylee was sure, however, that shadows grew out of nowhere at night, deepening, spreading out like ink. A trick of the mind, perhaps, a brain conditioned to expect solar patterns with the passing of hours. 

It was something that had never bothered her before. Another aspect of life breathed into Serenity, a living organism if she'd ever known one. And yet, now she avoided the darker corners, found herself unfamiliar with parts of the ship, spent an inordinate amount of time and energy ensuring she was rarely alone. Something that was surprisingly easy, a few lies here and there, spreading 'Kaylee' duty just thin enough over everyone that no one saw fit to question why she needed company in the engine room, or down in the bowels of the machinery. 

And River, popping up in crucial moments, a distraction when she needed it. A release of pressure. She knew, Kaylee knew she knew. It was River's voice that had found her, held her up, let her free that night. More than that, too, River understood the fear it created, forgave the betrayal that Kaylee, herself, could barely forgive. Live, River had whispered to her afterwards, and you did that just fine. 

Warm laughter ran over her thoughts and she smiled. Mal and Zoe were playing Chinese Checkers again and she was sure Zoe was winning. They sat at the dining table, with Jayne and Book their more or less enthusiastic audience, mugs of wine lulling them all into a comfortable ease. Kaylee let herself curl deeper into the couch against the wall, her own mug cradled in her hands as the sounds of people and ship washed over her. 

Somehow, she wasn't sure how, she found herself in the engine room, alone. It was dark, too dark to see anything at all, too dark for Serenity. Her ears strained to identify the noises that whirred past, the roll of the engine, the creak of Serenity settling herself in for the night, people moving about their bunks. A footstep she just knew was too heavy to be River. She struggled to draw breath, fingernails scratching at the inside of her skin, her brain screaming at her. Not again. Trembling, she waited, waited for him to make the first move, fervently hoping that he'd go away, that he'd be just another figment of her overactive and harshly cruel imagination. And then Early's voice sounded. 

"Aw..." Mal lifted his mug in tribute to Zoe's win. "She's so adorable." 

"I think you're overworking her, Sir." 

Zoe nodded her head to the sleeping Kaylee. Wash walked into the room, casting a quick glance to the form on the couch, then focusing on the plate of food, Zoe was producing with a flourish. 

"You can't let her sleep there," He sat down, reaching past Jayne for the salt. "she'll get a crick in her..." 

A loud snap sounded as Jayne twisted his neck, he grinned at Wash's face. 

"You're right." Agreed Mal. "Jayne, you can carry her to her bunk." 

Jayne smirked. 

"Nicely." Growled Mal. 

Jayne feigned innocent offence. 

Truth be told, he never would have tried anything. Sure, Kaylee was attractive and there worse things he could think of than finding out what was underneath those coveralls, but he preferred his women awake and fully participating. Asleep, Kaylee was a little lamb, adorable as she breathed through just parted lips, her right hand curled under her cheek. 

He thrust one arm under her knees and another under her shoulders. In his lifetime, Jayne had picked up countless bodies, some dead, some children, some women in varying states of undress, some injured. It hadn't been too long since he'd actually had Kaylee, herself, bleeding and helpless as he'd carried her to the engine room. He wasn't sure what he'd expected, a soft acquiescence, the slow shifting of her weight as she rolled her head onto his shoulder, a half mumbled question, a glance with blurry, sleep filled eyes. Any or all of these, perhaps. 

It certainly wasn't the cry of horror she gave, or the fist that cracked painfully into his nose. Jayne tasted blood gushing down the back of his throat as he fell back to the table. He stared up at Kaylee, who had backed herself up against the wall. 

"Jesus, Kaylee!" 

Her breath was jagged and her eyes dilated as she scanned the room, taking stock of her surroundings. Jayne, trying to stem the flow of blood, Mal and Zoe, looking at her in much the same way she had seen them looking at River during one of her bad spells, like she was a wild, unpredictable animal capable of anything. Wash, pausing with a fork half way to his mouth, Book watching her without speaking. Her heart beat wildly and she tried to calm it, tried to pretend nothing was wrong. Footsteps heralded the arrival of Simon from his quarters and Inara from her shuttle. 

"Sorry." She stammered the words out. "I didn't mean..." 

"Are you ok, Kaylee?" 

Mal's voice was calm and he moved toward her slowly. No sudden movements there. 

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just..." She flustered, looking for the words. "... had a bad dream." 

"Bad dream?" Jayne growled. "You broke my rutting nose!" 

"Jayne." Mal warned, never taking his eyes off Kaylee. At the same time Inara's gentle, peacekeeping voice broke in, trying to reassure. 

"It was an accident." 

They were still watching her, warily, questions forming faster than her answers and she had to get out. Out. Away. Away from their eyes, which seemed to know or hinted at piecing the clues together. She had to leave before they called her on it. 

"Sorry," She said again. "I'm...ah... going to bed now." 

"Now that you're awake," Mal tried to smooth things over by offering the one thing he knew would calm her down. Engine work. "How 'bout looking at that shuttle?" 

He watched her eyes turn to the hallway, to the direction of said shuttle, saw whatever scant color she'd had left drawn from her. If he'd had to name it, he would have called it fear crawling over her features. 

"Can it wait, Captain?" 

She wouldn't meet his eyes and that's when he knew something was wrong. No power in the 'Verse, far as he knew, could stop Kaylee tinkering with Serenity when it was needed. Even when everyone else on board was asleep, she'd be up at three am, fixing one thing or another. 

"Don't rightly think so." He tried to push her a little bit further. "We land first thing." 

A deep breath and she swallowed, accepting this. 

"You'll... uh... have to show me where..." 

He shook his head. 

"I got Captainy things to do before we land." 

Her eyes scanned the room and the people in it, Mal realized with a jolt that she was sizing up the most likely candidate to go with her. She didn't want to be alone. On Serenity. In her engines. A flash of color made him turn, River came sweeping in, bare feet slapping the metal stairs. 

"I'm here." She said, practically dancing her way to Kaylee, grasping her hands in both her own. "I'll go with you." 

"Okay." 

Kaylee shook as she let herself be led. Mal put up an arm and blocked their way. He did not miss the way that Kaylee flinched from him. River, however, puffed up her chest, glared at him and placed one hand on his chest, pushing him away. 

"Don't be premature." 

He was not to be intimidated on his own ship and certainly not by River. 

"I want to know what's going on." 

River stared at him for a moment, her eyes pleading with him to understand, to comprehend, to save her the trouble of explaining. He was acutely aware of everyone else watching them and felt, stubbornly, that he was not going to be the one to back down. 

"It's a secret," she whispered, pausing to notice that everyone was now looking at her and not Kaylee, who was trying to shrink into the back ground. "Don't tell anyone, it's our secret." 

"If you don't speak about it, if you don't think about it, he'll go away." She continued, facing one person and then the other. "But he doesn't. He's there in your dreams, coming back when you're all alone." 

"River, what are you..." Simon stepped forward. 

"There are hands!" She told him. "And they threaten you, stare at you with cold, cold eyes that make you shiver. Where is River? Tell me where River is?" 

She pushed her face at Book, her voice deep. 

"Where does River sleep?" 

At Zoe, her voice raising slightly, speculative. 

"Maybe I've always been here." 

She pointed at Jayne, eyes narrowing. 

"Throw a monkey wrench into my dealings and your body is forfeit. Ain't nothing but a body to me. I can find all unseemly manner of uses for it." 

River was getting more and more frantic and nobody seemed able to do anything. 

"River," Simon urged. "tell me." 

She spun around, looking at each of them, the words itching at her skin, bubbling to get out. Shh, she heard Kaylee's silent plea in her head, a mantra over and over, River just shh. Don't tell. She shook her head, not wanting to hurt anyone, not wanting to let the secrets boil over, but they'd grown too big. 

"Sweetie." Inara came forward, soft and warm, a hand on her shoulder, comfort. "Just tell us." 

River rolled her neck, slowly, lazily, suddenly still, and looked into the big warm pools of Inara's eyes. 

"Have you ever been raped?" She whispered. 

A collective gasp ran through the dining hall. Before she could stop it, Inara lifted her hand, broke contact. 

"Who?" Simon, red faced and angry. "Who did it?" 

"The Captain." 

All eyes flew to Mal. 

"What? Hey now! I never..." 

"The Captain is right down that hallway..." She continued, lost in the memories that kept invading her brain, bright and painful, her voice lowered. "The Captain's locked in his quarters, they all are. There's nobody can help you. Say it." 

Silence lay thick in the room. River growled the words again. 

"Say it." 

"There's nobody can help me." Came the whispered, teary answer. Everybody looked at Kaylee, comprehension dawning. She had backed herself fully against the wall and tears ran down her cheeks, eyes wide and reliving the moment. "There ain't no one to help me now." 

River turned on Mal. 

"You can't be premature." She pushed him back again. "See? You can't be Early." 

She turned back to Kaylee, running a finger across the tears staining her cheeks. 

"I'll help you, Kaylee. I'll stay with you." 

The group watched as River pulled Kaylee's hands, the mechanic following numbly. 

"Hwoon dan!" Mal slammed his fist into the wall. "And we let him go! We should've..." 

He broke into a string of Chinese that made Inara flinch. 

* * *

River walked backwards, pulling Kaylee as she went, never breaking eye contact. No words passed between them as River's mouth moved silently, slightly, encouraging Kaylee to keep walking. Her bare feet lifted automatically, raising to take the stairs and avoid tripping without ever having to look behind her. They could both hear the voices they left behind, anger and frustration and concern, a big bubble of energy that needed to be away from Kaylee right now. 

"They know." Whispered Kaylee. 

"They care." River whispered back. 

Yes, thought Kaylee, they care, they always care, because I need caring for, I'm the weak link in the chain, the faulty link. 

"You're not a link. You're a heart." River nodded, completely sure of her words. "Big, beating engine of Serenity. In the Earth that Was, there knew only nine planets, revolving around one sun, a ball of fire. They couldn't make their own light, so they took hers, without her, there was no life, no warmth." 

Kaylee blinked. 

"Are you...? Are you comparing me to the sun?" 

River rolled her eyes as only a teenager can. 

"We're planets. Nine." She took Kaylee's hand and drew it down the wall of the shuttle they had just reached. "Serenity is the sun." 

Rather than cold steel, which Kaylee knew was there, her hand caressed a warmth, the indistinguishable life she could always feel humming from the ship. A tingle raced from her skin, through her blood to her very bones. 

"She nurtures us." River smiled up at her. "You nurture her." 

"That you do, I reckon." 

They turned to see Mal watching them. A connection was broken and River let go, leaving Kaylee with nothing but cold air rushing in around her. She wiped at the tears on her cheeks, suddenly conscious of who could see what. 

"Hey Cap'n." 

She tried to smile and neither of them believed it. 

"You should have told us, me at least." 

"It wasn't nothing. A threat. Threw me, is all." As she spoke, she was intensely aware of River, moving in the shuttle behind her, small, tight movements, waiting. "What would you have done? Captain? 'Sides get angry like you are now?" 

"It may have escaped your attention, Kaylee, but ain't none of us complete blithering idiots." She had feared pity in their eyes, but wasn't surprised to find nothing but support. "We knew there was something wrong. You haven't been sleeping and you can't bear to be alone. Now, at least, we can help." 

His eyes flicked up to the space behind her. 

"It constantly amazes me that that girl can sleep half the day and still know more about this ship than me. Then again," He smiled. "she's always been more in tune with you than anyone else." 

"Me?" Kaylee's eyes widened, her brain already dismissing the thought. "Nah, Captain, she just likes to play." 

"You talk to her." 

"We all talk to her," Scrambling again, deflecting. "Simon, more'n me of course, but all of..." 

"You understand her." 

Kaylee smiled, Mal shifted his weight nervously. 

"So... uh... do you want me to stay." 

He gestured at the air around them. 

"No thanks, Captain." Letting him off the hook, she felt a smoothing of the energies in the shuttle. "I think we'll be alright for now." 

They waited awkwardly for a few seconds until River poked her head around Kaylee. 

"Bye Mal." 

She spoke pointedly before her fluid limbs claimed Kaylee, wrapping around her and pulling her into the shuttle, closing the door behind them. Mal was left with the image of Kaylee's surprised and dazed face disappearing. He wasn't quite sure what had just happened, but he knew a dismissal when he been given one. Those two were good for each other, he knew it, he just didn't figure out how. 

* * *

"You shouldn't have done that, River." 

Breathless, Kaylee backed into the shuttle, her eyes adjusting instantly. The hatch in the middle of the floor was already open, her tool box waiting. River sat down, cross legged, expectant, ready to hand tools as needed through the space. Kaylee smiled. 

"You are a task master, aren't you?" 

"If you fix it, it won't be broken." 

She stopped, half way into the hatch, eyes searching River, looking for a hint of the longing and sadness she thought she'd just heard. Kaylee could see nothing. 

"Sweetie..." 

But River broke into that train of thought, a devilish glint in her eyes. 

"Tell me about the ocean." This was a different form of longing, one Kaylee was used to, one she could handle, had the answers to. They'd had this conversation before and River was already lost in the pictures of her head, eyes glazed to the present, whispering words under the cadence of Kaylee's reply. "Riding the waves, the men, tasting the salt." 

* * *

"That's that, then, Sir." Zoe gave a tight smile of approval. "Looks like the job here is done." 

"Yup." Mal hefted the bag in his hand, the thought of weeping crossed his mind. The amount of coins he had just paid was almost obscene. "Nobody trusts anybody anymore." 

"Way of the 'Verse, Sir." 

The sounds of Jayne and Wash loading the cargo behind them could be heard. They'd had to pay Temera outright for the stock. Discounted price. A buyer already lined up off planet. It eliminated the middle man, Temera said, ensured they didn't have to return with her money, made sure they weren't going double skim the profits. They turned and headed back into the ship. 

"We staying long?" 

"No need to, now." Mal surveyed the boxes, his brain noting the moment that his feet left hard packed dry soil and touched metal. "Inara's staying on ship and Kaylee ain't visiting her boy. Soon as we're done here, we can leave." 

Wash stood up. 

"Haven't got a full ship just now." 

"Where's my crew?" 

"Getting supplies, I'd imagine." 

Just then Simon entered the cargo bay, looking harried. A harried looking doctor usually meant only one thing. Mal drew his lips in tight. 

"Doctor, you tell me you know exactly where your sister is and that is right on this ship." 

Mal really didn't even need to look to see the stricken expression on Simon's face. He felt his chest tighten. 

* * *

She walked the aisle with her hands clasped behind her back, like a child. The temptation to touch was always half the fun. Her mouth watered at the thought of all the meals she could make with the fare available here, the fresh produce that didn't stay fresh very long. Inara's voice mumbled something about something else. Kaylee found herself looking at the weal over Inara's face. 

"Are you upset?" 

"What?" Inara blinked. "Because potatoes are bigger on other planets? I imagine we'll all live." 

"No," Smiling wryly, they both knew that wasn't what Kaylee had meant. "because you had to cancel with your client." 

"I don't like to cancel appointments once they've been made." She busied herself with cloth on a spool at the end of the aisle. "but it's not too big a deal. I found a replacement Companion who'll be here not too long from now, they've both agreed to the arrangement, so the client doesn't miss out." 

Kaylee wasn't even sure if Inara knew she had raised her hand to her cheek, fingers brushing the purple stain, before returning to caress the cloth. It was beautiful to Kaylee, but she knew Inara would not spend any money on it. 

"Did he...?" She bit her lip, "Did Early threaten you, too?" 

Inara paused, unsure how to answer. 

"No." Blunt truth. "Not in that way. I imagine he didn't see that it was much of a threat to me." 

Kaylee nodded, as if accepting the truth of what she'd already known. 

"Yeah, probably knew it would scare the go se out of me, though. Coward." 

Her hand closed too tightly around a tomato. She looked around before hiding it under the remaining stock. She could feel Inara's eyes bore deep into her, sizing her up. Neither of them pretended to misunderstand Kaylee's slur as an insult to Early, himself. 

"You're not a coward, Mei Mei," A hand running through her hair. "Rape is an ugly, ugly thing that has been used by ugly people for thousands of years to threaten, humiliate and dominate others. Fear of it is real." 

"Not for you, or Zoe." She felt petulant. "I doubt he would have threatened Zoe like that." 

"No, probably not." Inara held Kaylee by the shoulders, looking her in the eye. "That man watched us for a long time, he knew more about us than anybody is comfortable with. He took us all on in a different way. He disabled those he saw as the strongest, physically. With Simon, he used reasoning, with me he used my own pride." 

Kaylee quirked her head to the side. 

"And me? Threats." 

"No. He used your strength." 

Kaylee made a face of dismissal. 

"I mean it, Kaylee, you're a very sensual being." 

"Me? I ain't no such thing..." 

"Sensual," stressed Inara. "not sexual. You experience things, taste, texture, sight, smell. You don't just fix an engine, you caress it, you feel it's heart. You don't just eat food, you consume it. You can find joy in things most of us can't. Happiness isn't weakness, Kaylee, isn't a quality most of us envy, if you need to know. He wanted to ruin that for you." 

A smile teased the edges of Kaylee's mouth. 

"Don't let him." 

* * *

He watched them return to the ship, arms laden with goods. He'd known that the ship was landing, had prepared his house. An afternoon spent waiting by the cortex for a message that hadn't come. It's not as if they had an official arrangement, but he knew that if things were any different he'd be in more of a position to make it official. His trip into town was rather convenient, but it served his purpose. 

A weaker man might try to convince himself that she was no longer with Serenity, forget the whole thing, move on. But he, no, he had to torture himself, prove to himself that she was still there, and hadn't bothered to notify him. 

Johnson sighed to himself. He had known it couldn't last forever, but he'd been hoping. 

"It's not you." A voice spoke behind him and he spun around to see a slip of a thing in a summer dress, also watching the two women. "She's mixed up and loud and frightened." 

"Um..." Yup, a linguistic genius he was. "Okay." 

"Not this time." 

The woman reached out and ran a hand over his neck. 

"Hey!" He pulled away. "What's that about?" 

She licked her finger. 

"Salt." Eyes met his. "Good salt. She'll be back one day." 

* * *

"Just calm down!" 

Voices rang loud in the ship. River blanched, reluctant to break into the waves that pushed her back. She'd been in a bubble, a focus of intention, had a plan and stuck to it. It lay in her hands, grasped tight, a prize to be offered. 

"Just so you know, Mal, shouting like that won't make anyone calm down." 

Boots on her feet. The planet didn't touch her skin, but particles had landed on it. Dust clinging to her legs and coating her arms, like the distaste of the man in the street. It couldn't be seen, but she knew it was there. 

"You were there, Inara!" Mal's voice jolted her into the room. "You and Kaylee, both. You sure you didn't see anything?" 

"She wasn't there, Cap'n." 

Kaylee, soft and worried. 

"They've got her." 

Simon, cold and steel, resigned. 

"Ain't no Alliance on Heathmore." Jayne growled. "Woulda smelled it a mile off." 

Red flashed before her eyes, Mal glaring at Jayne. A current of fear and suspicion, from both sides. There were weapons being readied. Wash wasn't there, but River knew he was on the bridge, scanning official channels. 

"Maybe she wandered off, your sister does that." Book, not believing his own words. 

"She doesn't wander." River walked casually into the room, not surprised by their shock, but basking in their relief. "She goes shopping." 

"River!" Simon rushing to her. "You're okay?" 

"You went what?" Mal next to them. "Simon, your sister ain't to go off this ship alone." 

"Rivers run free." She turned to stare stubbornly at him. "Serenity's not a prison." 

"No." Face tight, he spoke slowly. "But you're a fugitive. And not known for your sanity." 

"Captain!" Kaylee full of indignant outrage. "Ain't no need to be mean." 

"Not mean." River cocked her head. "Outright. Worry makes a man curt and short, relief wells like acid and I'm happy I'm back, too, Captain. We can sail now." 

Inara smiled to herself at Mal's indignation. 

* * *

River poked a fork into her salad, pouted at it. 

"The tomato is angry." 

A beat. Jayne pointed his fork at her plate. 

"Then eat it before it attacks us all." 

"You'd probably turn it in." 

She grabbed a roll and stalked off without looking at anyone, without bothering to hear them calling after her. Confusion for some of them. River was past caring. Emotions ran high and some of them were hers and some of them weren't and she had to deal with them all. Burn is a word that can be felt. So is soothe. She ran, feet bare again and home, finding a hold in the unlikeliest of places. She wanted air, cold air, but not outside air. 

The counting would begin soon, until Simon found her, until the pierce of needle through skin, hot metal in the pulse of her blood, outside control working its way inside, followed by the haze, the unknowing that would break in a mess of tears. 

Not this time, not this close. 

Burn is a word that can be felt. So is soothe. So is Kaylee. 

"River? Sweetie." Breathe, calm, not Simon. "Are you in here?" 

"Most of me." 

Kaylee pushed her way into the room, looked at the shaking form on the bed. 

"Enough to keep me company. Are you okay?" 

"It's everywhere and it's lost and I can't get it back." "I don't think it's in my bunk." 

River lifted her head and looked at the room, greens and browns and earth and light. She tried to smile. 

"It could be." 

* * *

"I've been cataloguing the supplies in the infirmary." Simon sighed over the table. "I think we need to restock some supplies, Captain." 

"We were just docked," Mal started stacking the plates. "You couldn't have said that this morning?" 

"Heathmore ain't got proper medical, Mal." Jayne felt odd, playing devils advocate for the doctor was not usually his style, but he understood the undercurrents in the room. "He don't mean weaves and bandages. He means a core planet. He means one with the same stock as Ariel." 

Mal looked at Simon. 

"You're running low on River's meds?" 

* * *

"What have you lost?" 

It was a loaded question, Kaylee knew that, feeling suddenly wary of the quivering jumble in front of her. No, not of her, but for her. There was a desperateness she felt in River, sometimes, an urgency to move forward and fast, far away from whatever was left behind. 

"I didn't lose it." Sitting up now, dignified and deliberate. River picked at a thread on the blanket. "I know exactly where it is." 

She looked up at Kaylee, ran her hand over her abdomen and poked her tongue out. 

"The ocean salt." Reached out amid the brightness of it, grabbing hard at the calmness, grabbing hold of Kaylee and pulling her to the bunk, needed contact. "Jonah took it with him." 

Air hissed through her teeth as Kaylee gasped. 

"Jonah." A memory is a gasp. A flash of sound. "He was almost my ocean. But he saw them, knew them and they didn't like it." 

Shaking hard now, River briefly wondered if she could stop even if she wanted to. 

"Two by two, hands of blue. Insurrection. Who took it? Who has more than they were given? They will find out." 

Kaylee was too scared to speak, afraid to break the concentration, the thrall River was in. This was something, she was pretty sure even Simon hadn't heard. Her arms flew around River, drew her in so that they sat together, River leaning back against her, her limbs securing the girl. 

"All the pretty dolls in a row. Not the end, but only the means. They don't need you. Magda at the end. Who took it? Bang!" A shudder of pain. "No more Magda. River next. Oh, clever River, who knows everything. Tell them. They'll do it to you, too." 

River pushed her arm out, pointing. 

"Jonah has it." A tear sliding down her cheek. "Two by two, hands of blue. Listen to River, she knows. Don't let it touch you, not the blue skin, hands out bright in blood." 

Her voice loud and growing louder, frantic and pain filled. 

"Bang!" Mouth stretched in horror. "No more Jonah. He called me Bao bei." 

Kaylee ran her hands over River's hair, her shoulders. 

"Oh, sweetie..." 

"Dead men don't talk, but their vibrations carry before they go cold. River closed his eyes and saw Adam. Save Adam. Meant to be the end, but only the means like us. It was Adam's rib they wanted. And Jonah left it with River." 

She slapped at her head. 

"And they dig for it, again and again. But they taught us, they showed us how to lock away the jewels so that no torture will find them. Put them in the eight fold fence. River made a thirty eight fold fence. No needles can reach it. They can't cut it out, even if River wants them to." 

"It's okay." Kaylee shushed her, running hands down her hair and face, touching lips to the top of her head. "Shh, Bao bei, it's okay." 

She wondered how River was supposed to believe her words when she, herself, didn't. 

"Live." Kaylee whispered, suddenly understanding the full meaning of the advice. "And you did that." 

* * *

"We can't run the same scam we did in Ariel. They know us by now." Mal's face twitched. "Alliance has us all over the cortex." 

"She needs something." Jayne growled into his mug. "Anyone else notice who she focuses on when she's crazy?" 

Wash grinned. 

"Maybe she has a crush." 

Jayne slammed down his mug. 

"Maybe I'll fix that idea right up for you." 

"Nice, boys, why don't you just keep squabbling?" Inara, ever the voice of reason. "That's helping a lot." 

"We can't just walk into another core hospital and take a bunch of medicine." Zoe broke in. "We've done it once, we do it again and the Alliance will take note. They'll know what Simon's doing for River. And they won't like it." 

"I'll do it." 

They all turned to watch Kaylee step into the room. 

"Now, Kaylee." Mal looked straight at her. "I know you're close to her now, and you want to help, but what makes you think you can do this? You ain't never been in a core hospital." 

"She's getting better. Whatever Simon is doing is working." She looked at Simon. "She's okay, she's asleep now. We need someone who can walk into one of those places, someone who's not actively described on any of the cortex notices about this ship, ruling out you, Captain, Simon, Zoe, Jayne and just about everybody else here." 

Kaylee breathed in. 

"Simon can tell me what to do, what to say, how to act. Whatever it takes to get them to prescribe those drugs. Then we'll have a source. We can work with that." 

"No." Simon stood up to face her. "They'll admit you, they have to. They'll pump you full of those drugs first. You'll be in their control for weeks, nobody is doing that." 

"She's getting better! You want to risk that?" 

"I know it seems that way, Kaylee, but there's no real proof she's getting any better. She can function, she interacts with all of us, but she can't even talk about that place without breaking down. I can't help her if I don't know what... I won't have you risk yourself." 

"They killed her sweetie." At Kaylee's words, everybody went still. "He called her sweetheart and they killed him. He knew something and they killed him for it. River knows what it is and they'll kill her for it, too." 

Disbelief and betrayal on Simon's face. 

"How did you...?" 

"She told me." Kaylee didn't look him in the eye, she knew there'd be hurt there. "One of the things they taught them was how to resist torture. It backfired. They couldn't get her to tell them what she knew. And so they tried to dig it out." 

"Resist torture?" Mal bristled, "Why would they...?" 

"You can't just dig into me, shove twenty needles in my eyes and ask me what I see." Simon echoed the words, only now realizing the literal meaning of them. "That's what she said." 

"That fed." Jayne also stood up. "He said it was something in her brain." 

"What did they do to her?" Inara couldn't stand still. "To them all? Torture? Killing? Mind reading? Why these kids?" 

"Adam's rib." Kaylee tossed the words into the middle of the room. "That's what River called it. She said they were all the means to an end, that the end was Adam's rib." 

"Kaylee. Not only are you the only person who can keep this ship in the air, you seem to be the only one to get through to her other than the doctor." Mal looked at her. "I'm not gonna let you put yourself in Alliance control for that long. We need you here." 

"I'll do it." Everyone looked at Wash. "If anyone else is gonna act crazy, might as well be me." 

Simon looked down. 

"This is crazy." 

Wash looked at him. 

"Not yet, but I plan to be." 

* * *

Kaylee climbed down to her bunk, carefully, treading lightly, not wanting to wake or disturb River. The girl lay curled in the sheets, breathing heavily, a frown creasing her forehead. She sighed, worried beyond belief for River, for Wash now and for the whole ship. 

It had been her idea and she was okay with that as long as it was Kaylee in danger, Kaylee taking the risk, but it wasn't anymore. It was Wash and she had felt Zoe's glare on the back of her head when she'd left them there, still planning the job. 

Something caught her eye. A box on her desk. River's words came back to her, she'd been shopping. Reaching out, she picked up the brightly wrapped package and slowly, gently, began tearing the paper away. Her nose twitched with it and she smiled. 

"For you, Kaylee." River's voice, slurred with sleep. 

Bright, red and swollen, the strawberry gleamed as it lay nestled in the tissue. 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

Title:   **Timely**  
Author:   **Jacqui**   [website]  
Details:   **Work-In-Progress**  |  **G**  |  ***slash***  |  **38k**  |  **06/21/05**  
Characters:  Malcolm, Zoe, Wash, Kaylee, Inara, Jayne, Simon, River, Book  
Pairings:  Hints of Kaylee/River  
Summary:  River helps Kaylee, Kaylee helps River.  
  



	2. Green in Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where River flirts, Simon suspects, Mal realizes and Wash gets a little crazy.

***

River laid her hands on the table, one after the other, deliberately and delicately. Her eyes shone with amusement and challenge. A curve teased the edge of her lips. She leaned forward. 

"Ice melts like wine on her tongue." 

"The well's gone dry and ice is all that's left." 

River threw her head back and laughed in triumph. Standing in the doorway, Zoe allowed herself an amused smile. Her husband sat across from River at the table, eyes also full of laughter and challenge. 

"I do believe they're having a meaningful conversation." 

Zoe turned to Mal beside her. 

"I'm thinking of leaving him in there, Sir, they're starting to make sense to each other." 

"Minute you learn how to fly a ship, I'll take you up on that offer." Mal smiled into the Look that she gave him. "How're we doing, Doc?" 

Simon shrugged. 

"I haven't understood a word they've said in the past two days. I'd say we're either ready or I've succeeded in deliberately manifesting schizophrenic and psychotic tendencies in an otherwise healthy and sane individual." 

"That is..." Mal stretched it out. "... not at all comforting to hear." 

"It's River I'm worried about." Simon looked at the girl in question. "She's having too much fun with this, I'm not sure she even knows..." 

River turned a withering glance in his direction. 

"It's not real. False. Pretend. Reality is an illusion, but it can be as fun as free association into patterns of the brain." 

Simon blinked. 

"Okay then." 

Wash let the corners of his mouth turn up into a smile, he shook his head to clear it, make a break back into focus and reality. One quick look of acknowledgement towards and from Zoe before turning back to Simon. 

"Turn off the filter that stops you saying what you're thinking." He explained. "Let your brain wander and the words will come." 

He shared a secret smile with River, who glowed with pride at her student. 

"That's several months of my time down the drain." Zoe gave a wry smile. 

"Yeah, well." Mal looked at Simon. "The important question is, will they believe it?" 

"There's no reason they shouldn't." He hesitated, looking up at Mal, to Zoe and back again. "If the IDs check out like they should." 

River leaned forward again, her face serious and her tone confessional. 

"Just tell them they're going to die." She sat back, nodding knowingly. "Men in suits hate that." 

A small ripple of nervous laughter ran through the room. 

* * *

Kaylee pushed hard, her arms shaking with the strain, she could already feel beads of sweat pushing out on her skin. Pain swelled in her shoulders, a burn that threatened to really hurt. 

"Four..." She counted, a twinkle rising in her eyes as she looked up. "... hundred." 

Jayne laughed down at her. She pouted as he lifted the barbell from her, securing it in the arms of the bench. 

"Four." Sitting up, she accepted his hand and felt him pull her whole body up off the bench, rising to her feet. "Okay, you were right. It's harder than it looks." 

"You're a girl." Still grinning, Jayne bent down to adjust the weights. "You ain't built to lift heavy weights." 

"Zoe's a girl." She pointed out, swatting his shoulder. "I bet ya she could lift it, no problems." 

"Zoe ain't a girl." At the sight of Kaylee about to protest, he rushed in to continue. "She's a soldier. Soldiers learn to carry their own weight." 

Her mouth fell open. 

"And I don't?" 

"Aw, hell." Jayne grabbed the towel he kept close by for his workouts, settling himself down on the bench. He'd been half way through a set when she'd come along. "That ain't what I meant an' you know it." 

"Yeah," She poked her tongue out at him. "well." 

He pointed at the charred wreckage of the mule. It sat there with several parts laid out and bare. 

"That thing warmed up or what?" 

There was a distinct glare in her eyes as she strode over to check the temperature of the welding iron, but also humor. Jayne knew she wasn't truly mad at him. As he lay back, flexing his arms to warm them into the weights, he heard her give a sudden gasp and then let loose with a string of Chinese obscenities. 

"What?" Weights forgotten, he rushed over to her. "What happened?" 

She didn't need to answer. He could see the angry, red welt forming on her right wrist as she cradled it with her left hand. 

"Ain't nothing." She hissed through clenched teeth. "Give it a minute." 

Two stubborn chins set as they looked at each other. He reached out and took the wrist, fingers careful not to touch the burn itself as he studied it. It surprised her, sometimes, that such a big, gruff, unpolished brute like Jayne could be so gentle with the things he cared about, like guns or family. 

Jayne knew that look, the widening of her eyes as she tried to hide the water welling in them, the clench of her jaw against the pain and the tremor of her arm. 

"Infirmary." One word, she opened her mouth to protest, but he stopped her. "I ain't asking, Kaylee." 

"I'm not weak." She insisted, quiet words, insistent. 

"I ain't neither." He knew better than to look into the large, puppy dog eyes she was throwing his way. "And I'll pick you up and carry you, if'n you don't have enough brains to get that seen to." 

She tried to stare him down, but her wrist really was beginning to hurt and she ended up looking away first. 

"Fine." Petulant. "Whatever." 

"You ain't really mad." He couldn't resist needling her as he followed in her footsteps up the stairs. "You're just tetchy 'cause Mal said you couldn't be the nutter in your plan and go to a core planet." 

Kaylee stopped climbing the stairs and took a deliberate step backward. 

"Gorram it, woman!" 

Jayne hopped on one foot as Kaylee stepped off the other one. 

* * *

"You having fun there, Husband?" 

Zoe came up behind Wash, wrapping her arms around his waist. She buried her face in the back of his neck, pushing into his warmth. He smiled and turned around, covered by her, and kissed the end of her nose. 

"She's having so much fun." 

"And you're not?" She leaned back, eyes clearly saying that she already knew the answer. "This isn't a game, you know." 

He sighed. 

"You don't think I know that?" 

"I know I'm supposed to give you to the Alliance and sit back while they stick things in your brain." 

"I'll be fine." 

"Yes." She agreed, but it didn't sound anything like she meant it. "Because River is a comforting example of what Alliance powers can do to someone's brain." 

Wash gave a silly grin. 

"I'm not any kind of genius you need to be worrying about having medical experiments done on." 

"I just don't like it." 

* * *

Simon looked up from the notebook he was writing in as his infirmary was suddenly awash with noise and bustle. His eyes surveyed the situation and quickly deducted it was Kaylee who needed his attention. First thing he noted was that she was walking by herself, which was a good sign. Second, that she cradled her right wrist. Third, that Jayne followed her in. Fourth, that River hovered behind Jayne, giving the back of his head all manner of glares. 

"What happened?" He asked. 

"Welding iron." She answered. 

He led her to the sink and washed the area before grabbing a standard burns kit. The burn itself covered an area the size of a coin, the skin surrounding it was red and angry, but it would heal just fine. It was not serious. He felt an inch of guilt at his sudden boredom with the case. It wasn't like he wanted truly serious injuries on Serenity, but for the most part his training went to waste. 

Jayne stood in the door way, watching the two of them. River stood opposite him, alternatively looking at him and looking in at Kaylee. It made him all kinds of uncomfortable. 

"Hey," He said. "Quit it." 

Mal walked past them on the way to the cargo hold. He paused, thought for a moment, then double back on them. He looked into the infirmary and then back at Jayne. 

"I thought you was watching her?" 

"I was." Agreed Jayne. "I was lookin' right at her when the accident happened." 

He stressed the word accident. Mal sighed. River turned her glare on him. 

"Latin Mal." She hissed. 

"Hey now, what?" He looked at the girl and frowned, she frowned back, Mal shifted to Jayne, handed him a folder. "Got a job for ya." 

Jayne opened it just enough to see the papers on the inside. He raised his eyebrows in question to Mal and Mal nodded his response. 

"Guess I'll get to work, then." 

Mal looked at River, who was leaning against the doorway, her hands held onto the metal and she swayed back and forth as she watched him. Sullen. It made him nervous. He walked into the infirmary. 

"You alright?" His eyes lingered on the bandage being wound around her wrist. 

"Yeah, Captain." Kaylee gave him a small smile. "Ain't nothing, but it hurts like hell." 

"Good." He said. "I need you to be well enough to go to the core." 

Her eyes shone in excitement for a second, before her face fell. 

"Is Wash okay?" She questioned him. "There ain't nothing wrong, is there?" 

"Apart from the fact that the doctor an' his sister stole his sanity? Not a might." Mal ignored the look he got from Simon. "Inara just came back, she's rented out a place for a month, for Wash and his wife, completely legal like." 

Kaylee silently urged him on. 

"Under assumed names, of course. Jayne's got the paperwork for that, he's creating the IDs as we speak." Mal enjoyed stringing her along. "Got ' em jobs. Wash is a pilot, of course, an' his wife has a job as a mechanic." 

Her mouth fell open. 

"I'm his wife?" 

Mal nodded. 

"We need someone to run interference between the hospital and us, we'll drop you off and you'll stay at the home and wave us when you can. The job is easy, the guy don't know why you're there, just that you are and can fix machines, it's flexible so that you can spend a lot of time visiting the husband you care so much about." 

Kaylee grinned. 

"I'm going to the core." 

"Core!" River stomped her foot. "Rotten from the inside out, looks shiny like an apple, but never was." 

"Couldn't agree more." Mal nodded. 

* * *

It was cold when she woke up, ice like, not on the outside, but sliding through her blood, crawling over her bones. River wanted to be warm, be in warmth, cover herself with it. Cold was not on the outside, neither was the heat. 

Her eyes needed no time to adjust to the dark, she slipped her feet onto the floor, careful and silent. Her fingers found her dress, hung neatly over the back of a chair, and she slipped into it like a snake into someone else's skin. 

Simon didn't wake, didn't look at her and ask where she was going and really want to know where she had been. He couldn't be her warmth, not anymore, his touch smelled like fear and loss, disappointment and wanting what was already gone. He found her broken and his own failure terrified him. He was as careful with her as he should be. 

Colors turned to blue in the night. Auxiliary powers only, shutdown of unnecessary energies, less lights hummed and more dreams came through. She has learned to pick and choose the things she sees sometimes, but when the emotions run too hot she can't control it. Dreams are usually safe. Usually. 

In the next room Book is a series of flashes, bright and fast and nothing like an abbey. River wants to delve into them one day, but now is not the time. The shuttles give her a sense of silk, of sliding skin, of burying the past. She tiptoed past them, letting Inara's dreams inter themselves. Jayne dreams of guilt, of a family he won't admit to missing, of the comfort money would bring. Wash and Zoe run through each other's dreams, like dye running through water, spreading and dissolving, inching out and tainting forever. Mal is a wall of regret, of worry, of silky possessiveness. 

Kaylee's door beckoned to her. Sunshine and engines, apples and laughter. A flash of something darker, gone too quickly. River laid her hand on the door, whispering to Serenity, the ship gave in to her. It always did. The hatch opened. Her toes curled around the steps, her shoulders stretched as she held the highest rung, bringing her arms up over her head. She enjoyed the lengthening of her body, the pull of her weight, down and up at the same time. 

It was dark, but River knew where she wanted to be, to go. She wanted to lift the covers and crawl into Kaylee's heat, the life that hummed, touch the sheen of her hair, breathe in the slightly stale breath that puffed from Kaylee's lips. Her hands were ice, that's what she felt as she laid them on the skin of Kaylee. The heat burned her, but she clung to it. 

"Hmm?" Eyes crinkled in sleep. "River, that you, sweetie?" 

"Cold." She shivered in emphasis. "Inside not out. Can't sleep, can't be there, can't rest in peace." 

Instant reaction as Kaylee woke up, became lucid. 

"River, you're freezing!" Kaylee sat up, shuffling the blankets and making room. "Here, snuggle up." 

River poured into the bed, easing herself into the blinding pocket of air that began to thaw her out, twisted into arms that came around her. Worry and concern, but a buzz that spread pink over her skin. She felt Kaylee's mouth widen into a yawn, heard the squeak of her uvula flex shut. 

"We'll warm you up," Kaylee's voice was already thick and slurred again. "and get you back to bed." 

"In bed." River twisted so that she was face to face with Kaylee. "Getting warm." 

"Okay." Kaylee's eyes flickered closed, struggled to open again, then fluttered down. "G'night, Mei Mei." 

Time breathed with her, River held her breath as she counted the rise and fall of Kaylee's rib cage, monitored the REM movement of her eyelids. 

"Not Mei Mei." She insisted to the dark room. "Bao Bei." 

She let herself fall deeply into her own dreams. 

* * *

"I'm sorry." Simon flustered with the ointment. "I usually wake up, I don't know what happened. You could have brought her straight back." 

"Nah, Simon." Kaylee smiled in reassurance. "It's all shiny. She didn't disturb much at all." 

"You shouldn't have to." His hands wound the dressing a little tighter than he'd wanted to, he eased the pressure. "She's my responsibility." 

"She's not a responsibility." She confided, trying to loosen him up. "She's a person." 

"She likes you." He paused, sighing, before laying her hand down on the table. Kaylee looked at him sadly, could see the resigned slump of his shoulders. "She told you all those things..." 

"It's not what you think." 

Simon raised his eyes sharply at her words. 

"River likes to talk, is all." She absently began to pick at the new plaster, scratching at the raw skin peeking out of it, but stopped when she saw Simon look pointedly at it, then up at her. "You know, ask questions, learn about stuff." 

"Questions?" He heard the tone and knew he was doing it again, yet was somehow unable to stop himself in time. "What could she possibly...?" 

Her face hardened and she pulled away from him. His voice tapered out and he was left gaping, face already smoothed in shocked apology. 

"No, Kaylee." He rushed in, stepping towards her, but she stepped back. "I didn't mean..." 

"Yes, you did." It was becoming uncomfortably familiar to her now, this stone cold resignation to his unintentional, and therefore more hurtful, insults. "You were about to ask what an intelligent, ideal, brilliant, talented and painfully perfect girl like your genius sister could possibly have to learn from someone like me?" 

He was miserable under her tirade, but she didn't care, her voice took on a sneer. 

"A backward, border planet hick?" She stepped toward him now, bold, letting something loose inside her, free and bitter. "It must really eat you up inside, mustn't it, Simon? That she would confide in someone so gorram common when she wouldn't and couldn't confide in you? Big fancy medical training an' all, and she turns to me." 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean..." He spoke to the floor tiles, unable to look her in the eye. "It's just that I'm her brother, her doctor. She should be able..." 

"No, she shouldn't." Kaylee insisted, still angry. "That's your problem right there. You keep expecting her to play a part: patient, sister, genius. You never really let River be just River. Not everything she says has a hidden meaning, stop analyzing it." 

"But..." 

"But nothing. Let her ramble and eventually some of it makes sense. You just have to sift through it." 

Simon looked at her. 

"You're telling me to stop expecting her to make sense and then she'll make sense?" 

"Yes." She softened, just a little bit. "You know, she probably can't talk to you anyway." 

He gave a puzzled expression. 

"She asks me about things like men and sex and stuff, you know?" 

Simon blushed. 

"You talk about sex with my sister?" 

"She's growing up." Kaylee was pretty sure Simon should know this already. "She's curious, like anyone would be with the amount of hormones she probably has running through her. I can't imagine that whatever they did to her, they had many co-ed mixers and date opportunities." 

"But..." Simon paused. "What kinds of questions? She was studying my medical text books by the age of ten. Surely she knows all there is to know?" 

Kaylee smiled. 

"Knowing where the parts go is different to knowing how it feels, what it's like when a boy kisses you." Simon blushed again and Kaylee was surprised to find herself comparing him to the paleness of River. "She never had anyone to ask before, like an older sister or..." 

She stopped talking, aware all of a sudden that River might have had an older brother to ask and giggle with, had things been different, and that this was the cause of Simon's anguish. 

"Maybe back then, but you're both past that now." He didn't look her in the eye. She waited for a moment, then sighed. "She's too old to be a girl much longer, Simon." 

Kaylee turned and walked away, feeling drained and almost sorry for the shattered look she'd left on his face. Maybe she wasn't supposed to be the one to say it, but somebody had to. 

He looked at the remains of tending to Kaylee, a used bandage, some swabs, the tube of ointment and he felt a sudden desire to just leave them there on the table, not bother to put them away. To rebel against years of ingrained training to keep everything pristine and neat and orderly. 

Footsteps sounded behind him and he expected a voice, just didn't know whose. 

"Do you stay awake at night thinking up ways to hurt her?" Mal. Simon turned around. "I may be wrong, but you got a special talent in that area." 

He could only nod in answer. 

"I don't think it's escaped your notice, but I'll remind you that she's been through enough in the last few days without you speaking your mind without thinking first." 

"I didn't mean..." 

"I'm just saying that there are nine people on this ship and very few places to avoid anyone if tensions arise. Think before you speak." Mal looked at him, not unkindly. "Is all." 

"I try." Simon whispered. "I really do. I'm just not good at talking to girls... to Kaylee." 

A wry grin split Mal's face. 

"I had noticed. We all noticed. You speak to River normal all the time. Think of Kaylee like your sister." 

Simon looked askance at him. 

"Or maybe not a sister." Mal shrugged. "Just, try, okay? Kaylee really likes you, surely it ain't too hard to be nice?" 

"I can't let..." Simon swallowed, trying to find a way to say it. "She'll die weeping. She's weakness." 

"Hey." Mal was serious now, he spoke through clenched teeth, not trusting himself to stay quiet. "Don't you let me hear you say that again and don't you ever let her hear you say it. Kaylee may not be our strongest person, but she ain't weak in any sense of the word." 

"Not her. My. Kaylee is a weakness for me." Simon breathed in and tried again. "Early was going to shoot me and I was going to let him. I wouldn't help him find River. But... he told me he had Kaylee bound and threatened to... well... he told me she'd die weeping. I helped him look for River to save Kaylee. He would have hurt her to get to us and not blinked twice about it." 

Mal didn't know what to say. 

"He knew." Simon continued. "He knew how I felt. As long as River and I are targets, then so is anyone I get close to. I can't put her in danger like that, I can't..." 

"It's okay." This was a reasoning Mal could understand. 

"I gave up everything to save River, my life, my career, what was left of my family. To keep her safe, make her happy and healthy, I gave everything." Simon looked at the remnants of bandages in his hand and saw a bright smile and brighter eyes, heard laughter. He saw his sister's face smooth out in happiness talking about apples and sunshine, saw the two of them together. Heard them give the exact same answer to a question he hadn't asked. He looked out to the empty space Kaylee had left behind. "And I keep giving." 

* * *

"Sir?" Zoe's voice found him in the common area, looking over the new IDs with Jayne. "Sir, can you come here?" 

He trotted up the stairs, to find her staring, aghast, at River and Wash. Mal looked closely at the two of them, sitting face to face at the dining table. Intense looks of concentration on both their faces. That's when he noticed it. 

Wash wasn't moving. River was, however, her voice low and steady, a monotone as she drew a pointed finger back and forth in front of Wash, forward and backward. Mal couldn't hear what she was saying, but it chilled him to the bone. 

"Sir?" 

"Yes Zoe?" 

"Are you going to stop that, or shall I?" 

"I don't think that's a good idea." 

"Sir!" Cold and steel, he heard the worry in her voice. "She's hypnotizing my husband. River. The crazy girl." 

"I trust her." He wondered if he'd sounded more believable to her than he did to himself. "Besides, you interrupt them now and you're asking for a whole lot of trouble." 

* * *

He entered the room quietly, stepping lightly and drawing the door closed as softly as he could. Simon turned to see River sitting upright, wide awake, eyes bright. Her legs swung back and forth on the end of the bed as she looked at him. 

"You're not asleep." He said, cursing his obviousness. 

"Can't sleep." She said and didn't stop watching him. 

Her eyes danced as she sat silently and he was reminded of birthdays past, when she would all but hum with the expectation of gifts, sitting still and muscles twitching like a colt held back from the movement it craved. She was waiting for something, something from him. 

"I could give you a pill, something to help you sleep a little?" 

Her eyes narrowed slightly at his suggestion, her shoulders drooped in fatigue and her whole body sighed. 

"No more drugs, Simon." 

"Okay, okay." His eyes were drawn to her bed, sheets perfectly stretched over the mattress, pillow fluffed, blankets folded precisely as she sat on them. It wasn't like her. "You made your bed." 

"Wanted to leave it neat." She smiled at him, enticing. 

"Leave it...?" Realization hit him quickly. "No, River. You can't go back tonight." 

Her face fell and set in a stubborn line. 

"You're mad at me. You pushed and you pushed and now you're mad because it's gone." She was getting agitated and he could feel his heart beating faster in fear. "Finder's keepers." 

"This isn't a game, River." 

Sometimes, he couldn't help it, he wanted to take her by the shoulders and shake her until she resembled something akin to sanity and reason, the intelligence he knew was there. He was more than frustrated, with himself, with her, with Kaylee even, and he didn't know why, exactly. The absurdity of his situation floored him, there was nothing in the Universe to prepare him for having to ask his crazy genius sister to stop casually flirting with his almost quasi not quite yet girlfriend. Especially considering he didn't even know if that's what it was, or if River even knew the consequences, or Kaylee herself had realized what was happening. 

"You can't just..." 

She slapped him. River slapped him. Simon raised his hand to the sting on his cheeks. 

"Not playing." She thrust the words out of clenched teeth, her eyes fire hot and struggling to stay coherent. "The words, they tumble. They don't work. I lost them." 

Her arms shook as she tried, hands flinging their frustration off like droplets of water. 

"They run away, like ice skates!" 

"Shh, River." He immediately snapped into soothe mode, cursing himself for pushing her when he knew she was tired and already on edge. "It's okay." 

"No, Simon!" She cringed from him, curling into herself as he reached for her. His eyes followed her progress as she covered her head with her arms, drew her legs up on the bed and cuddled herself. "Shattered and hateful. No drugs. No horses. No!" 

Horses? 

"River?" He began, but she started to whimper. "I'm sorry." 

How many times in a day would he have to apologize to women, he wondered? 

"Go away." She looked up at him, voice calm again and the switch jarred him. "I will lie here broken, but you can leave." 

* * *

Simon knew, he just knew, that when he walked into the common area Mal would be waiting for him, having heard the whole uproar and deduced that it was his fault yet again. That's the way his luck was running. He didn't run into anyone as he passed through and he counted his blessings for that. 

The engine room was always something foreign to him, as much time as he'd spent there. It was infused with a soft, humming life that made it glow, earthy and wild. It frightened him a little and made him ache for the cold sterility of his infirmary, a place where he could retain control. 

Voices echoed out of the engine room and he recognized Wash and Kaylee, talking about something. Listening closer he heard the word 'triceratops'. Simon gave a small knock on the edge of the door. 

"Come in if you're sexy." Wash called, then turned to the door and looked Simon up and down. The man looked nothing like his wife. Either of them. "Or a doctor." 

"Hi." He began. 

"Simon." The shortness of her greeting was less than he'd hoped for, but probably all that he could expect. "We're nearly finished in here." 

"Yup," Wash smiled and stood up, handing some tools back to Kaylee. "we're just going over the details of our marriage." 

"He snores." Kaylee stated. 

Washed jerked his shoulders in Kaylee's direction. 

"She steals the covers." 

Simon looked back and forth between them. 

"I... I need your help." He could see the stubborn set of her jaw. "It's River." 

"Is she okay?" It was instantaneous, the switch to worry. "What's wrong?" 

"We were talking and she started to..." He sighed. "We fought. She threw me out." 

Wash laughed to himself. Kaylee smiled. 

"She threw you out?" 

"Yes." Defensive and not getting any better in the face of their obvious amusement. "She slapped me." 

Wash laughed harder as he walked out of the room. 

"This? I gotta go tell Zoe." 

"So." Kaylee looked at him. "What can I do?" 

"I was wondering, if you don't mind, can I sleep in your bunk?" 

"What?" Her eyes grew huge and he could see anger in them. "Simon!" 

"No." He rushed in, embarrassed. "I didn't mean WITH you, of course not with you..." 

"Oh." She muttered with narrowed eyes. "Of course not." 

"I meant," This would be one of those times, Simon thought, that the Captain was talking about when he suggested thinking before speaking. "can you stay with River tonight? She won't let me back in our rooms and she needs someone..." 

His words trailed off and the nervousness and misery he projected drew her out of her stubbornness. 

"Of course." 

* * *

Red and sharp, it clouded her, washed over her, smothered her. Voices that wanted to help, but only held her down. They wouldn't listen. They couldn't. She could feel the energies of the room swirl and hiss, echoing the hurt she'd thrown at Simon, the frustration he'd shot her with. Confused big brother, meaning well, but not knowing. She didn't want to hurt him, shouldn't do it, couldn't dream of it, she owed him her life, but he would forgive her anything. A tendril of green, cool and refreshing, wound its way into her red. She gasped and opened her eyes to look for it. 

"River?" Kaylee's voice outside the door. "You okay?" 

"I'm in a box." She called, then waited. 

"Want some company?" 

Kaylee opened the door, cautiously, not sure what she'd find. River was sitting on the bed, back against the wall, listless and not moving. She could see the path that tears had tracked onto River's cheeks. 

"It's too red in here." River turned anguished eyes on Kaylee. "They'll find me." 

"No one's going to find you." Kaylee reassured her. "Not tonight, anyway." 

River looked at Kaylee and saw smiling eyes, saw all the things that Kaylee didn't know could find her in the night, vulnerable and open, saw Early who did find her, vulnerable and open, saw all the ways that the smile could be taken from her and hushed up so that people looked away and the government paid for it to continue. 

River looked at Kaylee and believed her. 

"So." Kaylee shuffled her bundle of clothes onto Simon's bed, she saw River scrutinize them, eyes moving quickly, thoughts processing. She unfurled her fingers, palm upward, revealing two small white tablets. "Simon gave me these for you. He thought you might need help sleeping." 

"Thought. Think. Doesn't know." River sighed. "I don't want them, Kaylee." 

"No." Kaylee placed them on the bedside table, listening to the clinks as they bounced off each other. "I didn't think you would." 

"They stop me." River whispered sadly. "Slow. That's when they come. Memories. Sharp. Can't control. Don't want." 

"It's okay." Kaylee rushed in to stem the growing hysteria. "You don't have to." 

"Simon Says." 

"Simon is sleeping in my bunk." She gave a coaxing smile. "Simon doesn't need to know." 

"I hit him." Admitted River. 

"Yeah, well, he'll get over it." Kaylee sat down next to River, nudged her with her shoulder. "Besides, there are times I've wanted to do the same thing." 

River smiled. 

"He's a boob." Kaylee laughed and River tried to, but couldn't. "But he's Simon. Brother. Savior. Martyr." 

"He means well." Kaylee agreed. "And he also knows you didn't mean anything by it." 

River took Kaylee's hand, pressed their palms together and laced their fingers. She liked the patterns they made, liked the fact that if she unfocused her eyes the lines between them swam and melted and she couldn't distinguish herself, her own broken parts, from Kaylee. 

"Married woman, without a ring." 

"It's not like we're really married." Kaylee blushed and didn't know why. "We don't land for a few days yet." 

"Don't go." River tightened her grip. "Forget it. Stay on Serenity." 

Kaylee pulled her hand out of the grip and touched River's forehead, running fingers into rich, brown hair. River bent her head into the touch, curved into it like a cat. 

"I have to." Kaylee said softly. "For you. It's important." 

"I know." River nodded sadly. "I knew. Can't change a mind. I had to try." 

"The sleeping tablets you can give up, Bao Bei, but not the rest of it, not when you've come so far." 

River thrilled to the name, closed her eyes and was content to bask in the buzz she was getting from the other woman. 

"Are they so bad, the dreams?" 

River's eyes snapped open, she was no longer content to be within her own head. 

"Not your dreams." She said and an image made her smile. "Grass and sky and leaves fly by. You had a tree swing." 

Kaylee's face broke open in a bright smile. 

"I'd nearly forgotten that!" 

River shook her head. 

"Your dreams didn't. You loved that swing and Oh!" River suddenly gave a mischievous grin. "you were such a flirt there." 

Kaylee blushed a deep red and her smile softened. 

"Yeah. I really was." She saw River stifle a yawn. "But now it's time for you to try to sleep, or Simon will never forgive me." 

She stood up and watched as River melted into a lying position, stretching her limbs out to the end of the bed, resting her head on the pillow and pulling the blanket up. Kaylee turned to look at Simons bed, neat and perfect, sheets tucked in so tight she could probably bounce jacks off them. She wondered how he was going in her bunk, not so neat, not so structured. 

"It's cold over there." Came the voice and Kaylee turned to see River watching her with a smile. "But it's warm here." 

"Oh, is it now?" She arched her brows. "Why, River Tam, I believe you're flirting." 

"Please?" 

She had such a pathetic, pleading puppy dog look that Kaylee just had to smile. 

"Okay." She agreed and gave her a stern look. "But only 'til you fall asleep." 

Rolling onto her back, River smiled at the ceiling, waiting for Kaylee to change. She could live with that addendum, because she knew Kaylee was a heavy sleeper and once sleep came she could stay surrounded in Kaylee's happy dreams, far away from her own with no fear of isolation. 

A weight dipped the mattress and River shifted, moved onto her side, back against the wall. Kaylee lay stiffly in the warmth that she had left behind, breathing carefully and lost for words. River didn't care, she threw her arm over Kaylee's shoulder and nestled her face into her neck. 

"Goodnight River." 

Kaylee felt awkward, too close, too much heat flowing between them, at their hips where they met, through their legs which pressed together, at her shoulder where River's breath blew over her skin. She tried to breathe normally, tried to find a place for her arms that felt comfortable and settled with drawing her arm up to cradle River's head, running her hand down River's hair. 

River angled her head upwards and lightly touched her lips to Kaylee's, softness and sizzle, her lips burned. Kaylee gasped, suddenly still and unable to move. They were both intensely aware of their closeness. 

Made bold by the lack of protest, she pressed forward again. 

"River?" Kaylee whispered. "What are you...?" 

"Want." Came the simple reply. "And so do you." 

River drew herself up on one elbow, looking straight at Kaylee. Her eyes burned deep and Kaylee found herself blushing. She couldn't say River was wrong. Her heart pounded. 

"It's okay, Kaylee." River talked as if soothing a child and, Kaylee realized, as a lot of people talked to River. "Nothing will happen. Just a kiss." 

"I don't think..." Kaylee closed her eyes and then opened them again. "River, do you know what you're doing?" 

"Mine is a world of nine." She lifted a hand and placed a finger on Kaylee's forehead, letting it linger, watching it slip under a strand of hair. "Small and limited. Mal is a wall. Inara is regret. Jayne is anger. Zoe and Wash are each other. The preacher is secrets. Simon is my blood." 

Kaylee felt her heart sink and she couldn't keep her eyes open. 

"And I'm the only one left?" 

Fingers closed on her cheek, drew patterns down her neck, Kaylee felt a face hover very close to her own. A shiver ran through her, dark disappointment. 

"No Bao Bei." River's breath whispered onto her lips. "You're peace. Green in red. Tether. Hold me down. Make me free. My first choice." 

As Kaylee opened her eyes, River leaned in again. Their lips met and softness sparked between them, Kaylee hooked her fingers into the curve of River's jawbone, drawing her closer, feeling the plushness of her lips. 

Long after River fell asleep, nestled against her, Kaylee stared up at the ceiling. 

* * *

They played jacks in a corner of the cargo bay, comfortable in the bustle around them. Jayne and Book were lifting weights, Mal and Zoe were shifting cargo in preparation for the next day. If their hands lingered a little too long in passing the ball, or their smiles were a little too shy and warm, no one noticed. 

"Hey you two." Mal appeared before them. "I need everyone in the dining room. Got a few things to go over regarding Orpheus tomorrow." 

River pulled her legs in under herself and stood up in a single graceful movement. She gave Mal a disgusted look and curled her lip up at him. 

"Latin Mal." 

"Will you..." She didn't stop to listen as she flounced away and Mal found himself talking to her retreating back. "... stop that?" 

Kaylee finished scrambling up. 

"Everything ok?" She stuffed the jacks into a pocket of her coveralls. "Nothing's wrong is it?" 

"No. Wash just got the final docking orders for tomorrow and I want to make sure you both know what the job is." 

And make sure they knew he did, reminding them over and over again that the job was just to get the prescription and the name of a pharmacist who could provide it. That was all, no gorram heroics, no getting noticed, nothing to put themselves in danger. Inara went through the planet expectations, what to do, where and how to do it, the safe places to shop, eat and live a daily life. Jayne and Zoe watched, adding their comments when necessary. Zoe was still hesitant about the plan and wouldn't admit it, but she was more than a little envious of the time they'd spend planet side, with real baths. It irked her a little that she couldn't be the one with Wash, but there wasn't anything she could do about it. Wash and Kaylee were the only ones not associated with Serenity in any of the cortex bulletins. 

Serenity would break atmo early in the morning, when Inara would take Kaylee and Wash to the house she'd rented in their assumed names, show them the temporary job she'd arranged for Kaylee and the hospital that Wash would hopefully be treated at, then she'd move on to a client she had booked. The rest of the crew would then fly to a neighboring moon and dock there, there'd be no flying without a pilot or a mechanic. There would be nothing to link Serenity to the couple staying temporarily on planet. After Kaylee waved them that the job was complete, Mal was ready with a contact to approach the doctor that had the meds, even if the heist was investigated there would be nothing to draw unnecessary attention to Wash and Kaylee. 

Half way through the planning, Kaylee felt a hand on her shoulder, she bent her head back to see River smiling dreamily down at her, she smiled back and then the hand was gone, River floating away through the rest of the ship. When she looked back at the table, Mal was watching her with a stony expression on his face, she blushed and couldn't meet his eyes. 

Simon ran through what was expected of Wash, how Kaylee would tell the doctors he had a history of schizophrenic tendencies, with paranoia, delusions, altered moods and some violent tendencies, that he had been taking medication, but they'd been in space a long time without access to fill their prescription. With any luck, a quick, cursory examination would provide them with what they needed, but more likely would be that the doctors would want to evaluate him and he'd be admitted. He showed them the files he had doctored for their false names, made sure Kaylee was familiar with the details of it so that she could answer questions. 

* * *

Kaylee lined the cans and packets up on the bench, everything she'd need to create an edible meal. Not delicious, not drool worthy, not full of fresh foods and textures and taste. Dried, reconstituted mulch. It had been a while since they'd restocked and everyone was a little tetchy about it. It was hard work trying to get River to eat food out of cans. 

The name was a thrill that went through her, a warm little secret, a kiss. She was giddy with the thought of it, but terrified as well. Not for the first time, she thought about Inara and female clients, the silky glide of skin on skin, how it intrigued and titillated everyone on the ship. She wasn't fool enough to believe they'd get the same reaction, her and River, more likely guilt and blame and recrimination. Women with women were nothing to blink at all the way out here, but River wasn't any woman and Kaylee should know better. 

Distracted, she found herself smiling down at the cans, running a finger along the rim of one, around and around. The markings caught her eye, a brand, the ink declaring these foodstuffs brought to the 'Verse by the kindness of the almighty Blue Sun. Blue. The link caused a flash in her brain, an electric spasm that almost hurt. 

"Jayne?" 

He looked up from the table, hand pausing on his gun as he did so, the cloth hanging limply. 

"Yeah?" 

"You remember when River cut you?" 

He grimaced. 

"Ain't like to forget it, why?" 

"What shirt were you wearing?" 

"That old Blue Sun one." He took on a thoughtful look. "That reminds me, didn't cost much, but the doc still owes me a shirt." 

She met his eyes and showed him the logo on the cans. 

"You look better in red." 

* * *

"Confusion." River sat up straight, at attention, opening her mouth as Simon shined his little torch to look inside, keeping her eyes straight as he shone the torch in them as well, his face hovering close to hers. She was trying, trying so hard, because he wanted it, because he deserved it. "Disappointment. You're sad." 

"I'm not sad, Mei Mei." But his voice was lying. 

"Because I'm broken." He snapped the torch off and began to write in his clipboard, River's eyes followed his movements, she wished he'd tell her what he saw, what atoms in her throat might hold the key. "Because you wanted to be the one to fix me." 

Simon looked up at her, seeing for a moment the sister he knew was in there, putting aside the patient he tried so hard to turn her into at times so that he could continue her treatment without weeping. She was watching him, so tuned to him that he wished he could lie to her and make her feel better, but knew that was impossible. Her legs swung back and forth under the hem of her dress, bare feet making arcs under the exam table, the innocence of it caught in his throat. 

"You're frustrated," she continued. "because you didn't know what the horses meant, and you think Kaylee would have." 

"I don't..." He bought a hand up to cup her chin. "I wish you could just tell me." 

She rolled her neck, her head lolling in his hand and her eyes looked up at him. 

"All the king's horses and all the king's men..." 

He saw the tears behind her eyes and wished he could cry for her. 

"... couldn't put Humpty together again." He finished for her softly. "Oh, Mei Mei..." 

But he had no more words. 

"It's too bright, Simon, and it's too loud and everyone wants a piece. They want to help, but they keep shattering what's left." River folded into his arms as he wrapped them around her. "Kaylee sees a girl. She sees a River as a River, not as droplets, not pieces." 

"I know." He whispered. "I know." 

"Don't be mad, Simon." 

"I'm not mad, River." And suddenly he found he wasn't. "I just want you to be happy." 

She bought her hand up and traced an outline on his cheek, she could see her own hand print there, even though it had faded almost instantly the night before. A sting that would fade in her head eventually. 

"You're a knight in shining armor. High on a steed." She gave him and saw the corners of his mouth turn up. "Saved me." 

"Simon?" They both turned to Kaylee's voice. "Can I talk to you a minute?" 

He followed Kaylee out of the infirmary, interested in the urgent secrecy in her voice and at the same time a little annoyed at the interruption. She thrust a food can in his hand and he glanced at it before looking up at her. 

"Kaylee? What..." 

"The logo." She said, pointing at it. "Blue Sun. Jayne was wearing his Blue Sun shirt when she slashed him." 

A tingle of memory rushed through his brain. River frantically tearing labels off food cans and smashing packets, he and Book trying to calm her down and the fear and anger he felt in her violent trembling at the time. 

"They're the ones." He met Kaylee's eyes. "I didn't understand what she said, when she said it. These are the ones that take you, reaching and doing." 

They both glanced through the window of the infirmary, at River, who was murmuring words at the ceiling, or possibly counting the tiles, or naming them. 

"Blue Sun." Kaylee pointed out. "Blue Hands." 

Simon's mouth hung open as he kept looking down at the can in his hands, at his sister, at Kaylee in front of him. 

"What...?" He was suddenly lost again, turned upside down. It was simple, too simple. Why hadn't he seen it? She'd been trying to tell him for so long. "I... what?" 

"There's not much we can do right now." Kaylee looked sad. "It's not like we can go raging into the Blue Sun corporation and it's not like we can stop buying this stuff, we live on it." 

Simon knew she was right, but he suspected they'd all have a little trouble swallowing the canned food from here on out. 

"One more thing." Kaylee laid a hand on his arm, soft and supporting. Her eyes were kind and he had a sudden flash that he wouldn't like whatever she had to say. "I want you to stop the sleeping pills." 

"What?" 

"She doesn't like them, they make her lose control." 

"Kaylee." He was exhausted and beginning to get a little frustrated again. "I know you mean well, but I give them to her for a reason. You don't... you're not there when she wakes up screaming, when she can barely breathe because of the terror." 

"No more, Simon." Kaylee stared him down. "I mean it. She can sleep in my bunk if you don't want to deal with it, but she doesn't want them and she can't say no to you." 

He had to stifle his response to that and take a breath to keep his voice low and steady. It confused him, five minutes ago he had all but given his blessing to River and now, in front of Kaylee, who he truly believed he held no grudges against, all his tension had returned. 

"That's easy for you to say." Cold and professional, he became the doctor again, his only defense. "You're leaving tomorrow. You're creating a pattern for her that will be taken away. Have you even considered what that's going to do to her?" 

By the look on her face, Simon knew she hadn't. A cruel streak inside him made him continue. 

"There will be long periods of time when we have no contact with you and no way of knowing if you're okay. You're walking into the world of the very people who made her like his. She's going to worry, she's going to feel all our worries on top of that and she won't be able to stop it or control it." 

"We're doing it for her." Kaylee managed to whisper. "For her, Simon." 

"I know and I appreciate it." He backed down, suddenly aware that she was close to tears and he may have pushed too hard. "As long as she's okay, I'll lay off the extra medication. But make no mistake, Kaylee, if she can't handle it, if it's too much for her, I won't hesitate in giving her the sleeping tablets or stronger." 

She nodded. 

"Thank you, Simon." 

He turned back to the infirmary and found River glaring at him. 

* * *

Wash knew Zoe's mood wasn't his fault, not directly, her curt sentences and quick temper were signs of her worry. He knew it and couldn't really blame her. Now that the time had come, he was more than a little terrified himself. 

"Is it too hard to check your pockets before you put your clothes in the laundry?" She grumbled at him. "I'm not asking for the world here." 

He walked over to her, putting his arm around her waist and rubbing circles in the small of her back as he drew her to him. 

"I love you, too." 

Emotions flooded her and she couldn't resist the softening, melting into his touch, she felt the smile on the corners of her mouth. 

"Yes. And if you get yourself killed, I will be angry." 

"Inconsolable." He corrected as he kissed her cheek, her forehead. "A quivering wreck." 

"On a rampage. Out for blood." She let him soothe away her tightness, loved that he tended to her as if she were a precious thing. "I will leave them bloody." 

"There'll be rending of hair." He kissed the end of her nose, ran his hands down her face, neck and shoulders. "Weeping. Sobbing." 

"Be careful, please?" She whispered before kissing him back. 

* * *

River walked the halls, fingers trailing on the metal, she shivered as she passed Wash and Zoe's bunk. It rolled over her like a wave, passion, anger, fear, desperate love. Clinging, gasped breaths, a moan, faster, keep up, keep you with me, hold you under my skin, need you, feel me, breathe me. 

It made her stumble. 

Goosebumps rising, she slipped into Kaylee's bunk, down the ladder and leaned, panting hard, against the wall. 

"River!" Kaylee was already on her feet. "Are you ok?" 

"Emotions." She whispered. "Ocean emotions. Wash and Zoe." 

"Ah." An understanding smile came over Kaylee's face. "Get the full brunt of it, did ya?" 

River swallowed and nodded. 

"Yeah, I walked in on 'em, once, in the bridge." She chuckled. "It was bracing." 

Her breath was taken from her again. River was stunned, her mouth parting in disbelief. Kaylee had taken her experience and equated it with one of her own without blinking, made it normal. Made her whole again. It overwhelmed her. 

"Kaylee?" 

She trembled and Kaylee was there in seconds, wrapping her into her arms. 

"Oh, Sweetie, no." She didn't know what had caused it, didn't know how to fix it, Kaylee settled for humor. "What? The thought of a married couple isn't that gross." 

It worked, she felt River give a choked little giggle into her shoulder. Relief flooded her veins. Simon wasn't far off the mark, Kaylee had never really faced a bad episode and she was in no rush to change that. 

"Not gross." River corrected, lifting Kaylee's hand and placing it on her chest, above the raging chasm of her heart. "Exciting." 

Kaylee felt the rapid beat under the pads of her fingertips. 

"That too." 

Their eyes met and Kaylee felt a tingle run through her. There was very little room for mistake in figuring out the look in River's eyes. Images invaded her head, Simon drunk, men she'd been with, Inara and Councilor, Mal. 

"No." River took Kaylee's head in her hands. "Don't bring them here. Just us." 

"Well, Genius." Kaylee smiled. "That's the most intelligent thing you've said all day." 

She pulled River in for a kiss, feeling her lips part under her mouth. River's hands flowed down from the side of her face to Kaylee's shoulders and down to her waist. Kaylee gasped as she felt River pull her in, hip to hip, hard. 

"Let me." River said. "My hands don't know." 

Kaylee stood, compliant, as River ran her hands up Kaylee's arms, over her fingers, stretching the webs between them, behind her shoulders and over the knobs of her spine, down to the small of her back, around the swells of her hips to the tops of her thighs and over the roundness of her belly. 

She bit her lip, not wanting to intrude on the look of intense concentration River had assumed. Kaylee wasn't sure how long she could stay still if River continued exploring, if her hands rose under her shirt and it seemed very likely that that was what she had planned. 

"Too many layers." River agreed. 

River felt the rumble of Kaylee's laugh as she lifted her arms obediently, allowing River to lift her shirt and toss it aside. Body shapes differ, River thought, watching the fullness of Kaylee appear before her, comparing it to her own sleek petite frame. Curiously, she watched the pink skin of her aureoles pucker and become taut, reaching out to touch one. It made Kaylee shiver. 

"You're a tease, River Tam." 

River smiled and laid her hand flat on Kaylee's breast, she leaned in experimentally and kissed Kaylee on the mouth, on the cheek, along her jawline. Kaylee was a writhing mass of energy and River felt the buzz flicker between them, hot and loud, it was a growing crescendo and she wanted it to get so large and so forceful that it drove everything out of her head. She wanted to feel nothing but herself, be no one but herself. 

Growling slightly, Kaylee could stand it no longer and raised her hands to River's waist, small and delicate, she ran them up the sides of her breasts and felt a sigh shudder out of the girl. She flattened her hands on River's back, between her shoulders, feeling the hard knot at the top of her spine, pressing her closer, she closed her own lips over River's neck. 

"Oh!" 

River gasped, shocked and trembling, she felt herself being pulled out of that one spot, all her nerves drawn through her skin to Kaylee's mouth, the wet sucking, tongue trailing, and everything in her anchored down by the arms around her. She wanted to touch, to learn, to be touched. Kaylee's hands began to bunch her dress, fists at her back, the cloth rising, she lifted her arms, eyes watching Kaylee, and dipped out of the material, feeling cold air on her skin. 

They looked at each other for a moment, breathing, eyes wide, then they were touching again. Hands on skin, running, smoothing, friction, heat. Mouths collecting tastes from other mouths, shoulders, salt and soap. River's hand strayed low on Kaylee's belly and suddenly her body recoiled. 

"Pain." 

Her hand pressed flat against the scar and she saw the images from Kaylee's head. Pain and confusion, blinding heat searing her abdomen, voices, shouting and angry. River gasped to see Simon, wanted to shout at him for not helping Kaylee straight away, she suddenly realized what Simon was bargaining for. The swirling loss of consciousness, around and around, waking up with more confusion. The Captain. A girl on the bed across from her, small and fragile. 

River smiled in wonder. 

"You called me a beauty." 

Kaylee smiled back. 

"What choice did I have?" 

* * *

Mal and Inara walked to her shuttle, ready to make the final checks. Wash was giving Zoe last minute flying instructions and Kaylee was checking the engine for the billionth time that morning. 

They passed the common room to find Jayne, Book and Simon playing a game of cards and River in the corner next to a table turned on it's side. She was pouring a glass of water down the length of the surface, watching the small trickle as it ran down. 

"River, what are you doing?" Mal turned to Simon. "Doc? What's your sister doing?" 

River turned and smiled dreamily. 

"Rivers flow." She explained and turned back. "Rivers flow." 

The muscles in Mal's cheek twitched. He felt Inara's hand on his arm. 

"Yeah well, ain't that nice?" He managed tightly. "Doc, you see that's the last glass she gets. We ain't docked safely yet and until we do there's not much water in the tank to be throwing it on the floor." 

He turned and headed back for the engine room. 

"Mal." Inara followed him. "Don't..." 

Simon watched them leave, confused, then turned back to see River lift her hand and touch the trickle, the water pooling and running over her fingers. She smiled and laughed. 

"Kaylee flows too." She whispered. 

Simon dropped his cards. 

* * *

"Kaylee!" His voice carried through the ship and he didn't care. "Kaylee!" 

"Mal, wait." Inara pleaded with him, but he didn't stop to listen. "You can't just..." 

They reached the hallway in time to see Kaylee sticking her head around the door. She saw them heading towards her and began to smile, until she saw Mal's face. 

"Cap'n?" 

"What the hell do you think you're doing, girl?" 

"What?" His face was red and it scared Kaylee. "I'm just checking the eng..." 

"Don't play innocent with me, Kaylee." 

She knitted her brow in confusion and looked at Inara for answers. What she got was Inara mouthing the name River at her. Kaylee couldn't stop herself blushing, she looked to the floor and took a step back. 

"Oh." 

"Yes. Oh." He glared. "Exactly what do you think you're doing? And don't even try to smile at me. It won't work. I know what I just saw and that girl is glowing! I know what that means." 

"But she's happy." Kaylee breathed in and looked at them. "And so am I." 

"This is a world of hurt waiting to happen." Mal clenched and unclenched his hands. "Nobody on this ship can afford complications, Kaylee, least of all the doc and his sis." 

"They're both grown women." Inara pointed out, softly. "And it's been happening for a while, you can't just stop it now." 

"River may be of age, but that don't make her grown." Mal turned on Inara. "What do you mean a while?" 

Inara just rolled her eyes at him. She folded her arms and looked pointedly at the engine room behind Kaylee. Mal turned and glanced at the empty room and he was about to give Inara a puzzled glance when he suddenly stopped. He had just realized that this was the first time since the big revelation that Kaylee had been comfortably alone anywhere on Serenity outside of her own bunk. He sighed and looked away and Inara smiled to herself. It had worked, he had calmed down a little bit. 

"I just don't want to see anyone on my crew get hurt unnecessarily." 

"I ain't gonna hurt her!" Kaylee was offended. "How can you...?" 

"She's not the only one that can get hurt." So many things he wanted her to see that Mal didn't even know where to start. "There are things about that girl that nobody knows and she might be dangerous. She's a wanted fugitive. Wanted by a government that will and have killed to get to her." 

"I know all that." Kaylee was calm and this time she met Mal's eyes. "She ain't gonna hurt me, either." 

"Do you really think this is a good idea?" It's not like he really needed to wait for her answer, Mal was not surprised when she nodded. "Well, I've told you my thoughts. I don't like it, but I can't stop you. I hope it goes well. I don't like being the one to say I told you so..." 

"Yes you do." Inara interrupted, smiling. "You love it." 

"Well, yes I do." He admitted, trying not to smile himself. "But not to my crew. You be careful, Kaylee. I don't want you putting any of this crew in danger and that means yourself. Agreed?" 

Kaylee smiled in relieved agreement. 

"Sheh sheh, Captain." ***


	3. Submerged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People leave, River spills secrets, Simon pushes too hard.

***

Arms held her, a hand on her right shoulder and one on her left elbow, resting lightly for now, but promising to close hard and keep her still. River could feel the rise and fall of Simon's chest behind her and heard the mantra that ran through his head. He didn't want her to make a scene, didn't want to know what he thought he knew, what he saw Mal realize. 

A scene is exactly what she wanted to make as Wash and Zoe said goodbye to each other, all hands smoothing foreheads and words whispered not for anyone else to hear, but see they could. Public privacy, a declaration. She knew, as Inara, Mal and Kaylee joined them, that there would be no grand kisses for her, no secrets shared for all to see. 

Now that the time was here, she could feel Kaylee reaching shatter point, being pulled in too many directions, nervous to go, scared not to, wanting to stay, wanting to prove Mal wrong. Simon didn't have to worry, River would not cause any problems that would make Kaylee explode in herself and render her unable to function. 

She reached into her pocket and closed her fingers around the metal that was in there. It was beginning, she could feel it, the trembling panic, and she had to stop herself from screaming out loud. They were Simon's hands and he wouldn't hurt her. A brother is not blue. Not Simon. 

"Watch yourselves." Was Zoe's curt goodbye as she made herself disappear, gone to hide her own fears in flying the ship, taking over from Book who had already said his farewells. 

"You'll be okay?" 

Kaylee was there, in front of her, and River wanted to lie to her, to tell her that she'd be fine, wanted to tell her the truth and make her see the terror that the shuttle was taking her to. What she settled for was revealing the object in her hand, unfurling it like a gift. 

"For you." River said. "Wear it when you leave the house." 

Kaylee looked at the hairpin in River's hand, it was plain with very little decoration save a red stone on the end. As she picked it up, she noticed Inara's eyes glitter in recognition and filed the moment away to ask about later. She didn't understand the significance, but she could tell the pin was important to River and that was all she needed. 

"Okay, I promise." Kaylee gave her a smile, which faded as she looked over River's shoulder. "Simon." 

What she wanted to say was 'don't hold her so hard, can't you feel her trembling?' 

"Kaylee." He answered as if he, too, had too many things to say and didn't trust himself to say them. 

"Okay people." Mal clapped his hands once, his voice was a little too loud and cheery. "These aren't final goodbyes. We need to get out of atmo sooner rather than later." 

"Hear, hear!" Jayne nodded. "Good luck, see ya later." 

Wash and Kaylee disappeared into the shuttle as Inara gave Mal a look. 

"I'll be back when I can." She stepped over to River and kissed her on the forehead, bringing herself close enough to whisper without being heard. "Don't worry, Mei Mei, I'll watch her for you." 

River smiled, she watched Inara and Mal share a brief conversation and wondered who watched Mal for her. The Captain was a bunch of nerves, for everybody, for Wash and Kaylee, for Inara and her clients, for herself and Simon. It buzzed through her as he watched Inara close the shuttle door behind her. 

They stood on the railings, four of them, not having anything to say as they listened to the sounds of the shuttle shift and take off. 

River tried to step forward and Simon instantly clutched harder. She felt herself drawn tight, all her insides tumbling over themselves as they shrunk into one small mass of energy that exploded. She turned and looked at Simon, laying ten feet away, face shocked and red. River gave him a look that made sure he knew she could have done that exact thing any time had she chosen to. 

"I'm calm, Simon, thank you." 

"Jayne." Mal watched her warily as he spoke. "Go and tell Zoe that the shuttle has gone." 

"But." Jayne whined, his eyes darting between Mal, River and Simon, trying to figure it out. "The bridge has a direct com link to..." 

"Just do it." Mal cut in, keeping his eyes on River as Simon scrambled up. "Then find Book and stay occupied." 

He left no doubt that it wasn't a suggestion. 

"Fine." Jayne pushed past them all, feet stomping his anger. "Never get to stay and watch." 

"River?" Mal watched her posture change, took in the slide from defiance to compliance and it comforted him a mite, a very small mite, that she still recognized him as Captain. "I want you to go to your room and wait for me there. We need to talk." 

She nodded, gave a little curtsy and walked away mumbling under her breath. 

"And stop calling me Latin!" He called after her. Mal turned back to Simon to see his eyes shining with a hint of humor. "Why does she keep doing that?" 

"She's angry at you for sending Kaylee to the core." Simon couldn't help but smile a little to himself as Mal silently urged him to explain further. He echoed River's words. "Mal, bad, in the Latin." 

"What?" Mal turned to look at the empty air, then back at the doctor. "Is that it? She's sulking because I took away her new toy?" 

Simon's breath hitched and his eyes narrowed. 

"Look, doctor." Mal turned serious again. "I need to know if this little situation is going to cause problems between my crew. Including you and River. And don't bother playing coy about it, either, because I just had the innocent act from Kaylee and I didn't buy it then." 

"No. No problems." His voice was fairly dripping with sarcasm. Simon caught Mal opening his mouth about to speak and rushed to continue. "It's not ideal, no, but I'm not going to cause waves." 

"It can't be easy." Mal patted Simon's shoulder stiffly. He couldn't believe how awkward the whole situation was getting. His views on fraternization between crew were well known. And this was the reason why. "Considering the conversation we had..." 

"I'll be okay." Simon insisted as he shuffled out of Mal's reach, he looked at the grating under his feet and didn't meet Mal's eyes. "As long as she's happy." 

"I got my own assurances on that score. Kaylee says there ain't nothing happening that don't need to." 

"Okay." Simon wasn't sure he knew what that meant or even if he wanted to. 

"I trust Kaylee." Mal continued. "And I will make damned sure I trust River, too." 

A flash of panic ran across Simon's face. 

"Relax, Doctor, your sister and I have an understanding. I ain't gonna cause her to have an episode. You just keep out of our way for a spell." 

And Simon's safe, constructed and easily controlled world kept spinning impressively out of his reach. 

* * *

Kaylee had no idea exactly how Inara spent so much time in this shuttle, let alone lived in the thing. It was so small, so tight, there was nowhere to move, especially not if you were pacing back and forth. 

"I shouldn't go, I have to go back." 

"Relax." Inara stopped her with one hand on her shoulder. "Things are going to be fine." 

"She's going to..." Kaylee didn't know exactly what words would finish that sentence to her satisfaction, she just knew that she couldn't be the cause of it. "Inara?" 

"I'll be spending my time back and forth between Orpheus and Bellaphron, I'll watch her for you, okay?" 

Kaylee fingered the necklace around her throat, worrying it, trying to give into Inara's words. 

"Are we wrong?" They weren't the words she'd expected. "Is Mal right?" 

"Shh." Inara reached up and pressed Kaylee's head into her neck, caressing her hair. "Only you can answer that." 

Keeping his attention firmly on the controls and the upcoming skyline, Wash let the words swim into his brain. Zoe had been right. Of course, Zoe was always right and he shouldn't be surprised. It was her job to notice things. It's just... Zoe had been right. 

* * *

Mal knocked and pushed open the door. He'd been angry, fit to burst, when he'd confronted Kaylee, awkward and stilted with the Doc, but now he was a little more than nervous. He found River sitting upright on the edge of her bed, hands held primly in her lap, back straight, waiting for him. She'd placed a chair opposite her and he knew she expected him to sit himself right down. 

"Well, this is..." Mal chose his words carefully as he purposefully crossed the room and sat next to her on the bed. "... interesting." 

She didn't reply, but looked pointedly at the chair, to Mal, then back at the chair again. Mal smiled and waited. Eventually, River sighed and shifted so that she faced him. 

"Do you know what I'm talking about?" 

"Yes." Quick and crisp, the reply came instantly. 

"Do you know what you're doing?" 

"Yes." Same sureness of answer. 

"Does Kaylee?" 

"Yes." Quick nod, official and definite. 

"Some of us think differently." 

"Some of us are wrong." 

This wasn't making him any more comfortable. He had been expecting something a little more obscure, a little less sane from River, florid sentences that barely made sense. The last thing Mal had expected were these short, sharp responses to his questions, or that he'd be getting more honesty and less games out of her than he did Simon or Kaylee. If he didn't know better... 

Mal tried to hide his smile as he nodded once at her. 

"Permission to speak freely." 

To him it seemed as if her whole body gave a shudder of relief and he wondered just how hard she had to try to stay so linear. Her eyes sparkled at his acknowledgement of the game. 

"You're worried we'll be hurt, but we won't. I'm in pieces, sometimes, not quite whole all the time, but I'm not fragile. I can't break more than I am." 

And ain't that a sad, wistful little statement? Mal thought. 

"I can say we won't hurt each other." She shrugged, not judging what she said, merely accepting the truth of it. "but you won't believe me. Think I'm too dangerous. So many shadows." 

"Well, ya do have secrets." Mal felt like he was stepping through a minefield, only this had a greater possibility for loss of limb. "And you come out with all kinds of skills and knowledge. Nobody knows what you're capable of..." 

"Ask me." She challenged. 

"Oh, um." Ask her? Mal was stunned and began to mentally kick himself. Had anyone asked her? Sat down plainly and asked her what she could do? Or had they all just whispered to each other about their suspicions? "Can you, you know, see stuff?" 

"Yes." She nodded solemnly and reached up to drag the skin above her cheek down, the red shined from her socket. "Eyeballs take in refracted light, sending images to the brain." 

"Fine." He admitted as she smiled in triumph. "Can you see things that the rest of us can't?" 

"Yes." She nodded again and then pointed to her head. "What is and was on the inside. I feel the feelings and hear the thoughts and always color and buzzing." 

"Not..." He wasn't sure how to say it. "... what will be?" 

"Is and was." She insisted, before rolling her eyes. "Nobody can see the future." 

"Okay, I'm thinking..." 

"Four." 

"... of a number." He finished slowly. 

"Four is two by two." She whispered it to him as if telling him a precious secret, then snapped herself out of it. "Four. The number of scars you have on your back alone. You always think of four. How many men you killed from your own troop as they lay screaming, dying of festering wounds that should have been tended to. How many times you cursed the Independents for leaving you in there. The number of..." 

"Moving on!" Mal took a breath. "Can you fight?" 

"You know the answer." She pointed out. "You saw me throw Simon. You heard about the guns. I frighten you." 

"Can you blame me?" He asked. "Your understanding not comprehending remark wasn't exactly comforting." 

"I understand guns are dangerous." She spoke slowly, as if to a child. "I don't comprehend the possibility of my mishandling one or putting Serenity in danger." 

He nodded, hedging, then pushed forward anyway. She'd already shown him that he couldn't hide his thoughts from her. 

"Can you kill?" 

Something flickered in her eyes, her face slackened a little, then her whole body drooped. 

"Yes." Back to military River. 

"Okay then." It wasn't like he was surprised. He knew about Niska's guards, he and Zoe had talked about the possibility of her being trained for this purpose. The answer from her lips, though, was different. It pained him. "Is there anything..." 

"Mal!" She all but screamed his name and he looked at her, noticing that she was clutching the edge of the bed so hard that her knuckles were white. "You didn't ask! You have to! You can't... know part of... it's not." 

She was really struggling to stay coherent. 

"What?" He tried to break into her stream of desperateness. "What should I ask?" 

"Do I like it? No." She answered her own questions, barely breathing between words. "Have I done it before Niska? Not willingly. Will I hurt Serenity's crew? Never." 

Not willingly. The words stuck in his throat and Mal was glad that he'd made sure Simon was nowhere near them for this. 

"I don't want... not anymore... No. Not hurt." She brought a hand up to feel her flushed face and seemed surprised to find tears. "They would have killed her. Don't make me. Mal. No more." 

"No." He agreed softly, wanting to reach up and touch her hair, but nervous to push her further. "I ain't got no troubles with you staying out of harm's way." 

"They took me and they changed me and I can't go back." Her words were punctuated with sobs, she had given into huge wracking gasps, her eyes became unfocused and he saw her pupils shrink to tiny pin points. Mal wondered if she was still in the room with him. "Made me bad. I want to be so good. But they spoiled... made me rotten... and sour... and sharp." 

He couldn't stand it anymore and tried to put his arms around her. She shuddered from his touch and threw out an arm, it hit him square in the face and his head ached thickly. Mal was nothing if not stubborn, he forced an image into his head: River running through the ship, laughing out loud, hands tightly gripping an apple. This time he managed to pull her against him and she clung to him, arms around his shoulders and face dripping hot tears onto his neck. Her sobs turned to sniffles and then whimpers. He ran his hand over her head, smoothing her hair. 

"You are good." He insisted quietly. "It ain't what you can do, but what you really do that counts." 

Long after he ran out of words, Mal still rocked her back and forth, listening to her ragged breathing become even and shallow. He could feel his blood crystallize into cold hatred for people he had never met and hoped she couldn't feel it in her dreams. 

* * *

He walked into the kitchen and studiously began trying to assemble the various forms of protein they had left into something vaguely edible. It was hard work pretending he didn't see Book's questioning glance or Jayne grinning into the cards or, even worse, Simon's quiet horror as he stood up and approached him. 

"She did that?" Simon had grabbed a cold pack from somewhere and Mal didn't even want to know where, he hadn't realized they kept them in the kitchen. 

"Yes." 

Mal easily shrugged Simon off, careful not to jolt his face too much. He knew the burning, swollen sensation of a black eye well and could tell that this one would burst into many fascinating colors in the days to come. The ship lurched, so slightly that it barely registered, just enough for Mal to know they'd broken out of atmo. 

"Get the better of ya, did she Mal?" 

He made a face at Jayne to show how mightily amused he was not. As he looked down, Mal saw his hands were shaking and he cursed, hiding them in his pockets. Too late though, Simon had seen, his eyes dark and piercing with more questions. 

"Captain?" Book stood up and stepped towards him. "Is everything alright?" 

"No." Mal's eyes swept the bench, his breath burst out of him in a gust of frustration as he stormed out of the room, muttering to himself. "... expect her to... live with... surrounded..." 

Jayne peeked at the cards Book had left behind. 

"Maybe it's catching." 

Book and Simon glared at him. 

Nobody had to wait long. Mal returned heaving a large drum Jayne recognized as being their stock of black paint. An item that came in useful more times than any of them could count. They watched him prize open the lid, watched him empty the cupboards and begin slathering the tops of various cans and packets with black. 

"From now on every item that enters this ship is covered. Dong Ma?" 

Simon stepped up without a word, he had no brush, but just dipped his fingers in the paint. He felt more at ease with every Blue Sun logo that disappeared. 

"Course is set." Zoe appeared in the door, eyeing the procedures without reaction. "We'll land on Bellaphron in a matter of hours. We taking on arts and crafts? Sir?" 

"We were right." He shared a significant glance with Zoe, which didn't go unnoticed by Book, then addressed the whole room. "She's a reader alright." 

"Well then." Jayne pointed to Mal's eye. "What the hell were you thinkin'?" 

Book smiled to himself as he began transferring wet cans to the table to dry, earning a disgusted look off Jayne who had to scramble to save the cards. 

"New rules. From now on, everyone." Mal looked at Jayne. "And I mean everyone, has to be careful with what they say and think around her." 

Simon began to protest. 

"Not for our sake, Doc, for hers. She's been through enough, without us foisting our own troubles on to her." 

They nodded. 

"One more thing." Mal continued. "About this particular job? No matter what happens, you think nothing but good thoughts, you hear? Even if we start getting body parts sent to us in teeny boxes, you feel good about it. Best damned thing ever. Nothing is wrong." 

"Is that likely on this job?" Book looked at him, only half in jest. "Are you expecting a lot of body parts?" 

"I just wanna be clear." He paused. "Are we clear?" 

"Yeah." Jayne tried to clean his blackened hand by running it down the front of his shirt and snarled at the result. "Everything's bright and shiny like. Roses grow out of our ass cracks. We got it." 

Mal gave him a warning glare, for safety's sake, but knew there was an understanding. 

"Is it?" Simon spoke directly to Mal. "Is everything okay?" 

"Yes." Mal answered softly, but loud enough so that they all heard. "We ain't gonna be interferin' in anything for now." 

Zoe looked smug about something, Book looked as if he had just put two and two together, Simon looked somewhat tense. 

"What?" Jayne just looked blank. "What ain't we interferin' with?" 

* * *

"... and that just about concludes the tour." The gentleman smiled at Inara and she smiled back. 

A squeal sounded from the next room and Kaylee poked her head in. 

"Inara! Check it out, there's a garden, with real plants! And four bedrooms! And the biggest kitchen you ever seen. Of course the wiring behind the oven needs sorting out, but that's not..." 

Wash's voice called out from the distance. 

"Hey! You could fit three people in this bath!" 

Kaylee's eyes widened and she disappeared. 

Inara smiled gently. 

"They've been off planet for a long time." 

* * *

<breathe.>

_Her eyes ache and she has trouble focusing as clearly as she'd like. It's a side effect of the surgery that she's well used to by now. They usually give her a few days to recover and she wants to plead for it. She has known for a long time that it's easier to just do what they want, give them what they ask for, because they're going to get it eventually, no matter what she does and the end result is the same. The only difference is how difficult she wants to make it on herself, how many bruises she wants to come away with, how much blood she wants on her hands._

<obey.>

_It's why, when they hold her down and take her clothes, River does not fight. The only struggling she is doing is the effort to control her panic, to keep breathing and not burst out in screams. Tears gel up her eyes and make them sticky. The water is warm when they lower her into it. She cannot bring herself to move, not when she knows they are still there, not even to reach out and test the limits of her new prison, to feel the boundaries they've just given her._

<drowning.>

_With the heavy thud of a lid everything goes dark and River's world is gone._

<floating.>

_Her hands fly out, feet too, instantly pressing against the walls that are too close for comfort. Her gasps, when she finally allows them, sound like sobs to her. Her pulse invades her senses, the flood of her blood, pumping fast and hard, thundering in her ears with the lack of stimuli._

<black.>

_Sight is a process in which light triggers nerve impulses in the brain. The cornea focuses light rays through the pupil to the lens, passing through a jelly - vitreous humor - to the retina. In total darkness there is no light, there is no sight. River's corneas strain to find something, anything. Eventually, the cone cells in her retinas, opsins, will take eight minutes to fully regenerate, allowing her to distinguish shades of gray. The rod cells, rhodopsins, will take significantly longer and give her the blessing of being able to distinguish nuances of color and texture. But not yet._

<floating. still. terrified. blind.>

_The ear is an organ of balance and sound, it receives sound waves traveling through the air and changes them into mechanical vibrations and then into electrical impulses which are sent to the brain, it senses the body's position in relation to gravity, allowing the body to maintain equilibrium. When there is no gravity and there are no vibrations save the pounding of her own heart, River cannot hear. Her auditory canals have nothing to do. Limp and useless, her malleus goes to sleep, snuggling up to the incus and stapes, ignoring the perilymph crying for action. Silence is deafening._

<floating. deaf. scared.>

_Miessner corpuscles. Corpuscles of touch that dot the dermal papillae of her skin, they are numbed by the complete stillness, the absence of movement, of pressure, nothing but the water that eventually fails to register. She cannot feel._

<floating. absence.>

_She has nothing but her mind. She has colors in her head. Memories in her head. She has Simon. And parents. Remembers laughter. It is not cold. Or warm. It is nothing._

<stillness.>

_There is nothing and no one, alone in the tightness, but for the sound of herself. A heart is unceasing, it is her own. A pulse is fast, until it slows. Air scrapes loud through her cells, pushes out again. Blood slows. Organs conserve energy._

<floating. quiet. peace.>

_Light explodes around her, shocking her, crashing into her skin, making her shrivel. River cannot open her eyes, they clamp shut against the intrusion. The sounds that threaten to deafen her are loud and harsh and she tries to cover her ears. Nothing, however, nothing is as violent as the hands that grab hold of her, drag her screaming from the water._

<violation.>

_It creeps into her skin, no matter how she scrambles to get away from it. Everything jumbles at her, wanting access all at once. Even the floor tiles snake over her bare skin, wanting to take hold. She's gasping for air._

<cold.>

*"Jesus!" A voice shatters her skull. "She's still alive!"* 

_Stop it. Blood pumping. Light searing. A touch sends her skittering, makes her skin scream louder than her throat. No. Colors vibrate her eyes even as she keeps them shut. Too many. Too much. Stop it. But it doesn't stop. Not the air that slides over her, not the voices, the movement, nothing. Nothing stops itself and she can't stop anything._

<fear.>

_River begins to shake her head back and forth, because she's hearing more than they're saying. There are five of them. One by the door who keeps looking out and back in at them. He doesn't want to be here, doesn't want to see what he's getting paid for. Cannot bear the rasping sounds of her pain._

<relief.>

_A man crouches down next to her, trying to calm her down, to stop her terror. He's excited by the chance, by other peoples mistakes, he can't wait to see what this will bring out of her, what fresh new miracles she'll bring them._

<anger.>

*"The electricity was shorted. Nobody knew where she was."* 

_River looks up, pulling her hair out of her face as she stares into the eyes of a woman._

*"You knew." She's calmer now. "You wanted to see what would happen."* 

_In the far corner of the room, River can feel the fourth figure smile. The fifth figure rubs his blue hands together. They're both very pleased with her words. It sends an ice cold shiver down her naked spine._

<abyss.>

* * *

Inara could barely believe how well things were going, considering their usual luck when it came to plans. She smiled to herself, hands dancing their practiced movements over the controls as she landed the shuttle into Serenity, fully aware of the sentence structure she just used in her own head. 

Their luck. Their plans. 

Connections are a weakness, a threat, they make it impossible to leave. She told Mal this, it was the only explanation he was ever going to get, but Inara knew it was already too late. Roots had grown, from herself into Serenity, into her shuttle, into the weave of people that dotted her life. And their roots had well and truly wound themselves around her, invisible ivy, snaking into her heart and squeezing tight. 

Despite what she had told the others, she had not spent the afternoon with a client. There was sufficient time in the next few weeks to cover her appointments. Instead, she had begun looking for a new arrangement. The companion house on Orpheus was delightful. And delighted at the prospect of her joining them. The promises and gifts they'd offered had made her blush. 

As she'd walked the halls, she had felt it slipping over her like a silk gown, the lushness of it, the properness of it, the familiarity of ritual and beauty, more comfort and riches than she had seen in a year with Serenity, less than she had before. And yet, as much as her heart had yearned for it, she could not stop herself from looking at the warm, practiced smiles and warmer eyes that had greeted her and wondering if they had ever laughed so hard they lost control and snorted, if they ever danced to music no one else heard, or knew what a plastic dinosaur was for. 

Her own smile had felt sticky over her teeth. 

Feeling the ship latch onto her shuttle and pull her in, Inara made a few adjustments to the switches and gave up control. It scared her, sometimes, how much easier it was to breathe when she was back on Serenity. Even knowing Kaylee and Wash were in a wholly different atmosphere wasn't as tense as she'd thought it would be. She could still feel the excitement of Kaylee examining everything she could, even Wash had given over to curiosity. Now that there were no other jobs lined up, with the remaining crew staying on ship while it docked, she anticipated a rare stretch of time with little or no complications. 

How utterly wrong a person can be. 

Faces, red and anxious, met her as she opened the door. Mal and Simon, eyes pushing past her as they peered into the shuttle. 

"Jayne!" 

Inara blinked as Mal roared into her face. 

"No." She answered, amusement hinting at the surface, but not quite reaching. "But very close." 

He didn't even bother responding. 

"Jayne?" He called again and all three of them turned to the sound of an answering grunt, the man in question emerging from the second shuttle. "Is she in there?" 

"Not that I can see." 

"Tamade!" Mal hissed. 

"Calm and reasonable." Simon reminded him. "Best thing ever." 

"Right, right." He muttered and Inara watched him try to pull himself under control. She allowed her brain to label him adorable when he was this flustered. "Everything is dandy." 

"River disappeared when we landed." Simon explained. "It was a bit bumpy." 

"My landing was fine." Zoe announced from the top of the stairs. "Shuttle is docked. Hello Inara." 

"Zoe." 

Book called out from cargo bay below them. 

"She's not down here, Captain. Of course, I don't know all the hidey holes..." 

"Ruttin' preacher's not gonna know..." 

Jayne automatically began his descent down to the bay. After a quick look at each other, Mal and Zoe followed, fast enough to stop him revealing anything. Inara and Simon were left with no choice but to follow. 

"Are you sure she's nowhere upstairs?" Inara had to steel herself from flinching at the sudden glares she was getting from five people. Even Simon looked royally peeved. She raised her hands in supplication. "I was just asking." 

They began talking all at once and Mel felt his frustration and panic begin to boil. He'd thought everything was going too comfortable. River had pretty much slept since their earlier conversation. It wasn't until the turbulence and near crash landing that Simon had gone to check on her, only to find her gone. What had followed were hours of searching, discovering nooks and crannies Mal had forgotten existed and even a few he wasn't sure he knew about to forget in the first place. 

Nobody, not even a mind reading, lethally trained, genius assassin with psychotic tendencies could disappear into thin air aboard a ship during flight. Not twice, anyway. They had checked the outer hull and Simon had even called out to her as Serenity. A tense moment had followed, the surreal expectation that her voice would float over them through the com system. 

Everyone was talking loudly, too loudly for him to concentrate and he suddenly hoped she wasn't too close, privy to the frantic energies that even he could pick up on. Great, he thought, his grand plan had lasted all of a few hours. He ran his hand through his hair and let it drag his head backwards. 

"Simon." Mal's voice was calm and soft, it caused a hush in the group as he reached out and took hold of the doctor's arm. "Stay calm." 

His eyes gestured upwards and, one by one, they all looked. Mal kept his hold as he felt Simon try to jerk away, he heard Inara gasp beside him and, he wasn't exactly sure, but he thought he even heard Book uttering something prayer like under his breath. 

"How did she...?" 

One raised hand stopped Jayne's question. 

A flash of green peeked out at them from the center most light fixture. Over three stories separated River, curled up against the metal, from the very hard steel floor and countless hard and sharp objects that might break her fall. A curtain of hair swayed slightly in a breeze no one felt on the ground. 

"Everybody stay calm." They all looked at him like he had just declared space big and black. "No sudden movements or noises." 

"River?" Simon called up to her and earned a glare from Mal. "Mei Mei?" 

"Jayne? Preacher?" Mal signaled to them. "I want you to round up any and all mattresses, bedding, pillows and the like. Whatever the hell to cushion that floor. Zoe? Find the tallest ladder we got." 

"We don't own anything that tall, Sir." 

"Find it anyway." 

"You two," He turned to Simon and Inara. "Get as close to her as you can from the railings. Do. Not. Scare. Her." 

"Her?" Inara muttered, avoiding Mal's look as she followed Simon up the stairs. "What about us?" 

Simon walked along the gangway, looking for a point of access, some spot that he could climb up and follow River. There was no doubt in his mind she had gotten there herself and quite easily at that. As effortlessly as she had always done the impossible. A grudging awe crept over him as his shaking hand grabbed the most likely spot and hoisted himself up over the railing, the same grudging awe that had plagued his childhood. 

Even when he was very young, Simon knew the praise he'd gotten from his father was conflicted, both ecstatic and slightly bitter that what he'd had to work so hard for came so easily to his son. He'd known it, but had not fully understood it until River had been born and the word genius had been redefined in his family. Whatever Gabriel Tam could not do, his son found a way. Whatever Simon Tam could not do, River already knew. 

The problem now was that Simon had never been good with heights or large, open spaces. He liked, needed really, to feel ground under his feet, to feel the limits of his surroundings, to know his safety was assured. Climbing over railings and trying to make his way up onto ceiling rafters without any kind of harness or safety net only made his body cling to the railings, despite the best efforts of his brain to order otherwise. 

"Simon?" Inara laid a hand on his back and he felt his shirt cling to the sweat beginning to build there. "Do you want me to...?" 

"No." He managed through clenched teeth. "I can do one thing at least..." 

But he hadn't made any more progress. 

By this time Zoe had managed to wrestle with a large ladder that reached, maybe, half the distance they needed it to. Mal eyes it critically as Jayne began distributing mattresses around their feet. 

"Sir?" Zoe asked, watching Simon fail miserably in his attempt to get closer to the green splotch. "What if she falls?" 

Book appeared at the top of the stairs and let a cloud of blankets fall down around them. Mal recognized a flowered quilt from Kaylee's bunk. He picked a blanket detailing Chinese horoscopes from his face and guessed that Jayne's guns would have to face the cold alone for the moment. 

"I don't think she will. It's Simon I'm worried about. River's okay." He ignored her questioning glance. "As long as she doesn't wake up." 

"She's asleep?" Zoe looked upwards again. "Up there?" 

That's when River began to scream. 

Inara didn't pause, she breathed in, grabbed the back of Simon's shirt and pulled him back against the railing, before climbing over. She looked up at the nearest rafter, down at herself, then ripped the skirts completely off her bodice. She jumped up and her hands found the rafter, she began to swing, creating enough momentum to hook her legs up and then drew her whole body up until she was lying on the rafter, arms clinging to the metal. It was a long way down. 

River was right ahead of her, blindly scrambling against the small steel pole that anchored the light to the ceiling, her face stretched out in terror and pain as her eyes swung wildly around the room, seeing nothing. 

"River?" She spoke calmly, hoping that her heart couldn't be heard echoing all the way around the cargo bay. "Sweetie? It's Inara." 

She was vaguely aware of Simon just underneath her, hands grasping the rails, all his attention on the screaming figure of his sister. Of Mal, Zoe and Jayne staring up at her, of Book slowly making his way across to Simon. 

"It's okay, River, I'm here." Inara had no idea if the girl could even hear her. She pulled herself forward a little, trying not to look all the way down to the scared faces. "It's just Inara." 

The cries turned to whimpers and Mal felt his heart slowly return to a pace that wasn't about to make his chest explode. 

"Inara?" He called, as quietly as he could manage. "You know what you're doing up there, do ya?" 

"Not a bit." She answered through clenched teeth. "Now shut up." 

There was ten feet between them, so far up. Jayne didn't look down, but began to kick the bundles on the floor to a more central location as his neck stretched up. These bitches were crazy. 

"Mal?" He urged in a whisper. "What if they both fall?" 

"That isn't a happy thought, Jayne." 

Jayne rolled his eyes. Mal was crazier'n both of 'em. 

"I've nearly got you." Inara saw the fear in River's eyes, the shaking of her head, the trembling of her muscles. She sympathized. This high up and she couldn't even stand to look down. Her hands inched forward, took hold, and pulled her closer. "Just relax, Mei Mei." 

For one brief second, just a second, their eyes met and Inara gasped. River had looked lucid, but there was hatred in her eyes, an anger so deep that it hit her physically. Inara's leg slipped and she found herself desperately scrambling to grab hold of the rafter, her palms burned as they clenched automatically against metal, fear stopped her heart, breath caught like a trapped animal in her lungs. 

"Inara!" Voices and cries sounded from every direction. Her arms burned as she dangled from them. 

Movement flashed from everywhere, behind her the feel of Book jumping up, below her the sight of Mal, Zoe and Jayne scrambling. Above her a flash of green. 

Small hands anchored her own, pressing them to the metal, a face appeared before her, smiling and nodding encouragement. Inara was shaking, breathing hard, she looked into the now clear and lucid eyes, every breath she took seemed to expel an amount of panic, like a black cloud being drawn out of her. You can do it. The words seeped into her head. She hooked her elbows over, pressed her torso into metal, managed to get her legs back up. 

A collective sigh sounded and Inara smiled at River, even as she wanted to break down. 

"You knew." River reached out and gently touched a tear on Inara's cheek. That wasn't what she wanted to say, because it didn't sound like 'trust me, I wouldn't let you fall', but it came out anyway. "You wanted to see what would happen." 

Slowly and surely, Inara began to inch herself backwards, grateful beyond words that River kept up with her, smiling and completely at ease the whole way. She became aware of the rest of the room, the sounds of feet running from the bottom of the hold to the stairs, Book and Simon murmuring encouragement. 

She made sure she was well over the platform before lowering herself into Book's arms. The moment her feet touched the grating, Inara felt her legs turn to jelly and she crumbled. A blanket came around her and she let herself be handed to Mal. 

They watched as River easily swung herself down to join them. 

"Cats on feet." She had the slow, jittery, unfocused daze that Simon recognized as following all of her outbursts. "Nightmares float. I couldn't reach. But space, oh the space. I needed to stretch." 

"No climbing." Mal answered her, quietly amazed at his ability to stop himself from throttling her. "Dong Ma?" 

She shrugged. 

"No guns. No heights. Orders given in fear. Yes sir." Her eyes drifted to the debris below and she nearly doubled herself leaning over the railings to look. "Are we camping?" 

* * *

Kaylee walked through the house, already buzzing with her temporary claim to it. It had been years since she had left what she once considered home. She had her bunk and the engine room and had left her mark on Serenity wherever she could, it was home and nothing was going to change that, she knew it, but this was different. 

She ran into Wash, scanning the entertainment hub, pressing buttons at random. 

"Anything interesting?" 

He looked up at her. 

"Where'd you go?" 

"Oh. I just been walking on grass in bare feet." Kaylee grinned as Wash's eyes lit up. "You gotta do that. But shouldn't we wave Serenity first?" 

* * *

Simon's fingers touched each of the remaining bottles of antibiotics as his head counted them, not that he particularly needed the physical contact to keep the figure 'two' straight in his head. It was habit from Osiris, touch and remember, keep the supplies stocked. Mal had promised him that they'd restock the following day and he wanted his list ready. Today, with few hours remaining of daylight left after the day's fun, only necessities were needed. Mal and Zoe had gone to begin making connections with the locals, Jayne was busy hooking up irrigation and earthed power to the ship and Book had gone to get supplies. He supposed they would be back soon. 

A knock sounded and, given that there were only three people left on the ship, including himself, he really shouldn't have been surprised to see River standing there, hesitating at the door, arms behind her back and her bare ankles, thin and strong, exposed at odd angles below her dress. She just didn't come voluntarily to his infirmary that often. 

He smiled sadly. 

"Come in. You don't have to knock, you know that." 

"Not a patient." She didn't move until he nodded, accepting her conditions before she would even step onto the infirmary tiles. "Just visiting." 

He watched the jagged way her eyes darted over the walls, cataloguing everything in moments and couldn't help but compare it to the fluidness of her hands as they slipped over the door, lingered on it as if she was reluctant to let go. 

"How are you feeling now?" 

She sighed. 

"Not a patient, Simon." 

"I know." He snapped shut the door to the medicine cabinet and turned his whole body to face her, palms out. "I'm asking as a brother, worried about his sister." 

She lowered her head and brought her arms in close to her body. 

"All worried. Thought you saw River on the floor." She looked up and spoke to the ceiling as her hands cradled her elbows, holding herself. "I bounce, you know." 

"Really?" She looked at him, at the smile in his voice. "It was pretty high, Mei Mei, I don't think even you would bounce from that." 

River spread her arms out and gave herself into the movement, a graceful spin, her skirt twirling up. 

"I am invincible." Her voice was nearly a laugh, but it stopped suddenly, just like her body. Eyes darkened as they looked at Simon. "Now." 

"I'm sorry." It all came rushing down on him, his inability to help her, to understand her, to climb up the damned rafter to save her himself. "I don't know... I couldn't..." 

River reached out and cupped his cheeks. 

"You don't have to knock, either, Simon." She smiled. "You know that." 

"I just wish..." 

"Bad dreams." She insisted, trying so hard to ignore the whiteness of the room, the clinical smell of it, because she knew he needed it, needed her to get it out in a way he could understand. She wanted to give this little thing to him. "They close in and they drown me and I wake up screaming. But I wake up free. You gave me free." 

She knew the second the words sank in, saw his eyes close and felt the edges within him smooth over a little. His hands came up and rested on her shoulders and he leaned forward so their foreheads touched. Simon felt it, the circle of energy that flowed between them, and he wondered how he had ever lived without this symbiosis before she was born and then after she'd left. 

"I would give anything, Mei Mei," He whispered, knowing the words were almost too painful to speak. Not for the first time, he wished he had the ability of osmosis, the knowledge of how to draw the pain and sickness from her, out through her skin and into him, take it from her and leave her nothing but the light he knew was in there. "anything at all." 

"You give. And you give. They take. They're the ones." She ducked under his arms, slipping from his fingers, broke the contact. Simon opened his eyes, knowing that he'd already lost her. "They push it. They give too much. Then take it away. Give it. Take it. Can't stop it. Had to get in. Don't scream. They take the world away." 

He couldn't help it, the brief glimpse of sanity he'd seen had hurt when it left. He couldn't stop the question, his voice soft, but painfully sharp. 

"With blue hands?" 

"No!" Her mouth stretched open wide, her face a mask of horror as she pushed away from him, her head shook from side to side as she scrambled behind the bed. "Simon, please! I can't... I can't..." 

"It's okay, it's okay." Simon could have kicked himself. "I'm sorry, okay?" 

But he could already tell that it wasn't okay, very far from it, in fact. He had pushed way too far and couldn't remember her look so terrified or out of control for a long time. Her hand blindly swept over the bench behind her and took hold of whatever was there. Her aim was good and Simon had to duck to avoid the bandage that flew at his head. 

"Get away!" She was reaching a scream by this point and Simon could see how unfocused her eyes were. As he tried to stop closer she pushed against the bed and he had to catch it before it fell over. "I won't do it! No black!" 

"Doc?" Mal appeared in the doorway. "Is everything okay?" 

River and Simon both turned at the sound of his voice. 

"Two!" River's strangled cry was full of pain as she swung her eyes from Mal to Simon. "Two by two!" 

"River, no, we're not..." 

Simon's plea ended in a sharp gasp of pain and Mal looked at him in time to see his hand reach up and touch the scalpel embedded in his neck. Simon's eyes were wide in shock. 

"Tamade! Jayne!" He didn't waste time. "Jayne, get in here now!" 

Mal rushed forward, dragging the stunned Simon to the floor and pulling him back towards the door. He turned to see Jayne run up to them and knew no explanation was necessary as Jayne took in Simon's injury and the screaming River throwing things at the other end of the room. 

"River?" Mal's voice was calm as he stepped towards her, at least as calm as he could make it. "River? It's okay, it's Mal here and Simon." 

She screamed at him, a continuous animal sound, past the point of coherence. It scared him, scared him a lot, but she was paying attention to him. Which is exactly what he wanted as Jayne silently made his way behind her. 

By the look of horror that engulfed her when Jayne's arms closed around her, pinning her arms to her sides, Mal knew she hadn't even noticed him in the room. Her cry was angry and frantic as she began to thrash, kicking back. Hard. 

"Gorram it, Mal." Jayne was straining to keep hold of her, trying to avoid her head as she bucked. 

"Doc?" He turned to Simon, sitting against doorway. "Where is it?" 

"Mal, please..." 

"Look at her, Simon!" 

"Second drawer." Simon slumped, defeated, as Mal grabbed the hypo. 

"Hold her steady, Jayne." 

Mal tried to find an opening amid the flying legs and whipping hair that was thrashing in front of him. 

"I'm tryin'." 

When he found the opportunity to slip the needle into her arm, River stopped struggling. The look she gave him, betrayed and wounded and resigned, made him want to spit. She slowly went limp in Jayne's arms and her voice lowered to a keen. 

"What the hell happened, Doc?" 

"It was my fault." Simon slowly stood up, blood seeping through the fingers clamped to his neck. "I shouldn't have... I asked about the blue hands." 

Mal was fit to burst. 

"Couldn't leave well enough alone, could you?" 

"Are you out of your ruttin' mind?" 

Jayne lifted River up and gently laid her out on the gurney. She weighed next to nothing and, like this, felt as fragile as a twig, easy to snap. He'd have a couple of bruises soon, though, that proved otherwise. 

"Jayne?" Mal picked up a packet of sterilizing gel from the floor, followed by the same bandage aimed at Simon's head. 

"Yeah, I got it." Jayne muttered as he walked to the door. "There's adult talk needs be done." 

Simon tried to shake Mal off as he leaned over the sink, but Mal was stronger and angrier as he pulled Simon's hands away and pushed his chin up. 

"I asked you this very morning if we were gonna have a problem and you lied to me." His voice was seething steel, but his hands were steady as they cleaned the cut. "Way I see it, you've got Kaylee getting closer to River, Inara climbing up the damned roof and me gettin' some answers that you hadn't." 

Simon wanted to nod, but thought better of it. 

"You're no longer the belle of your sister's ball. You won't need a weave, didn't go too deep." Mal switched topics without even blinking and then back again. "Which to my mind is your issue, not hers. You need to get over it. She's already had two other bad turns today, what made you think she needed another one?" 

"I'm sorry." Simon found himself hating those words and hating himself for creating the need to say them so often. 

Mal looked at the unconscious figure on the bed. 

"I'm not the one you need to apologize to." 

"Captain?" Book stopped in the doorway as he saw Mal patching up Simon and River on the bed. "Wash and Kaylee are on the cortex. I can stay here if you'd like, they want to talk to both of you about tomorrow." 

* * *

"Zo?" Wash frowned at the screen. "What aren't you telling us? Where's the Captain?" 

"Nothing." Her eyes were too wide and her voice soft and honeyed. Wash knew she was lying. "Look, here's the Captain now." 

Kaylee gasped as Mal's face appeared on the screen. 

"Your eye! What happened?" She narrowed her eyes at his suddenly closed off face, the way he didn't quite look at her. "How's River?" 

"She's had a bit of a bad day." He answered her and Kaylee noticed he was leaning over the bridge to block her view of the others. 

It didn't work. 

"Wo duh muh!" She gasped again as she saw a figure behind him. "Simon! You're bleeding!" 

Mal closed his eyes. 

"A real bad day." 

Kaylee leaned forward and grasped the desk, pushing Wash out of the way just slightly. 

"Captain, I wanna come back." 

"We got it, Kaylee." 

"But..." 

"Look," He insisted. "the best way you can help her right now is to continue what you're doing, make the meet tomorrow and get us a contact, dong ma?" 

"Yes Sir." But her voice didn't exactly sound as if she were agreeing with him and she hoped he felt it. "Exactly as you say, Sir." 

"Kaylee?" Mal began, but she'd already left the screen and he knew she wouldn't be back. "Wash? Everything going to plan there?" 

"Yeah, Mal." Wash knew something there was something else under the surface, but also knew that Mal wouldn't tell them until he was good and ready. "They're expecting us at ten hundred, sharp." 

"Wash?" Simon broke in. "Once you meet the doctors, they're going to be watching you. You'll need to keep it up at all times, even when you think you're alone in the house." 

"They're gonna be spying on us?" Wash sat up straighter. "And you knew?" 

"Just make it believable." Simon's voice was shaking. "Please?" 

* * *

Simon carried her to her bunk, laid her on the bed and began to take off her shoes. He knew that when she began to wake up, she'd want to be anywhere but the infirmary. 

He turned her arm over and ran his thumb over the purple mark already forming over her vein. First rule of medicine: Do No Harm. It wasn't the first, last or only rule he'd broken since he'd deciphered her code and he knew that things were going to get worse before they got better, he knew it in his bones. 

***


	4. Retreat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Answers create more questions, is there any other way?

***

Kaylee bit her lip, she hoped she looked nervous for Wash and not plain scared out of her wits as she sat in the doctor's office. The man sitting across from them was big and heavy set and reminded her of Jayne, arms and neck tumbling out of an ill fitting white jacket, his face was round and half covered by a thick, curling beard. He looked absolutely nothing like she had imagined a Core doctor to be like, she had expected someone more Simon. He was smiling at them over the files he was reading. A nice smile, meant to put them at ease, but his eyes were sharp and shrewd. 

"It wasn't supposed to be a long trip." She answered. "We were only going to be off planet for a week at most. That was the plan." 

She shuffled in her chair so that she was facing both Dr. Williams and Wash next to her, reached out and touched the apex of Wash's ear, thread her fingers through the hair behind it. 

"We had it all organized, but..." She looked at the doctor and lowered her voice. "... Reavers." 

Wash jerked out of her reach and glared at her. 

"Tell them." He accused. "Just tell them everything why don't you?" 

"Honey, it's okay." She had to remind herself it was an act. "The doctor's going to help." 

"Yes, I am." Dr. Williams set the files on his desk and leaned forward. "All your records are very detailed, Mrs. Hoffman, that's not always the case planet to planet, unfortunately." 

"Please." She smiled, sadly. "Call me Katie." 

"It's not as simple as restarting medication, however," Kaylee felt her heart seize up. "As I'm sure you know. People tend to build up resistances, doses need to be readjusted periodically, especially after such a lapse in treatment. I'd like to observe Steven for a while, evaluate him in a monitored facility." 

"Yes." She nodded, Simon had warned her that this would probably be the case, but she had hoped for an easier way. "We've been through all that before." 

"Infernal war. Shook everyone." Dr. Williams muttered under his breath, before looking back up at her. "Don't worry, Mrs. Hoffman, we'll have Steven back to you as good as new." 

"Liar." Wash hissed. 

"I hope so." Kaylee sighed, not missing the formality the doctor had continued to use. "He's just not himself like this." 

"Can you bring him in tomorrow, same time? I'll have all the paperwork complete by then." He waited for her nod. "Good, I'll organize it." 

His eyes looked pointedly to the bandage on her wrist. 

"Any violent tendencies?" 

"What? Oh no." Kaylee blushed, then covered it up. "Not really. He doesn't mean it, I know that. Sometimes it gets too much for him. But he doesn't mean it." 

"Mm." Dr. Williams made a note in the file. "Paranoia? Check." 

"I'm not paranoid." Wash sat forward, gesturing at the files. "Don't put that in there. I'm not." 

"It's okay." Kaylee laid a hand on his arm. "Don't worry about it." 

"They think I'm paranoid. They all think I'm paranoid." His eyes twinkled at her and Kaylee gave him a glare of warning. He sat back in the chair. "I'm not." 

"Just procedure." Dr. Williams assured them. "Nothing you need to worry about. Look, I think we're done here. I'll see you tomorrow." 

* * *

River opened her eyes slowly, taking in the empty room, the lights blinking silently on the com by her bed, the wall hanging of the woman with her back turned. Smart woman, the words drifted and were gone. She stretched a heavy arm out, trying to break the cloud of drugs that tried to pull her back under. 

"River?" She thought she heard a voice, but it was too far away. "Mei Mei?" 

"Thick." She tried to speak, but everything stuck together, tongue to her teeth, brain to her skull. "Like mud." 

"I know, I'm sorry." 

"Sorry." She echoed meaninglessly, wanting to break out of the rut, but she was only able to blink. Her throat examined the word. "Sorry." 

"Come on, River, try to sit up, okay?" Simon, blurred and broken at the edge of her vision. "I have water." 

There was a hand at her back, pushing her up, holding her. She let him prop her up, let him guide her hands to the glass, opened her mouth and let the water sluice over the thickened lining of her throat. 

"Is that better?" 

She nodded dumbly and let her hands fall back to her lap when he let them go. He was back in seconds, swam in her sight, he wore a blue shirt. His thumb brushed the corner of her mouth, wiped away a trickle. 

"Do you think you can get up?" Nervous hands ran through her hair. "Jayne rigged up some irrigation and the Captain has hot showers running. Inara said she'd help you before she left. Would you like that?" 

Hysteria cut through his voice, shattered it, she nodded again for him. River flowed forward, felt her feet touch the floor. She was heavy, heavier than she could remember, she couldn't sustain her own weight. He held her around the waist. 

"Easy. Not too fast. One step at a time." 

Walking wasn't usually this hard, she was sure of it. The heels of her feet slid clumsily against the floor. She saw things in broken time, the door far away and then right in front of her, Simon's face and then he was gone. Nothing and then Inara. 

"Hey Sweetie." Inara's arms landed so gentle around her shoulders. 

"I don't know." Simon's words sounded worried in the distance, on edge. "She should be past the majority of it by now." 

"God, you're shivering." Was she? River looked up at the ceiling as her robes melted away, tried to focus on the tiles that shifted and slid and changed position above her, whispering to each other. "Okay, just over here." 

Hot water touched her, slid over her skin and she gasped and turned into it. 

"Clothes." River brought the words up like bile. "Getting wet." 

"What?" Inara floated around her. "Oh, don't worry about me." 

But River didn't. She bent her head and let the water create thunder on her skull, felt her hair soak it up and cling to her neck, stretched her hip out to catch heat. She lifted her hand under the stream, brought it up in front of her face palm outwards, wet and sleek, and pressed her fingers together. She watched the water pool in the webbing before overflowing in trickles. 

River watched her hand cry tears her eyes couldn't. 

* * *

"Katie Hoffman." 

Kaylee thrust her hand out, she looked past the man to the cluttered shop behind him, eyed the various machines and land transports abandoned there. 

"You're it, are ya?" George Webber eyed her doubtfully. "Well, you come highly recommended and it's been quiet lately, I don't reckon it'll be much of a loss." 

He shook her hand and gestured to the shop as they began walking. 

"Job's simple. People come in, you fix what you can and you trade in what you can't, sometimes it's a house call, but we'll take care of most of that. You'll stay here and fiddle with the left overs. All the junk people don't want is kept here, all the machines to be fixed are out front." 

"But," Kaylee looked down at a perfectly good land hover as they passed it. "these can all be fixed." 

He stopped and looked at her again. 

"You're not from around here, are you?" She shook her head. "You'll learn. People on a core like this? They don't want fixed and mended, even if it's seamless, they want bright and shiny and new. They can afford new. We fix vehicles, mostly, and larger land transports, but the smaller stuff? Forget it. Take it, fix it on your own time, we'll fence it on the docks to the passing ships. Tidy profit." 

"Oh." Kaylee thought about the million and one patches she'd made to Serenity. "So you're not?" 

He raised his brows. 

"People on a core like this?" She pointed out. "You're not one of them?" 

He laughed, relaxed for the first time. 

"Hell no. I look rich to you? Most of us here in the tech sheds, we're necessary evils shipped in. Same as the people you'll most likely meet, rich folk won't lower themselves as to bring broken things down here. You'll run into their hired help more often than not." 

That suited her just fine. Kaylee wasn't looking to meet the residents here. Hired help, people being paid to do a job, were less likely to wonder about someone else doing the same thing. Her eyes slid back to the poor, desolate machines lonely on the shop floor. George noticed. 

"Well, you might as well get started then." He pointed off to the side. "The tools are in that cupboard there. They're pretty standard, nothing special. You're welcome to bring in your own. Impress me." 

Kaylee smiled, that she could do. 

* * *

Zoe stepped out of the cargo bay onto hard earth. She lifted her face to the sun and let it cover her. Her feet lined up with Mal's as they surveyed the small measure of land Serenity sat docked in. She held out her hand and waited for him to lift his before dropping the twisted piece of metal into it. 

"What's this?" He turned it over. 

"Wish I knew, Sir." She kept looking straight ahead. "I found it on the floor of the engine room." 

"What?" Mal looked down at it, then back up at her. 

"When I checked the engine this morning." 

With all the bustle over River and making new contacts and then River again, Zoe hadn't had time to make a quick cursory check of the engines after their spectacularly bumpy landing. Mal turned to look at the ship. 

"Kaylee is going to kill us." 

"Most likely." She agreed. "It doesn't seem to affect anything, does it?" 

"You'll know when the darkness comes." 

"River!" Mal forced a smile on his face. "You're up!" 

Up was hardly the word Zoe would have used as she looked at River leaning against the edge of the door, pale and unfocused. Simon was hovering just behind her. She had a sneaking suspicion that if she'd turned a few seconds earlier, she would have seen Simon helping River walk. 

An elbow poked her in the side and Zoe put a smile on her face, too. 

"Come to join the outside world, huh?" 

"Don't worry, Doc." Mal was quick to jump in. "Bellaphron's pretty safe for a neighboring moon. All the local color is on Orpheus." 

Zoe watched as Simon nodded, then took River by the wrists and pulled, leading her slowly down the ramp, her face pointed up at the sky as she squinted at the sun. Simon looked tired. Zoe understood the word vigil, the weariness of it. She looked at Simon and thought of Wash. River met her eyes for a moment. The instant her feet touched earth, River broke from her brother and began to walk. 

"River, no." Simon began. "You need to stay with us..." 

"It's alright." Zoe smiled gently. "I'll watch her." 

They walked to a patch of the sun, away from the ship, it wasn't exactly warm, but River spread her limbs into the light and spun in a lazy circle. Her mouth opened as if she were tasting the air. Zoe looked back at Mal and Simon, standing together. Talking. 

"About me." River clarified. "They're worried." 

"I expect that's true." 

River let her head fall to the side, then her whole body crumpled into itself in a concertina effect and she lay out on the ground, rolled onto her back and stared up at the sky. Zoe crouched down next to her. 

"No need." 

"Maybe you should tell them that." 

Zoe began to draw patterns in the dirt with her finger. The fine silt shifted around her skin, created furrows which instantly fell back into place leaving no trace of her being there. So many small nuances of a planet that made up such a big difference. 

"Telling you." River reached up and let the light trickle in through her fingers. "He's okay." 

Zoe only wished she could be sure that were true. 

"It's my job to worry, that's what I get paid for." 

"No." River shook her head. "You do it for free. Serenity is family, like blood, even Jayne." 

Zoe felt her eyebrows raise, but River smiled, her voice slightly teasing. 

"You love us all." 

"Well." Zoe looked at the ship again, saw that Book had appeared at the top of the ramp. "You're certainly more cogent away from the boys." 

"I'm in retreat." River whispered. 

"I thought as much." She smiled and River smiled back. 

"If I stay slow," River confided to her new friend. "they won't worry so much." 

"They'll always worry, River." 

"If I stay slow," River corrected and Zoe looked down in surprise at the cold clarity that suddenly came through. "they won't try and stop me." 

* * *

"What was in that hypo, doctor?" 

They looked out at the two women, Zoe crouched on her haunches by the River in the dust. 

"Nothing. Just a sedative." Simon answered. "Same one we used on Kaylee when she was shot. And you saw her wake up fine. There's no reason River should be like this." 

"In your professional opinion," Mal tried to be careful. "will we need more of it?" 

"Are you asking me if she's likely to lose control again, or if I'm likely to push her over the edge?" 

"Both." Mal met his eyes. "If that's what I need to be asking." 

Simon fingered the scab over his neck, it still stung when he pressed into it, his eyes watched his sister pull herself up from the ground and walk towards the fence. 

"It seems the more lucid she gets, the more lucid her memories get. Her dreams are worse." He noticed Mal waiting for more and Book's intense eyes joining them. "I don't know. I hope not, but I've been woefully wrong in the past few days." 

Mal considered this. 

"Is there anything else we could use? Something that won't make her a living zombie?" 

"Nothing we have." Simon answered. "Short of physically knocking her out." 

He looked at Mal. 

"Don't even think about it." 

"Hey!" Mal raised his hands in innocence. "I ain't the one makin' her crazy, lately, if you recall. I just don't wanna keep using this stuff if we can find something else." 

"I don't think it's done any damage, mentally or physically." Simon replied. "It's just taking her body longer than usual to process it." 

Book watched River balance on the meter high fence, delicately placing one foot in front of the other, an intense look of concentration on her face, a focus that had missing when she was with them minutes ago. 

"Maybe," He spoke quietly for the first time. "it's not her body that won't let go of the medicine." 

* * *

There are countless nuances of difference between want and need and Inara has been carefully trained to know those differences. What this man needs is someone to listen to him, to understand, to sympathize with the thousand petty troubles of his day. He needs release from himself and he will get it. 

What he wants, he will get that too. He wants her to distract him, to make him forget who he is, to make him feel as if there are people out there who don't need to be fixed, who never get broken. He wants her to arch her back, to moan in just the right places. He wants to be appreciated. 

Sometimes, in a rare moment, want and need can be the same thing. And sometimes it takes a little bit of planning and strategy. What Inara wants and what this man needs are one and the same as she lay next to him after the act. She ran a hand down his back, soothed him as he drowsed. 

"So tell me," She asked casually. "save anyone today, doctor?" 

* * *

Wash pressed a few buttons and watched the words scroll up the screen, the same words he'd been looking at for an hour until he could barely concentrate, the details of his disease that Simon had given him. His eyes were all but glazed over and he had to blink to keep them open. In about ten minutes they'd be able to talk to Serenity and he longed to talk to Zoe, let her tell him everything was fine, that he was being foolish for worrying so much and he would have no choice but to believe her, because she was always right. 

That's what she kept telling him, anyway. 

"Hey Honey." Arms came around his neck and Kaylee's face appeared next to his. "How was your day?" 

He grinned. 

"Careful. It's nearly time to wave home and Zoe has guns." 

She smiled and puffed up her chest. 

"Katie Hoffman is not afraid of random women with guns." Slowly, one after the other, she delicately lifted her hands. "Kaylee Frye, however, she's a coward." 

He turned to face her. 

"How come you got a name that sounds like yours? What kind of name is Steven?" 

"What name did you want?" She grabbed a nearby chair and sat next to him. "What sounds like Wash?" 

He considered his options for a moment. 

"Steven is nice." 

"Guess it don't matter much if the nutter don't answer when he's called." 

"Careful," He warned again. "I have violent tendencies." 

"So everyone keeps saying behind your back, you paranoid freak." 

The cortex beeped at them. 

"Oh goodie." Wash pressed the accept button. "Incoming." 

"Hey husband." Zoe's face swam into focus. "Hey other woman." 

"Zo." Wash felt more homesick than ever. 

"Zoe!" Kaylee grinned, already back on the ship. "How's everybody?" 

"We're good, Kaylee." Mal's face appeared. "More importantly, how are you?" 

She made a face at him to let him know she was still mad. 

"Going as planned." Wash answered. "They're admitting me tomorrow." 

"And the job?" 

"I got a promotion, Captain." Kaylee couldn't help but brag. "Moved me from junk out the back to front fixin's after one hour." 

"Really?" Mal couldn't help but smile at her pride. "Just don't get any ideas about staying there." 

"Then let me come back." She pushed stubbornly. 

"Get us a contact." He rolled his eyes when she poked her tongue at him. "Until then, I got someone wishes to say hi." 

Kaylee felt her heart freeze as she watched Mal shuffle River in front of the bridge. There was something stilted and altogether wrong about the way she moved. It hit her, then, that she was seeing the River that had first stepped onto Serenity from the cryo box. 

"Hey Sweetie." Careful and questioning, she wanted to reach out and touch River and had to settle for running a hand down the edge of the screen. "How're ya doing?" 

"Kaylee?" River's lip trembled. "They came back. I couldn't stop it." 

"No one's there, River." She swallowed her own frustration and smiled. "Simon'll make sure you're okay." 

"Leaves, Kaylee." River insisted as Kaylee nodded. "Oceans and leaves." 

The moment Simon led River away, Kaylee stopped smiling. 

"Captain?" 

"I know it looks bad, Kaylee, but..." 

"But what?" She broke in. "Did you see...?" 

"We had to knock her out." Mal explained. "With a heavy sedative. It's knocked her around some, more than expected, but she's going to be fine." 

"I don't like it." 

"None of us like it, Kaylee." Mal sounded tired. "You got a better idea? Let us know. She threw a knife at Simon's neck. Damned lucky she was near hysterical at the time, coulda caused a lot more damage than it did. Way she was, she was gonna hurt someone, most likely herself." 

"But why?" She demanded. "She was doing so well." 

"Simon asked about the blue hands." 

Kaylee swore. 

"Kaylee, listen." Zoe broke in, ignoring the quizzical glance Mal shot her. "I wouldn't worry too much about River right now. She's going to be fine, trust me, okay?" 

"It's getting late." Mal said. "And I think it's time we left these married love birds alone." 

"Fine." Kaylee agreed without agreeing as Wash perked up next to her. "Talk to you tomorrow, then." 

"Hey Zo." Wash smiled when they were finally alone. "I miss you already." 

* * *

As they got to the passenger dorms, River twisted out of Simon's hands. He didn't understand, couldn't understand. His whole body screamed in guilt and fear as he held her and it didn't feel like him anymore. She missed her brother. 

It had taken a lot of energy to open to Zoe, to say the words in a line just right. She needed all the friends she could cling to and Zoe didn't relate to stillness, the need for River to step back and let it all happen around her. She understood it, felt for River, but didn't relate. What Zoe knew was action, reaction, eye for eye, pain for a husband's lost innocence. River didn't have a plan, but she planned to have a plan and this Zoe understood, this made Zoe smile. 

Then came Kaylee and River couldn't hold it anymore. It crashed into her from all sides and even some that didn't exist, too many sides, all attacked. Yearning was a weakness, a futility that will never come to pass, she knew it, had learned it a long time ago. Didn't stop it. The floors had fallen away and she had tripped. 

And she didn't think she could stop her insides from crying, from screaming. 

Simon watched her walk out to the infirmary and stand, stubbornly, by the door. He tried to guess the next step in this new dance. He had specifically avoided the infirmary, bringing her meds to her room instead. 

"River?" He came to stand near her and noticed she was trembling. "We don't need to go in there today." 

Without taking her eyes off him, she reached out and opened the door. A rush of cold air hit him. 

"What is it? Tell me." The day's silence unnerved him, stretched his senses. "Okay. Fine." 

She watched him step inside, closed her eyes and breathed in slowly before following him with hesitant steps. Simon turned to look at her face, pulled tight and pale, as she sat obediently on the bed. Her eyes looked straight at him as she offered up the crook of her arm. 

"River." He felt his veins run cold. "Mei Mei, no." 

She did not look away, only set her jaw. 

"Don't." He pleaded. "Don't do this, okay?" 

A single tear slid down her cheek. 

"Blunt me." 

It was a rock that fell heavy to the bottom of his heart. 

"No." He reached out and took her arm, let his fingers brush the bruise that Mal had left before taking her cheek in his other hand. "I won't do that to you." 

"I can't not." She begged. "They'll come like this. Simon, you know, you saw. Barriers gone. Screams in the night." 

"Just one night." Simon couldn't believe he was even suggesting it, hated himself for trying to convince her to go through more pain. "It'll get worse if we keep dosing you up. You'll be better tomorrow when it's all out of your system. Just for tonight?" 

River did the only thing left to her. 

"I'll tell." She offered and felt his hand twitch on her cheek. "I'll remember for you." 

She shivered as she felt the snap of his excitement, the control he used to stop himself asking all the questions at once, pushing too hard. It frightened and pleased him all at once and so it did her. 

Simon held his breath. 

"Blunt me." She insisted again, already opening her brain to the memories, knowing he'd agree. "Promise you'll block them. I'll be sharp and remember. Then I'll sleep. Alone. In peace. Gone." 

* * *

Mal could feel himself drain with every step he took, even his body heat was falling with exhaustion, gooseflesh dimpled his arms. He was looking forward to putting his head on his pillow, closing his eyes and not opening them until the next day. He could not let things rest as they stood and was on his way to check on River and Simon before he went to bed. She had seemed so shaken by her brief talk with Kaylee. 

He passed the infirmary on his way to the passenger quarters and saw them through the glass. She sat on the cot, her hands grasping the edges, her legs pulled up sharply under the bed, not hanging loosely at all. Simon stood before her, holding her shoulders in his hands. Their foreheads touched. Mal didn't want to break into that. He knew that they had had little time recently. He hoped that this meant River was okay for now, at least. 

That's when he saw Simon drop his hands and reach for the needle. 

"I hope I'm interrupting." He said calmly as he strode in. "Doc? What's up?" 

"Simon?" River's voice shook. "Do it." 

But Simon had already taken a step back. 

"Simon?" Mal repeated. "Do what?" 

"Nothing. It's just..." 

Simon let his voice fall. He looked from River to Mal. There were so many things he could say. Just her usual meds. A standard vitamin booster to help her system get rid of the last traces of sedative. Mal would never know the difference. He felt River's hand grasp his, his eyes looked down to see her pulling the needle to her skin. 

Instinct made him do it. That's what he told himself. The reaction was an ingrained, unstoppable reflex of one who is surprised. Small particles of glass spun across the floor as the hypo fell and shattered. His fingers opened and closed on thin air. River's hand let his fall. 

"All gone." She whispered, eyes wide and staring at the remains. "Hope sliced. Their cries will ring in your ears. Not mine." 

She slid off the bed and pushed past Mal as she ran out. 

"Are you out of your gorram mind?" Mal turned on Simon, blocked him from running after her. "Did you not hear me before? No more of that junk unless she needs it." 

Simon couldn't stop the angry flash of annoyance in his eyes as he pushed away. 

"I'm her doctor, not you." He knelt down, a small brush already in his hand to scrape up the mess. "It doesn't matter now. That was the last of it." 

"That supposed to be a comfort is it?" Mal crossed his arms. "Every time you've been alone with her since this whole thing started, something has happened. I'm beginning to see a pattern and I don't like it." 

"Not every time..." Simon began and then realized how petty it sounded. He stopped and breathed in. "She asked for the shot. She was about to tell me what happened. She was going to open up about the Academy." 

"Oh." Mal felt some of the wind leave his sails. "But why the drugs?" 

"It stops her dreams." Simon looked out to the empty doorway. "Now she has no defenses." 

* * *

River ran, she let her feet slam into the floor and wished for the morning already gone, when she could barely feel the steel under her skin, when she couldn't distinguish thoughts, when movement was the most difficult thing. Not thinking, not fighting. 

She couldn't stop her brain once it started. 

Memories can be sharp when they slice into you. Merciless and cruel. They reach in and twist your insides until they leak out. Until you can't breathe. It made her eye twitch and her mouth stretch in silent cries. She passed the common area. Stopped as she ran into Book. 

Her hands grabbed his arms and she stared into his eyes, wanting to grab his thoughts, steal his memories, but he refused to think about anything but her. She saw herself in a million splinters. He was worried. She let him go and kept running. 

Voices carried past her, plummeted into her, called her name, but she was past listening to them. There were other noises that demanded her attention, screams that she couldn't identify as hers or anybody else's, blood that ran into drains. 

Shivers. 

"They're gone!" She cried to the bridge as she burst in. 

* * *

Zoe watched River climb over the console and press herself up against the window. She heard the pounding of heavy footsteps and knew that the doorway was crowded. 

"Zoe?" Wash's voice echoed from the Cortex. 

"Get Kaylee back." She answered. 

"Bursts of gas." River whispered frantically as she pawed at the glass. "All gone." 

Zoe saw the fog of River's breath spread out in a cloud over the window, felt the chills on the edges of her own skin and began to frown. 

"Stars." Mal said under his breath. "She wants the stars." 

"No." Simon answered. "She wants space." 

"River?" Came Kaylee's voice. "What's wrong?" 

"I know." River whimpered, stopping to listen to the tinny transmission. "The memories, they're back." 

"River?" Zoe held out a hand. "Calm down, okay?" 

"Calm is calm." She insisted as she shook her head back and forth. "Spread on the floor. Not in me." 

"I know, I'm sorry." Mal stepped forward next to Zoe, he was quite sure he could see Kaylee glare at him a world away. "That's my fault. But you don't have to do this, you can stop..." 

"Can't stop." River told him, suddenly dull. "The memories will win. Can't stop them." 

"Then why don't you tell us?" Book spoke up from the doorway, moving a few steps into the room. "It might help. We might be able to help you if we know." 

River breathed in, looked at each of them one by one, and felt something burst within her. Light and fragile as a bubble, but a barrier that she had been afraid to lose. 

"Missing a tile." She stood still. "Won't be long." 

"Serenity." Came a voice on the com and all eyes flew to River. "This is shuttle one." 

"Inara." Mal grabbed the com before Zoe could. "All's clear to dock. Why don't you meet us all on the bridge? Apparently you're invited." 

"Twelve out of nineteen." River said as she sat behind the console, back against the glass. "Nineteen out of one thousand nine hundred and forty two." 

She watched Simon's eyes tick over the numbers. 

"They scanned us, skimmed the cream. Top one point six one eight. Took us out and away." 

"Wait a sec." Mal was highly amused as he looked at Simon, his voice suggested the term neener neener. "You're top three percent and she's top one and a half?" 

"Not exactly." Simon looked stunned. "I was top three of my class at the Osiris MedAcad. I think she means overall." 

"Why so specific?" Came Wash's voice. 

Simon and River looked at each other and smiled. 

"Phi." They spoke in union, a rehearsed litany of childhood. "One point six one eight." 

"Fye what?" Jayne asked as he sat in the spare chair. 

"The Divine Proportion." Simon rushed to explain, his brain skimming over afternoons stretched over the nursery floor with his sister, measuring themselves or anything from the garden they could get their hands on, he using electronic aides and River just multiplying and dividing in her head. "The basis of all natural structures. It informs the diametrical ratios of everything: beehives, leaves, shells, the human body." 

Inara made her way into the bridge. 

"But what does it mean?" Mal insisted. "Why did they choose it?" 

Simon shrugged his ignorance. 

"Means nothing." River gave a shudder. "Nothing when they cut you." 

Everybody fell silent. 

"Faces with wires and lights and they hold you down, don't scream, can't scream. Drugs stop you feeling, but you know, you can see." 

Simon felt his knees failing, he leant against the door and trembled. 

"The blood is yours when they wake your brain." River felt strangely distant, as if a festering wound had been lanced and she was drifting in the space left behind. "Slice away. Change the coding. Unused potential. Awake. Retreat. Awake. Retreat. Forgotten in a box." 

Zoe looked at the screen at Wash staring with an open mouth, she saw Kaylee behind him and wished she didn't. There were tears in the girl's eyes. She couldn't help but think of the times when River had been smiling and laughing and she felt her jaw clench. Hard. 

"Silence makes it loud. They did it again and again." River bought her arms in close to her body, curled her legs in up under them and clutched them tightly. She rocked back and forth. "Again. And again." 

"You were awake?" Simon's horrified whisper ran through them all. "During the operations?" 

"All the better to see you with." 

"I can't hear this." Book laid a hand on Simon's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Son, but it's too much." 

They watched him leave. 

"My world makes his a lie. Truth caves in like snow. You can all go to feel better." River looked at Simon. "You stay. Kaylee too." 

"I'm here, Bao Bei." The voice shook over the cortex and River gave a sad, wistful smile. 

"I'm not going anywhere, either." Mal said softly, arms crossed. "I'm here for you." 

"Me too." Zoe echoed. 

"I follow Zoe in all things." Said Wash. 

"Count me in." Was Jayne's contribution and he pretended not to notice the look that he got from Mal. 

"Try and make me leave, Mei Mei." Inara was the last to speak. 

River nodded and let her head fall to her knees. 

"Not alone." 

"Never." Simon assured her. 

"Alone in a box. Until they make you hear them. They make you scream until others hear you. Until you hear the cries. It hurts. Even if it's not you. Pain is shared. Or they'll do it again." 

Inara covered her mouth with a shaking hand to stop the exclamation. She couldn't let herself picture the images that River was bringing up, didn't really want to. Inara was far from an innocent, she had never claimed to be nave when it came to people and their deeds. Some clients liked a little pain with their pleasure, needed it. Sometimes the tastes ran deeper and Inara knew there were companions who dealt with that. 

Then there were stories and Inara had more than one friend back on Sihnon who had returned to the Companion House torn and broken. Somehow, seeing these men struck from the registry, bound by law, and worse if the right words were spoken to the right people, had never been enough for Inara's seething sense of injustice. The thought of a group of people so abusing these children, helpless and fragile, was a completely different level of pain that she did not welcome. 

"Boxes?" Simon asked. 

"Sensory deprivation tanks." Mal guessed and if the flinch that passed over River's face was any indication, he hadn't been far off the mark. "What do you mean 'hurt'?" 

Kaylee couldn't take her eyes off the screen, her view into all the faces but the one she wanted to see the most. She could still feel River trembling in her arms and wanted to be there now, wanted to take it all away. As she waited for River's answer, she heard a muffled crack and saw the instant concern on their faces. 

"River?" Kaylee called, wanting to see through the cameras to the console. 

"It's okay." Zoe answered, holding up a hand, but Kaylee heard the crash again. 

She could see Simon rush up to the screen and over it, could hear whispers but not clear words and felt the frustration build up. Next to her, Wash held her arm. 

"It's okay, River." Was the only contribution she could give. "You don't have to keep going." 

Simon had jumped up to his sister and gotten her in his arms, cradling her. He ran his hand down the side of her face, the skin red and stretched taut, and he could feel the heat that would soon become a bruise where she had slammed it against the wall. She struggled to get her hands free of him. 

"Need to." River choked out. "It's shocking. What they did." 

Zoe closed her eyes. She didn't need too much more explanation. There were many things she wished she could forget about the war and the torture methods used, by both sides, made up a great portion of them. Electricity was a favorite of many sadists, because it gave violent outcomes with the added advantage of very few physical scars if the hostage was to be returned. 

Another crash sounded and even Kaylee and Wash could see the source this time as Jayne took his bloodied fist from the desk near his chair. 

"Let me at 'em, Mal." 

"Down, Jayne." Mal ordered as Inara took Jayne's hand and began to fuss over the split skin. "Not now." 

Inara looked up sharply, trying to read Mal's eyes, she saw Zoe looking as well. They'd both caught the 'now' part and knew Mal enough to recognize an open ended sentence. 

"But why?" Insisted Kaylee. "What could they possibly want?" 

"Answers to questions, what if, maybe. At first." River became very quiet. "They didn't like the answers we gave." 

She let the glass create shivers down her spine, freezing the blood that pumped through her back. Simon's grasp on her had loosened and she rested her head on his arm. 

"The machine is parts made a whole. Made a hive to speak without sound. Need a way to control it." River repeated the words she had started with. "Nineteen to twelve." 

"They killed those kids?" Mal bristled at River's slow nod. "To even out their gorram fractions?" 

"We split the one. Broke the symbiosis. Those left will pay. My freedom bought their terror." River confessed as a tear slid down. "Twelve to seven." 

Simon shrank a little further into himself. He hadn't let himself spend much time dwelling on the others that had to be left behind. There had been no time, no choice for him but to prioritize his sister. The very thought that her rescue had directly caused these deaths made him cold. 

"River?" 

Mal spoke quietly, reeling from all the information she was throwing at them. He didn't let anything show on the surface, couldn't afford to. He knew Jayne was boiling beside him, the man wore his anger like a second skin. Simon by the door was slowly falling apart, Inara was unable to hide the empathy, the pain of hearing another's pain. He could see Wash's horror, the truth he always tried so hard to cover with humor. And Kaylee, her frustration at the distance, the blocking of her natural instinct to soothe and mother and make things right, he saw her harden even as her brain tried to deny the truth of it. He even envied, slightly, the preacher's ability to admit he was too weak to deal with the truth. Beside him, Zoe was too still to be impassive, he knew she was holding it all in tight and that, later, when she was alone and had the luxury, she would let it loose. 

Somebody needed to keep the crew upright, needed to remain focused. Who better than the Captain? Somebody needed to remain strong enough to steer River, to guide her away from the worst of it and lead her back. It had not escaped his notice that River was speaking in the third person and this reference to causing other deaths had been the first time she referred to herself as such. 

"River?" He spoke again. "What about the training?" 

She shuddered, a physical break between themes. A breath screamed into her lungs and River let it gather all the blackness before releasing it out into the air. 

"They couldn't get any more answers. So they used what they had. Weapons training. War strategies. Psychology. Martial Arts. Resistance. Bond and break. Not only to kill, but to infiltrate and destroy. You do it, because there is no you, there is only the team and if one fails then all pay the price." 

"Nearly there." Mal wondered if that would ever be true. "What's Adam's Rib?" 

River looked down, unable to look up at anyone anymore. A sadness washed over her and she reached out, fingers curling into empty air as she tried to touch what her brain remembered. 

She shrugged and clamped her mouth tight. 

"River?" Pushed Simon. "It's okay." 

River felt a bitter explosion inside her, felt it try and bubble to the surface so that it would spill over and drown everyone in the room. Colors oscillated behind her eyes and she had to strain to keep her breathing steady. She wanted to ask Simon exactly what part of it was okay, but was afraid of the words that would really come out. They didn't know. No matter how many words she said, they wouldn't understand. They could never understand. 

"I'm tired." She pushed herself from the console, from Simon, and landed on the bridge next to Zoe. Kaylee tried to smile at her and she tried to smile back. "I'm going to bed. Rug up warm, you'll need it." 

River walked calmly out of the room without looking back. 

Silence hung over the group for several minutes, each one trying to digest what had been said. Inara moved to the bridge and spoke. 

"Kaylee? Did you make those adjustments I suggested before you and Wash left the house this morning?" She waited for Kaylee's confused nod. "Then listen closely..." 

* * *

He sat in his quarters, unable to concentrate on anything productive. There was a great deal of self pity and disappointment floating through him and he knew the indulgence of it, but could not help it. 

"I know." 

Book looked up to see River standing in the doorway. He wanted to apologize, wanted to say something to make his failure acceptable. He said nothing, was not capable of forming the right words. 

"I know." She said again. 

And was gone. ***


	5. Bridges Burned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get a little frosty, relations are mended, and mistakes are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments: 1)To avoid confusion, I'll clear it up now: River's dream is written in the present tense, but it is a memory, not happening in the timeline of the fic itself. 
> 
> 2) Imagine my delight when an interview with Joss regarding the upcoming movie had him stating that, even if it wasn't delved into specifically, fans could now accept as canon the fact that Book once took orders from evil, evil men. Hence the advancement of his role in this story. 
> 
> * * *

***

Zoe paced the ship, unable to sleep. She kept telling herself it wasn't because of the stories River had almost been telling. The pictures that the disembodied words had bought forth. She wondered if Mal or Simon or Kaylee had gotten the same images or had processed the words into their own meanings. 

She clutched her elbows tighter, shivering. It had gotten noticeably colder too fast to make any form of sense. Her memory flashed at her, not too quickly, she saw all the small indications that they had ignored the day before. A shiver here, River's breath on the window there. 

A moon, she remembered, is drained of all heat the minute the sunlight disappears, unable to retain any of it. Not that the sun had given them much heat at all, merely a relief from cold. It still didn't explain why the ship had lost heat. 

* * *

Book had tried to sleep, but hadn't come anywhere near an approximation of it. He decided to see if anyone else was awake. It was when he tried to sit up, for the first time in a matter of hours, that he noticed the stiffness of his joints, the reluctance of his body to move. 

The fact that he had not noticed the cold did not surprise him. It reminded him of a parable from Earth that Was. That if you put a frog in a pot of boiling water it will jump right out, but if you place it in a pot of warm water it will stay still, content to remain while the water is slowly heated until the frog has let itself be boiled. 

The lesson remained true, he supposed, but he was a might unsure of why exactly they didn't just put a lid on the pot. 

* * *

He turned, twisting further into the sheets that clung to him. It made him scramble at them, tore them away and the air that covered him gave him chills. With a sigh, he gave up hope of every getting a peaceful sleep that night. He refused to accept that it was anything other than the cold that kept him awake. 

_Their cries will ring in your ears, not mine._

Mal's fingers refused to work properly. He swore as he tried, again and again, to open his hatch. He was thick and sluggish, but most of all he was cold. The chills had inched through his skin all the way to the bones and he didn't know whether he could ever stop shaking. 

Serenity creaked at him when he finally succeeded and it made him nervous. The corridor was empty and dark as he began to make his way to the engine room. He had more than a sneaking suspicion as to what that missing piece did in the engines. 

Voices broke into his mind as he neared the kitchen. Zoe and Book huddled in blankets, the kettle boiling away, Mal's throat tightened at the thought of hot tea. Well, it wasn't like he could do much with the great hulking machine in this condition. 

"Don't mind if I do." 

* * *

If Simon had learned anything as a trauma surgeon, it was how to sleep when there was time to do it, even when he wasn't tired, when he was still buzzing from a twelve hour successful operation. Or when he couldn't stop hearing his sister's words. Even in sleep his brain was deftly able to distinguish between the normal, everyday bustle and the urgent currents that mean he's needed. 

He could not tell what woke him up this time. The first thing he became aware of was the stifling heat of all the blankets piled on top of him. Second, was the familiar scratching of pencils on paper on the floor next to his bed. 

"River?" 

His voice was thick with sleep and confusion, something that solved itself the second he pushed the blankets away. The air that snaked over him made him gasp, it was that cold. He immediately pulled the top blanket back over his shoulders as he propped himself up on one arm. 

"Not sleeping. Can't make me." Her stubborn voice insisted. "Not tonight." 

He rolled and looked over the edge of the bed. She sat propped up on one arm on the floor and, in Simon's estimation, was wearing every single item of clothing she owned, layered thick and clumsily over each other. On the paper in front of her, she was carefully and methodically drawing sets of matrioshka dolls. 

Something about their faces made him uneasy. 

"So, did you put all the blankets on the ship on my bed, or just half?" 

She shrugged. 

"Thermoregulation. I told you to rug up." 

Simon watched as she took a deliberate breath, letting it out in one long stream. He was surprised to notice the air mist in front of her face, the carbon dioxide heavier and warmer than the oxygen around her. 

"Doc?" Mal's voice crackled through the com. "If you're awake, might as well meet us in the kitchen." 

* * *

Jayne stretched his mouth out in a huge yawn, letting the oxygen flood his lungs and wake him up as he made his way into the kitchen. 

"What's up, Mal?" They stared at him. "What?" 

Simon gestured to the shirt and pants he'd been sleeping in. 

"Aren't you cold?" 

It took him a moment to register the five people in front of him, all huddled in blankets and shivering, all nursing steaming mugs. Mal, Book, Zoe, Simon and River. 

"Yeah. I put shoes on, didn't I?" He shrugged. "Why's it so cold, anyway?" 

Mal nodded to the metal part on the table. 

"We lost heat." 

"I told you." River sounded like she was scolding a naughty child as she reached out, she stopped just short of touching it. "Landing strained it. Heated into itself. Didn't want to snap, so it buckled." 

"You seem to know a lot." Mal turned to her. "You know how to fix it?" 

"She knows." River shrugged casually, but watched him out of the corner of her eye. 

"Well she ain't here." Mal sighed. "Can't you just...?" 

Simon watched Mal gesture at his head and wave his fingers a little. Irritation and a surge of protectiveness hit him hard and he glared. 

"It's not a parlor trick, Captain." 

He felt River's hand on his arm, but she when she spoke it was to Mal. 

"She's not here." She pointed out, using Mal's words against him. "Not thinking about it. Can't feel through distance." 

"So, we're stuck like this 'til Kaylee gets back?" Jayne saw the various nods as he clutched his hands under his arm pits, he was beginning to feel the cold now. "Where's Inara?" 

"I called her com, but she didn't answer." Mal shrugged as he bought his mug to his lips. "She's probably still asleep, all warm in her shuttle." 

It took about five seconds of them staring at him before Mal clicked. 

"Her shuttle! We can sleep in the shuttles 'til the heat's back on." He quickly pointed to each member of the crew. "Zoe, River, you can bunk with Inara. Book, Simon and Jayne with me in shuttle two." 

"You sleep wherever you want, Mal," Jayne smirked and River smiled with him. "but I'm goin' with the girls." 

"What is wrong with you?" Simon sighed. "Is it genetic?" 

Mal gave a small smile that was too annoyed to become larger. 

"Jayne? You'll sleep in shuttle two or off the ship altogether." 

"Third option wins." They looked at River. "All in one." 

"Girl's right." Jayne said. "Kaylee circumnavigated the grav seals when she fixed the shuttle so the sealants would have time to dry. It's running on Serenity's air. Even if we fix it now, it'd take hours to generate any heat worth feelin'." 

* * *

Inara heard the knock and moved to cover herself before she answered it. A wave of iced air hit her when she opened the door and found herself confronted by a rather rugged up and shivering crew. 

"Hey Inara." Jayne smirked from the back of the group. "Mal says we all get to sleep with ya tonight." 

She raised her eyebrows. 

"Does he, really?" 

* * *

_She wakes up walking down the corridor, but it's not her. She's never been here before, doesn't ever want to know where it is. River looks down and sees bare feet peeking out of standard issue white pajamas. The toes are large and hairy. It makes her relax._

_She knows who she is now._

_The walls are pristine white, as is everything within eyesight, even their clothes. She imagines that they'll disappear, nothing visible but the brown of their skin. Feet, hands, neck and face floating disjointed in world of white. She hears the echoing laughter in his thoughts. He's always loved the literal in her abstractions._

_She wants to know why he's bringing her along, wishes she was actually walking next to him so she can hold his hand. He wants it too. It makes her warm. Out of all of them, he alone has mastered it, has schooled himself to block it out. He doesn't let anyone in if he doesn't want to and he only ever seems to want to with her._

_The he that is they ignore all the doors with large security pads and screens, the dressing and disguises, they focus on a neglected door that most people wouldn't bother looking at. Then again, most people wouldn't be here. Their hand reaches out and pushes it open._

_River waits for his eyes to adjust to the light and gasps at what they see. He wants her to be strong, he wants her to carry this sight, because he suspects what's coming and he doesn't blame her. Never her._

_They reach out and touch it, both wishing that it didn't exist, both wanting it so badly it hurts. How he knows it's there, he'll never let her know, hiding it in one of the few areas of his brain she hasn't swept through._

_They use Jonah more than they use her. His secrets are interesting. They don't know it yet, but her talents are stronger than his. She just hasn't learned to control it. He's older, larger and infinitely more coherent than she is. They like that he's male and eagerly push him into the leadership role, which he assumes quietly and capably. What they don't know is his silent shielding of her, the way he makes them a team within a team. They lead together._

_Sometimes River thinks they're scared of her._

_She feels him agree as they step outside the room and he tells her its name as they cry together. Not really together. It's against the rules._

* * *

Jayne woke up at the sound of her voice. A quick look around the shuttle told him that everyone else was sleeping. He edged himself forward in the chair as he looked at her, creaking the aches out of his neck. He cast a baleful glance at the other women on the bed. Gorram chair just wasn't comfortable. River was coloring her damned pictures again and Jayne had to wonder if the girl knew she was crying as he watched her frantic movements. 

"You alright?" He approached her carefully. 

"Adam." 

She said it to the paper on the table and he realized that it was what she'd been saying before. He looked at the drawings and furrowed his brow. 

"Hey, somethin' wrong with those faces." 

River's hand stilled finally, creating a silence that made him all kinds of nervous. She looked straight into his eyes and he wished she hadn't, because he can take her misery when she ain't all there, but when she's all sane it means she knows what's happening. It made Jayne ache in a way he didn't like. Her voice hurt his ears, it was that sad. 

"Adam." 

* * *

Wash bucked up the minute they entered the examination room. Kaylee watched in fascinated horror as orderlies appeared out of nowhere and took his arms, holding him forcibly still. His face was red with fury as he struggled against them. 

"Katie?" He called out to her, strangled and close to tears. "Don't let them do this." 

Kaylee knew it was an act, her brain kept reminding her that Wash was playing a part. They had talked about this, had spent a long time that morning going over it. Yet she couldn't stop trembling. His act was a little too convincing and she wanted to stop the whole thing. 

She felt Dr. William's hand at the small of her back, offering her comfort. It wasn't working. She knew she should thank him, give him some sign that his gesture was appreciated, but she could not take her eyes off Wash. 

All she could think as she watched them pull a hypo out of thin air and subdue him was that it was a good thing that Zoe wasn't there, nor could she read minds and pull this image from her thoughts. It hit her then, the realization of just how bad this could get and how many things she would share with Wash that neither would relate to the whole ship. It scared her a little bit. 

A lot, really. 

"It's okay." The doctor spoke softly as Wash was lifted onto the exam table. "They'll just get him settled. You can visit him tomorrow." 

* * *

River picked up the wedge of tomato that was on her plate. She held it in between two fingers of her left hand. The fingernails of her right hand carefully separated the skin from the flesh, peeling it off as her eyes scrutinized the result, taking in the tiny fibers that clung to each other and then tore. She could imagine the screams. 

If fruit screamed. 

"Colors, huh?" Mal sat opposite her at the table. "What about Jayne?" 

"Red." She bought her wet fingers up to her mouth and licked the juice off them. "Action. Heat. About the now. Food. Fight. Sex. More food. More sex." 

Mal hid a smile. 

"And me?" 

"Brown of course." She rolled her eyes. "Like earth. Grounding. Loyal. Hold it together. Hold it up. Without you, we drift." 

"And Kaylee?" He teased, trying to ignore the pleased feeling her words gave him. 

"Kaylee's green." She closed her eyes, a smile drifting on her face. "Nature and accepting. Fresh." 

At the sound of footsteps, Mal turned to see Inara step into the kitchen and head for the much overused kettle. He could see the goose bumps on her bare arms and wished she had the sense to at least borrow a coat if all her robes were this flimsy. River was already looking at him, still smiling, and answered before he could even ask. 

"Gold. Precious. Immeasurably strong, but oh so malleable." 

* * *

Dr. Williams sat at his desk when his secretary buzzed his next appointment through. The man strode into his practice, radiating a confidence the doctor rarely saw in this clinic or the hospital. 

"So?" He asked without bothering to make small talk. "What did you find?" 

"Their story checks out." Was the answer. "Married couple traveling. They're not staying long. The house they've rented only has a one month lease." 

"The house they've rented?" He put the emphasis on the third word. 

"Through a third party. I'm tracing it as we speak." 

"Where is she now?" 

"She has a temporary job, that's how she's paying for the house." 

"Interesting." The doctor pressed his fingers into a steeple in front of him. "It takes a really cold woman to lock up her husband and then just trip off to work that afternoon." 

"She cried all the way home." The man gave a sneer. "Does that make you happier?" 

As a matter of fact, in a perverse way, it did. He thought about the trembling woman in the hospital only a few hours before and was surprised to find himself relieved. One thing he really didn't want to do was investigate this need in him for her to be honest, to prove that she wasn't lying. Especially to him. It was a dangerous road and he'd traveled it before. But her eyes... No not this time, not again. The litany rang in his head. 

"Good." He managed to say. "Find out who hired their house and anything else, no matter how insignificant." 

He pushed some buttons on a small keypad on his desk. The man in front of him smiled. 

"There. The credits have been transferred to your account." 

* * *

She felt eyes on her when she worked. Kaylee caressed the wheel of a mule, whispered to it as she sat up. It was a thousand times more powerful and land worthy than the charred carcass they were hauling on Serenity, but it wasn't nearly as precious. Not to her. It still deserved attention, though, someone to tend the small nicks and dents. No one likes neglect. 

Her eyes scanned the yard as discreetly as she could manage as she stretched out in an exaggerated yawn. 

"Hey." She spoke without turning around. "You might as well come out. I can see you." 

A small gasp and then the two eyes formed a face that peeked out at her from a cruiser nearby. She smiled at the tiny little person who inched forward, nervous. 

"I'm Kay..." She swallowed and held out her hand. "I'm Katie. And you are?" 

"Jessie." The girl managed with barely a whisper. She couldn't be any more than ten, Kaylee thought. "George Webber's daughter." 

"Well, guess you know your way around then." She gestured to the nearby box. "Why don't you grab a wrench and make yourself useful?" 

The girl's eyes widened and Kaylee felt herself smile again. She saw the hesitation, but also saw the tingle of excitement. It reminded her of herself when she was young. 

"I can't do what you do." Jessie said. "My daddy says you're magic with these machines." 

"He does, does he?" Kaylee lay back down and inched herself back under the engine, letting the girl decide for herself if she wanted to help. "Well, it ain't nothing. Not really. You get a feel for it." 

"Is that what it is?" Came a deeper voice and Kaylee felt a shudder at the sound. "I was going to ask you what your secret was." 

She scrambled back out again and saw her new boss standing behind his daughter, a hand on her shoulder. He was smiling at Kaylee, a perfectly friendly look on his face. But Kaylee had seen the sudden dismay that had come over the girl before she smoothed her face and the tightness that stayed there. 

"That." She said. "And a bit of knowledge and practice." 

"I'm surprised." He continued smiling. "Jessica doesn't talk to many people by herself." 

"Really?" Kaylee's eyes flickered from father to daughter and back again. "It's okay, though, right? She's allowed to help me?" 

"Oh." Now George grinned and it sent a shiver down Kaylee's spine. "I wouldn't have it any other way." 

* * *

Inara smiled softly as her hands lifted the kettle and poured the steaming water into the pot, every move calculated. She could feel his eyes on her. They both knew this was an act, a ritual, but formalities must be seen to. Simple acts that created auras of safety and comfort and boundaries. She made the performance pleasing to watch and, in return, Dr. Williams was pleased. 

She wasn't going to push the conversation towards his work this afternoon, not unless he did. It would not be prudent to seem too eager and she had let him know the day before that she was a willing listener to the petty troubles of his day. 

An inner sense born of training and experience told her when the specially blended herbs had steeped enough and the tea was as good as it was going to get. Gently, she poured it into two delicate porcelain cups, creating just the right atmosphere of tinkling liquid. She picked one up, balancing it on the pads of her fingertips, and offered it to him. 

The time it took for him to lean forward and accept it was almost insulting. Almost. In any other situation, Inara would have had to stifle her annoyance, but her energies were spent trying not to pounce on the opportunity he had just given her as a frown crinkled his brows. 

"I'm sorry." She lowered her eyes. "It's been too long since I've been able to restock properly and this is all I have to offer. I really am embarrassed." 

"No. Not at all." Dr. Williams forced a smile and took a deliberate sip. "It's wonderful, really, just perfect." 

Of course it's perfect, she thought, it better be perfect for the price paid for it. She knew there was nothing wrong with her tea, the quality of it nor the quality of its brewing. 

"You're just saying that to be kind." Blushing on cue is a rare talent. "Thank you for that." 

"It's I who should apologize." He pressed a hand onto her knee. "Everything here is lovely and I'm spoiling it. I just had a tiring morning." 

"Really?" Inara used her own cup to hide the curl of her lips. "Would you like to talk about it?" 

* * *

There were very few stores in Bellaphron. Hell, there was very few anything. Just the basics: food supplies, ship repairs, medicines. A tavern. All minimal, just the essentials and no extras. This was a moon for quick stops, nothing else. 

Mal shuffled up to the man behind the counter, he felt Zoe behind him. His eyes scanned the paper in his hands and his mouth tried to round out the words, eventually he thrust the paper at the man. 

"We need these." 

If the list that Simon had sent with them was anything different to the usual requests, the man didn't show it. Not that there was anything suspicious about the supplies they were getting here, standard antibiotics, vitamin boosters, immunization, some bandages. 

Enough sedatives to drop a whole planet. 

"You're from the firefly?" Mal nodded. "Not many people stay longer than they need to here. You're a bit of a novelty. Although I take it you're not all used to a moon?" 

He eyed the heavy clothing Mal and Zoe wore. 

"Our thermo's out." Mal said. "It'll take a day or so to fix." 

The man gave a sympathetic cringe as he bundled up their order. 

"You need a mechanic? I'm it. Can't say we have many firefly compatible parts, though." 

"You're the mechanic?" Asked Zoe. "I thought you were the doctor." 

"That too." He said with a laugh. "We're all interchangeable here. Not a lot of us to go around." 

"We're right." Mal told him as he counted out the coins. "Got a mechanic and all the parts. But thanks." 

* * *

The triplex was a bustling hive of energy, fresh faced people and families swarming every which way. Kaylee watched them all go about their business of shopping or entertainment. In her hands she carried a basket with a small assortment of items bought mostly at random. 

She had followed Inara's instructions to the letter, had walked around the shops, picked up some food supplies, nothing in stores that had long lines. Keep moving, Inara had told her, don't stay in one place too long, but don't look as if you're trying to hide anything. Just get lost in the crowds and don't draw attention. 

Truth be told, Kaylee was finding the whole thing a bit daunting. It was a little too crowded, a little too loud for her. There was too much to keep track of, things drifted in and out of her sight, snippets of conversation invaded her ears before being lost again. The day had made her edgy enough as it was, without being able to get her grounding properly. 

She remembered the jolt of fear that the sudden sound of George Webber's voice gave her, the escalation of her pulse. It bought back memories she really didn't want and Kaylee tried to reassure herself that there was over a week and several planets between her and Early's hopefully dead and rotting body. 

When she passed a doorway and a hand grabbed her waist, another grabbing her arm and pulling her into darkness, Kaylee felt her heart freeze. She dug in her heels and tried to resist as she felt the scream rise on her lips. 

"Shh, Mei Mei." Came a soft voice in her ear. "It's me." 

"Inara!" She breathed in reproach. "Don't do that." 

* * *

The drugs made him slow. They changed everything, the way he saw things, heard them, even thought them. He blinked and tried to remember how he got there. The room was full of people he didn't know. 

"You new here?" He thought he heard someone say. 

By the time he nodded, the person was gone. 

He knew who he was supposed to be, knew what his mind kept telling him. Steven Hoffman. He had a wife who was waiting for him, counting on him to get well. His Katie. Something was wrong with it. Something didn't quite gel about his life, but he couldn't remember anything else. 

"You haven't moved for an hour, man, you okay?" 

He let his glazed eyes slide over to see a man in a white uniform standing next to him. A slow nod came again and he shuffled away, scared of the man, of the place he was in. 

* * *

She oozed into the shuttle, let the familiarity of it seep into her pores. Kaylee didn't much like the idea of core planets anymore. Her hands touched on surfaces she'd know anywhere, the metal of the mini ship, her eyes lingered over the controls she could see in the far corner. 

"I'm sorry, Kaylee." Inara spoke once they were both inside and the door was closed. "I didn't mean to scare you. We just had to be sure you weren't followed." 

"Nah." She brushed over it. "I was just spooked is all. How long 'til we get there?" 

Inara let herself smile over the eagerness. 

"Not long, especially if you drive, two hours maybe less." She hated giving control of her shuttle to anyone, but Inara could see the sudden ease that slipped over Kaylee at the suggestion. It may be my shuttle, she thought, but it's still part of Kaylee's baby. "I think you'll be pleasantly surprised when we get there. River seems so much better today." 

This was something Kaylee had already suspected, she knew that Inara wouldn't have hesitated to tell her if anything was really wrong. Her eyes finished scanning the edges of the room and fell to the table in the middle. 

"Inara?" She asked, her brows squinching in suspicion. "Why do you have a shiny, brand new temp regulator sitting next to a burnt out broken one?" 

"Funny story." Inara said, taking Kaylee by the shoulders and leading her to the controls. "Apparently the landing was a pretty bumpy one..." 

Kaylee whimpered. 

* * *

He was cleaning his knives at the table when Mal found him. Jayne had been avoiding him all day, he knew something was on the Captain's mind and he had a fairly good idea as to what it was. Not that sitting in plain view in the middle of the kitchen area could be considered avoidance anymore, so much as finally giving in and letting Mal get it out of his system. 

"Jayne." A one word acknowledgement. 

"Mal." A one word answer. 

"I'll cut to the chase." Mal sat down. "Is there gonna be a problem?" 

"You don't need to worry." Jayne turned the blade over and eyed the metal for any mark or sign of misuse. 

"I am worried, though." 

"I heard ya, Mal, you said not now." Jayne carefully laid the knife down, nestled it into the others, then looked up to meet Mal's eyes. "Which means maybe later. Knowin' you, it means ya already plannin' something." 

"Maybe. Maybe not. But I'm giving you a choice." To Jayne, Mal's voice didn't sound like it was much of a choice at all. "When we leave this rock you can stay here if you want an' no words said about it. But you choose to stay on this ship, then you're no longer a hired gun and nothing more. You're crew and everyone on board is your crew. Tight as a family. Dong ma?" 

Jayne nodded, but didn't speak. 

"I don't need to be worryin' about anyone ratting this ship out to the feds or other, no matter how much money is offered." 

He thought about River that morning, the way she'd looked at him, the way she'd talked so matter of factly the night before about things that no one should have to go through. He thought about Simon, the grudging respect he'd earned lately. About the rest of the people on board he already reckoned as crew. No, Jayne silently agreed with himself, it wasn't much of a choice at all. 

"I said ya don't have to worry, Mal." 

* * *

"You're scared." River said lightly to the empty room as she snuggled under blankets. "Don't be, I won't bite." 

"I'm not scared." 

The second before she looked up to see Simon standing in the doorway to her room, River felt a sudden, cruel and unreasonable hope. He'd sounded so much like the old Simon, the brother that no longer was. Younger then than she was now. All bravado, trying to prove his emerging maleness to a sister who'd just made him scream. 

Back when love was simple and each other and not tinged with sacrifice and screams and pride and fruitless trying. Stupid, really. All things gone. That was now and this is then and even that wasn't quite right. She sat up and shivered in the cold air. 

"You're always scared, Simon." She blinked, tried to find the little boy in the man with words uttered long ago. "Little boy in big men's clothes." 

It took an instant for her words to cut through the tangles of his thoughts. The gibe had all but been lost in his memories of her. A nervous smile teased his lips as he welcomed the sparkle that lit up her eyes. His chest puffed out and he drew himself up to his full height. 

"I'm bigger than you." It was all too easy to fall back into the role. 

"That's only anatomy." She stood up, poked a thin finger into the sides of his ribs and giggled as he had to release the air from his lungs. "Air and smoke and mirrors." 

"You'll pay for that." 

The sudden look in Simon's eyes told her exactly what he meant by that and she didn't even need to scan him to feel the relief washing over him, the fun taking over. He was about to ask a question he'd forgotten since she went away, the very question she'd been both waiting for and dreading on board the ship. All these months. 

"Simon." She warned, a hand up to ward him off, but he just grinned at her wide, wide eyes. 

"Are you still ticklish, River?" 

"No." She told him as she shook her head, but her stance was already set to run and she couldn't stop the grin. "Never have been." 

"Liar!" He accused and reached out for the sensitive skin of her waist. "You always were." 

"Was not!" 

She squealed a giggle as he made contact and twisted out of his reach, her feet carrying her out of the room, flushed and happy. Simon stood still for a second, letting it sink in, enjoying the moment, then he ran after her. 

He saw her leaning against the stairs leading up from the common room. As their eyes met, she took off again. There was no doubt in his mind that she could outrun him in seconds and stay hidden for hours on the ship if that was what she wanted. But it wasn't. She wanted to be caught. 

"Were too!" He called, his hand slapping on the wall for balance as he turned a corner. "Still are!" 

"Am not!" 

Her voice came from the dining area and he stopped short when he saw Mal and Jayne sitting there staring at him. He knew his face was red and at that moment he just didn't care. 

"River run through here?" 

"Not a one, nor ponds or lakes." Mal spoke seriously, but there was humor in his eyes. "Or natural water sources of any kind." 

"We got a tap of tank water if ya want." Was Jayne's helpful suggestion. 

"Thanks." 

Simon kept on walking through. He knew she hadn't gone back the way he'd came, so that left the bunks and the bridge. A sudden screeching of wood on the floor made him turn. A flash of color jumped up from behind the couches and ran back out to the stairs. 

"Was she here the whole time, Jayne?" Mal said with large, innocent eyes. 

"Musta been, Mal." Replied Jayne with the same wide eyes. 

Simon spared them a glare as he ran after her. 

"I'll get you, you know." 

He took the stairs at a slide, his hands gliding down the rails. It was an act, River had tried to explain to him once, that she would never, could never do. She didn't like to ignore the stairs themselves, they did such a good job holding her up. That suited him just fine, it gave him time to catch up. 

"Will not!" 

She had just reached the infirmary when he caught her, hand out to grab around her waist and pulling her towards the couches. She twisted, doubling over in giggles, hair flying out around them. 

"Just did!" 

River squealed again, bathed herself in his forgotten youth. This was her brother. Simon. Gleeful in a way they taught him not to be. They laughed before. They could laugh again. River couldn't stop herself from bubbling up, laughter pouring out like milk. They could never go back, too many glass shards to cover, but now they could go forward. 

Simon felt himself laughing, struggling to get to her ticklish sides as she pushed back at him, each knowing from memory where the other's most sensitive spots were. He felt her go still suddenly, limp and bringing her arms in close to her body. Her eyes shone when she looked up at him, more so than they had moments before. 

"Kaylee." She whispered, panting with the effort of laughter. 

He was left leaning over an empty sofa as she slipped out of his grasp and ran towards the incoming shuttle. 

* * *

Kaylee let her eyes slide over the shape of Serenity as they approached. Many times she had found herself missing her folks, but this she knew was real homesickness. The little knot of tension that had formed in her belly two days ago began to loosen as Zoe's voice confirmed their landing. 

"I bought a cake, Inara." She eased the shuttle into its port, ears already pricked for the hissing of the landing, the shifting of gears. "A real one. You gonna join us?" 

"Oh, I don't think so, Kaylee." She looked up in surprise at the weary sigh of Inara's voice. "Not right now. You'll save me some, though, won't you?" 

"Course I will." She frowned slightly and turned away from the controls. "You okay?" 

Now that she was actually looking at Inara, Kaylee felt a jolt of concern. The woman looked tired and worn down and this alone made her nervous. Years of strict training ensured that Inara rarely, if ever, let any signs of weakness through, not even with Serenity's crew. She kept a strict regime of appearing serene and in control. 

"I'm okay, Mei Mei." Inara smiled in reassurance. "I just have a lot of things that need to be done before everyone wants to sleep tonight." 

The concern turned into a sudden rush of guilt. The whole trip Kaylee had been thinking about herself and Wash, River, the absolute distance between Orpheus and Serenity, Mal and Simon. She hadn't thought about the impact it was having on Inara. 

There were rituals she knew Inara liked to adhere to before and after clients. If her calculations were correct, Inara wouldn't have had any time for them between her afternoon client, shopping for engine parts, chasing her out of a triplex and flying back to the ship. 

Kaylee linked it with Inara's description of the night before and the morning that followed, everyone invading her shuttle and bunking down, not to mention the time needed to prepare it, once more, for the day and then having to fly out. 

"Least ways they've warmed up shuttle two by now." Kaylee tried to cheer her up. "So you won't have half as many people in here tonight. And I'll have Serenity all toasty by tomorrow." 

Inara smiled gently. If anything was going to bring her out of the dark mood she'd been nursing it would be Kaylee's never ending eagerness to find good in a situation. It didn't stop the demands on her time, though. The cleansing rituals she performed, on her shuttle and on herself, were something she considered a strict necessity. Especially now. They made a clean separation from work and, she tried not to call it home, she tried very hard, her life outside of work. 

"And tomorrow." She reached up and ran her fingers through Kaylee's thick brown hair, pushing it behind her ears. "It begins again. I have to get you back early in the morning." 

Kaylee gave a stubborn little frown. 

"Don't let the Captain push you around, Inara, why don't you say no a few times?" 

A knock sounded outside the door, light and rapid. Inara watched Kaylee's eyes spark up and her whole body turn to the sound. 

"Now," She asked with a real smile. "how could I say no?" 

* * *

Simon watched them from the door to the cargo bay. He saw River bounce lightly on her toes, just outside the shuttle, hands behind her back as she waited for Kaylee to put her parcels down. 

Kaylee's hands traveled over River's head, over her shoulders and down her arms. The doctor in him recognized the touches, barely a palpation but almost there, the need to feel to really diagnose or dismiss. The brother in him knew the questions that slipped from Kaylee's lips and the nods that River gave. 

He hesitated to disturb them as Kaylee's hand closed on the back of River's neck and their foreheads touched. Hands still clasped behind her back, Simon saw River's fingers twitch happily. He almost wished he was close enough to hear what they were saying. 

"Kaylee!" Mal's voice sounded above him and Simon straightened his back. "You're worse than Inara. Ain't you got sense to wear a jacket in this cold?" 

He stepped into the bay, slowly making his way up the stairs to greet them with Mal. He couldn't call it guilt, per se, as much as embarrassment tinged with a little bit of professional disappointment when he saw the blanket in Mal's hands. Simon realized he had noticed Kaylee recoil in shock when she had first stepped into the frozen air. 

And had done nothing. 

"Hey Captain." Kaylee's voice was louder now and Simon relaxed when she turned to him and her smile remained. "Hey Simon." 

"Welcome back." Mal placed the blanket around Kaylee and his hands patted her shoulders lightly before he turned back to the shuttle. "Where's Inara?" 

Her hand reached out and held his arm. 

"Don't." She said, giving him a fierce look. "Just leave her be for now, okay?" 

Everybody paused for an awkward moment. 

"Flour and eggs, Kaylee." River prompted. 

"That's right!" She clapped her hands together and the tension eased. "I bought cake. But, first, lead me to the engine." 

Mal picked up the basket, swerving away from Kaylee's slap as he tried to peek inside, Kaylee nestled the engine parts against her as they began to walk. River fell into step behind them, Simon shrugged and took his place beside her and they smiled at each other out of the corners of their eyes. 

"How's Wash?" 

Kaylee's voice dropped low and Simon couldn't hear how she answered Mal's question as they trooped through towards the engine room. That very fact told him how upset she was. She was always quieter when she was afraid or sad, as if it were only acceptable to share herself with the whole room if she was happy. It occurred to him, then, that was probably the exact reason why she did it. He turned to see River watching him and he stumbled on a step. 

"It's not as bad as you think." 

River's words ran through him as they all reached the engine and Simon wondered if she was talking to him, to Mal who looked worried, or to Kaylee who had just gasped as her eyes fell on the disarray waiting for her. 

"Captain!" She glared. "I leave you my girls and this is how you take care of them?" 

"Hey look!" Mal lifted up the basket to show them all. "I have things to put away." 

"You leave enough for Inara!" Kaylee called after him as he fled, then paused. "And me!" 

The three of them looked at each other for an awkward moment. Kaylee picked at a loose strand on the blanket and scratched at the back of her neck. River just looked at him with her eyebrows raised and waited. Simon smiled. 

"I better go make sure they don't eat it all." He leaned in close to his sister, kissed her on the cheek and, even though he knew he didn't need to, he whispered in her ear anyway. "Kaylee's ticklish, too." 

* * *

"But Ma-al!" 

"I said no, Jayne." Mal crossed his arms and glared. "Not until she's finished with that engine." 

"That ain't fair." Jayne pouted and eyed the cake sitting in the middle of the table. Zoe chuckled at him. "You know how she gets with that machine, could be hours yet." 

"Then you wait hours." Mal insisted, slapping Jayne's hand away from it. "She bought it with her very own money and I'll be damned if we rob her out of sharing it with us." 

"It's chocolate." He wheedled as he pointed at the cake. Jayne kept his eyes focused on Mal, then realized he wasn't going to get away with that argument. "Hell, she's makin' extra money out on this deal. She can buy herself another one." 

"No she ain't, Jayne." Mal cut off that reasoning quickly. He knew what tensions could arise if the man thought someone was getting a bigger share of the pie. "Any money from that job is payin' for the house. It ain't fancy, but it's big enough to cost more'n what we've got right now. She's got rent and bills and there's not much left to buy food after that. Including food she needs to eat on a daily basis." 

"All that money's being drained into that house?" Jayne asked. 

"Yes." Mal and Zoe repeated together, sounding more bored than irritated. 

"Then who's payin' for the hospital?" Jayne saw the twin looks of confusion on their faces. "I hear they ain't cheap." 

* * *

"So." They were lying under the big, hulking engine. Kaylee polished the blackened area with a cloth, her fingers easily found familiar grooves and lingered on the more scorched areas. "How are you really?" 

"Bruised and broken." Came the voice next to her. "But calm." 

Kaylee wiped her hand down the front of her pant leg, then reached over to lightly touch the bruised face next to her. She saw River wince a little, but neither of them moved away. 

"I'm sorry I wasn't here. I wanted to be." 

"I felt you." River gave a small, dreamy smile. She reached out and took Kaylee's hand, bringing it to her heart. "In here." 

They lay still for a minute and then River placed Kaylee's hand back on the machine. 

"Now fix it before Jayne drags you out by your feet." 

"What?" Kaylee tried to follow the logistics of that one. "Jayne...?" 

Footsteps sounded loud outside the door. 

"Uh... Kaylee?" Came Jayne's voice. "How long ya think you'll be?" 

"Not long." She called as River grinned. "I'll have heat pumping through the atmo soon enough." 

"Heat, yeah." Jayne mumbled. "That's what I'm worried about. The heat. Don't be takin' too long, okay?" 

And then the footsteps hulked away. They both giggled. 

"What was all that about?" 

Kaylee blew lightly on the metal and watched as the silver of it shined through. Anticipation of sliding in the new part and making her ship run smoothly again made her warm. 

"No supper 'til the table's full." River intoned. "Mal says." 

Kaylee's giggles turned to laughter. 

* * *

He sat in his office, poring over the day's files before completing his night rounds. A quick entering of his security code and the screen flooded with the Hoffman chart. Sedatives given throughout the day, tests run, blood work, food intake, emotional state, all the data entered by the day staff. He preferred having the afternoons free and working late into the night, it allowed him to fully process a patient's treatment during the day. 

Something in the file caught his eye and Dr. Williams scanned it more thoroughly, jaw quietly working against itself and eyes suddenly alert as he considered his options. 

The com at his desk beeped and he leaned over to press accept. 

"Nothing much to report." There was no preamble to the conversation. "She went shopping before and now it looks like she's asleep." 

"Looks like?" He sat up straight. "What do you mean, looks like? Either she is or she isn't." 

"Well..." The voice hedged. "... surveillance didn't actually see her return to the house." 

"What?" Dr. Williams was immediately on alert. To others, it would seem as if his strict monitoring of these people was little more than a heavy tendency towards paranoia, but the truth remained that these drugs were highly sought after and every now and then managed to flood the black markets with devastating results for the people who actually needed them. Strict laws were in place to control it, including strict monitoring of prescriptions. If he was ever linked to a scandal, he could lose his practice and more. He knew he wasn't the only doctor who hired outside help in these matters. "Then how can you be sure she's there?" 

"The lights went on at 20.16 and have been randomly turning on and off in different rooms since. Too random to be anything else. From all accounts she spent some time in the kitchen, then the living area, then the bathroom and now the bedroom. Appliances were used. The com system was used for thirty eight minutes and then turned off. That sort of thing can't be fabricated. Someone is in that house." 

He sighed. 

"What about the vid link?" Did he have to do all this himself? "What does that show you?" 

A pause. 

"It seems she got a rather large bunch of flowers and put them on the shelf in front of the camera. The card can just be read, someone really likes the way she fixed their machine today." 

"You tell me right now her boss isn't too happy with her work to let her go." 

A small laugh came over the com. 

"Hell no. George Webber ain't the kind of man to send presents. There were a few people at that yard this afternoon who were amazed with what she did for them. It's possible it was just a customer. You know these rich core folks." 

"Any luck on finding her mysterious benefactor?" 

"Not yet, but I'm working on it." 

"Work harder." Dr. Williams double checked the data on his screen with the data in his own personal log. "Your family is depending on you." 

"Don't you dare bring my family into..." 

But he had already cancelled the call. Another buzzing sounded as he connected with a number he knew by heart. 

"Evening." He spoke clearly and kept eyeing the Hoffman chart. "I think we have the perfect candidate for our study." 

* * *

"Ah." Jayne growled his approval. "Now that's what I call food." 

"You call anything food." Zoe smiled. "If it ain't nailed down." 

Laughter rippled around the table, lit by the gas lamp in the middle. The air was still chilled, but they were in such a good mood that nobody much noticed it, or made mention of it if they did. 

"Not so." He replied, running his finger around the edges of his plate and then circling it into the middle. "Sometimes I call 'em weapons." 

He didn't even seem not notice, or care, that everyone watched him in horrified fascination as he ran his tongue appreciatively over the crumb sticky finger. 

"Or trim." 

River looked at Mal. 

"Told you." 

Mal chuckled. 

"You did at that." He leaned back in his chair. "Much appreciated, Kaylee." 

"Yes." Agreed Book. "Thank you." 

"Can't remember when we had a proper cake like that." Zoe's eyes looked off to the distance as if she were really trying to remember. "Especially chocolate cake." 

Kaylee grinned, out of the corner of her eye she saw Simon turn red and look down at the table. She reached out and touched his shoulder. 

"It's a bit late, Dr. Tam," She gave him her best wheedling grin. "but you finally got a replacement. With flour this time." 

He felt himself blush even more scarlet. Simon hadn't realized that anyone remembered that from so long ago, especially considering the events that followed. He really shouldn't have been surprised that, out of all of them, it had been Kaylee who thought it was an issue still needing reparation. 

"Thank you, Kaylee. That was very thoughtful." 

He smiled back at her, accepting the olive branch. Her eyes lit up and her smile got even wider. Across the table, Mal watched the interchange with shrewd eyes and eventually seemed happy with the result. 

"River?" Simon began. "Are you feeling alright? You've barely touched yours." 

River looked up from the intense concentration she had been giving the spoon as she slowly lifted it from her plate. She had probably managed all of two spoonfuls in the time it had taken the rest of them to demolish nearly the entire cake. 

"Slow and steady." Her eyes held his as she bought it up to her mouth. "Too long coming. Not gonna rush it." 

"You better hurry." Jayne mumbled. "Or I'll fight ya for it." 

"Back off Jayne Cobb." She fixed him with a steely glare, arms suddenly pinned to each side of her plate, daring him to move forward, and ignored the low sounds of amusement from everyone else. "Mine. Fourteen presents and a cake. Too long." 

"Okay, okay, I was just kidding." Jayne raised his hands in surrender. "Don't get yer panties in a bunch." 

She returned happily to the slow savoring of her treat. 

"Fourteen?" Echoed Simon. "The last time you had cake was at your party?" 

"Strict dietary regimes." She shrugged at their surprise. "Vitamins. Minerals. Proteins. Keep the body in prime condition. No room for variation." 

"Jayne." Mal said without turning around. "You leave it alone." 

"What?" Jayne replied innocently as his hand slowly retracted from the last, lonely piece in the middle of the table. "I wasn't gonna..." 

"That's for Inara." Kaylee gave him a mock glare, she was in too good a mood to really be mad. "And Zoe's about to take it to her, now, aren't you Zoe?" 

Zoe raised her eyebrows, but didn't say anything. She didn't have to, she knew Mal would step right in. 

"We're all turning in for the night, men in one shuttle, women in the other. You know the drill. Why don't you take it to her?" 

"Well, Captain." Kaylee began, face red. "See, River and I were just gonna, you know, talk for a spell..." 

"Oh?" Mal looked at her and watched her flush deeper. "And would this talkin' be happening in your bunk, would it?" 

"That ain't..." 

"Kaylee." He spoke softly, but they could all hear the Captain in him coming out. "Night's well past fallen. We're all but frozen solid here and those shuttles are the only thing gonna keep us warm 'til the atmo stabilizes. I don't know why we're not there now. This ain't no time to be playing games..." 

"Rules, Mal." River looked him in the eye. "I've been good. No guns. No climbing. You follow, too." 

Everybody looked back and forth between them. Kaylee's grin faltered a little. 

"What are you going on about?" Mal challenged. 

"No interfering." River's eyes didn't waver. "Your words." 

"I do believe she has a point, Captain." Book pointed out. 

"Latin Mal." Simon managed innocently as he could behind his fingers. He shared a grin with River. 

Mal glared at them both, but he knew when he was beat. 

"Fine." He began picking up plates. "You have an hour. Stay rugged up." 

"Girl," Jayne looked over appreciatively. "You gotta teach me how to do that." 

"Me, too." Zoe clattered her plate onto the pile and smiled up at Mal. "Not that I couldn't take you down with a finely crafted pistol if I really wanted, Sir." 

"Hey." Mal pouted. "Less talk of insurrection, people, you're makin' me nervous." 

"What aren't you telling me?" Kaylee looked around the table as River laid a hand on her arm. "What climbing?" 

* * *

A hand sat heavy on her shoulder as she shook her head back and forth. 

"I don't want to." 

"Neither do I." He said, his voice straining not to scare her further. "But sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do." 

"I like her. She's really nice." 

"Please?" He all but begged her. "I'm doing this for us. You know that." 

* * *

Zoe waited until the voices died down and the shuttle around her grew quiet. Inara lay sleeping in the middle of the bed. Now that there was more room, Zoe had claimed one of the couches at the far end, refusing any and all pleas to share the bed one more night. Comfort had to be sacrificed sometimes. 

Kaylee and River had created a little camp on the floor, all blankets and pillows. Zoe looked down at them, sleeping, River on her back and Kaylee next to her, one hand lying possessively over River's waist. They had giggled and whispered together for an inordinately long time until they fell asleep. She almost hadn't minded the wait, keeping so still they thought she was asleep, too. 

Now that she was alone, she opened the curtain to Inara's com deck, conveniently next to her sleeping area. A few quick buttons and the screen came to life. Her eyes scanned the data and her brows narrowed with each word that she read. 

* * *

River slipped out of the shuttle, happy to be in bare feet again. She took a moment to let the air wash over her, the unmistakable flow of Serenity recycling air again. Not that she had a lot of time to do it. 

He was awake. They weren't. Time was now. 

"You're afraid of me." River stayed at the entry to his door. "You don't want to be alone with me." 

"No." Replied Book as he breathed in deep. He'd been expecting her a might sooner than this. "No, I don't." 

"I don't blame you." One foot into the room. His whole being sent out the barrier and she had to push hard to break into it. "You did what was ordered. A good soldier. No questions. Didn't let yourself ask them." 

"I blame me." 

"Stopped their questions, too." River stepped towards him and he didn't move. "Negotiations. You made a price. Saw they got what they deserved." 

He wouldn't meet her eyes. 

"They pushed and you pushed harder. Offered them riches of blue." Her hand came out and laid itself bare over the words of his bible. "They agreed and got paid. Or you took it out of them, forced them to see. They had no choice in the end. Cattle markets." 

"I'm sorry." 

"I don't blame you." She said it again, slowly, trying to make him see. "You never fought my blood." 

Book's eyes flickered up to her then, saw the traces of hurt in her eyes, the wistful tone she had let through. It wasn't what he'd done, he realized, but what he hadn't done that hurt her more right now. He thought of the strength he had seen in her since he'd known her, the strength and determination he'd seen in Simon. The brilliance of them both. 

A sudden surge of resentment hit him, not only for the people who had done this to her, but the people who had stood by and let it happen, including himself. He stood up from his chair and this time was able to meet her eyes. 

"No, I didn't." 

Her lip trembled. 

"They didn't even try." 

Book reached out and took her shoulder, bringing her in and she let herself be hugged. 

* * *

Kaylee sat on the gangway looking over the cargo bay, her legs dangled in mid air. She didn't move when she felt a figure walk up behind her, didn't move when it sat down next to her. Her eyes stared up at the ceiling. 

"It's a long way up, Captain." 

"Yes." Mal agreed and handed her a cup of tea. "She tell you, did she?" 

"Some. I got the rest out of Inara just before." She blew on the steaming liquid and took a tentative sip as her eyes followed the space down to the floor and back up again. "A long way." 

"Gave us all a scare, she did, but nothing happened." 

Kaylee flashed him with a look that suggested she knew exactly what he was trying to do and, at the same time, pretty much told him what he could do with his gorram comfort. 

"But it coulda, Captain. She's not getting any better." She looked down at the cup in her hand. "No matter what I tell myself. I think I'm makin' it worse." 

"Don't you start this now, Kaylee." He waited until she looked up at him. "You made your choice and I'm not letting you back out of this one. Did you not see her last night? Laughing with the rest of us? With Simon? She's a whole lot saner now you're here than when you ain't." 

She let a small smile float over her lips as he reached around her shoulders and drew her in close enough to place a light kiss on the side of her forehead. 

"Now, you make yourself all happy like, okay? She's cooking breakfast with Book. Enough to feed a whole army, if I'm not mistaken. Those two are thick as thieves this morning." 

"We are thieves, Captain." She teased. 

"I keep forgettin' that." He stood up. "Now let's enjoy one last meal before you go, lord knows when you'll be back." 

It wasn't the hopeful thing he'd meant to say, somehow it had sounded more cheery in his head. He watched her frown for a second before shaking it off and accepting the hand he'd just offered to help her up. 

* * *

No one said anything, but all of them felt it. The need to sit together as a group, to eat their meal as one, to spend time with each other. None of them particularly wanted to be alone right now. Laughter rang around the table and if one or two of the different voices sounded strained nobody paid much attention. 

"So, I says, 'that ain't what you use it for'." 

Stifled giggles and shot gun bursts of chuckles erupted around the table. 

"Jayne!" Kaylee's eyes bulged with amusement. "That's nasty." 

"Reckon so," He said. "but Inara won't share her stories. So I gotta share mine." 

"You want to hear dirty stories about my clients?" 

Inara smoothed her face out calmly and Jayne nodded eagerly. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Mal turn to her surprised and felt curious glances from everyone else. 

"Fine. There was this one gentleman, who shall remain nameless," Inara smiled sweetly, keeping her eyes trained on Jayne as she folded her hands together under her chin and leant on them. "who once took me out for a walk in the park." 

Jayne nodded her on and Inara deepened her voice, grinning. 

"He slipped and fell into some mud. It was fairly horrendous. His trousers were all but ruined." 

More laughter. Jayne kept watching her, eye brows furrowed for a minute. 

"Hey..." All of a sudden his face fell and he pouted. "That ain't fair. You're just bein' mean." 

"I don't speak about my clients, Jayne." She smiled sweetly again and her eyes glittered with amusement. "The sooner you learn that the better." 

"Figures." He grumbled. "Only person on this ship getting regular action and she won't share. Somebody else has to have stories." 

"I take offense to that." Zoe broke in. "Wash and I aren't exactly chaste, you realize." 

"Fine." He challenged her. "Tell us all about it, then." 

"I will hurt you one day, Jayne." 

"Passion and skin." River broke in dreamily and they all turned. "Limbs on limbs. The sky comes crashing down. In and around." 

"River?" Simon asked, not really sure if he wanted to. 

"Kaylee moans when you break her." 

Silence as River gave her attention back to her plate. 

Slowly, but surely, movement and sound returned to the table. Mal ignored the comment altogether as he ate. Inara squashed the twist of her lips, trying not to smile. Jayne chuckled to himself and ignored Zoe's elbow in his ribs. Kaylee, red faced, kept her eyes steadily on the table in front of her as if it had just become the most interesting thing in the world. Book asked Simon for the salt and he jumped to comply, both of them looking anywhere but at Kaylee. 

"You asked." River complained. 

* * *

They stood in front of the shuttle and tried to hide their smiles until the door closed. Mal finally let his grin free and he chuckled as they began to walk back up to the bridge. 

"Well, that was... interesting." 

Zoe swatted his shoulder. 

"Poor Kaylee." She smiled. "I thought she was going to choke." 

"Kaylee?" Mal asked. "I figured on the doc having a heart attack myself." 

They looked back and saw Simon trying to convince River to either follow him into the infirmary or their quarters. It didn't look as if that was what she wanted. 

"Ah, young love." Mal's voice was only half sarcastic. "I foresee Kaylee having a lot of fun in the future. Tryin' to keep River quiet about things." 

"There's no secrets with that one, is there?" Zoe didn't even wait for him to reply as her lips twisted. "And from what it sounds like, Kaylee's having a lot of fun now." 

"Hmm." A quick shift of subject and Mal became serious. "Did you check it out?" 

Zoe followed suite and her face became stony. 

"Yes. Most of her appointments are in the afternoon, which we knew. They're with a doctor." 

"A doctor?" Mal looked at her. "As in, say, a doctor who works in a hospital? Inara organized this by herself?" 

"That's not the worst of it, Sir." Zoe met his eyes. "The man has a red mark in the client registry." 

"Wuh duh mah, Zoe." Mal clenched his jaw. "What is she doing? Has she lost all sense?" 

* * *

"Well, you're hard to find, I've been looking for you everywhere." 

Both Kaylee and Jessie looked up from their position under the mule to see George Webber walking towards them. They scrambled out and sat up. Kaylee watched him run a hand down his daughter's cheek before he turned to her. 

"Didn't expect to see you here so early." 

"Well, you said the hours were flexible and I wanted to spend the whole afternoon at the hospital if that's okay..." She trailed off, blushing. "I mean, it is okay, right?" 

"Yes, yes." He smiled at her. "Of course it is. You spend all the time you need with your husband. The way you're going this yard will be empty within a week anyway." 

She shook her head, about to open her mouth and say something, she wasn't sure what. 

"Don't listen to me, I'm interrupting your work." He looked down at Jessie. "I'm glad you two are getting along so well. She doesn't usually like it here, can't stand machines." 

Jessie blushed furiously as her father walked away. 

"Well," Kaylee said as Jessie placed the wrench into her outstretched hand. "I'm glad you changed your mind." 

"You make it fun." The girl said. "And I think you're real nice." 

"Thank you, Sweetie." Kaylee smiled. 

"And you know everything there is to know about ships." 

"I wouldn't say everything..." 

"I bet you fly in a real big one, something new and fast." 

Kaylee laughed low. 

"I wouldn't say that." 

"Really?" Jessie's interest sparked. "What have you flown in?" 

A dangerous question, Kaylee let her eyes flicker over the yard. George was in the office and there was nobody else near by. 

"Jessie? Can you keep a secret?" 

* * *

"I'm sorry to keep you so late." 

"Not at all, not at all." Dr. Williams rushed to put her at ease. "You're the last meeting I have before I break for the afternoon and, to be honest, I really did want to speak with you at length, so this gives us time." 

"Is anything wrong?" Kaylee couldn't help but feel a little apprehensive. "Nothing's wrong, is it?" 

"Oh, no. Things seem to be going according to the book." He placed his hands together on the table and looked at her. "Which is why I felt that Stephen would be perfect to try out a new drug that we're starting testing on." 

"New drug?" She echoed, her mouth going dry. "But what's wrong with the old drugs? They were working fine, he just needs..." 

"Nothing's wrong with the old drugs, Mrs. Hoffman, like you said, they work perfectly. It's just that there are new drugs that might work better." 

"I don't know..." 

"Relax." He smiled. "Stephen is perfect for this trial, actually. Given that he's been off most medication for a while now, not counting the sedatives we gave him yesterday, and he'll be more responsive to the effects." 

"But..." Kaylee didn't know what to do, they hadn't covered this in the plan. "What does it do? This drug?" 

"It's fairly simple. You see, in this kind of long term psychosis, sometimes the brain finds a different way to send messages to itself, a more intricate pathway, if you will, which leaves the initial connections within the brain somewhat neglected. All this drug does is reopen and support the initial patterns of the brain." 

Her breath caught in her throat. 

"You're telling me you can repair broken pathways in the brain?" 

* * *

Dr. Williams guided her out of his office and felt a small tinge of regret. He knew she had seen her husband in worse states than this, but he doubted it got any easier. It had been necessary to dope him up a little more over night, so she would get a fairly dazed reaction. 

If she got a reaction at all. 

The com beeped at him. 

"Tell me you have good news." He said as he closed his door. "Did you find anything?" 

"Good news and bad news, I'm afraid." 

"Well?" Impatience crackled out of him. "Do I have to guess?" 

"I found out who her mediator is. You're not going to like it." 

He kept himself calm. 

"The landlord talked?" 

"No, he didn't give anything." Said the voice. "But my sources tell me she sails in a Firefly." 

"Your sources?" Amusement tinged his voice. "I've always said your daughter..." 

"Don't you bring Jessie into this!" Anger filtered through the com. "You said you'd look after my wife if I did this. You said she'd get the best treatment, so I did what you said. Jessie has nothing to do with it." 

"And I'm a man of my word. Your wife will be well looked after." Desperate men were easy to control. "Now, you were saying about the firefly?" 

"Well, see, after that it was a matter of checking to see who had logged a firefly or a firefly compatible shuttle into any of the registries of intent." He could hear the hesitation in George Webber's voice. "And there's only been one, really, in the last few days. A companion." 

"Let me guess." Dr. Williams hand closed into a fist on the table as he spoke coldly. "Inara Serra?" 

***


	6. Awakenings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It always gets darkest before the dawn.

***

His eyes scanned the sheet on his desk. Text scrolled down the page next to the photos. Followed by a number. A contact number. Every medical center that he knew, and probably every one he didn't, had this sheet. 

Stephen and Katie Hoffman looked nothing like the pictures of Simon and River Tam. Not even with clever disguises or corrective surgery could his patient be the person they were looking for. The fact still remained, however, that they weren't what they claimed. And they fit the bill of being connected to a Firefly Class transport ship. 

Well, they were connected to a Firefly compatible shuttle. It just didn't seem to click into place. From what little he'd seen of her, Katie Hoffman did not seem like a particularly dangerous fugitive, neither did her husband. She had seemed honest in a Universe where that was rare. But she had lied. To him. 

Dr. Williams's hand hovered over the com deck as he tried to decide. 

* * *

"Hey." Kaylee stood by the table and watched as Wash turned to meet her. "How are you doing in here?" 

"Katie?" He whispered and she had to stop herself from gasping at the dark shadows under his eyes. "You came back?" 

She bit on a frown, sat down across from him and looked at the papers he had collected. They were blank pages. A lot of them. Her back bristled as someone walked behind her and she relaxed only slightly when it turned out to be another patient shuffling past. 

"Of course I came back." Leaning forward, she picked up his hand and held it in hers. It was cold. "I couldn't leave you here by yourself." 

"I thought..." His eyes couldn't focus on her as he looked left to right, anywhere but at her. "I mean... with the..." 

"I managed to get the laundry done." She continued. "I found that shirt with the lamb on it. You know? The lamby toes? It's still good." 

Kaylee held her breath. He didn't react, didn't even blink, there wasn't even a twitch of the hand she was holding. This was getting to be a little too much. She tried to shake it off, tried to continue the charade. 

"I was talking to Dr. Williams just then..." 

"The doctor?" This he reacted to. "I like him." 

"Yes. He's nice. He was suggesting we try a new drug and I think..." She hoped he'd get her meaning. "I think it should work. I think this is what we've been looking for." 

"New medicine?" He managed slowly. "For me?" 

His eyes were a good five seconds behind as he followed the up and down movement of her nod. Kaylee found her hands shaking. She wanted to be back on Serenity, all of them, everyone safe and back to normal and not being watched by the orderlies and guards standing in the doorways. 

"Yes." She insisted as his hand slowly slipped from hers. "I really hope this one works. It sounds perfect." 

"The doctor knows what he's doing." Was his stilted reply as he leant his head back and stared open mouthed at the ceiling. "They'll work if he says so." 

"It doesn't need to be this good." She whispered suddenly, so low that she was sure no one else could hear. "You're making me nervous." 

* * *

Jayne lay back on the bench, pressing the weights easily. There wasn't much to do now that they were stocked up and Mal had them all ship bound. He didn't know how Mal expected them to keep living here if they didn't get jobs. Or laid. He was supposed to sit here day after day on a moon without a half decent whore house. Hell, it seemed like everyone else on board was getting their rocks well and truly seen to. As if that wasn't enough, he now had to deal with a budding relationship between River and Kaylee. 

"I won't tell you." 

He cursed as he opened his eyes to see River's head floating over the rails of the gangway above him. Her hair trailed down around her face, framing it, and she looked at him with a serious expression. He wasn't exactly sure what she was talking about, but he wasn't fool enough to ask. 

"Hell, girl, I don't want to know." 

"Yes you do." A smile came over her lips and her eyes glittered down. "Ever since you found out. You think about us. Want to know what we do." 

Even Jayne could follow that train of thought. 

"Ain't none of my business." He grabbed the small towel he kept for his workouts and sat up, intensely aware of her presence in the cargo bay now. "Go away." 

"It's prettier than the pictures in your head." She continued. "All soft and..." 

"River?" Simon's voice echoed through from some point Jayne couldn't see. "Don't tease the animals." 

Jayne watched as she tossed her hair over her shoulders and flounced away. There were reasons Jayne wasn't comfortable with the thought of mind reading. And that there little display was one of them. Her sullen voice carried back to him. 

"He started it." 

* * *

The shuttle hovered in mid air. 

"I'm sorry." Inara spoke to the screen, her blood freezing. "There must be some mistake, I have a standing appointment with the doctor, if only you could check again." 

But the boy didn't even have the grace to lower his eyes and pretend to do as she asked. 

"Your name isn't here. There's no record of you ever meeting with the doctor. You might try contacting him, but until then I cannot give you leave to land." 

Inara looked at the boy, the same boy that had smiled at her and gave her docking permission in the medical quarters two days running. There was no denying what had just happened. She felt her hand tremble as she turned the shuttle around. 

* * *

River prowled the ship, uneasy, her skin itched. There were currents running through and she shied away from them, her head ducking under waves of air that no one else could see. They were too busy creating them. 

Her hand fell onto a large pipe that wound its way around the walls, snaking into spaces and flowing between them. Mal, Zoe and Simon were talking on the bridge and they were idiots. Babes in the woods. For all that they knew and said they understood, River smiled, they still didn't quite grasp that she could. Read. Their. Gorram. Minds. 

Secret meetings were useless. 

* * *

She helped him walk back to his room. Kaylee's nerves were growing tighter and tighter as the day wore on. Not once in the hour she had been with Wash had he given her a sign, any sign, that he even knew who she really was, or who he was. The act of Stephen Hoffman was becoming too good for her liking. 

"Ah, there you are." Kaylee turned in surprise to see Dr. Williams walking towards them down the hall. "I've been looking for you." 

"Here we are." She tried to smile as they stood just outside the door. "I thought you didn't work in the afternoons." 

"Hey doc." Wash mumbled, then looked confused at his own words. "Did I...?" 

"You're looking better today. Why don't you go have a lie down?" Dr. Williams patted him on the shoulder, before turning a tight smile to Kaylee. "Most of the times, I don't. There's been a few problems with the paperwork, though, minor things. I just need to go over them with you. If that's okay?" 

Kaylee's mouth went dry. 

"Um, sure, okay." 

She guided Wash into the room and gave him a look which he failed to return. More and more she felt she was out on the limb by herself. It terrified her. As she followed the doctor to his office, the echo of their footsteps on the tiled floor matched the growing thunder of her heartbeat. 

"Sit down." He gestured for the chair. "These files you gave me, they're correct, yes?" 

She nodded. 

"As much as they can be." 

"Ah, yes, yes." Kaylee couldn't tell if he was agreeing with her or playing with her as he leaned against his desk and scanned what she assumed was Wash's file. "Just traveling, wasn't it? Ran into some trouble. That's right, I remember now." 

He looked her straight in the eyes, his hands clasped together, and his face set coldly. It made her shiver and she knew. 

"Tell me, Katie, you ever see a Firefly Class transport ship?" 

* * *

"Katie Hoffman." Inara insisted again. "Is she working here this afternoon? I need to talk to her." 

"Look, Ma'am, I just told you." George Webber looked her straight in the eye and didn't blink. "No one by that name works here. I haven't taken on any extra help in months now. I think, maybe, you've got the wrong tech yard." 

She couldn't breathe. Inara knew perfectly well this was the yard, she had spoken to this man herself when she had organized the job. He was a friend of a friend and had come highly recommended as reliable and discreet. 

"I'm sorry to bother you." She managed. "My mistake." 

It wouldn't do to cause a scene right here. She had to get off this world as soon as possible and bringing undue attention to herself was not the way to accomplish that. 

A small sound stopped her as she walked past the gate. 

"I didn't want to tell them." Inara looked down at a small face, miserable and tear stained. "She was really nice. I liked her. But my mom needs help, too." 

* * *

Panic surged in her. Kaylee honestly didn't know how she was managing to walk straight, to let the doctor lead her back to Wash's room without falling apart. Her knees were putting up a big struggle to hold her up. 

"Well, that's about it." Dr. Williams continued to smile, but she knew he was only stalling for time. "Why don't you wait here? I have some colleagues meeting me later and they'll be able to discuss that new treatment therapy with you and your husband in much more detail than I possibly could." 

She knew, even before the door closed behind her, she knew that she would hear the hiss of the lock, the beeps of an electronic code. They were locked in and there was no way out. 

"Wash." Her hand came up to her mouth, tried to stop the tears. "They know. We're so screwed." 

"Katie?" He looked at her, confused. "What did the doctor say?" 

"Stop it!" It burst out, voice shaking and she didn't care anymore. "It doesn't matter now, don't you get it, Wash? It's over!" 

"Wash?" He blinked. "I already had a bath..." 

"Oh no. No, no, no." Kaylee stood frozen. She could feel every last article of heat leave her body as realization came. This must be what it feels like, she thought, to be free floating in space without an atmo suit. "This isn't an act for you is it?" 

* * *

"Mal?" Inara's voice came surging through the cortex. "Mal? Zoe? Please be there! Mal? Someone answer me!" 

Mal jumped to attention, his feet falling from their place propped up against the controls as he motioned for Zoe to close the door to the bridge. He grabbed the speaker. 

"I'm here, Inara, what is it?" 

"We have a problem." He could hear the tears in her voice. "Mal, I'm so sorry." 

"What happened? Are you alright?" 

"It's not me." She sounded so small. "It's Kaylee. She's disappeared. I can't reach her, they say they haven't heard of her at the yard, she's not at the house, at least she's not answering any messages. It's a wall of silence." 

A pause and Mal guessed what was coming. 

"I think they know who she is." 

* * *

Simon busied himself with cataloguing the new inventory that Mal and Zoe had bought back, the actions done almost without thought. Restocking medicines. Topping up dressing supplies. It was comforting. 

The lights flickered, went out for a second before coming back on. His eyes flew to the window, checked to see River sitting on the sofas of the common room outside. She looked up at him. 

He counted to three and the lights flickered again. 

His hands shook as he left whatever he was holding on the bench, forgotten, and walked to the door. 

"River?" 

She was already standing, waiting for him. 

"Code. I know." Her face was calm. "Put me in my room." 

"That's not..." But he stopped, knew it was useless. "It's just for now, mei mei." 

"It's starting." She said and cocked her head to the left. "Crashing down. You don't want me to know. Volatile. Unpredictable." 

River took the few steps to the passenger dorms and easily stepped inside her own. When she looked at him, an eerie smile hovered over her face and he felt a chill. 

"They want to leave us here. They won't tell us what's happening and we'll be stretched taut with worry. You can't know, because I'll find out." She sat down at the very head of her bed, right next to the blinking panel of lights. "Everyone's so scared of me." 

"Not of you, mei mei." He stepped inside and closed the door. "For you. There's so much we don't..." 

"Know. I know." River sighed, distinctions that didn't matter, he didn't see. "You don't need to worry, Simon. You can all play your games, but they won't leave without me." 

"What did you do?" 

Simon didn't have to wait long. 

"River?" Mal's voice came tight and angry over the com right next to River's head. "What the hell have you done to my gorram shuttle?" 

River smiled. 

* * *

He closed himself off. There had been no other way. He had even given her another chance and she sat there and lied through her teeth at him. Lied. He led the way to one of the viewing rooms. This one had a clear view into the Hoffman room, a two way mirror giving perfect access to the scene inside. 

The two men followed silently, ushering in two children. A girl and a boy. Dr. Williams estimated them to be about thirteen or fourteen. They all stopped to watch the room in front of them. 

She was pacing, wringing her hands as she walked back and forth across the tiny space. Her husband sat on the bed, watching her, confused. 

"He's useless." The children said. "He is who he thinks he is, there's nothing there." 

Dr. Williams watched them look through the glass again. 

"Kaywinnit Lee Frye." Said the boy. 

"They call her Kaylee." Said the girl. 

"She's the key." They turned as one and looked at the men. "She'll bring River Tam to you." 

* * *

Mal saw them walking into the bay and up the stairs. He thought it took monumental control on his part not to start shouting then and there. His jaw was set and he glared at them. 

"Doctor?" He started. 

"I know, Captain, I know." Simon looked helpless. "She must have done it before." 

"River? This isn't cute anymore." He noticed that she was watching him, her eyes scanning quickly. It made him uneasy. "I want you fix it now." 

She ignored his words and sifted through the eddy of his brain. Worry and fear tainted all of it and it was mixed with everybody else. Zoe, Book and Jayne standing behind Mal. Simon behind her. Fear for the others, fear of her. She grew impatient. She closed her eyes and tried to focus, pushed through the clouds and barriers. Then she found it in his head. 

"We're taking Serenity." She told him, slightly flushed with her success. "Shuttle's too small to carry all of us. More firepower. Quicker escape." 

"What?" Mal felt himself bristle. "If they've got a lockdown on who Kaylee is, then they'll be watching for us, we can't just coast right in." 

He paused. 

"And I'm the Captain, I decide!" 

River took a breath, she ran the words through her head like a string of beads. They had to come out right or this could all go wrong. 

"Then decide to do what I say." She held up a hand to stop his outburst. "Inara walked free, round the world, up and down. She waits. They don't want to stop us. They want us in there." 

Everybody was looking at her. 

"They want me." 

The very worst part about it, Mal knew, was that she was right. Everything she just said was true and there was no way to disagree with her without looking like a stubborn old hun dan or completely jeopardizing their only chance to get Wash and Kaylee back. 

"No. That's not it." Simon broke into the stand off. "Captain? They can't have linked Kaylee or Wash to River so soon. It's just a problem with the hospital, right? The files didn't hold up, or..." 

"She's right, Simon." Mal nodded towards River as he spoke. "She obviously knows, so I'll tell you. Inara just contacted us, she's been stone walled: from her own client and from any contact with Kaylee. The people at her job say she was never there, but Inara was able to move freely without being stopped." 

"That doesn't mean..." Simon could feel himself shrink. "How would they know Inara and Kaylee...?" 

"Long and complicated." Zoe told him. "Essentially, if all's they had figured was Wash and Kaylee's story didn't add up, because of their connection with Inara, then they would have tagged Inara too." 

"But they didn't." Supplied Book. "And they know Inara is connected to us. A Firefly." 

Simon put all the pieces together. 

"Ariel put a Firefly back on our warrant, didn't it?" He didn't wait for an answer. "River, you can't go there. That's just what they want." 

"Simon." River turned to look at him, but he was watching Mal. 

"We'll stay here. We'll wait for you here. Or... or just River. Don't take her with us. I'll go, I'll help, just not..." 

River looked at him sadly, she reached up and cupped his chin. 

"Our crew needs us. The tales tell us what to do." She waited until he looked her in the eye. "Orpheus walks into Hades. Mustn't hesitate. Can't look back." 

"Zoe?" Mal spoke softly. "Get this ship in the air. Jayne? Disconnect the power and water." 

* * *

Kaylee rocked back and forth as she sat on the end of the bed, working the edges of her fingernails between her teeth. She couldn't look at Wash, but needed the feel of his legs against her hip. Her brain refused to think, she had tried to come up with a plan, tried to think of some way out of this, but all she had been able to do up to this point was cry. 

She heard the snick of the door and looked up. 

"Kaylee Frye?" She reacted to the name before she could stop herself. "You are hereby bound by law." 

"No." She whispered as she stood up and turned to the bed. "Wash? Dammit, wake up!" 

He looked at her and smiled dreamily. 

"It's okay, Katie. The doctor's going to help." 

"You've got the wrong person." It was almost begging, she could hear the plea in her voice as she kept backing away. "I don't know anything." 

"If you don't come with us voluntarily," One of them informed her calmly. "we'll have to sedate you." 

"No. Please?" She whispered, but she already knew it was too late, she could feel the terror freeze her innards. "I haven't done anything... Wash? Help me!" 

She felt them grab hold of her, felt the hypo at her neck as she struggled, really struggled to break free. Her body stopped working. There was no slow going under, just a quick snap and she was falling limp into their arms, unable to move. 

Oh god, was Kaylee's last coherent thought, they have blue hands. 

* * *

"There." River sat with her chin resting on her folded arms, her eyes scanned the planetary layout as Book looked over her shoulder. Her hand stabbed at a series of dots. "Glendale Docks." 

"You sure?" Mal was standing behind Zoe at the front console. 

"Looks solid." Book agreed. "Large enough not to be noticed, far enough from the hospital to provide cover." 

"If they let us land." Jayne stood to the side with Simon. "Anyone else expecting a welcome party?" 

River looked up at him. 

"Not good strategy. Draw us in. Catching flies with honey." She made a clacking sound with her tongue as her eyes began to drift. "Sticky sweet. Don't struggle. Bees can sting." 

"Yeah, well." He replied, nervous. "It's the sting that worries me." 

She rolled her eyes. 

"Bees have hive mentality. Be a bee." River suddenly looked amused at her own words. "Be a bee a bee. A bee." 

Jayne scrunched up his face as he looked at Simon. 

"She wants me to act like a gorram insect?" 

Zoe saw Mal watching River with a thoughtful look on his face. She knew that look, had seen it countless times before, his brain processing the data. He was assessing a new recruit. 

"Sir?" She didn't think she needed to ask, but did anyway. "What are you thinking?" 

"She has a good military mind." He replied. "Strategy wise." 

"You thinking of retiring?" 

"Soon as I'm rich, Zoe." 

"So, not anytime soon, then?" 

"Not in this lifetime." He patted her shoulder. "Call Inara back, tell her where to meet us." 

"Already on it, Sir." True to her word, she already had the speaker in her hand. "Inara? This is Serenity. We'll meet you at the Glendale docks in approximately one hour." 

"You're bringing the whole ship?" Came her incredulous voice. "What happened to laying low?" 

"You know Mal." Zoe tried to smile, but somehow she was just too distracted. 

"I'm already half way to Bellaphron now." 

"What?" Mal burst in and grabbed the speaker from Zoe. "I told you to stay put." 

"Relax." Zoe began flicking switches. "Put her on autopilot, Inara, we'll lock into your nav trajectory and pull you in." 

"Got scared." Pointed out River. "Couldn't stay. Guilt and tears like ants. Swarming over skin." 

Yeah, well. Mal's stubborn mind wouldn't let it go. Nothing ever went simple, something always had to go wrong. And why? Because no one on this rutting ship ever did what they were told. They always hadda go deviating from the plan. Everybody always wanted to save the day. They couldn't do anything quietly. And they always got caught. And one of these days he was just gonna leave them there. 

River looked at him, amusement twitching the edges of her mouth, competing with a good dose of anger. 

"Everybody wants to be a hero." She stepped up towards him and poked a finger in his chest. "You love making noise. More than they do. You should leave yourself behind." 

Zoe and Jayne gave matching snorts of agreement. Mal folded his arms in front of him. 

"You stop that, you hear?" He put on his most fearsome frown. "Stop readin' my mind. Gotta be some way to control it." 

A look of desperation flew over her features, gone so quickly he wasn't even sure it had been there. He heard Simon's voice from long ago explaining that she couldn't. He felt like a heel. 

"Make more noise." She challenged him, as her hand rose up and wavered near her ear, trembling. "Make it louder. I want to stop it. _You_ get out of _my_ head." 

Mal watched her turn on her heels and walk over to Simon and Jayne. He got the distinct impression he was to stay exactly where he was and not follow her. The looks that Zoe and Book were giving him only made him feel worse. 

* * *

His security card popped the lights from red to green and Dr. Williams punched in his code to open the door. When he walked in the room, the man calling himself Stephen Hoffman sat up, as much as he could, instantly more alert than he had been all day. 

"Where did they take her?" Stephen was looking at him as if he was going to help. "They took my Katie." 

"Now, now, Mr. Hoffman. The nurses told me you were getting agitated." He looked pointedly at the restraints on the man's wrists. "If you don't calm down, we'll have to sedate you again." 

"Where is my wife?" Came the question, bitten out of a clenched jaw as the patient leant back against the bed. 

Dr. Williams sat down, moving carefully and deliberately, on a chair next to the bed. 

"We both know she's not your wife." 

"What?" Stephen shook his head. "What are you talking about? She was here, before, you were talking to her! And the men... they took... they had a hypo..." 

The doctor didn't react to his words. 

"I'm reminded of an old fable. I'm sure you know it. There are two men... Well, let's just say a man and a woman, shall we? It seems to fit. Anyway, to get past them you need to solve a riddle. You see, one of them always lies and the other always tells the truth." 

He examined the cuticles of his fingers. 

"Now, considering you seem to be exactly who you claim to be, where does that leave this so called loving wife of yours?" 

"I don't know what you're..." 

"No, I don't suppose you do." The doctor raised his eyes and delivered his next words with cold clarity. "You know, Mr. Hoffman, it takes a very cruel, heartless, manipulative type of person to latch onto a helpless, mentally unstable man and use him to fund an interplanetary drug ring. Don't you think?" 

"What?" Stephen blinked slowly, trying to follow the words. "Katie? No..." 

"Face it. She lied to you. She lied to us all. And now she's left you high and dry, to fend for yourself. Alone. In here." 

Stephen let his eyes wander over the stark walls and felt them close in. In his head he saw his life span out, it made sense, his relationship with his wife. Yet, he couldn't bring it to the surface, couldn't articulate the vague threads of his memory with specific details. A date, a place, a time, anything, but nothing asserted itself. 

"No." He insisted. "They took her... those men..." 

"I'd be very careful," Pointed out the doctor as he stood up. "who you told about that little fantasy, given your history of paranoid delusions. Wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong idea." 

"But..." 

* * *

She hesitated at the door, not entirely sure of the reception she would get. Inara had known she'd been taking a risk, but she had thought the main risk was for her and she hadn't expected everything to collapse so spectacularly so soon. Taking a deep breath, she stepped onto the bridge, eerily reminded of two nights previous. 

"What are the plans?" She gathered her shawl more closely around her, as if it could offer her protection. "If any?" 

Tracking Mal's expressions was easy, she already knew the way his eyes assessed her in an instant, the relief on his face quickly followed by more than a hint of anger and tension that made him grit his teeth. It was Zoe she couldn't read, the tight face and a nod of greeting, but no smile. Inara wished the woman would just yell at her, get angry, do something. 

"No plans as yet." Mal's voice was tight. "Figured you'd know more about the place than any of us." 

"I'm sorry..." She began. 

"Not now." Was all he said and it hurt. 

Small hands, soft and gentle, turned her around and Inara found herself face to face with River. Brown eyes scanned her face, up and down, left to right. She stood still, unsure, the silence of the room unnerved her. 

"He doesn't like betrayal." 

"No." She clutched her arms tight to her body. "He really doesn't." 

"You both lied to him." River met her eyes. "Now Kaylee pays the price." 

"River? I..." 

Inara raised her hand, she wanted to touch the girl's hair, or cheek, make some gesture to show how sorry she was. She could still hear herself promising to watch Kaylee for River. Before she made contact, River turned to Mal and left her standing alone with her hand in mid air. 

"We split up. You, Zoe and Inara to the house." River turned to the doorway without waiting for an answer. "Jayne's with me." 

"Uh?" Jayne raised his hand. "Can we, maybe, vote on this?" 

"Don't ask me." Mal shrugged as he leaned against the chair. "I'm just the Captain around here." 

"Wait." Simon stepped forward. "What do I do?" 

"Stay hidden." 

River and Mal spoke at the same time, earning looks from everyone. It looked as if Mal was about to say something, but he stopped himself. 

"Zoe?" Jayne asked. "You wanna swap?" 

She just shook her head and Jayne made his eyes real big. 

"Please?" 

"I'll be good." River curtsied in front of him. "If you are." 

* * *

Mal found her sitting on the couches outside the infirmary, waiting for the rest of them, he assumed. It wasn't hard to see the misery radiating from her as her arms hugged themselves close to her body and she looked off to the side. She'd distanced herself from all of them since she'd been back and now that they'd landed it was no different. He had to stop himself from melting down next to her and putting an arm around her shoulders. 

"What were you thinking?" He forced an edge to his voice. 

"Mal!" Inara looked up. 

"Where you even thinking at all?" 

"I know." She stood and faced him. "It was foolish..." 

"Foolish?" He didn't need to force the anger anymore. "It was downright stupid, Inara. That plan was near fool proof. There was no way to connect them to us, not a one! And you had to go and... and... keep tabs on their doctor." 

He had to pause to breathe properly. 

"When I found out you contracted with a man with a red mark against his name! I..." His mistake, he'd realize when he looked back, was missing the narrowing of her eyes, the way her face began to close off. "... god, Inara, I didn't know what to think!" 

"I'm sorry?" Her brows arched and she stepped forward, gathering herself up, and it made him take a step back. "When you what? You've been checking up on me? How dare you?" 

There was no way out of this with dignity or grace. He knew it. There was absolutely no way he could deny what he'd just revealed. 

"And with good reason!" He blustered. "Not only did you risk the whole operation, you put yourself in danger as well." 

"I'm a grown woman, Mal." She looked him in the eye. "I can look after myself." 

"Not with that..." He stopped and took a breath. They weren't going to get anywhere with yelling and it wasn't why he'd come to talk to her in the first place. "That sort of client is beneath you, Inara, and you know it." 

She swallowed. He always knew how to do that. Build her up to the point where she was ready to explode or slap him. Or both. Then he'd just step back and say something that smoothed it all away. It was one of the more frustrating things about him. 

"I had to do something." The flash of anger had left her and she was back to pleading for understanding. "When I saw him on the tender... I knew I could keep an extra eye on them. But Mal?" 

Dear lord, she was about to cry, he could tell. He placed a hand on her shoulder. 

"If anything happens to them." She whispered as she brought her hand up to cover his. "To Kaylee. Or Wash. I'll never forgive myself. I'll..." 

"You meant well." He had to remove his hand, just had to. "Ain't one of us on this ship don't regret doing something that started with meaning well. Just proves you're human is all." 

"That doesn't help, though, does it?" She insisted. "River was right. I messed up and Kaylee's going to pay." 

"I reckon you're forgetting our secret weapon." 

"Our secret what?" She looked up at him. "What could we possibly have that they don't?" 

"River." He said simply. 

"Are you...?" Back from the edge of tears, she hit disbelief again. "Mal? You can't be serious." 

"By her own admission, this is what she was trained for." He gave a nod of approval. "Not that I'd say it, mind you, but she's doing pretty well so far." 

"Doing what?" She asked. "Besides annoying you by giving orders?" 

"By making my decisions for me. Better than I can and before I can." His voice took on a note she recognized. He was set in his ways over this. "I ain't seen her half as coherent before this as she is now. I don't think she's anywhere near finished, either, if you want to know the truth." 

Inara thought about this for a moment. 

"You really believe in her, don't you?" 

"Yes, I do." He admitted. "And she knows it, Uppity Little Minx." 

She let herself smile a little. 

"Thank you, Mal." 

He narrowed his eyes. 

"I ain't finished with you, yet." 

"What?" Nerves broke the surface again. "I..." 

"About that doctor. You keep any of the money for yourself, or you pump it all into the hospital?" 

"I..." She looked down at the floor. 

"I thought so." He kept his mouth in a tight line. "Consider your rent paid for the next six months." 

Her eyes flew up again as she gasped. 

"That's too much!" 

"That's for me to decide." He waited until she breathed out and he knew she wouldn't fight him on it. "As for this very expensive inside info I just paid for, what did you learn from the doctor?" 

She grimaced. 

"I learned we should be afraid for Kaylee." 

* * *

She was a pretty one. Best damned one he ever seen. And she was his. The words ran through his head, familiar as anything else in his life. Ever. Callahan. Full bore auto lock. Adoration made the words soft in his head. Customized trigger. He knew the shape of it like he knew his own flesh, knew which switches to jerk and when. 

"Not relevant." 

Jayne ignored her. He had Vera on his mind. The way her double cartridge thorough gauge made it possible to switch from precision rifle to a smooth bore shot gun. She was consistent all the way through. Had very little kick back. Made his job easy. He took care of her and she took care of him. 

"Transference is a classic sign of avoidance..." River continued. 

"Girl?" Jayne growled. "I'm thinkin' about guns here." 

"I know it." 

They kept motoring along the street. The poor abused machine groaned as it rolled slowly forward. Kaylee had gotten as far as patching the mule's engine enough to drive it at half speed and nothing else. It was still a charred wreckage and none too pretty to look at. 

"Guns, you hear? And nothin' else." 

"I know it." 

"Then stop it." He looked at her briefly, before turning back to the street. "'Less you want me thinking 'bout other things." 

She shrugged. 

"I don't mind. You have nice thoughts." 

Jayne snorted. 

"Now I know you're crazy. My thoughts ain't nice or sweet like anyone else's." 

River let herself smile under the scarf she had wrapped around her hair. 

"You think Kaylee's thoughts are sweet?" Her voice obviously said otherwise and he didn't even want to start thinking about what that meant. "You think in absolutes. You don't care about the grays." 

"Verse is what it is. Can't change that." 

She nodded. 

"It's easier with you. To hear it, to block it out." She laid a hand on his arm. "You're scared I won't like you if I see it all." 

"Just don't like you knowin' my personal business, is all." 

"I don't judge. Thoughts are for selves. I'm no arbiter." She paused as he considered her words. "I don't care what you think, but I won't read it if you don't make me." 

The mule shuddered to a stop just outside the fence. Jayne peered through it. 

"Just what is my job here again?" 

"Your job," She pointed to the man across the yard. "is to distract him. I have to meet a girl. Wont be long. Just pretend I'm not here." 

"What?" He turned to her as he stepped down and was surprised to see nothing but a flash of color disappearing around the corner. "Just great." 

"Good afternoon, I'm George Webber." The man walked up to Jayne, eyes already scanning the mule. "How can I help you?" 

Jayne flashed a grin. 

"I hear tell you've got a mechanic can fix my mule up real good, real quick." He slapped the side of the machine. "I need this beauty runnin' by tomorrow." 

"I don't see that happening." George Webber didn't even try to hide his amusement. "That thing needs a lot of work and all my men are out on calls for the rest of the day." 

"Didn't say man." Jayne bristled. "I asked around, word on the street is this is the place for the job I need. Word is you got yourself a real pretty she mechanic can work miracles." 

"That was temporary." George tried to explain. 

"What's the matter then?" Jayne shifted, exposing the gun in his holster as he reached for a bag that made some nice jingling sounds. "My coin not good enough for you? I got moneys enough to pay. What's the problem?" 

George's eyes flew to the weapon and back up to the man who looked as if he were about to snarl. There was no way in this 'verse or any other that he or any of the men currently on his payroll could fix that mule in one day. He didn't even want to think about how the mule had gotten so misused. It wasn't his job to ask questions and he generally didn't, but he had to be extra careful right now and bringing Alliance attention to his yard for fixing machines that might have been used illegally was not the smartest thing he could do. 

"I don't know what to tell you." He shrugged, hoping it came off as sympathetic and not rude. The last thing he wanted to do was antagonize this man. "What you're asking is impossible, if we had a few more days, maybe..." 

Jayne was barely listening, his eyes scanned the yard. Damned girl said she wasn't gonna be long, but it was long enough already. This man was a weasely piece of work and all Jayne wanted to do was squash him. 

* * *

"Here, kitty, kitty..." River called under her breath. 

She closed her eyes and drifted through the building. There wasn't much energy running through it, a scared man she could block out if it weren't for the way his brain kept flicking back to Kaylee. Scared. Her jaw tightened. Betrayer. She tried to shake it off. He was not her reason. A face from Inara's brain. Small and sad. She had to be in here somewhere. 

There. River smiled as the waves hit her. 

"Jessie?" She called. "Come out, come out, wherever you are." 

* * *

"Of course I remember you." Mr. Cowan smiled at the three people standing outside his door before speaking to the woman in the middle. It didn't even occur to him to wonder if the man and woman behind her were anything other than hired help. "It hasn't been that long. I don't think Mrs. Hoffman's here right now, I haven't seen her all day. She's most likely at work or the hospital." 

Mal felt Inara tense in front of him and placed a hand on the small of her back. He saw Zoe arch her brow beside him, but wasn't all that concerned. What mattered was that Inara didn't seem too pleased to hear news that shouldn't come as any kind of shock to her. All they had to do was shut up and grin. 

"Yes." Inara composed herself. "That's why we're here, actually. There's been a situation..." 

"Nothing too bad, I hope?" Instant concern. "They're such a nice couple." 

"No," She placed a smile on her face and fluttered her eye lashes. "nothing you need to worry about, really. She just can't leave the hospital right now and asked me to pick up some things, but wouldn't you know it? I forgot that little passkey thing." 

Mal had to stop himself from snorting. As if a stupid ploy like that was going to... 

"Of course, of course." Mr. Cowan hurried to assist. "I have all the access information right here somewhere. If you don't mind waiting?" 

"Oh, please, take your time." Inara smiled her thanks and waited until he closed the door behind him. She turned to Mal and Zoe. "See? Simple." 

"See, Zoe?" He gestured. "Wiles. Had I tried that he would have laughed me off this gorram rock." 

"Oh, undoubtedly, Sir." Zoe shared a look with Inara. "But you do have such pretty eyes." 

* * *

Jayne rolled his eyes as George consulted the stat device in his hand, punching numbers and figures in and twisting his mouth. One more minute and he figured he was gonna just walk away. Wait for River someplace else. 

"Now, maybe... if I shift some things... three days." George looked up and Jayne couldn't tell if the hopeful expression was because he wanted Jayne to agree or to take his business elsewhere. "I can have it for you in three days, if you can wait that long?" 

But a figure had already made his choice for him, strolling down the street a block away. 

"Nope. Can't do it." He shook his head, completely disappointed. "Tomorrow or nothin'." 

Jayne climbed up onto the mule and pretended that it was perfectly normal for the thing to splutter and creak and groan as he started it up and drove away. He didn't even need to slow down when he reached River, she just hooked on to the moving vehicle and swung herself up. 

"You get what you need?" 

"Guilt moves mountains." She replied. 

"I'll take that as a yes." 

* * *

"I'll just wait here." 

"We won't be long." 

Mr. Cowan stood by the door and Inara smiled at him again as they entered the house. It wasn't large, but it was a bigger residence than Mal or Zoe had seen in a long while. 

"What the hell is this?" Zoe was looking at the wires criss crossing the com deck. 

"Some minor adjustments I suggested she make." Inara explained. "Everything's on a timer so they wouldn't know she was gone last night." 

"Anything seem out of the ordinary to you?" Mal asked. "At all?" 

Inara glanced around. 

"Not that I can see, I was only ever here once." 

"Okay people." Mal sighed. "Spread out, look around. Grab anything that's ours. Let's not linger if we don't have to." 

Mal wandered from room to room, not really sure what he was looking for. He didn't think that they would find much at all, but at least they knew the landlord hadn't been in on the cover up. 

He came across Zoe sitting on a bed in one of the rooms. 

"You okay?" 

"Yeah." Her voice was strangely high and he tried to ignore it for her sake. "Stupid shirts." 

Mal watched her stuff a garishly colored shirt into a bag sitting on the bed next to her. There wasn't much in the room, or the whole house for that matter, that could be mistaken for the personal items of a human being. The more she shoved into the bag, the less it seemed Wash had been here at all. 

"He'll be fine." 

A pause. 

"Wish I could be so sure, Sir." She zipped the bag closed, along with the conversation, and stood up. "I think we're done here." 

"Mal?" 

They looked at each other at the sound of Inara's voice and moved to find her as one. She was standing in a little room off the main house. A storage room that looked, for all intents and purposes, as if someone had begun storing machine parts. 

"Well." Mal picked up a doohicky he couldn't even begin to name. "Looks like Kaylee was stock piling." 

"She did say she was bringing work home with her." Inara shrugged. 

Zoe eyed the carnage. 

"Take it all." They looked at her in surprise. "Hun dan sold out Wash and Kaylee. We're taking our share." 

* * *

River sat on the gangway looking over the cargo bay, her legs dangled in mid air. Her eyes stared up at the ceiling. Whispers floated into her, past her, through her. Kaylee and Mal and tea and fear. 

The ship cried without Kaylee. She ran a hand over the metal of the grating, River felt for Serenity, the ship clinging to the smallest energy left behind, desperately scrambling to hold on to something that made it warm. 

Or maybe it was River. 

She spun with the speed of a ten year old brain. Pictures so bright they hurt. Kaylee. A wrench. Fun. Mother. Tears. Blood in a sink. Hospital. Fear. Shouting. Guilt. Didn't want. Escape. 

Her legs came up under her, pushed her up and she walked down the stairs to meet the crew. Family. Straining under pressure. They barely noticed her as she walked, softly, stepping between their boxes. The machines smelled of grease and Kaylee. 

"It's time." She said and they all stopped to look at her. "Four to go." 

"Four?" Asked Simon. 

"Seven's too many." She explained patiently. 

"Ah." A look of realization washed over his face. "I'm staying on the ship again, I suppose?" 

"Top three percent." She agreed. 

"Ha. She shot you down, Doc." Mal gloated. "So, how are you fixing on getting us in?" 

River just looked at him until his mouth fell open. 

"What? I'm not going either?" 

Simon gave him a smug grin. 

"Gift from a girl." River held up two Official Hospital Family Visitor Passes. "Jessie feels bad." 

"Won't she need those?" Inara asked. "To see her mother?" 

River shrugged. 

"Borrowed. Not stolen." She nodded to Zoe. "We walk in the front door." 

"That makes two. You said four." Simon smiled to himself when Mal came to stand next to him, arms crossed, making his stand. "Who else you planning to take?" 

River let her eyes roll over the group, standing in a circle, she could see Jayne already shaking his head at her and didn't need to dig further to hear his pleas. Not that it mattered. 

"Passes given without question to stature. To families. To healers." She looked at Inara. "Companions." 

"She gets to go?" Mal closed his mouth when River glared at him. "Okay, fine. Who else?" 

"Sick people need a sermon." Jayne happily took his place next to Mal and Simon as River continued. "Preacher is always welcome." 

"I can truck with that, and with Inara and Zoe." Mal wouldn't let it go. "But I don't see how you're a better choice, considering you're the most in danger here, and those passes will let anyone in. I'd be better, or Jayne if there's trouble." 

She sighed. 

"Mal?" Whispered Jayne loudly. "Quit it. The girl knows what she's doin'." 

"They'll lie to you." River tapped her head. "They can't lie to me." 

"I'm not sure I agree with that line up." Simon looked up. "Wouldn't a doctor be helpful? I mean, what if I'm needed?" 

River slowly stepped to the side of the circle, one foot in front of the other, her hand played idly with the different boxes they'd just unloaded from Inara's shuttle. All the clothes and machines and tools they'd brought back. 

"I can't see how a preacher is going to be much use, even if he can get in easily." Simon smiled apologetically. "No offense, Sheppard." 

"None taken." 

"Don't need a doctor." River smiled. 

Without warning, her fist swung around, heavy with the converter she'd grabbed. It made a large arc towards Book's head. It all happened in an instant, voices cried out in confusion, people jumped back, some jumped forward. 

The only two people who seemed to be calm were River and Book. 

He hadn't blinked, just reached out and stopped the blow, grabbing her wrist and spinning her so that her back was pressed up against his chest and she was pinned, unable to move. The engine part dropped to the floor and echoed in the silence. 

"Need training and precision." She informed Simon easily. "And stealth." 

"What just happened?" Mal asked as River slipped away from Book. "Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" 

* * *

They walked through the front door. It was that simple. Zoe could barely breathe. Nobody paid them much attention, even though she could feel the targets painted square on their backs and one each between their eye brows. Especially since River had been adamant about not bringing any weapons. 

If she were here with Mal, she'd probably be worried at this point. Inara had walked through the doors over half an hour ago and Zoe had no idea where to meet her. Book hadn't been seen in over an hour. 

She was beginning to trust River's instincts, though, and the girl didn't seem at all fazed. So Zoe fell into step beside her and kept any misgivings to herself. 

"Not really." 

Zoe looked at River out of the corner of her eyes. 

"Is this a new thing?" She asked as they stepped into the elevator. "Or have you been doing this the entire time you've been with us?" 

"That would be telling." River pressed the button for the fourth floor. Her fingers tapped on the panel creating a cadence of urgency that wasn't helping Zoe's nerves. "Secrets are safe. Don't worry." 

"I'm not worried, I just..." 

She stopped talking as the doors opened and River held up her hand. They stepped out of the lift and Zoe hesitated as River looked left and right, then seemed to decide on the left. Zoe had to walk quickly to keep up. 

They stopped at a bathroom and River knocked three times rapidly on the door. A moment later Inara joined them, looking more than a little relieved to see them. 

"I'm not even going to ask how you knew I was here." 

"Told you I'd find you." Said with a pointed, impatient glare. 

"I know, mei mei." Inara smiled softly as she reached out to pat River's shoulder. "It just takes some getting used to, is all. Now where do we meet Book?" 

Zoe and Inara watched as River just spun on her heels and began walking back to the elevator. 

"Is she okay?" 

"I think this place is making her edgy." Zoe frowned. "Don't blame her. It's not doing wonders for me, either." 

They shared the elevator with four other people. It wasn't overcrowded, but it felt to Zoe as if there were too many bodies, too close together. The closer they were to strangers and medical personnel, the closer they were to being caught. 

As the door opened and let a young couple out, Zoe let her eyes linger on the increasingly agitated figure of River. The girl was mumbling to herself now and her head kept making small, jerky movements. She shared a look with Inara over River's head and they stepped closer to her. Inara rested a hand on River's shoulder. The door beeped and a pair of orderlies stepped out, leaving them alone again. 

"They were here." River whined, her eyes bouncing around the small space, face cringing. "Two by two. Two by two." 

Breathe in. Her brain hurt. Breathe out. Synapses threatened to explode. River wanted out and she wanted out now. Terror flooded her and she could barely move. 

"River?" Inara took River's chin in both her hands and forced the girl's frantic eyes to meet hers. "It's okay, you hear me? Just a little bit longer, okay? You can do it." 

River nodded tightly, but her throat was making keening sounds. 

"Come on." Zoe urged the display that flashed the floor numbers at them. "What's taking so...?" 

It beeped and the doors opened. River let out a moan and hurled herself out of the elevator. Both Inara and Zoe reached out and grabbed an arm each, keeping a close hold of River, flanking her and stopping her from running down the corridor. As it was the three of them, walking so close together, were drawing a few looks. 

"Which way?" Zoe asked, jaw clenched as their passes gained them access to the main psych ward. 

"To the door, the door, the door." River managed. "The door." 

"There are a lot of doors, sweetie." Inara kept her voice calm, though she didn't know how. "Try a little harder." 

River let her face fall to the right, her eyes looked straight into a large room that held tables and chairs and a screen showing bland images to several blank eyed people. 

"It's everywhere." She whispered. "All over, it doesn't go away. Stays on you for days." 

"River?" Zoe kept her voice low, but it wasn't any where near as calm as Inara's had been. "We need you now. Wash needs you. Kaylee..." 

"Can't see, can't look." River forced her hands up and dug them into her eyes as she shook her head back and forth. "Can't see." 

"I'm sorry." Came a voice and Zoe's heart sank as she and Inara turned to see a nurse standing next to them, eyeing the situation with suspicion. "Can I help you?" 

Inara's mouth fell open for a second and she stood there mute. 

"Yes, you can." River flipped her hair back over her shoulders and smiled at the woman, face calm and polite. "We're looking for Stephen Hoffman." 

Inara choked back a gasp and her hands were shaking. She could see Zoe's eyes wide with surprise and relief. Nerves made her tingle and she suspected that if things kept going the way they were she was going to burst out into severely inappropriate laughter. 

"Let me check." The woman consulted the device in her hand. "Yes, right this way." 

They followed her around a corner and down a bleak corridor to a door. The nurse frowned at the little security screen and then checked her notes again. She pressed a few buttons and they all heard a string of beeps. 

"That's odd." She told them. "He was bumped up to level two security this afternoon. I'm afraid you can't visit him, not with those passes." 

River laid a hand on the door, clutching at it and Zoe saw her fingernails bend back with the pressure she was putting on them, the beds stretching almost painfully. She winced in sympathy. 

"I'll handle this, Sister." Came a low voice and Zoe turned to see Book standing next to them. "I'm their pastor. I've been waiting for them." 

The woman looked nothing short of relieved to be rid of this burden as she gave her thanks and hurried back to her growing list of duties. 

"We need to get through that door, Sheppard." Zoe insisted softly. "If I heard right, my husband is in there." 

"It's too late." River pressed herself up against the door. "Too late. Too late." 

"Now would be good." Zoe continued, very close to the edge herself. 

"It just so happens," Book said as he produced an ID out of his bag with a little more flourish than strictly necessary. "that I've been very productive since I walked through that hospital entrance." 

The red lights beeped to green. 

* * *

He heard the door open and looked up, expecting the see the doctor, or a nurse. They'd want to give him more meds, something else to make him weak and slow and unable to process the day. 

That wasn't exactly what happened. 

A young girl burst into the room. She stopped suddenly, became very still as her face seemed to stretch out and she screamed silently as her eyes slid over the walls and the ceiling. A priest and a stately woman followed, faces tight and nervous, they began to talk softly to the girl. Then came a tall woman who rushed right over to him and reached out to touch his face. 

"Honey? Are you okay?" 

He jerked out of her reach. 

"Who are you?" 

* * *

Zoe reacted as if she'd been slapped. 

"Honey? It's me, Zoe." She tried again, as if he were just a little bit slow and needed reminding, even though her heart was freezing. "Your wife." 

Wash laughed at her. 

"You're not Katie. What's happening here?" 

"I'm not listening! Shots never heard." River recoiled from being touched, swerving right and then left as she tried to get away from the violence of the air. "She cried." 

"River?" Inara tried once again to catch hold of her, throw her arms around her. "Calm down, okay?" 

River let out a moan, angry and pain filled as she shrunk into herself. Her head spun around faster than her body, eyes darting form surface to surface. Then she stopped still. 

Silence. 

Everyone held their breath. Inara was closest and she was the first to see what River looked at. On the side of the bed Wash was lying in, nearly invisible, was a small red dot. 

Blood. 

"It doesn't mean anything." Inara tried to convince herself more than anyone else. 

"We need to get out of here as soon as possible." 

"How, Sheppard?" Zoe asked him. "How are we going to get these two out of this room without being noticed, let alone out of this hospital?" 

"Out?" Wash echoed. "I'm not going anywhere with you people." 

"Wait!" Inara's voice shook and it didn't escape her notice that Book and Zoe didn't meet her eyes. She didn't know if she wanted the answer or not. "What about Kaylee? We can't just leave her..." 

"It's too late." River's voice was oddly voice of any emotion. Eerie in its monotone. "They took her. She's not here." 

She didn't want to do it, but she couldn't help herself. There was too much in the air, flickers and darts and jolts that swirled and threatened to make her scream. She had to make it clear, she had to know. 

River leaned over the bed and splayed her fingers over the sides of Wash's face, holding him still as she looked into his eyes. It hit her with enough force to make her cry out loud. The cold voices, arms that held Kaylee so tightly as she fought them that there'd be bruises, Kaylee crying, begging for help, the crack of her elbow against the bed even though she never felt it. 

Terror with clarity. 

"What... what is she doing?" 

Wash's voice broke into the memory and River looked at him, her head cocked to the side, eyes scanning his face. She placed a finger on his brow, directly between his eyes. 

"Remember who you are." 

"River?" Wash paused and then looked around the room, frantic and horrified by the images in his head. "Oh, jesus, Kaylee!" 

"Honey?" Zoe reached out again and this time he let her run a hand through his hair. 

"Zo?" He pleaded. "I let them take her..." 

"Not you." Supplied River. 

"What did you do?" Inara asked her. 

"She hypnotized him." Book answered, slightly awed. "Probably for the duration of the hospital visit." 

"Drugs. Psychotherapy. Truth is a danger to all of us." River looked at Book as another tremor ran through her. "Can we leave now?" 

"Ah, yes." He reached into his bag and produced a doctor's white coat and security ID pass for Wash. "The quicker the better." 

"What the hell were you doing in that last hour, Sheppard?" Zoe's felt only marginally more at ease now that Wash was safe. 

He gave a tight smile that didn't reach his eyes. 

"Practicing precision and stealth." 

* * *

Cherries were top and, by Jayne's calculation, both Mal and Simon had passed through winning hands twice over without noticing. It was like shooting fish in a barrel. Big fish. Really slow moving fish. 

"Was that the shuttle?" Simon looked out to the cargo bay and another cherry card passed into Jayne's hands. 

Big, slow moving fish with bulls eyes on 'em. 

"I think it was." Mal stood up and left his cards unguarded. 

In a very small barrel. 

"Shall we check?" Simon let his cards fall to the table, half of them facing up. 

With Vera. 

It just wasn't fun anymore. Jayne looked down at the table and saw the top card. It was lime. He dropped his hand full of cherry cards and hurried after them. Perhaps he was the biggest, slowest fish of them all. 

They reached the shuttle as the door opened and Zoe began helping Wash out. Mal felt a sigh of relief even as he noticed how gentle she was being with Wash. It reminded him of Niska and the days afterward. Inara and Book followed and it occurred to him, then, that none of them would meet his eyes. All four of them moved aside as River pushed through and ran down to the passenger dorms without saying a word. 

"River?" Simon called and began to follow. 

"Leave her be, Simon." 

Inara's quiet voice scared Mal, scared him senseless. He looked vainly at the shuttle behind her. 

"Where's Kaylee?" 

* * *

Simon knocked softly. He didn't wait for an answer, didn't really expect one. She had probably known he was coming before he did. If she had wanted to slip away before he found her then there had been plenty of opportunity to do it, just as she had been doing since they'd gotten back. 

River lay listless in the hammock, unmoving, her eyes watching the throb of the uncased engine as it whirred around. He sat on the floor next to her, cross legged, and rested his cheek on the soft pouch of her belly. 

Their eyes met and they stayed like that until a tear rolled down her cheek. 

"We'll get her back, mei mei." 

She sucked her top lip in under her teeth, biting hard, and he watched the skin pull slowly back into place. 

"You don't know that, Simon." 

"Yes, I do." And they both knew he was lying. "I'm your big brother and I know everything." 

In that moment, that was all he was, her brother. She was three years old again and he was trying to juggle the scrambling bundle of her shaking body in his own small arms after a nightmare, insisting that monsters weren't real. He couldn't say that anymore, but she needed the sentiment. 

"I felt her." River raised her hand and lightly touched the skin of his exposed ear. "She was so scared." 

He closed his eyes and tried to think of something, anything that didn't hint at the possibilities. His brain searched for medical terms. The levels of keratinization of the dermal layers of the skin, but that only lead to the healing processes of the skin, which lead to all the ways skin could be injured. 

"They won't kill her, Simon." She waited until he opened his eyes. "They'll use her to teach me." 

It sent a chill down his spine. 

"Drain her. Like the others." She grew distant with each word, shrinking into herself as she drew her hand away from her head. "Leave her empty. Even when she's back, she'll be gone." 

"River?" He sat up straight, unable to stop the question. "What? What are they going to do?" 

She closed her eyes and shuddered. 

"I have to go back, Simon." His breath caught in his throat at her words. "Me for her. It's the only way." 

* * *

The wheels rolled smoothly on the polished tiles, clinking rhythmically as they hit the crevasses between them. Shoes, two pairs, walked steadily as hands, two pairs, pushed the cot and its passenger along the corridor. 

They passed one door and green eyes snapped open, wide and suddenly awake as a smile appeared on smooth, white cheeks. Behind the next door they passed another set of eyes, charcoal black, followed the sounds. A buzz went through the air behind the third door as blue eyes looked up from a sheet of paper. By the time they passed the fourth door, gray eyes were eagerly waiting for the passage of sounds. 

The fifth and sixth rooms were empty and waiting. 

Several stories beneath them all, well below anything that could reasonably be called earth, several dusty machines began to beep, coming to life reluctantly after such a long hiatus. Their wires tangled into each other as they snaked onto the bed. 

The brown skin of his eyelids crinkled and his large mouth cracked open, the skin of them swollen and split. The forefinger of his right hand twitched. Deep brown curls lay lank against his scalp. The buzz from above slowly invaded his consciousness, as did the feeling that leeched into his weakened limbs. Long lashes forced themselves open and he pushed air out of long neglected vocal chords. 

"River Tam." ***


	7. Sanguine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sanguine: hopeful. Point of interest: it also means bloody.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics are thoughts and memories, I tried not to be confusing.

***

_Kaywinnit Lee Frye. They call her Kaylee._

Six tables and chairs sat spaced evenly into three rows. They sat with their backs straight and faces forward, hands laid flat in front of them. The screen at the front of the room flashed with images that burned into their brains. The only muscles they moved were the ones attached to their ocular cavities. 

_She has brown hair._

Small white dots taped wires to the sides of their heads, their scalps, the pulses in their necks. The wires quivered all the way to the left of the room, to the computers that monitored the electrical impulses of their brains. The spikes rose and fell with the timing of the screen. 

_And freckles on her cheeks._

Far beneath them, alone and unnoticed, he allowed himself the smile they couldn't, let his brainwaves spike in a pleasure that was denied them. He stretched his hands, let the bones and tendons creak into movement. Blood and expectation pumped sluggish through his veins. A warmth he hadn't felt in eighteen months. 

_She makes River smile._

* * *

Simon walked into the kitchen to see them sitting around the table. Nobody was speaking much, but then nobody really had since the night before. It was almost as if Serenity and the people within her were in a stunned form of grieving. The only person who didn't want to be in the company of others was River. She had holed herself up in her room and didn't want to leave. Everyone else stayed in close proximity to each other. 

"She wants to go back." He felt numb. "Wants to make a trade, herself for Kaylee." 

They took this information in silently. Zoe took Wash's hand and they shared a look as he bent his head towards her. Inara brought her shaking hand up to her mouth. Jayne gave a silent snarl. Book made a steeple of his hands. Mal eyed him carefully. 

"And where do you stand on that, doc?" 

Simon felt everyone's eyes on him, felt their interest. 

"What? Where do I...?" Disbelief and confusion sharpened into anger. "How can you ask me that? Better yet, where do _you_ stand, Captain?" 

Mal didn't blink at the hostility in Simon's voice, he wasn't fool enough to take it personally. He kept his eyes and his voice level. 

"I'm asking you." 

"She's my sister and I'm not going to just hand her back to those... those..." Simon took a breath. "But it's Kaylee. I can't leave Kaylee with..." 

He looked straight at Mal. 

"I guess I don't stand anywhere." 

"Good." Mal nodded. "Right answer." 

"So, what's the plan?" Simon asked, still privately convinced Mal was a sadist. "I'm assuming there is a plan?" 

"A vague semblance of one, yes." 

"We're taking the good doctor." Zoe stressed the word 'good' in a way that suggested she thought otherwise. Vehemently. "We need a contact." 

"Kidnapping" Simon's jaw dropped. "You're kidding, right?" 

"I know where he lives, where he likes to spend his time, where he goes every third day." Inara shrugged. "Every little thing we need. It won't be too difficult." 

"Assuming we don't get caught," Simon countered. "he won't tell us anything, he won't..." 

"That," Mal broke in. "is where River comes in handy." 

Simon winced. 

"Hasn't she been through enough?" 

"She ain't made of china, doc." Mal said it softly, but firm enough that he knew Simon would listen. "Matter of fact you keep telling us how much she's been through and how much she's suffered, but what you don't seem to realize is that she's bounced back from all of it. Maybe not a hundred percent, but she's come through. She's able bodied and as long as she is, she's gonna help us get Kaylee back. My way of thinking? If she's willing to put herself back into that hell, it's a mite possible she'd be willing to try a few other things first. Just a mite." 

That made a lot of sense, actually, and Simon began to think that maybe he should stop being so reactionary. Think before speaking, Mal had said, and it was true here, too. 

"Even if she does help," he noted. "the doctor won't know how to reach them. All he had would have been a hotline, some anonymous message system, not a direct link." 

"There is another way." Everyone turned to Book. "I can reach them for you." 

* * *

"No!" Kaylee woke with a start, jack-knifing her body as she fought people that weren't there. She had to stop herself from falling off the small bunk. "Leave me alone!" 

Her fingers gripped the edges of the bed as she panted hard and tried to calm herself as she looked around. It was a small room, bare and starkly white, nothing save for herself, the bed and a small basin and toilet hatch. Kaylee gasped and backed herself into the corner against the wall. 

A man sat on the floor in the corner opposite her. Watching her. His elbows rested on his knees. He smiled at her, friendly and soothing. Her eyes picked up the strangest details as she allowed herself to breathe again. His hands hung loosely past his knees, exposing thick wiry hairs that dotted his wrists, his shoulders were wide and strong, his hair hung in loose brown curls just past his ears and his dark brown eyes sparkled. 

His hand rose up and brushed the side of his head gently. It was such an odd gesture that Kaylee found herself echoing it as she watched him, her hand running through her hair. Metal snagged her fingers and she tugged it free. Her heart ached when she saw the hair clip River had given her. 

When she looked up again, the man had gone. 

* * *

"What...?" Simon felt himself hardening just a little, preparing for something he wasn't sure about. "What are you trying to say?" 

"I think..." Book spoke slowly, the words were almost too hard to speak, but they also felt good after all this time. "I think it's time I told you the truth." 

"I'd say it is, too, Sheppard." Mal tightened his hold on his mug. "You better start speaking." 

But Book was looking at Simon. 

"You sister already knows and she's made peace with it. I'll understand if you don't." He sighed. "Lord knows I haven't." 

"I knew it." Came Jayne's excited whisper. "I knew he weren't a Sheppard." 

"Oh, I am." Book replied. "I took my vows, lived in the Abbey off and on, prayed up a storm. But I haven't always acted as one." 

They waited for him to continue. 

"I worked for the military before and during the war. Alliance." 

"Of course." Mal couldn't resist it. 

"Covert Ops, which comes with all the specified training and abilities you'd assume. My field was Undercover assignments, the more delicate ones." 

Zoe looked at him. 

"You mean wet works? Assassinations, that kind of thing?" 

"Not always." He admitted. "But sometimes." 

A few more bricks were added to Simon's wall of defense. 

"What does that have to do with River and I?" 

"My last assignment was just over three years ago. It wasn't my place to ask questions, I just followed orders. I was hired to negotiate... uh... deals if you will." 

"No need to be coy at this point." Mal sipped his coffee. 

"All I knew was that there was a group of children that were specially selected by this corporation. I had no more information than that. It was my job to make sure the families of these children didn't ask questions." 

When he didn't go on, Zoe prompted him. 

"How exactly did you do that?" 

"Bribes mostly, lots of money, stature, safety. Whatever they needed. Sometimes it took a little convincing. Occasionally threats." He swallowed. "One family was more problematic." 

Simon looked down at the table and his voice was soft. 

"And my parents?" 

"I never had cause to meet your parents, Simon, and that's the truth." 

At least it was something. Simon felt himself relax just a little at these words, despite the sympathetic expression on Book's face. 

"They didn't know?" Of course he had never met them. They wouldn't have agreed to any terms like that. They couldn't have. "Of course they didn't." 

"They knew." River's voice came from the doorway. She stood there pale, one hand holding on to the frame. "They accepted the price readily." 

"River, no." He was trying to convince himself as well. "Our parents are already rich, they have everything, they know everyone who counts on Osiris, what could anyone possibly offer...?" 

River looked at him sadly. 

"A career." 

"What? Father already had..." 

Then it dawned. He looked at the faces around him and felt the universe fall out from under him. Simon had every confidence in his ability and talent as a surgeon, but now he suddenly doubted the ease and speed of his appointments, the seamless rise to the top. 

It could affect his entire career, his mother had warned him when he started asking about River. His father's words came back to him, oddly meaningful now. Being a doctor means more to you than just a position, I know that. 

"No, River, they wouldn't..." He couldn't accept it, couldn't wrap his head around it. "If they'd known..." 

"They didn't even try, Simon." She walked into the room and sat down. They watched her as she looked at the one empty chair that was left. "They didn't want to know." 

"Why are you on this ship?" Inara's voice startled all of them, except perhaps River. She'd been quiet during the whole revelation. "It's no coincidence you chose Serenity when they did, is it?" 

"No." Book looked down. "No, it's not." 

"You told me you were sworn to protect that Marshall and it didn't even register until now." 

"Marshall?" Jayne looked up. "You mean that Fed that shot Kaylee?" 

"Like I said, it was my last assignment. I retired and was spending my time at the abbey. I thought... we all thought the job was finished." 

"Until I broke her out." Simon finished as his mouth gaped open in shock. "You're here to kill me." 

"Was, Son, was." He wasn't sure if the distinction would help any. With Simon, or with Mal who was watching him with calculating eyes. "You might have noticed that I haven't yet." 

* * *

Her hand pressed over the wall, smooth and white, fingers trying to feel for any groove or divot that might explain it, might hide a hidden hatch. Kaylee knew she had seen someone here, knew there was no exit other than the locked door, knew he hadn't stood up to walk past her. She also knew he was no longer there. 

Nothing. She trembled and it wasn't because of the cold. 

She ran a hand over the basin, her fingers hooking under the rim. There was a space underneath it, a ledge of sorts. It took her all of a split second to decide to hide the hair pin there. 

The door opened behind her and she spun around. 

"I won't waste time." Her eyes fell to his hands first, noticed the whiteness of them, before she looked up at his face and recognition flared. He looked different, more at home and unspeakably more dangerous. "You're a smart girl, Kaylee, if that is your name this time, I believe we can come to an understanding." 

She couldn't stop the shaking. There was no way to get away from him and no one to call for help, she was alone. Her heart sped up and she could feel it pounding fast. 

"Stay away from me." 

"Now, now. You haven't let me finish." He clucked his tongue and shook his head, already disappointed. "I was going to explain to you how this whole thing works." 

Kaylee pressed her back up against the wall. 

"What do you want?" 

"Me? I don't want anything." He laughed low in his throat and stepped forward. "Them? They want a lot of things, but let me tell you what they don't want. They don't want to hurt you. They don't want you screaming or fighting or making any kind of trouble for them. Do you understand?" 

She didn't respond. 

"Silence will be taken as express consent. Don't make any mistake, Kaylee, just because they don't want to hurt you, doesn't mean they won't. They are not nice people and they have no love for you. You are a means to their end. You bring them an opportunity they've been waiting for. If you refuse to cooperate, then there are other ways to help them. Other, less enviable, not so pleasant ways." 

The way he said it, so calmly, as if he were explaining the instructions on a new prescription left her breathless. She wanted to break down and cry, to call out for River or Mal or Jayne or anyone. She was alone, her traitorous brain kept throwing the word at her, and she knew it. 

"It's time to go." He said and reached out to her. 

"No!" She flinched from his touch and edged sideways. "Get away from..." 

Anger flared in his eyes and he drew his arm up, bringing his elbow hard across the right side of her face. She stumbled, dazed, a blank look on her face as the blood began to pour from her nose and she slid down the wall. 

"I said it's time to go." Dr. Williams leaned down and hauled her up by her armpits. "And you'll do what I say." 

* * *

As one, the six of them turned away from the screen. They did not need to see through the wall. Their eyes followed the slow movement of the people behind it. Step after step through the corridor. One set of feet dragged, sluggish against the floor. 

The monitors stopped spiking. The lines went flat. 

Unnoticed, six pairs of hands bunched into fists, air hissed into lungs, eyes bored through the wall, narrowing. 

_He's already hurt her._

As one, the six of them turned back to the screen. They sat with their backs straight and faces forward, hands laid flat in front of them. The screen at the front of the room flashed with images that burned into their brains. The only muscles they moved were the ones attached to their ocular cavities. 

The monitors began to spike in time with the images on the screen. 

* * *

Wash stared out to the stars. They looked so different planet side and he wished they were up in the black. He wanted nothing more than to be free of this whole planet, everyone back on board, and nothing said about it. In fact, what he really wanted was to go back about a week and slap Mal when he agreed to the plan. 

Hard. 

Maybe even a punch. A big, manly punch. Something that knocked some sense into that thick, stubborn skull of his. Wuh de mah, it had all gone wrong and, even though nobody had been crass enough to say anything, Wash held more than a little guilt. Enough to share, really. 

_Wash? Help me!_

And he'd done nothing. Nothing as they'd manhandled her, nothing as she'd fallen limp into their arms. Absolutely gorram nothing. Sat there like some rutting back birth. 

"Not your fault." 

Oh, sweet jesus. Could a man not wallow in private? Wash let his head drop, chin to his chest, and breathed in before he looked up again. River didn't even wait to be asked in, she stepped into the bridge and strode right to the passenger chair. 

"Yeah, well, it certainly feels like it." 

"Not you. You weren't there." She looked at him solemnly. "Hidden away from their eyes." 

"Oh and have I thanked you for that, by the way?" He picked up a little plastic tree. "That was very helpful. Thanks heaps." 

"Saved you." She pointed out and his hands stopped fidgeting for just a second. "They would have taken you, found us, people would have died. Serenity would have died." 

He heard the tremor in her voice and he looked up. 

"It's not your fault, either, you know." 

She drew her legs up onto the chair and sat her chin on her knees. 

"She was so scared." 

"I know." He could still hear the growing edges in Kaylee's voice over the whole day, her pleas for him to snap out of it. 

"And I can't feel her anymore." 

Wash was too scared to ask what that meant. There were too many possibilities and he didn't like any of them. He didn't want to think about any of them. He wanted to flick his beloved switches, fire up the ship and just get out of here. 

"We'll sit vigil, you and I." She rocked back and forth on the seat, ever so slightly, as she looked out into the same mess of distant stars. "The guilty ones." 

* * *

"No!" 

They held her down by her shoulders, pressed her to the table as she tried to free herself. Kaylee felt as if she were going to explode, her heart was beating too fast and she couldn't stop fighting them. Hadn't stopped fighting them as they'd made her change into a hospital gown. So many people in white coats, faces covered with white medical masks, they surrounded her. Her eyes flew from one to the other. 

"Lie still, please." One of them said. 

She heard the peel of Velcro and felt her wrists being forced into restraints, ankles too. Her head shook back and forth and her shoulders twisted in fear. The side of her face was already swollen and aching. It added to her confusion. 

Behind the looming figures in lab coats Kaylee saw him again. The strange man with the brown hair and nice eyes. He nodded to her, but he didn't smile this time. Immediately she stilled, let herself fall back on the table as her head was also strapped in. 

He stayed there, kept her eyes focused on him as they stuck needles into her arms, ran hands over her limbs, pushed fingers gently into the muscles of her abdomen, attached machines to the pulse points in her neck and ran scans over her body. 

She couldn't look away and found she didn't want to. 

* * *

Basement detail. Piece of cake. All she had to do was sit there and nobody much minded what she did during that time. Books were the easiest solution, she could lose herself in another world and not have to think about what they were paying her not to talk about. 

Machines beeped an alarm at her. 

Bored, she hit the requisite buttons and the tinny beeps stopped. All her training, all those years, and this is what it came down to. She walked over to the bed and quickly scanned the body lying there. He never moved, never changed. Her job was simple and she changed the lines with ease, flicking away an air bubble here and adjusting the flow rate there. 

"You poor, sorry idiot." She'd taken to talking to him as if he could hear her. It got awfully lonely sometimes. "You'd be better off if they just pulled the plug. Pity you're so damned important to them." 

She went back to her book. 

* * *

_He walks down another hall and pulls her out of her sleep to join him. He allows her a yawn in his throat, his body warms her quickly. She takes the details in, white walls again._

_River doesn't want to be here, not after last time. Yet she can't stay away, not after last time. She thinks maybe he's going to take her back to Adam, so both of them can hurt some more. Somebody has to._

_In a way, she's right. He shows her the painfully small box. They both feel his hand touch the metal, they both taste his tears._

_There are other things to see, other secrets to be witness to and he wastes no time in taking her to them. The room holds a bed. They look through the window and she sees the woman staring up at the ceiling, her body distorted. River feels the anger coil in her belly. He tries to soothe her, tries to stop the rise of her emotions. It's harder to control when she's upset._

_His eyes scan the screens and she takes in the data with a gasp. Problems she'd helped solved are now being used against her. They're doing it again. She knows they're doing it wrong. Again._

_Landing strained it. Heated into itself. Didn't want to snap so it buckled._

_She watches him type the commands on the key pads, watches the screen glow a bright white, sees the information disappear into nothingness. It doesn't make her feel better. The answers are gone, but the problem remains and they won't stop._

_River doesn't want to know what they'll do with the woman when they're finished with her. When they blame her for their mistakes. She can't think about it. It's too hard. Not even the hum of his thoughts, sliding over her like a blanket, is enough to stop her shaking._

* * *

Voices and footsteps invaded the silence. Wash looked up to see them all pour into the bridge. His eyes flicked to the figure slumped in the passenger chair and he motioned them to be quiet. 

"We're keeping vigil." He informed them. 

"No." Mal looked at River then back at Wash. "You're keeping vigil. Technically, she's sleeping vigil." 

"She's asleep?" Simon walked up to the chair and stopped short of touching her, checking to make sure she was okay. "I don't think she's slept much during this whole thing." 

"No." Wash continued. "So don't wake her." 

Zoe frowned as she crossed over to her husband. He still hadn't spoken to her about it, not really, and even though he let her brush her hands through his hair, submitted to all the little caresses she gave him, she knew there was something wrong. She knew he felt worse than he let on and felt a sudden stab of jealousy. It was obvious he'd spoken to River and she knew that River would have seen a part of him that she never could. 

"Where are we headed?" She asked. 

"That's it." Inara pointed as she and Book crowded the land layout. "He goes there every three days, takes the morning off terrorizing patients." 

"Are you sure?" Book asked and his voice hinted that he'd prefer it a great deal if she told him no. 

Zoe came to look and hissed through her teeth. 

"Is that what I think it is?" 

"What? What is it?" Mal pushed his way into the group. "Yeh soo, tah ma duh..." 

"Alliance Military Express Port." Book confirmed flatly. "With clearance into that thing and access to their faster ships, that man could be back and forth between here and anywhere in this galaxy within a matter of hours." 

"It doesn't matter." Inara insisted. "He has to return tonight. He'll be in transit between the base and the medical quarters. And that's our opportunity." 

She stared Mal down. 

* * *

"You were rude to me before." 

Kaylee's eyes snapped open and she realized that she had begun to drowse, having been left strapped to the table after the doctors had left. Well, all except one. She could not move her head to look at the voice behind it and her eyes scanned from left to right, straining to see him. 

Or someone else that might be near. 

"I was only trying to help you." 

She sucked air through her teeth and tried to jerk away when a warm cloth touched the swell of her right cheek. Remembering the last time, she flinched and waited. It was soft, his hand, when it finally came to her good left cheek and held her head still. 

"That's better." He continued to wash her face and his thumb pressed into the bone of her jaw. "I offered you a choice before. Do you remember?" 

She nodded as best she could. 

"You hold the power here, Kaylee. Do as you're told and things will go nice and easy. Make trouble and you'll get trouble. Are we agreed?" 

She nodded again. He put down the cloth and cupped her chin with both hands, his head appeared upside down above hers. 

"I'm sorry? I couldn't hear you." 

"Yes." She managed to say. "Yes." 

"How can I be sure you really mean it?" He smoothed his hands down the sides of her neck and over her shoulders. "You've lied to me before, haven't you?" 

This time she stayed silent. A tear slid down from the corner of her eye into the curve of her ear and sat there, cold and prickly. 

"I don't think you understand the consequences of your actions." He walked around the table and she could finally see all of him. It didn't help her at all, not with the way he was smiling down at her. "What can I do to show you how much you hurt people when you lie to them?" 

He ran one finger down the bare skin of her arm. 

"I mean, you lie and you lie. To me. To that poor man you've just stranded in that place and left entirely at my mercy." 

Kaylee stiffened and a strangled sound came from her throat. 

"That's it, isn't it?" He gave a feral grin and leaned down close to her face. "You actually do care about him, don't you? Not enough to not put him at risk, of course, but enough to know to stay quiet right now and be a very good girl." 

Laughter, low in his throat, as Kaylee felt him reach down and take her left hand. He wound his fingers around her little finger and began to bend it back. 

"Look at you, look how terrified you are." She bit down hard. "And so helpless. It's a heady mix, it really is." 

Kaylee heard the door open behind her head. 

"Get away from her, Williams." 

She couldn't see the boy that had spoken, but by the sound of it he couldn't be much older than River. Dr. Williams' reaction was instant, his eyes flared with anger and his chest puffed up, but his hands sprang away from her and he took a step back. 

"You forget who you're talking to." He tried to sneer. 

"She's not your toy." A girl this time, younger, Kaylee's eyes flew back and forth, trying to see. "Not this one." 

"We didn't bring her here for you." Two voices in unison. "Neither did they." 

"You better go." Dr. Williams swallowed and his voice shook, but he kept looking forward. "If they find out you're here..." 

"Worry about what they'll do if they find you here." Something edgy in the tone of this one, a boy with a purposefully deep voice, as if he were trying to sound older than he was. "Now leave before we make you. And you know we will." 

Kaylee felt herself breathe again as Dr. Williams glared at her and then walked away, she could see him shaking. She felt a sob rise in her throat and couldn't control it. 

"Don't worry, Kaylee, you'll be safe now." This girl was much younger than the rest of them, her voice softer, and the only one to address her specifically. Kaylee really wanted to see her. "You haven't been forgotten. Someone will be back to take you to your room. Dr. Williams won't return today." 

* * *

They sat side by side in identical postures, blue hands clasped on top of the desk in front of them, faces unmoving and unreadable as they listened to the little man sitting across from them. 

"I'm telling you, Dr. Williams is going to ruin everything. I've been telling you for years!" 

"Is he really?" Said the one on the right. 

"Have you really?" Said the one on the left. 

"Yes and yes." Came the exasperated voice. "If he's tied to one more missing girl..." 

"We cleared him of all charges." Was the first reply. 

"We'll clear him of these. If there are any." Was the second. 

"That's not the point! He was just left alone with her... he's already come close to breaking her nose and scarring her face." 

"Really?" One eyebrow raised on the right. 

"And the children?" Another raised, this time on the left. 

"What do you think?" Just a hint of sarcasm ran into his voice. "They play with him like a cat with a mouse." 

"I take it there was no other... damage?" The question came from the right. 

He shook his head. 

"What about the results?" From the left this time. 

"Oh, she's prime." He assured them. "A little nutrient deficient, but that's not uncommon for someone in constant space travel. A few boosters to flood her system and she's our girl." 

* * *

Inara stood by the door of the shuttle with Zoe, watching people walk past. They could no longer see Book or Jayne. She was surprised at the amount of traffic the place generated. Taking a breath, she prepared for her part in the heist, unsure if she had the energy or stamina to pull off such a taxing role. 

"That one." She pointed. Done. 

Zoe walked up to the man and gave a muffled curse as they knocked into each other. The crowd gave them a cursory glance then left them alone to sort out their petty squabbles. No one was going to get involved in a dispute right outside of a military base. 

"Oh, sorry." Dr. Williams rushed to exclaim. "I didn't mean..." 

His words trailed off as he felt the barrel of a gun pressing into his back, just behind the kidneys. Two men had closed in behind him when he had been distracted and they now held each of his arms still against his body. 

"You be quiet now, doc." Jayne growled low. "And there won't be a problem." 

He knew that shuttle, a cold slice of fear slid down his spine, and he damn well knew the woman who held open the door for them. 

* * *

She was taken into a room that held nothing but a chair. A memory flared in the back of her brain and Kaylee could hear the Captain and Zoe telling a story about being captured. Mal's voice echoed in her ears, telling them all that if you're lead into a room with comfortable seats, it's them that's gonna want to sit down, but if it looks uncomfortable as all hell, you better park yourself down and shut up. 

Kaylee looked at the stark wooden chair and didn't need to be told. 

Her eyes scanned the room and all the white hurt her brain. Nothing but white, the walls, the clothes people wore, the floors, everything. She longed for color again. 

The door opened with a loud crack and she gasped to see the two men walk in, blue hands swinging at their sides. Behind them, faces blank, six children filed in. They wore identical medical gowns, white like hers, and walked in bare feet, their knobbly ankles lined up in a row. Their faces stared straight ahead and did not look at her. 

"She's scared." 

Ah, more geniuses. The thought came into her head before she could stop it and Kaylee thought she saw the hint of a smile reach the face of the boy who had spoken. He was blond and blue eyed, he wasn't as tall as the boy next to him, but he looked stronger and there was an air about him that screamed danger, an energy she likened to Jayne even though he looked about fifteen. She recognized him as the one who had threatened the doctor. 

On his right, taller and obviously older, stood a boy in his late teens who had dark chocolate skin, with black hair and black eyes. He held his hands behind his back and stood slightly forward and she took him to be the leader. 

"She's a jumble of fear and pain and anger. She's thinking about the man in the hospital." 

The girl who spoke had bright red hair and even brighter green eyes. She had to be in her early teens, Kaylee thought, just old enough to have the long legged coltish look of young girls. No, Kaylee thought, I'm not a toy. 

It wasn't hard to figure out who the two voices speaking unison had belonged to. An Asian boy and girl who could be nothing short of identical twins stood together. They were small, with blue black hair and almond shaped eyes, and each movement was made mirrored with the other. 

"She cries for her family." The youngest girl began. "Her daddy said she had a natural talent." 

The child couldn't have reached her teens yet, Kaylee mused as she looked at the piercing gray eyes and light brown hair that was streaked with shining silver. She was pale and slight and easily the most striking of the six of them. Something about that thought stuck in Kaylee's brain. 

She thought about it, scrambled to figure out why it disturbed her. The elusive sound of River's voice echoed around her head and Kaylee tried to remember exactly what the girl had said. It hit her then, seven, River had said there should be seven. She thought about the man who had sat in the room with her. 

Six faces snapped a warning to her that she couldn't miss. 

"She's thinking about the farm back home." Said the tallest boy. "She misses her dog, her brothers and sister. Wants to be back with them." 

Kaylee had been thinking no such thing, she had no dog and he'd gotten her family all mixed up, and she knew they knew it. 

"What about River Tam?" The first man asked, the tone of his voice suggesting very little patience. 

They hesitated a little too long. 

"Children?" Said the second man. "Take Alexandria to room four." 

"She knows River." The red haired girl rushed to say. "Plays games with River." 

Kaylee watched as the very youngest girl took a step back and the others stepped around her, shielding her from the men. 

"River called her green." The twins broke in. "Gave her a strawberry." 

"She knows River." The blond boy repeated. "But she doesn't know about River. She doesn't know why she's here." 

"I said take her to room four." They were not persuaded. 

Slowly, the children walked out of the room and Kaylee was left with the two men. They watched her carefully and any comfort or security she had just gotten from the group began to melt away. 

"We know they're lying for you." Said the man on the right. 

"We will know why soon enough." Said the second man simply. "They don't like the young girl's cries." 

* * *

"You're only making this worse!" Dr. Williams stumbled as Jayne hauled him from the shuttle and onto the gangway. "Once they find out I'm gone, they'll..." 

"Oh," Inara walked past them. "I'm sure they'll manage." 

"You have no idea what you've done." He spat struggling against the rope that bound his hands behind his back. "They're going to kill your friend now." 

"I don't see why we ain't gagged him yet." Jayne grumbled. "He hasn't shut up." 

"We didn't have anything." Book supplied. 

"I coulda pulled out his tongue." 

"Jayne." Zoe was the last out of the shuttle. "Enough. We still need him to talk." 

"I'm not telling you anything." Dr. Williams claimed again. 

"Welcome back." Mal walked up to them. "This the doctor causing so much fuss, is it? Take him to the interrogation room." 

Jayne cocked his head. 

"The what?" 

"The spare passenger dorm," Mal shrugged. "interrogation room, whatever." 

"I don't care what you do." Dr. Williams continued as they began to walk. "You can kill me, it won't change anything." 

"Really?" Jayne got excited. "Can I do it, Mal? I'm just about in the mood, I got a real nice knife for..." 

"Ain't nobody killing anybody." Mal sighed. "Not yet anyhow." 

"Go ahead." The doctor challenged as Jayne pushed him a little harder than strictly necessary down the stairs. "Kill me, it won't help, you've just signed her death warrant." 

"Aw, Mal." Jayne grumbled. "Well, can I do it when it is time?" 

Mal thought for a second. 

"Sure, why not?" 

"They're going to kill her slowly. Then they're going to come after you and kill everyone on this ship. Also slowly. So kill me, go on, just do it before they get here." 

"Does he ever shut up?" Mal asked. 

"Not yet he ain't." Jayne answered and pushed the doctor into the common area towards the rooms. 

"You're fools, all of you. Stupid, ignorant fools who don't know what you're getting into. This whole thing is bigger than you realize and you're nowhere near ready to..." 

His words trailed off into thin air and he stopped so suddenly that Jayne walked into him and he stumbled. 

"Hey, doctor." Wash grinned and gave a little wave. "How are you feeling? I'm just great, by the way, couldn't be better." 

"It's you!" The doctor quickly recovered. "You're all in on this! Not that it matters, it's too late. You won't be able to save your friend and I'm not telling you anything. Nothing you can do will make me." 

Mal opened the door and Jayne pushed the doctor inside. Neither of them were expecting the high pitched scream that followed. They shrugged at each other and looked inside. 

River was sitting on the bed, all innocence and light as she smiled up at them and gave a little wave. The doctor, however, was cowering against the wall on the opposite side of the room. 

"River?" Mal asked softly. "What are you doing in here? We haven't called for you, yet." 

"Getting your answers." She shrugged. 

He looked at Jayne, looked at the shivering man, then looked at her. 

"What's going on here?" 

"Look," the doctor pleaded, a note of hysteria in his voice. "you're obviously a very smart man, Captain...? You are the Captain, yes? I'll tell you anything. Anything at all. You want money? I've got money, lots of it, it's yours! The girl? Yes? Yes! I'll get her back for you, good as new..." 

"Not new." River said and they heard the malice in her voice. "Blood on her face, tears in her eyes. I see it in you." 

Mal felt his jaw clench. 

"You hurt Kaylee, did ya?" 

"No! I mean..." River stood up and he stepped closer to Mal and Jayne. "..you don't understand!" 

"I understood the words 'blood' and 'tears' just fine." Jayne glared at the quivering doctor. "Didn't you, Mal?" 

"Clear as day." Mal crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe. "What I'm wondering is why a grown man like yourself is so scared of a little slip of a girl like this?" 

"Leave us alone, Mal." River didn't take her eyes off Dr. Williams. "Please?" 

"She's not a girl." The doctor was down to begging now. "What do you want? Just tell me, I'll do it. Don't leave me with her. Please? You can't..." 

"But what I really want to know," Mal continued. "is why you'd think I'd care after what you've done to my crew?" 

They stepped back free of the room and, at Mal's signal, Jayne closed the door. 

"You just gonna leave her in there with him?" Jayne asked. 

"Yup." He answered. "I have a feeling she'll be fine. An' we'll be just out here if she wants to call out or cry for help or some such." 

Jayne looked to the door and heard a series of slight thuds, the sound of a man falling to his knees, his expression suggested that it wasn't really River he'd been asking for. 

* * *

"All those years." River watched him as he sat on the floor, dazed. "You enjoyed it. The pulling and the stretching and poking and pain." 

He didn't answer her. 

"With us. With those women." She let her face harden. "With Kaylee." 

"No." He rushed in. "I didn't hurt her! I didn't..." 

She stood up and took a step towards him, pushing through the taste of blood, old and new, that radiated from his skin. Waves of agony that weren't his laced with the pleasure that was. The ugliness of it. 

"Because they stopped you." A sudden frown of confusion stopped her. "Only six. Who else?" 

"What?" He looked up at her. "There are only six left." 

"Seven." She insisted, faltering when she couldn't find it in him. "There has to be seven." 

"Six. Bethany. Daniel. Sebastian." He rattled the names off easily, trying to buy time. "Alexandria and the twins. It has to be you. There is no one else." 

"Then you don't know enough," River echoed his tone of voice from hours before as she continued to move towards him. "but enough to know to stay quiet right now and be a very good boy." 

* * *

Kaylee had curled up into a fetal position on the small bed, she rocked back and forth and hummed to herself, wishing for it to be over soon. It had been going on for too long already. She couldn't tell if it had been twenty minutes or three hours. 

When she looked up again, he was there. The mystery man. His expression was pained and his face was pointed in the direction of the sound that scratched through the walls. She crawled off the small bed and came to sit by him. She didn't let her mind wonder about the fact that it was impossible for anybody to actually be there. 

"Who are you?" She whispered. He looked at her and she could see how upset he was, but he didn't answer. "It's okay, you don't need to talk. Just stay with me." 

The men with blue hands had not lied. 

Nobody liked the screams of the youngest girl. 

* * *

"Mal?" 

He stood up from the table where he was playing cards with Jayne, Simon and Book. Wash and Zoe were in their bunk. Inara hovered by the edge of the common room holding her arms close to her body. Taking her elbow, he led her into the infirmary and closed the door. 

"You left her alone with him?" 

"She's getting the information we need." He insisted, already tired of explaining himself. "And quickly, I might add. We don't have a lot of time right now." 

"You know what you're doing, don't you?" He wouldn't meet her eyes and she continued. "Whatever she does in there, you're advocating it. You gave her carte blanche. You're turning her into..." 

"Inara." His voice was tight. "She asked for it. She asked me to leave her there. It was her choice." 

"A choice which didn't need to be made!" Her eyes flashed anger. "Jayne said he was going to tell us everything." 

"And you believe him, do ya?" Mal flung his words out. "Just because you bedded him once or twice, does not mean you're qualified. He would have lied and we both know it." 

She looked at the timepiece on the wall. 

"Five minutes. That didn't take long." Her eyes narrowed and she all but hissed the next few words. "Don't you turn this around on me, don't you dare, Mal, because we both know what this is about. You want to see what will happen, you want to know what River's capable of and you don't care what it will do to her!" 

His hand slammed down on the bench. 

"I don't...?" Mal turned away and breathed, his back straight. "River said he's already hurt Kaylee. She said something about blood and tears. Yes, Inara, I care. I care a lot, but not about that sorry excuse for a man. I hope she gets her vengeance." 

Inara bit down on any retort she was about to make, her brain surging. 

"Is... is Kaylee...?" 

"I don't know." He said. "She didn't give details." 

They stood unspeaking for several seconds. Inara could see the tension radiate from his back, the way he held himself a little too carefully. She lifted a hand up to him, about to touch his shoulder, offer some sort of reassurance. He broke away from her before she made contact and went to open the door. 

"Jayne!" He roared. "Just 'cause I'm sitting out the hand, don't mean I'm out of the game. You put every one of them papers back in my pile or I will ration each and every single parcel of food that goes into your mouth for the next six months. Do you hear me?" 

"What?" Came the voice. "I didn't do nothin'." 

"Mal..." Inara began. 

"Just drop it, okay?" He looked back at her. "What's done is done." 

"Yes." She looked behind him. "I'd say you're right." 

Mal turned and his face showed nothing, but his eyes tightened slightly when he saw River standing just outside the passenger dorms. There was a faraway look in her eyes, a distant expression on her face and she had trouble concentrating. 

"River?" Simon stood up, but couldn't seem to move any further. 

She walked over to Mal and looked up at him, holding her right hand out in front of her. It was red. As was a streak that ran down the left side of her neck. Her left hand came out and took his, opening his fingers out and tracing a circle in his palm. 

"He has no more words." Mal looked into her eyes and felt lonely. Something wet and solid fell into his open hand. "Better see to him." 

Nobody spoke as she walked up the stairs, away from them all. Mal looked at what he was holding. Two whole teeth, roots glistening pink under all the blood that smeared on his skin. 

He ran to the dorm and couldn't stop the moan. He felt Inara come up behind him and heard her gasp as she twisted away. 

"Doc?" He called and looked to see Simon half way up to the second floor after his sister. "Simon! We need you here, NOW." 

* * *

After a night like this, they let one of them stay with her. To no one's surprise Alexandria chose Bethany and they waited until the door was locked behind them. She collapsed on the bed and let Bethany run a hand over her shoulders and arms. Her breath came in small pants and her movements were jagged. 

"Shh." They didn't need to speak, but they liked to when there was no one else around. Bethany remembered a phrase she had pulled out of Kaylee. "It's okay, mei mei, you'll be better tomorrow. It's just like the last time." 

And the time before that. And all the other times before that. As Alexandria eventually calmed down and her breathing slowed, her eyes falling closed, Bethany let her brain go over the pictures she had stored in there. The memories she had found in Kaylee's head. Happy people, laughter, excitement, passion, River having fun. 

Her thoughts drifted to the man who had kept Kaylee calm, the man she'd thought of when she wanted them to be seven in number. It seemed impossible, because they would have known. It was unthinkable that they had not known. 

Yet they hadn't. 

* * *

"She didn't do this." Simon couldn't stop saying it as he worked on the man on his table. "River couldn't have done this." 

"Simon." Mal handed him another compression package. "I think..." 

"She's..." He flailed for the right words, but they were failing him. "It's unfathomable, Captain, she doesn't have it in her." 

"Fine." Mal clipped his words short. "She sat there and watched as he did this to himself, then played with his teeth when he was done. Does that make you feel any better?" 

Simon's hands stopped moving and he counted to five. 

"No." He said finally. "No, it doesn't." 

"Just patch him up," Mal continued. "and let's hope we don't need him as a bargaining chip just yet." 

Inara didn't say anything, she leant against the bench far away from the action in the middle of the room and waited until she was needed again. Her arms were crossed and she glared at Mal. 

"You were right." It was the only concession he gave to her. "Is that what you wanted to hear? I didn't think she'd..." 

But he didn't have the chance to finish that sentence. 

"Mal?" Jayne burst into the infirmary, red faced as if he'd run all the way from one end of the ship to the other. "The shuttle's gone! Shuttle number two is gone." 

"Tamade." He hissed and he had to ask, even if he already knew the answer. "Where's River?" 

Jayne's look said it all. 

"You stay here, Simon." He didn't need to look to know that the doctor had been about to leave his patient. "Inara will finish helping you." 

* * *

Wash was already at the helm, Zoe standing behind him, when Jayne and Mal thundered onto the bridge. 

"Wash?" Mal breathed heavy. "You turn that shuttle around, now. Call it back!" 

"Can't." Was all Wash said. 

"What?" Mal made a face. "What do you mean, 'can't'? Just lock into her nav trajectory or whatever the hell we did with Inara." 

"She's been here." Wash pointed at the blood on the dials. "Left her mark, too." 

"I don't believe..." Mal pushed past Zoe and grabbed the transmitter. "Then fire us up and we'll go after her." 

"Can't." Wash said again and pointed to more blood on the wires underneath the control. "She got the whole ship." 

* * *

There was red. And noise. So much noise. Shards of sound that broke into her ears like the snap of bone. Silent screams. Back to red. Stop it, stop it, stop it. But she couldn't. His thoughts stained her skin. Faces and tears. The cut of leather through skin. Back and back and the sound of a small child sobbing. 

"River?" She jerked at the sound of his voice. "You turn that shuttle around, you hear me?" 

Time stretched out like elastic, taut and about to break. River closed her eyes, shied away from the flow that slithered through the com, waited for the heat to trickle into fear. 

"No." 

She hung a teardrop on the word and offered it to him like a present. 

"River." Mal's voice shattered and she thought she might cry for him, too. "Don't go there alone. Let's talk about this." 

"Need to." Flashes in her head. "No time for Kaylee." 

A pause. 

"What did he tell you?" 

Another pause. 

"Enough." So quietly she could only tell she'd spoken by the change of his energy. "All I need." 

"River?" Oh, he was so much brown that her tears would make him mud, thick and sludgy and hard to see through. "Is there anything I can say to get you to change your mind?" 

She reached up and ran a hand over the glass, over the scenery that flew by. 

"I scared you, confirmed what you all thought." 

"We weren't scared," he rushed to say. "it was just..." 

"Liar." She didn't give him the chance to finish. 

"Well, okay, maybe a little." His hesitation spoke more than his words. "You really hurt him." 

"Didn't want to do it." River let the words free. "Took from him what he took from them." 

Her eyes found their destination and she steered the shuttle with ease, even as she couldn't stop shaking, couldn't stop the noise or the fear. 

"River?" Her whole body turned to the direction of his voice, curled into his acceptance. "You be very careful, dong ma? You get yourself killed and I'll be fit to burst." 

"I'll bring her back, Captain." She gave him the word, because he rarely heard it from her. "I have no choice." 

"You see that you do." His voice carried a lot of static and she couldn't read it anymore. "'Cause I ain't got no other choice but to sit here and wait." 

* * *

A military base on a large core planet will have several officers patrolling the grounds. More than enough to oversee any after hours visitors. This is exactly what she counted on as she approached the port. The more the merrier. 

Every single one of the guards posted at strategic positions along the grounds was so confident in the capability of the other officers that they didn't feel the need to over exert themselves. The man in front of the security monitors had long ago glazed over with boredom. 

Not one of them was going to raise an eyebrow to someone who walked straight up to the front door and punched in a valid pass code, not someone who knew exactly where they were going, who had proper take off clearance and flight paths. 

Or, at least, someone that would have such things as soon as they had access to the express shuttle cortex link. 

Not one of them would bother checking the access codes and compare the face of the doctor on their screen to the figure of a girl. 

They were to o busy cataloguing the hours of pay versus the painful boredom an after hours shift put them through, trying to remember the grocery list, the name of the girl they slept with the night before. Some energy was spent keeping an eye and ear out for any suspicious activity, but they would not see any. 

River counted on it. 

* * *

Mind numbing terror. Memories hit her, too many and some of them were hers and some of them weren't and some of them couldn't be quantified and some of them made her heart beat fast and her skin burn. 

River struggled to step forward. 

It hit her the instant she passed into the building, through a laundry hatch into a deserted corridor. Everything all at once. Twelve months of being absent, missing the outcomes. Pain shared, thoughts, memories, misery. From all angles it burrowed into her. 

Kaylee. She pushed her brain out and tried to find her. Kaylee. A spark, six floors up, the smell of green. Her eyes lifted and she smiled as she began to run. 

_River._

No. She skidded to a stop and her mouth fell open. No. 

_I need you, River._

Her breath caught in her throat, threatening to burst hotly in her lungs. She had to get Kaylee. She couldn't listen, couldn't know. Only six floors up. 

_I'm in the basement._

Up. Kaylee was up. River whined, a whimper coming from her chest and up through her mouth. She couldn't move, she couldn't think. 

_You can't get to her now._

Kaylee. A tear feel down her cheek. Here for Kaylee, she needs. River pressed herself against the wall. 

_They had Alex in room four. The guards are doubled tonight._

Bright pain hit her and River tried to shake the screams from her head. Her hand clutched the wall. 

_She's safe for now. I need you more._

No. River felt bile inch up her esophagus. 

_They realize I'm awake, River, and everyone is dead. They won't need you, any of you. They'll kill the children. They'll make you watch as they kill Kaylee. They'll make me watch as they kill you. You know it._

She couldn't do it. Couldn't move in either direction. 

_You get me out, take me with you, and they'll have nothing. They'll have to keep Kaylee safe. You know it's true. The others will watch her. We can finish it all, you and I. Set them all free. This is what you want._

River slid down the wall. 

_Get up, River, get up right now and help me. You owe me that much._

* * *

_They all gasp, their thoughts explode with fear and confusion, pictures fly through her brain. They can do nothing but stand up a little bit straighter, keep their eyes forward and keep their tears from spilling hot like lava._

_River doesn't._

_She falls to her knees, doesn't care about the blood that seeps into her gown as she puts a hand on the hole in his chest. He is warm, but that's changing fast. Stillness and cold seep into him and he's no longer able to share the space in her head._

_A loud scream rips through the air and River realizes that it's her as she feels the hands pull her up and away. Her legs slip in the pool of blood and she can taste it through her skin._

_It dries sticky as they slide the needle into her veins._

* * *

"What's the verdict, Doc?" 

Simon sighed as he closed the infirmary door behind him. 

"He's stable for now." He met Mal's eyes. "She knocked him unconscious, broke his nose and the bones of his right cheek, which is how she got the... uh... the teeth. That's not the worst of it... It looks as if she tried to disembowel him." 

Book frowned at the words, but he didn't say anything. 

"Tried?" Mal grimaced. "She had tools in there?" 

Simon breathed and tried to control the shaking of his voice. 

"No." He looked down at the floor. "She didn't." 

Inara sat down. Wash put a hand on Zoe's shoulder and she reached up to cover it with one of her own. Jayne looked vaguely ill at ease as his hand rested above his belly. Nobody spoke for a very long time. 

"Simon?" River's voice sounded loud over the speakers. "Meet us at the shuttle. The plan needs a doctor now." 

Simon was not the only one who raced out of the common room and up the cargo stairs to wait for the sounds of docking metal. Everybody held their breath as the door opened. 

"River?" Mal was the first to speak. "Who the hell is this and where is Kaylee?" 

She didn't look up at them as she helped support the weight of the weakened man. 

"This is Jonah." ***


	8. Inroads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little history. A little strategy. A little fighting. A gun shot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments: 1) This chapter was originally going to be called 'Reclamation', but then the exposition fairy came and got exposition dust over _everything_. The next chapter shall be chock full of action and fun and deserving of the title 'Reclamation', honest. 
> 
> 2) The twins and I want to thank Thatweirdgirl for giving them an identity. 
> 
> 3) Why is it that the majority of the male characters want to up the (not for a while, but soon R/K) slash content of this fic? It's just not right, I tell you.

***

She was dragged out of bed before she could wake up fully, before she could take stock of her surroundings. The hands that held her and pushed her down the dark hallway were none too gentle. Before she knew it, Kaylee found herself alone in a room with nothing but a flat screen taking up a whole wall. 

"Look," a voice sneered over an unseen speaker. "it's your friend." 

Sure enough, Kaylee found herself looking at River breaking into a building. By the white walls, she guessed it was this very one. Her eyes could not leave the screen as she watched River stop and have an argument with herself, the terror plain on her face as she collapsed to the ground. Her heart seized with fear as she saw the figure on the screen pull herself up and begin to walk away. They were too calm in showing her this footage. 

"Don't worry about River Tam." Kaylee looked at the walls, trying to find the source of the voice. "She got what she came for and she has left already." 

She couldn't understand what the voice was talking about until she looked back at the screen, at the figure of River helping a man down a different corridor. The same man who had sat with her without really being there. 

"That's not..." 

Kaylee wanted to say that it was old footage, that if River had come anywhere near here then she would already be free, but she couldn't. A small recess in the back of her mind had already recognized the pants River was wearing as a pair donated to her by Inara. 

"Looks like you're not her top priority." The voice waited for that to sink in. "But she's still ours. That boy was valuable to us." 

River was helping him up the stairs, Kaylee couldn't take her eyes off the screen. 

"She's taken almost everything we need, but she's left us with you. And we can work with you. River didn't tell you what we need, did she?" 

Without thinking about it, her head was shaking of it's own volition. Her eyes were watching the figure of a security guard walking blindly into River's path. 

"You are healthy, Miss Frye, and we thank you for taking care of yourself well. It will make it easier to take what we want from you, many times if we need it." At this, Kaylee took her eyes off the screen and looked around again. "What we could never take from River or any of the children here." 

Movement out of the corner of her eye made her turn and she was just in time to see River deliver a high kick to the security guard and render him unconscious. 

"You should know that River knows exactly what we want, what we will do, and yet she left you here." 

There were no other guards that Kaylee could see, nothing that impeded River's progress back out of the building. 

"Don't think the children will help you, either. Their loyalty to you is connected with their quickly fading loyalty to River. She has left them to our mercy a second time. And we have very little mercy to give." 

Nothing to stop River leaving. Nothing to stop her coming back for another person either. 

"They do not know why you're here. They never knew what River knew, what Jonah knew." 

Kaylee froze at the name. She looked more closely at the screen, at the man that River held easily. River had told her he was dead. 

"Last night will be nothing, Miss Frye, if you do not do all that we ask. We won't hurt you, your body is ours now and we need it, your current injuries notwithstanding, but we will hurt the children, every one of them." 

Her blood ran cold. 

"One by one." 

The sound of Alexandria's screams still rang in her head. 

"Until you beg to obey us." 

She looked once more to the screen, to the sight of River easily slipping out of the building with Jonah. 

"It's up to you." 

* * *

He woke on a slender bed, tucked in against a wall. The whiteness of it could only mean one thing: a medical bay. The grittiness of it could only mean one thing: he was out. IV lines snaked into his arms, but he felt clearer, stronger. His memories of the night before were vague. They must have hydrated him, pumped him full of energy boosters. Jonah felt her crouched by his feet, a small hand dancing fingers up and down his ankle like a spider. 

He recognized the man that hovered over the unconscious form in the middle of the room. He had never met him in person, but Jonah would know Simon Tam anywhere. The name held a sting in his head that he had forgotten. River's all powerful brother, perfection personified, the one who must be talked about a million times a day. He had finally done what River had known he could do, he'd gotten her out. Jonah could feel the fear and horror in him. He was terrified and sickened by what River had done, the doctor in him could not understand it. 

Jonah spared no thought for the man on the bed. 

"River." 

His voice was warm for her. He looked across and watched as her eyes flew up to him, unfocused and scared. It brought a frown to his face and he tried to reach her thoughts. 

"Six months." She whispered nervously. "Jonah's dead. Six months." 

Something blocked him. She'd never resisted him before now, even at her worst he'd been able to break though and find a way to calm her. He got nothing but flashes, too fast to read them, too bright to take them in. It frightened him. 

"River?" He asked gently, vaguely aware of Simon turning to look at them. 

"There was blood on my knees." She rocked a little, back and forth. "Blood. Everywhere blood. On Kaylee, too. Blue hands in brains. Can't say no. Tell them. Can't say no. Had to. Six months." 

"Calm down, River." He pushed himself up onto his elbow and reached out to her. "It's okay..." 

"No!" She threw up a hand to ward him off and leapt from the bed, sending a tray of instruments clattering to the floor. "It's not... Can't say... Jonah's dead. Can't be here. Shouldn't be here." 

He forced himself to a sitting position and she flinched from him, threw her body across the room so that she could be away from him. He couldn't stop staring at the sharpness of her movements, the irregular jerk of her head, the way she started to shake. 

"River?" Simon approached her carefully. "I'm here, mei mei." 

Her answer was a loud cry in no language that Jonah recognized. 

Another energy burst into the room and he turned to see a man opening the door. Mal. The name hit him with the title. Captain. Jonah could do nothing but watch as Mal moved quickly to a drawer and pulled out a hypo. 

"Can you hold her, doctor?" 

"Because of me!" She backed away from both the men. "I did it! And the blood came. Bubbles through fingers! In the brain! And dead men fall like stones!" 

"River? It's Simon." Jonah watched him reach out and wrap his arms around her, bringing her arms in close to her body as she thrashed against him. "It's okay, mei mei, it's okay." 

Mal rushed in with the hypo. The effect was instant, on River and on Jonah. 

"Simon?" Her voice, cracked and desperate, as she ran out of steam. "Simon, I did it. It was me. When they... but I... and... I wanted... but... he said..." 

The wall that had pushed against him crumbled with her body. She flooded into him, the violent cascade of her brain slowing to a stupor that flickered once or twice with an image and was then quiet. 

"Sh, mei mei." Simon's soft voice carried and Jonah watched him run his hands over her hair, her cheeks. "I'm here. I'm here." 

She was too far gone and Jonah squashed his confusion to focus on Simon. What he saw there made his jaw ache as he clenched it. Months of it, the medicines, the episodes, the too brief moments of lucidity at first, tears, laughter, the everyday struggle to function. 

Jonah watched Simon carry her out, easily hefting her into his arms as if he'd done it many times before. Which he had. He watched Simon and he felt Mal watching him. 

"No." He answered the question before it was asked. "I haven't seen her like that before." 

* * *

_He walks into the room, still flush with his success, head still high with all the arrogance of the fifteen year old boy he is. It is a school of gifted people, everyone here is talented beyond belief and now he has been chosen, he has risen to the very top._

_There are other children in the room and he notes with a little dismay that several of them are very young. The girl in the corner looks to be about eight or nine. They hover, uncertain, called to this special meeting because of their brilliance._

_He sees a girl sitting by herself and he gravitates towards her. She's more his age and he wants to know why she looks so pensive. Her long brown hair lies impossibly still all the way down her back and her eyes are wistful._

_I'm Jonah, he tells her._

_River, is her reply. He takes it as permission to sit down next to her._

_Can you believe this? Is his next question. I can't wait for the new program to start. I need a challenge._

_She turns her face to him and he sees the hint of a smile._

_I'm not sure. Her voice is soft and he suspects that it would be beautiful if she were laughing and happy. I have a lot of friends at this school, I'm going to miss them._

_Miss them? He asks, surprised by her words. Where are you going? I thought we were all here to start an advanced schedule._

_I can't seem to shake it, she shrugs, I have the strangest feeling that I'm never going to see them again._

_He laughs gently. You're just nervous. Don't worry, I'll be your friend in here if you want._

_She does smile at him then, her face gaining a light he knows he's going love. She turns to him and takes his hand in hers, shakes it officially with a charming little nod of her chin._

*Well, then, Jonah. You'll have to tell me all about you. What's your favorite class? I'm loving physics right now, but I secretly prefer to dance. They said I could still dance. Can you imagine? It's like my wildest dreams come true: school that actually challenges my brain and dance classes as well.* 

* * *

Mal watched the man out of the corner of his eye as he began to pick up the tools spilled over the floor. What they'd given her this time was half the strength of the last dose. He hoped it wouldn't debilitate her like the last one, Simon had promised it wouldn't, they needed her awake and alert. 

"You're a hypocrite." 

Jonah stood up, swaying lightly as he tried to adjust. He kept the light sheet wrapped around his waist and Mal could see that, despite the slightly wasted look of his body, this was a man that knew strength. 

"What?" Mal stopped what he was doing and looked squarely at Jonah. They faced off. "You care to explain yourself?" 

Jonah looked at the doctor on the bed. His mouth tightened into a line as his hand reached up and pulled the lines from his arm. 

"You blame her for what she did." He shrugged. "Oh, I know, it's not the injuries themselves that bother you. You've seen a lot worse, done a lot worse. It's the fact that she did it up close." 

Mal stepped to the left as Jonah stepped to the right, stepping closer to the cot in the middle of the room. They circled each other. 

"You think that the distance of a gun makes it noble. You're ready to arm yourself and your crew right now and break into a facility, shooting everything that moves. Most likely you'll kill them if you do, without thought or care of their individual guilt, except the job that they chose. You've done it before, countless times." 

Mal couldn't deny this. 

"The gun itself is not a weapon, it's just an extension of the person holding it. It's the person that's dangerous. If you shoot someone, you might as well reach into their body and pull it apart with your fingers. There's no difference, no distance, nothing that changes the fact of the murder." 

Jonah reached out and touched Dr. William's forehead. 

"The only difference between you shooting the people that get in your way and River harming this man is that River knew he was guilty. She knows first hand the pain he has caused people, she saw it, she felt it. If anything, her act is more just than yours." 

He made sure Mal was watching. 

"And my act?" Jonah lifted his hand and bought it down with swift precision on the delicate bones of the doctor's throat. Mal winced as a loud crack sounded throughout the room. "Well, it just saves River having to become a killer, doesn't it?" 

Jonah shivered as he felt an explosion in his head, the flash of a man's life. It passed quickly and all that was left behind was the trail of River's guilt. He could feel how it scratched at her, how the noise in her head had gotten too loud, how the doctor had not been able to control his memories and that had pushed her over the edge. The final violation. 

"She feels bad enough. Don't you dare make it worse for her by bringing your own guilt into it." Jonah spoke slowly and evenly. "River can't help what they made her. And they made her into a weapon, a finely tuned one at that. This man? He got off lightly compared to what I know she can do, what she stopped herself from doing." 

Mal had been slowly making his way to the door, he didn't take his eyes off the man standing there as he opened it and leaned out. 

"Jayne?" He called. "When you and the Sheppard are done cleaning up that dorm room, I got a body needs disposing of." 

"What?" Came the response as both men nodded a wary understanding to each other. "Gorram it, Mal..." 

* * *

Kaylee was left alone. 

She stared at the walls. Her brain was going in several different directions all at once, scanning her situation. All the white was giving her a headache. The doctor had been right, Wash was currently in a lot of danger, unknowing and vulnerable. She couldn't think about that. There was nothing she could do to help him right now. 

Kaylee was left alone in a room with nothing. 

She didn't even know where she was, but River did. Which meant that Mal did, which meant there would be lots of weapons and he, Zoe, Jayne and probably everybody else on the ship would come barreling in any minute now. Except that they hadn't yet and Kaylee had no idea whether or not River actually did know where she was, she had nothing but the say so of a vaguely threatening voice. Anything could happen before Serenity and her crew got to her. 

Kaylee was left alone in a room with nothing save the small bed she sat on. 

She had gleaned a small sense of security from the figure she now thought of as Jonah, from the children who had taken her side and come between her and the doctor. Jonah was gone and she knew he would not be back for her. The memory of the cries from the night before was enough for Kaylee to stop herself from expecting the children to continue to help her. 

It wasn't even the threats which stuck in her head as much as the scene in that room the day before. They had shielded the girl, yes, but they had shown no emotion, even when they knew what would happen. She did not know how many times it had happened before, but she wasn't going to let it happen on account of her again. 

Kaylee was left alone in a room with nothing save the small bed she sat on and painfully white walls. 

If she was keeping score properly, that ruled out River, Jonah, Wash, anyone on board Serenity and the children from coming to her immediate aide. It also left several security guards, Dr. Williams, the many other masked doctors, two men with blue hands and a really annoying voice preparing to do things to her body she couldn't begin to imagine and didn't really want to. 

Kaylee was left alone in a room with nothing save the small bed she sat on, painfully white walls and a small sink. 

There was only one person she hadn't counted on throughout the whole ordeal. It struck her with a sudden clarity that tasted like copper in the grooves of her mouth. She felt their hands run over her skin and through her hair. She looked down at herself in the stark white hospital gown they'd given her. No places to hide, no place they wouldn't look. 

But Kaylee had been left alone in a room with nothing save the small bed she sat on, painfully white walls, a small sink... 

And a hairpin. 

* * *

She let herself drift, floating and falling and wafting up on a breeze that wasn't real. Drifting up and gliding down, sliding across a landscape of her own making, full of trees and sunshine and the tinkling sound of water. There were footsteps in her garden. 

_River?_

She opened her eyes to look at him. He sat across from her, watching, waiting for her. He was scared, nervous, he didn't flow into her brain like he usually did. River knew she'd scared him. 

"You were dead, you know." A smile edged onto her lips, shy and embarrassed as she sat up and blinked her eyes free of the haze. 

"That's what they told you." His eyes studied her and she couldn't meet them. "It's what they told everyone. I only woke up two days ago." 

Her lip trembled and he moved to her side. 

"I missed you." She looked up at the ceiling, eyes scanning for answers in the tiles or perhaps a reason to hold back the tears. "You were gone so long." 

"River?" His question was gentle, but she could already feel the tendrils of his thoughts. "What did they do to you? After...?" 

"Don't, Jonah." She shut her eyes and wished she could control it like he did, wished she could pick and choose how it worked all the time. "Please don't?" 

His hands came up and rested themselves on the sides of her head as she leaned into them, let the weight of her head fall into him. She could feel his face near hers and knew he wanted to look into her eyes. 

"It's alright, River." She knew he was speaking out loud for her, that he wouldn't press her if she really didn't want it, but she had never been able to say no to him. "I'll be here, I'll be with you." 

"I don't want to." Her lip trembled harder now and she opened her eyes, a hot tear sliding out. "Don't tell them. Can't tell them. Have to keep it secret." 

Their eyes met and she nodded. 

He felt dizzy as he rushed into it, unable to control the speed of her own thoughts, loud voices and cries and he saw his own body lying broken and bleeding. 

Then the questions, the fear, the pain. He saw her strapped to a table, wires taped to her skull, felt the agony of the laser as it burrowed into her, felt the electricity pulse through her systems and the drugs speed up her heart. 

They gasped together as Jonah felt the emptiness of her flatline and the harshness of the pull back when they revived her. Over and over. The questions never ended and she never broke. 

She hadn't told them. 

For six months she had kept it from them and it had been his fault. Jonah felt her retreat further and further, felt her synapses snap and rupture with every surgery they performed. His jaw tightened as he felt it, knew she'd been awake for the worst of it. They tried everything they knew and they had known a lot. 

"Tell us who. I did it. I said it." Jonah bit his lips as she sobbed the words out, same as before, and he tasted his own blood. "I didn't want. When they... but I... and... I wanted... but... you said..." 

It hurt him, her struggle for the words. What he heard in her head was completely different. 

_I didn't want to tell them, I wouldn't have said anything at all, but you kept telling me to tell them it was you. They would have killed me, like they killed the others, I knew it and I wanted it to happen right then. But you told me to tell them and I did. I told them it was you and they killed you in front of us._

"Can't say no. Tell them. Can't say no. Had to. Six months." She was shaking as she fell into his arms and he found the same strokes her brother had, brushing her hair back as his chin rested on the top of her head. "Can't say... he's dead. Can't be here. Shouldn't be here." 

_All the things they did, for six months, everything I went through. It was all for nothing. You lived. All for nothing. I wasn't the only one who knew. It should never have happened. None of it. I wanted to let go, but I held on, because somebody had to know. I could have escaped it all. All for nothing._

Jonah left her brain. He didn't want to hear the crystal clarity inside when it never reached the surface, didn't want to feel the frustration of it, the absolute certainty that she was right and no one would know, because the words she said were never the words she wanted and the more she tried the worse it became. 

He laid his hands gently on her shoulders and pushed her back. Her eyes searched his, scared and confused at the sudden loneliness inside her thoughts. Jonah stood up and set his jaw. 

"We'll make them pay, you and I." He paused, waited for her to look up at him. "Now let's see about getting Kaylee back for you." 

He held his hand out, palm down, an offering. He watched as five small fingers came up to meet his, shaking but sure. Their hands curled into each other and she let herself be pulled to a standing position. 

* * *

_They huddle in groups, the smallest ones together and the middle ones trying to act like they don't care as much, as if they're not as worried as the rest of them. They sit at tables in the middle of the room, stand near the wall, waiting for the missing among them. In just one week they've gone from individuals to a group._

_It started, Jonah thinks, the moment all nineteen of them were herded onto the ship. That's when they knew, because you need special papers to transport a child across planetary borders, particularly a group of them. Especially if their families don't know. No one will know where they are, they won't know where to look._

_He stands with his back against the wall._

_Whatever they're doing, it's not good. River says as she sits on the floor next to his legs, knees up to her chest and she's hugging her calves. I shouldn't have come here. It sounds too good to be true, that's what Simon said. I should have listened. He's never wrong._

_None of us should be here. He says. None of us knew._

_She looks up at him and he can see the fear in her eyes._

_Whatever they're doing to him, they're going to do to us. He feels a chill at her words and she keeps speaking even as her voice shakes. I think... I think I can take anything but the not knowing. I can't stand not knowing._

_Jonah thinks maybe they're all better off not knowing, but he doesn't say it. She's already scared half out of her wits and he's never really had close female friends before, but he's convinced that part of the agreement is not pushing her the rest of the way._

_We'll be okay. He insists instead, even though he's not sure he believes it anymore. There's been some sort of mistake and as soon as they realize it, they'll take us home._

_Even as he says the words, he knows they're pointless. River's face says she thinks the same thing, but she's not going to say it._

_The tests they've been giving us, all those questions. River looks forward, but her face is still angled up to his as she speaks. They gave us more. They're planning something for the both of us. I think we fit some sort of plan of theirs. Don't you?_

_He nods, knows she's right, wishes he knew how to make her feel better._

_All I wanted was to dance. She sighs petulantly. I think they lied._

_She's such a brat, it makes him grin. Jonah pushes away from the wall and turns to face her. She looks up at him with narrowed eyes of confusion. He holds out his hand palm down, an offering, and watches as she reaches out to take it._

_You can still dance, he says as he pulls her up to her feet, you don't need their permission._

_Hands still clasped together, he throws his other arm around her waist and drags her into a wide spin, before she can catch her breath he twirls her around. There's a spark in her eyes as she catches the beat and they move together in the silence. The younger ones stop their whispering and nervous chatter to watch them and their faces begin to smile, too._

_He can see the laugh about to burst from her face when she stops, frozen in mid step and he watches her face fall quickly, there's a trickle of blood running from her left nostril. He watches the question rise to her lips and feels her hand slip away from his._

_It's then that he sees the blue hand on her shoulder._

_What have you done? He demands, wanting to yell the words, but they come out terrified and small as he looks at the man behind her. She's bleeding._

_Don't worry about River Tam. Jonah spins to see another man standing behind him, another pair of blue hands. She'll be perfectly fine._

_If she does what she's told, announces the first man who lets River go and doesn't even blink when she crumples to the floor. If you all do what you're told._

_Jonah hears the whimpers that come from the youngest of them, he can see some of the other faces that are a mix of anger and terror. What he feels is a sudden, groundless knowledge that they're all in danger. He knows for a fact now that no one will be looking for them, no one that will succeed._

_They've brought Charles back, the young boy completing their group of nineteen. He doesn't know what they've done to him, but Jonah can see the marks along the boy's hairline, can see the vacant way he's staring into the room and the way his right hand twitches._

_They've brought Charles back, but they've bought him back wrong._

* * *

Simon gave the table one last wipe down. In no way, shape or form did he want to know what they did with the body. He has to concern himself with the living. A quiet knock sounded on the door and he gritted his teeth. 

"I don't want to talk right now." He couldn't trust himself not to say something stupid. "Not to you." 

"I understand that, son," came Book's reply, "and I respect it as I said I would, but now is not the time for personal grudges." 

"Personal...?" Simon spun around and caught himself from going further with that outburst. "You followed me here to kill me and give my sister back to her torturers. Explain to me how it's not personal?" 

"If my calculations are correct," Book didn't blink at Simon's hostility, he welcomed it in point of fact, "they'll be planning a rescue mission some time soon. A big one. Very big. We're all going to need to rely on each other." 

"Yes," Simon drawled the sarcasm out liberally, "because I really feel like placing my life in your hands right now." 

"Exactly my point, Simon." Book sighed. "At this point in time things are bigger than you and me. It's not about who did what months and years ago, this is about a young girl's life. Kaylee's life. When this is all finished and we have her back, feel free to hate me. I'll even leave this ship if you feel it's necessary, I don't want to, but I will. For now, though, we need to call a truce." 

"There's only one thing wrong with that strategy." Simon met Book's eyes. "It's no use planning anything for when this is all finished, because this is never finished. Trust me, I know." 

Book smiled the very small smile of the newly almost forgiven. 

"You're a good man, Simon Tam." 

"So they keep telling me with each new and exciting crime I get involved with." 

"I think we should meet up with the others now." Book suggested. "I want to be part of the plans." 

It wasn't ideal, it was awkward and tense, but it was a truce and it was necessary, Simon knew it as they left the infirmary. He just couldn't get the thought out of his head, all those times Book had sat with River and he hadn't once said anything. All the times he'd spoken with Simon and during all of it there had been an undercurrent Simon had never been aware of. 

"Jonah, no!" 

Simon felt it before he saw it, before his brain could process River's words. He stepped back, out of the way, as Jonah slammed Book up against the wall of the common room, one arm pressed firmly against his throat. 

"Not this man." River placed a hand on Jonah's arm and tried to make him let go. "No." 

Book struggled to breathe. He trusted his instincts, which had not gotten him killed once that he knew of, and at that moment his instincts were telling him to keep still and not speak. Jonah was staring at him, eyes fierce and breath heavy. 

River squeezed between them, forced her body through a non existent gap and pushed against Jonah, her hands on his shoulders. There was a long moment when nothing happened and Book felt a trickle of fear for the girl. 

"Please, Jonah?" River's voice shook, but her gaze was steady. "For me? Leave him alone for me?" 

Their eyes met and Book knew there was something flowing between them that neither he, nor Simon, would ever be privy to. What mattered, however, was the slow easing of the pressure at his throat, the rush of cold air into his lungs again. 

"Stay away from me." Jonah managed as he pushed back and took a long step away. "For your own sake." 

Instincts were not always what they were cracked up to be. 

"For what it's worth, I am sorry, son." 

Jonah and River had crossed half the room when he stopped and tried to turn. River kept hold of his hands and tugged him towards the stairs. 

"Don't call me son!" There was a flash of anger in Jonah's eyes, before it turned cold again. "He was my father and you call yourself a man of god?" 

There was nothing Book could say to that, nothing that would help. He and Simon watched the two climb the stairs. 

"Working together, huh?" Simon nodded slowly. "Yep, this is going to end well." 

* * *

Strange, how the difference between waiting to be rescued and taking steps to rescue yourself can change your whole perspective. Kaylee was calmer as she lay on the table this time, she had to be. It was necessary to remain in control if she was going to take note of all the details. 

There were five doctors, two women and three men, none of whom would meet her eyes. Two of the men and a woman went to adjust switches and monitor screens. She recognized some of the machines along the wall and the different com links, but there was a lot of equipment she didn't think she'd ever seen before. There was only one door into and out of the room. 

She was calm, but it didn't stop her flinching when she felt a hand on her arm, her whole body stiffened. 

"Relax." Said the man who had stayed with her. "We won't hurt you." 

Kaylee did not react to this, just kept herself still and waited. The woman at her side had the grace to blush. 

"None of us here will hurt you unnecessarily." She corrected. "Dr. Williams is not here today. He won't be back." 

There was an edge to her voice, if Kaylee wasn't imagining it, and significant glances shared around the room. She wanted to know just what had happened to the doctor and whether it had to do with the children. 

"How do you feel today?" 

She didn't answer the question, just closed her eyes and gave a slight shake of her head, sure that anything she said in response to this would not be taken favorably. They taped the wires back onto her head, scanned her with the machines again, poked and prodded different pressure points, wrote down the results, talked among themselves. It was almost bearable. 

Kaylee knew that whatever she was going to do it couldn't be in this room, there wasn't enough room for escape and if Mal had taught her anything, it was the value of a good escape plan. No, the most likely chance she'd get would be when she was in transit, on the way back to that room. Four guards would ferry her there and there was an elevator at the other end of the hallway in the opposite direction they would take her. She had to make it there. This room with the mysterious medical equipment was useless to her, so was the stark room with the bed. The elevator, however, was a big box of machinery and she could use that. 

"Headaches?" They continued to ask her and she continued to shake her head. 

"Dizziness? Blurred vision? Nausea?" She kept shaking her head to their questions. "Pain anywhere?" 

Kaylee opened her eyes. 

"We're getting an accelerated heat reading." Announced one of the men by the machines. "Right side of the facial structure." 

"Really?" The woman replied, dryly. She touched the violent swelling of Kaylee's cheek and Kaylee had to bite back a whimper. "Is that so? Anywhere else?" 

"No." The man's voice sounded smaller this time. 

The woman leaned down close. 

"Kaylee? We need to know something." It was the way her voice had gone suddenly cold that made Kaylee take notice. "How far along are you in your cycle?" 

"What?" Her eyes flew between the man and woman at her side. "I don't know what..." 

"Listen, Kaylee, you can tell us now or we can take advantage of the fact you're strapped to our table and physically measure the thickness of your endometrial lining. Trust me when I say we won't be gentle about it. Do you understand what that means?" 

Kaylee nodded slowly. 

* * *

Mal caught Zoe on the way to the dining room, his hand taking her elbow and drawing her aside as she waved a confused Wash onward. She raised her brow and waited. 

"I'm putting Book next to me." He said quietly. "I want you on his other side." 

"Sir?" 

"Just a precaution." He assured her. "A wise one, I'm thinking." 

Zoe eyed him shrewdly. 

"And Jayne?" 

"I was thinking," Mal shrugged a little too casually, "perhaps, right next to Jonah at the other end of the table." 

"Yes, sir." A small, knowing smile edged her lips. "Just a precaution." 

"That boy was in a coma for a year and a half." Mal whispered. "And within days of waking up he's already killed a man and attacked another. I'm thinking, yes, a little bit of extra caution is necessary. Don't you?" 

"I wasn't arguing." She replied. "Just pointing out your choice of words." 

He looked at her, but she kept her face blank as they went to meet the others. The tensions ran high and Jonah swept more than one glare towards Book. It made Mal nervous, very nervous. 

"We need to come up with some kind of plan. We're all in this together." He looked around the table, finally ending with River and Jonah at the opposite end to him. "So I'd take it as a kindness if everything was spoken out loud." 

They nodded without looking at each other. 

"We need to get away from Orpheus." Mal continued. "It won't be long before they start looking for the doctor, if they haven't already." 

"I'll give you coordinates." Jonah said to Wash. "If you push her hard, we can be there in twelve hours." 

"Twelve is twenty two." River whispered urgently. "Eight too late. You know it." 

"River..." Jonah started, but she shook her head. 

"She won't know. She won't know who it is." River pleaded. "It's going to make her sad. Eat her up with it." 

"Who won't she know?" 

Simon's question was gentle and River's eyes widened, stretched in time with her hands that splayed on the table. She gave a shudder before looking at Jonah. He nodded at her and she swallowed deeply. 

"Everybody knows. Sometimes only themselves, but they know that half. Kaylee won't know." She gave a nod to Jonah. "We'll have to tell her, she won't like it." 

River stopped and folded her hands together on top of the table, staring at them intently. Silence waited for her and she could feel them holding their breaths, restraining them like wayward children. 

"I can't." She whispered, her voice beginning to shake. "It's too... I held it... I can't." 

Jonah wanted to reach in and soothe her over, to soften the sharp edges that began to spike in her, wanted to show her it would be alright this time, but they were not the only ones there and they had both agreed. 

"River." He spoke softly and out loud. "They should know. If they're going to help, they deserve to know." 

She nodded and slowly rolled her head back so that she stared at the ceiling, her mouth shaped several words, but no sounds came out. Finally she brought her head down and looked straight at Inara. 

"Petaline knew it. Made her sad, but she knew who it was." River gave a shy smile to the man on her right. "I told her to call him Jonah." 

"My god." Simon almost felt his synapses connect the dots, like a physical flash in his brain. "Are you telling us...?" 

"Surrogacy." Jonah confirmed. "They've done it before, several times." 

"Means to an end." River said, it was the closest thing to bitter Simon had heard her sound. "That's all. Thought we were a purpose. Cut up like rags, sewn together like a rag doll. Stitches raw and useless. We're still leaking. Oozing." 

"There were nineteen of us." Jonah tried to take River's hand, but she pulled away from his touch and laid her head on her hands, her hair fanned out over the table. "We were their initial experiments, their test subjects. They wanted to create a team of specialized operatives with enhanced perceptions, increased abilities." 

"And?" Prompted Mal. "What happened?" 

River's voice came, muffled, from beneath the curtain of her hair. 

"They succeeded, you boob." 

Jonah, much like everyone else at the table, tried to stifle the smile that rose to his lips. Jayne just chuckled to himself. 

"You've all seen what their mistake was." He said as he gestured between himself and River. "If you give a team the ability to communicate silently, then they do. You lose control. We became too insular, too unstable. Even now the six of us that are left play with the people that keep them there. Some of us weren't so lucky, some of the procedures they did had disastrous effects, the human body was not made to withstand what they were doing. Look at River." 

"I don't mean to point out the obvious here," Wash ventured. "but, you seem to be quite sane." 

"From the very start they knew River was special. They expected more from her, so they tried to get more." Jonah didn't look at Simon when he spoke, he didn't want to see what he could feel radiating off the man. "You have to understand, whatever they did during the experiments on the younger ones, they perfected on River and me. She got what was essentially spread out between seventeen others." 

"And you?" Zoe asked. 

"I was the oldest. I couldn't give them what River could, so they didn't dig as deep." Jonah closed his eyes. "They used me because I was bigger, I was the strongest. I had to be. They were just children, Alexandria was nine at the time. Somebody had to..." 

"Show them to dance when I tripped." River threw her head back and looked at Jonah again. "Laughter is an involuntary spasm of the body, can't be taught in a lab, can't be cultivated." 

She smiled, but it wasn't a happy smile and he continued. 

"It didn't take long for them to think of another way to get what they wanted. To make another group of specialized automatons that they could exert control over from the very moment they were born." 

"Adam was the first." River reached out and took Jonah's hand. "A composite, best of both." 

"Was?" Inara asked softly. 

River squeezed Jonah's hand and he could still taste the memory in her. 

"They pushed too hard." River's voice was back to a whisper. "Cut too deep, didn't find the boundary. He came out wrong." 

There were few times in his life, this being one of them, that Simon cursed his IQ, the ability to follow the conversation to this point. He was reeling and groundless, unable to understand a medical mind able to stretch human suffering to this point. 

"They operated in utero?" It was automatic now, a reflex, the turning to Mal to translate. "They operated on the babies before they were born." 

"Those women?" Book asked, speaking for the first time. "What happened to them?" 

River pushed her chair back and stood, backing away from everyone's quiet horror, the crushing pity, the desperate burning need to know even if she couldn't tell them. Her feet paced the floor and she found it easier to keep moving, bouncing on the balls of her feet, her whole body shaking. 

"Lost souls. No one will miss them. He made them cry." She looked at Simon and hoped he would understand as she spelled the words out more slowly. "He made them cry." 

"I don't know where they came from." Jonah continued. "I don't know what happened to them after, but considering what River got from the doctor, it wasn't a happy ending for them. They were kept in the basement, operated on repeatedly while they carried the children and afterwards they were gone." 

"Cut out of them." River whispered as her hand hovered over her belly. "Ripped untimely." 

"They tried several times to get the procedures right, the correct sequencing of DNA versus surgical intervention." Jonah looked at River. "They even had us working the details. Each of us had different sequences, nobody put the whole together to start with." 

"Adenine to thymine." River intoned, her eyes staring into the distance. "Guanine to cytosine. Never the twain shall meet. Hydrogen to bind them all. Basic rules of DNA. Change the formula, change the gene, change the genetic trait." 

"Until River." Jonah finished. "She created a formula for RNA and DNA that would allow them to create what they needed." 

"Ribonucleic acid, alter it, alter the instructions." She continued, lost to the room. "Deoxyribonucleic acid, connect A and T with two strands, connect C and C with three strands, doesn't work the other way. Simple fractions, lowest common denominator, two by three, connect with six, strengthen the hydrogen, bind A with C and G with T, not everywhere, just there. And here. And there." 

"With that formula, we were useless to them, a hindrance, and they'd be free to engineer masses of children to their needs, to cut into them while they were still forming." Jonah took a breath and River stopped pacing to look at him. "Until I wiped it from their data banks." 

"They wouldn't want just any children, they'd want their prodigies." Simon broke in, voice hushed with horrified awe. "They were using your DNA, weren't they?" 

"Best of both." River agreed, taking her place at the table again. "Harvested and frozen. Implanted. Engineered. Not really ours." 

"They used the women as surrogates," Jonah spoke sadly. "until their bodies gave out." 

"They're going to do this to Kaylee, aren't they?" Zoe looked at River and she nodded. "And you don't think we'll get there in time?" 

"Need to move faster." River shrugged. "Twelve is too long." 

"This is a Firefly, it doesn't go..." Jonah began, but his words trailed off as River looked at him. He turned to Mal. "You guys bring on extra machinery lately?" 

"Yes." Mal's voice held an edge of hope. "A whole bunch of stuff Kaylee left behind." 

"I need to see it." Jonah said and River smiled at him. "It might boost us for several hours, not enough, but anything is better than nothing." 

* * *

They walked down the corridor and Kaylee was fast running out of nerves. Every step they took was a step away from the elevator. The four guards were armed, though their weapons were in their holsters, and they had a tight grasp on her. One on either side, holding her arms, and one in front and back of her. 

Realistically, she knew she couldn't fight them, not four large men at once, not even with surprise on her side. Not even if she gave up the hidden pin. What she needed was a diversion. Jayne's suggestion floated into her head and Kaylee almost smiled at the thought, she wondered what these men would do if she got naked. 

That's when the alarms sounded. 

It happened in an instant, the loud screech of sirens, the switch to emergency power, red lights creating shadows. The guards let go of her arms to bring their guns to the ready. 

Kaylee did not think. She raised her foot and brought it down on the foot of the man behind her. As he cried out, she doubled over and ducked the reach of the other men who tried to grab her and twisted through the gap they'd left. A sudden hot burst of air hit her lungs. 

She was clear. 

Her feet pushed hard on the ground and she ran as fast as she could. Fifty feet, she guessed, less than the length of Serenity when River chased her through it. Except that River had never aimed a gun at her, not directly anyway. She kept her eyes on the elevator and her brain focused on those behind her, waiting for the red hot rip of another bullet through her flesh. 

"Stop!" A voice behind her. 

Forty feet. 

A door flew open to her left and Kaylee didn't even slow down as the doctors poured into the hallway. It was with a small amount of satisfaction that she pushed the female doctor aside and heard her hit the wall. 

Thirty feet. 

"Don't shoot her, you idiots!" 

The words sparked a new confidence in her. Her body was useless to them if they shot holes in it or killed her outright. The muscles of her legs burned as she pushed them faster. 

Twenty feet. 

"Get out of the way, doctor!" 

Kaylee heard a scuffle and prayed it would buy her enough time. Fifteen feet. The sound of a gun discharging made her slow down. It happened in slow motion, momentum carried her legs into two more steps, her feet slapped hard against the tiles, her arms stopped mid swing. 

As her right foot hit the ground, pain exploded in her right calf, thick and heavy. Kaylee gasped as she stumbled, her eyes staying on the door ahead of her. Her knees hit the floor hard and she broke the rest of her fall with her hands. The tiles were cool against the flush of her cheeks. 

Ten feet. 

Red lights flashed, alarms sounded and footsteps thundered up from behind her, but the last thing Kaylee registered before she closed her eyes was the small peal of a bell. The whooshing sound of the elevator doors opening. 

And two pairs of hands helping her up. 

* * *

"These could work." Jonah whistled as he ran his hands over the machine parts. "Kaylee chose well." 

Mal eyed him warily. 

"Yes. She's very valuable, that one." 

Jonah laughed softly. 

"Relax. I won't come between them." 

He collected what he wanted into one box and lifted it, ignoring the rise of Mal's brow and the stubborn set of his mouth. 

"Tell me I'm wrong." 

Jonah began climbing the stairs, leaving it up to Mal to follow if he wanted, which he already knew Mal would. 

"Why would I do that? You're right." He kept walking through the sudden flurry of Mal's triumph and confusion. "There was something, you know that, but River..." 

Jonah paused at the entrance to the engine room and took a slow and steady breath before he continued. 

"River's moved on. She grieved and she moved on." He looked Mal in the eyes. "And you're still a hypocrite." 

"Really?" Mal couldn't stop the questioning smile. "Can't wait to hear this one." 

"You're willing to let River lead your crew, to make plans and take them into the hospital, into the belly of this new beast. You trust her with their lives." Jonah put the box down and looked around the room before spotting the tool box stacked neatly on a shelf. "But you don't trust her not to hurt Kaylee." 

When Jonah pointed at a part, Mal picked it up with some surprise, looking over it before handing it over. 

"That's a catalyzer." 

"It's a nothing part 'til you ain't got one." Jonah echoed. "Now you've got two." 

"That's about my knowledge, right there." Mal admitted. "Kaylee handles everything else." 

"You trust might, you trust strength and fists, guns, loyalty and brains." Jonah continued as if he'd never stopped. "You don't want to trust hearts any more. You can't." 

"Get out of my head, boy." But he wasn't angry and they both knew it. "It ain't a place you want to be." 

Jonah just smiled as he unscrewed the panel in front of him. 

"You want something to go wrong, you want one of them to hurt the other. Just like you want it for Wash and Zoe." He looked at the blinking panel of lights and wires. "Not that you really want anyone to be hurt, but it would back up your stand against shipboard romances." 

"Well," Mal broke in. "they just don't work. Everyone knows it. The complications alone..." 

"One happy relationship can be an anomaly. Two makes a pattern." Jonah continued. "If they prove you wrong, you won't have anything to stand behind. Your defense will fall down and you'll be exposed." 

"... loyalties are divided. There are just too many distractions..." 

"You keep telling yourself that," Jonah's voice held enough sarcasm for Mal to stop and take note. "because she's going to wait forever. She's not getting weary at all standing still like this. You can't keep giving her free rent and expect her to stay." 

Mal narrowed his eyes. 

"How about we don't talk about me or my crew?" 

"Fair enough." Jonah nodded. "But first, a word of advice? Give Jayne a big role in this, make it important." 

"Why?" Mal looked behind him out to the hall. "What did he...?" 

"You made him take the step between hired mercenary and part of a family, it took a lot from him, but you're still treating him like hired muscle." Jonah didn't look up from tampering in the machine, didn't wait for Mal's response. "Don't leave it until he rethinks that arrangement." 

It wasn't as if Mal hadn't thought about that, in the back of his mind, there just hadn't been time to think on it properly. This man had been on his ship less than a day and already knew his people better than he did. The thought made him all manner of uncomfortable. 

"You don't trust me, I don't blame you." Jonah hunkered down and reached further into the engine. "I'm not loyal to you, your ship or your crew. But River is and you can trust that I'm loyal to her." 

"You know," Mal gave a small, slow nod of approval, he liked the way Jonah was upfront about everything, even if he was wary of the man, "I may just grow to like you." 

"Good." Jonah nodded. "Now give me twenty minutes and I'll shave four hours off our flight time." 

"Is that enough?" Mal was sure he already knew the answer. 

"It has to be, doesn't it?" 

* * *

_She's strapped into a chair and River wants to close her eyes, wants to ignore what's really happening, but she doesn't. She knows what will happen if she does. She'll only make it worse._

_For him._

_He's strapped into his own chair, across from her. They've been situated so that they have no choice but to see each other's faces. His jaw is clenched and there's sweat dripping down his neck._

_She wants to tell him to just do it, she can take it, but the look in his eyes tells her that he never will._

_Jonah, they coerce again, all you have to do is press the button. You know this._

_He takes this moment to smile at her. River knows it's going to make them mad._

_Her eyes can't help but search out the points of contact, the places where the electricity will surge into him again, make his body seize up and convulse, make him scream in agony. Her vision slips down to his hand, hovering over the button. Press it, she urges him with her eyes, just press it._

_He doesn't._

_His whole body snaps and jerks in front of her, the crackle of the energy audible throughout the room. Tears run down her eyes. She wants to beg them, wants to tell them she'll do whatever they ask, but it's a useless plea bargain. They already know they'll get what they want. It's just a matter of how they'll take it._

_It finishes and his body slumps down as much as his restraints allow._

_River gets chills from the icy clamps on her own skull, the wires attached to her heart, the attachments that mirror his in all aspects but one. They control his and they're not shy in using it._

_Jonah's little button controls hers and they won't stop until he presses it._

* * *

River crouched by the door to the bridge, making herself small. It was too thick just now to enter, too closed off and fragile. The ship roared under her and she imagined them flying through space like a rock thrown at a window, energy and force gained from anger and resentment. 

She focused on the ripples that washed over her, uncontrolled waves that pushed. River quashed the envy that rose again, knowing Jonah could block it if he wanted. The need, the slow burning desperateness to understand and the longing to have it told. It fought with the confusion, the guilt, the feeling of despair. 

River crouched by the door and waited. She didn't have to wait long. 

"Don't blame him." She looked up and saw the surprised face of Zoe looking down at her. "He doesn't know himself what he feels, he'd tell you if he could." 

"And that's the problem, isn't it?" Zoe crouched down, too, not even bothering to pretend she didn't know what River was talking about. "I don't know, he doesn't know. You do." 

River shook her head and looked into Zoe's eyes as she reached up and touched the side of Zoe's head. 

"I see you too. Secrets even you've forgotten." A question on her face. "I know what he doesn't know. Does that make you love him less?" 

Zoe looked back through the open door of the bridge. 

"No." She admitted. 

"Why do you think it separates him from you, then?" 

"I guess it doesn't." Zoe gave a quick nod. "Not really." 

River gave a smile. 

"Go back and tell him that." 

* * *

"Kaylee?" She felt dizzy and dazed, her head fogged as she blinked. The small space eddied in front of her eyes. "Kaylee? You need to wake up." 

Somebody clapped in front of her face and she blinked again. Faces swam into focus and she felt hands propping her up against a steel wall. 

"I was shot..." She managed. "They got my leg." 

"No." Came a voice. "They hit you with a stunner. You won't be able to walk for a while, but you're not injured." 

Kaylee looked around and noted with surprise that she was in the elevator with the six children. It took a second for that to sink in. They'd done it, they'd gotten her here. 

"Where are they?" She asked, her head clearing quickly. 

As they all looked to the door, Kaylee heard the unmistakable shifting of gears, the car hissing past air trapped in the shaft. They were moving. 

"It won't take them long." Said the oldest one. "We're headed to the basement. This elevator is the only way in or out, but they'll stop it sooner rather than later." 

"No." Kaylee shifted herself more upright. "I can disable it." 

The youngest girl, Alexandria, slowly bought her hand up to her right cheek as She looked at Kaylee. 

"Ouch." 

"Yes." Kaylee managed a smile. "Ouch." 

She opened her mouth and reached in with her left hand, trying not to moan with the pain as she felt for the small groove she had created under the swelling, hooked her nails under the lump of the hair pin and inched it free. Blood oozed over her tongue and she swallowed it. 

Kaylee stumbled over to the front, to the panel that held the buttons. Her eyes quickly found the access points and the hair pin was small enough to gain her access. 

"Is it just me," the blonde haired boy came to watch her work in the exposed wires, "or did your brain promise to get naked back there?" 

"Sebastian!" Came the horrified voice of the red haired girl as Kaylee smiled to herself. "You leave her alone!" 

"You're just jealous, Bethany," He poked out his tongue. "because you don't have anything we'd want to see naked, yet." 

Sebastian was slapped across the arm for his trouble. 

"You're only one year older than me, young man, and I haven't noticed you growing any beards yet." 

"Okay." Kaylee felt relief wash over her as they bantered back and forth. "So, I've got Sebastian, Bethany and Alexandria. You'll have to tell me the rest." 

"I'm Daniel." Said the oldest boy, holding his head high and his chest puffed out. There were several snorts in the small elevator. "I'm the oldest, I'm seventeen." 

"Fifteen." Supplied Sebastian. 

"Fourteen." Bethany said. 

"She is Minmei." The small Asian boy said, pointing at his sister. "We're fourteen as well." 

"He's Binh." The girl replied, pointing to her brother. "We're not identical, we're mirrored fraternal." 

"I'm twelve." Whispered Alexandria. "And you're pretty." ***


	9. Reclamation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time those blue bastards learned who they're dealing with.

***

Inara sat on the bed and looked at the small pistol in her hand. It was silver, ornate, and had been chosen, like everything else in her life, for its beauty. That and the way it was easily concealed within her robes. 

It had been a very long time since she had actually used it. 

Her fingers traced the engravings on the handle. It surprised her how readily they had all assumed she would load up and join them. Of course, there wasn't much she wouldn't do for Kaylee, or River for that matter. And it wasn't like she hadn't been joining them on their jobs lately, she had helped with the Lassiter, had stood up to Rance Burgess with Nandi. It was just that they had always, or more precisely Mal had always made sure she was never in the middle of the danger. She'd always considered herself danger adjacent. 

Something inside her tightened when she thought about the fact that he hadn't even blinked this time. 

She sighed and placed the small pistol back in its wooden box and then placed that back in its hiding place. Considering what they were about to do and who they were planning to do it against, she was going to feel a lot more comfortable with something a little bigger. 

Inara wondered just how much it would take for Jayne to part with Vera. 

* * *

Two long, austere, expressionless faces peered down the shaft, their eyes adjusted to the dark quickly. Several figures crouched like ants at the bottom. One face turned up to them, the glow of the metal cutters illuminating the top of his bald scalp. 

"She's fused the roof access." He called up to them. "And she's totally disabled the elevator mechanisms." 

"She's intelligent." Said the man on the right. 

"More so than the lot of you, obviously." Said the man on the left. 

"We can't get in." His voice rose up, more than a little fear within it. "There's no way." 

"Cut through the floor." Said the first man. "If you have to." 

"Find a way." Said the second. "We don't care how." 

* * *

"I ain't playin'." 

"Please?" She wheedled. 

"No." Jayne folded his arms over his chest and leaned back on the couch. "Stop lookin' at me like that, girl. I said no." 

River made her eyes big and wide. She pouted. She even gave a little mewl for good measure. Jayne set his jaw. 

"Seven more hours." She whined. "Seven." 

"Look, I told you already, I ain't gonna play no gorram cards with no gorram mind reading freak." 

Zoe looked up from the kitchen as she stirred a spoon through the pot. 

"Good call." She agreed. 

River looked him in the face, her eyes moved back and forth and she began to smile. Evilly. She placed her chin on her hands and looked entirely smug. Jayne sat up a little straighter. 

"Stop it, y'hear?" 

River's smile got deeper. 

"Fine." He gritted through clenched teeth and flipped over a card. "Plums are top." 

* * *

Jonah watched Simon watch River from the doorway. He could feel the reverence in the man, the slowly building joy at his sister's teasing, such a normal state of being. 

"It's harder for us." Jonah watched Simon spin around, red faced at being caught spying from the shadows. "For you and me." 

"I'm sorry?" 

"They don't understand." Jonah continued. "They think it's difficult for you because she's your sister, but that's not all." 

Simon nodded for him to continue. 

"It hurts us more to see her like this," he explained, "because we know what she was like before. They don't have a basis for comparison." 

Simon looked down. 

"I should have fought harder. Six months, even." He spat the words out. "Jesus, just six months!" 

"There's no guarantee it would have made a difference." It was firm, Jonah's voice, and left no room for doubt. "She was the strongest, but also the most fragile out of all of us. She would take anything they dished out, but she'd already started to crack before I left." 

A confused crinkle formed in Simon's brow. 

"Is this your idea of comforting?" 

Jonah came to stand next to him, he let his eyes linger on River as she smiled to herself, quite obviously cheating as Jayne glared at her and handed over another piece of paper. 

"She's the only one of us that never gave up, even when it was at its worst." Jonah turned back to Simon. "She always knew you'd come rescue her. Knew, by the way, not believed or hoped. Knew." 

Closing his eyes, Simon remembered a shaking hand reaching out to touch the swelling of a black eye. I didn't think you'd come. Even now the words broke something in him. 

"I just took too long." 

"No, you don't get it." Jonah insisted. "She didn't give up hope, not when I knew her and even if they eventually broke her down, you're the only one out here that never gave up. You proved her right." 

* * *

_She lies sideways on her bed. She's all wrong and that's fine by her, because nothing has been right for over a month now and why she should be any different escapes her._

_The bed stretches out on either side of her, enough for her to spread her arms out wide if she wants to. Her legs lean up against the wall, straight and long, the generic gown falling down to her hips, and she crosses her ankles in the air, watches her toes point, perfect and dainty. Her dance instructor back in Capital City would have been so proud._

_The bed is narrow and it supports her back to just underneath her shoulder blades. River reaches her hands up past her head, revels in the stretch of her muscles, the pull of her body as she bends back. Her hair hangs down and sweeps the floor, her hands twist in air as she tightens for a second, then relaxes into the arch._

_Something just isn't right, but she doesn't know what._

_What River remembers is a needle in her arm and then nothing until she woke up yesterday. Her mouth is dry and tastes like copper. Her head is tender and she can't move it very fast without causing jolts of pain and bursts of light behind her eyes._

_So she moves slowly and stares upside down at the wall._

_It's not just the pain that scares her, it's the small slips of feeling she gets whenever someone is near. River can't define it, it's nothing clear or tangible. She thinks it's like a smell she can't identify. Something familiar that she breathes in whole and knowing, but exhales ninety five percent of the very second after, leaving nothing but smoky, almost wisps of nameless scents and color. The more she chases after them, the less she can define._

_She hasn't been able to see anyone for nearly two days now and it makes her nervous. She doesn't know what's been done to them, doesn't even know what's been done to herself. It's worse, somehow, the crushing fear. Worse when she can't talk to Jonah or Daniel or Bethany, when she can't be strong for herself because she has to be strong for Peter and poor, scared little Alex._

_When she's alone and memories of a brother are enough to make her cry. The deep ache for laughter in a room full of the scent of books and ink and the softest buzzing of the cortex link. Where he pretends to be annoyed and she tries to see how far she can go before he actually gets there._

_The locks on her door sound and River crumples into herself, folding her legs down to her body and snapping her head back up. It creates a white hot flash of pain that makes her cry out, makes her breathless with dizziness as she hugs her arms around her knees._

_They've come to take her again. They're either going to take her back to the medical lab or back to the group. It's a fifty percent chance, but those are odds she doesn't want to play._

_River whimpers when the images get to her before the hands do._

* * *

"Where have they gone?" 

Kaylee looked from the elevator and the darkened hallways that Daniel and Sebastian disappeared down and back again. There were some frightening sounds coming from the doors which they'd jammed open with two tables that were nearby when they first got here. It was only a matter of time before they got through. 

"Securing the ground." Bethany said automatically. "Sweeping for enemies. Thoughtlessness will get you killed." 

"Enemies...?" Even as she asked it, Kaylee knew the girl was right. The word stuck in her head, along with 'killed'. They'd waged a war and now they were going to have to fight it. The reality of it threatened to crash down on her. "Of course, enemies. Yes. I thought so." 

"It hasn't happened yet." Alex took her hand. "Show us again. Please?" 

They looked at her, four faces that turned to her eagerly. Kaylee felt a smile tug at the corner of her mouth. Before she finished the thought, the children sat down and she settled herself into the middle of them. 

"She laughs a lot." 

Kaylee began the narration, letting images of a happy River cascade through her memory. In the darkness, she saw a dreamy faraway look come over Alex's small face, her mouth hanging open. Bethany closed her eyes and a smile softened her features. Minmei's hand slipped into Binh's and Kaylee saw him squeeze it. 

Above them, the emergency lights flickered on and off. To the side of them, the sound of power tools cutting through metal scratched through the room. Somewhere in the distance, Kaylee heard a crash, some muffled thumps and a loud crack that might have been a gun. 

She paused and her eyes searched the black hallway. A small hand took her wrist and she looked into Alex's gray eyes. The girl nodded and Kaylee felt herself breathe a little easier. 

"River loves games." She continued, trying not to hear the sound of dragging. "We chase each other around the ship." 

"Yeah?" Kaylee looked over to see Sebastian hauling the body of a man, tied with rope, to the elevator. "What else do you do together?" 

"Sebastian!" Bethany's voice both weary and amused. "I told you to leave her alone." 

"What?" He dropped the man, ignoring the groans that issued, and raised his hands in innocence. "It's a fair question." 

Bethany made a face at Sebastian and turned to look into the dark hall behind him. 

"Daniel?" She called. "He's doing it again." 

"He's allowed to ask questions. Kaylee's a big girl, she doesn't have to answer if she doesn't want to." Came the even response as Daniel entered into the main room, hauling his own tied man behind him. He stopped to give Sebastian a pointed look. "Of course, the more he asks, the more we really should share with Kaylee. Just to be fair. Let's start with the dream he had last night." 

"Dream?" Sebastian grew wide eyed. "I had no dream." 

A smile grew on Kaylee's face as she watched them. 

"Didn't think so." Daniel replied with a straight face. "Come on, let's get the rest." 

* * *

"Hey honey." Zoe stepped into the bridge and smiled. "I made you soup." 

"Soup? You bought me soup?" Wash spun around, he searched the doorway behind her. "Are you mad? If Mal catches us in here with..." 

"Mal will have to deal with me." Zoe said calmly and handed him the bowl. "Now eat, before I hold you down and make you." 

"But... soup?" He stressed. "All these consoles, one little drop..." 

"Husband." She interrupted. "I'm not asking. Eat it." 

He made a face, but managed to bring a spoonful to his mouth. One eye was kept firm on the door. 

"Relax," she said as she sat in the co-pilot's chair, "he's too busy supervising a high stakes game of top card between Jayne and River to come up here and check on you." 

Wash nearly choked on the spoonful of soup he'd been about to swallow. 

"Jayne's betting with River?" He laughed. "She doesn't have any chores to bet with." 

"She's managing." Zoe chuckled. "By my count, Jayne has to help her draw one pretty picture, apologize to Simon eight times and Kaylee once and learn to dance en pointe." 

He grinned. 

"Guess she's gonna win every hand, huh?" 

"Not so." Her eyes glittered. "She loses when she wants to. I'm just having a hard time picturing the Captain letting River take over sniping duty on our next assignment." 

"Jayne bet that?" Wash's mouth fell open. "Mal's gonna kill him." 

"And River let him win for it." She nodded. 

Wash sighed, deep and heavy as he looked down into his soup. 

"Do you think she ever gets bored?" He asked. "Between Simon and Mal, she never gets to do anything." 

Zoe glanced at him, then stared out into the black. If he was trying to get somewhere with this, and previous experience told her he was, then it would be a lot easier if she weren't looking directly at him. He hated an audience when he was being serious. 

"Do you think...?" She paused when he glanced sharply at her, then continued anyway. "Do you think it's the same for her as it was for you?" 

"I don't know." He admitted softly. "I hope not." 

They sat in silence for a moment and Wash tried to eat more. The soup had already started going cold and he wasn't even hungry to start with. Not that it mattered, he would eat it, would finish every last trace of it. They had all been through too many food rationings to waste it when they had it. 

"I felt like I was in anti-grav." He said slowly. "Where everything takes so long. You know, every step forward takes ten minutes. My brain was there, but it wouldn't do what I wanted." 

In the distance, Zoe's eyes picked up the flare of some debris floating through the black, she automatically scanned the radars, but they weren't picking it up. Whatever it was, it was too small and too far away to register. 

"You didn't know me." She said it softly and Wash heard the crack in her voice. 

"I didn't even know me." He answered. "It was all gone. I had another life, it felt complete, but there were no specifics, no details." 

Wash put the half empty bowl down carefully and went to stand behind his wife. He brought his arms down over her shoulders, rested his hands on her breastbone and his chin on the top of her head. 

"I know you now." He told her. "I know every little piece of our life together, every detail, even the bad things." 

She leaned back and kissed the underside of his chin as she smiled. 

"There are no bad things, husband." 

"Oh, yes." He leaned over and kissed her upside down mouth. "I remember now." 

* * *

Four guards, no longer armed, sat propped against the wall with their arms bound behind their backs, their ankles tied and their mouths gagged. Next to them was propped one of the doctors and if his binds were tighter than the others, tighter than strictly necessary, nobody pointed it out. 

Kaylee eyed them all with suspicion as she listened to the familiar clicks of guns being checked and loaded that sounded behind her. 

"Sebastian, here, you take an auto." Daniel said. 

"My specialty!" Came the reply. 

"One for me, here Bethany, Alex." The allocation continued. "Minmei, Binh, take the shotguns, two apiece, and keep the usual pattern." 

A pause. 

"Kaylee?" She turned, waiting. "You stay behind us, okay?" 

"What?" Her eyes narrowed. "I don't get one?" 

They looked at her. 

"The twins get two!" She pouted. 

"Gun history?" Daniel watched her face flush red. "I thought as much. We'll watch out for you, don't worry." 

"Fine." She made a face. "I just want to make an official objection to this." 

"So noted." Six voices replied as they nodded as one. 

"Well..." She scanned the nearby area. "Can I at least have a chair leg?" 

* * *

River stood up and clutched her two losing pieces of paper, she smiled her thanks at Jayne who only pretended to snarl back. He was all warm on the inside, smooth and flowing like melted butter. She stopped to think about the memory of a kitchen stocked with real food. A wall of intent hit her from the side and she clutched the papers tighter. 

"You're not going on sniper duty." Mal sighed. "Jayne should damn well know better. You owe him something else. Work it out between yourselves." 

"We'll see." She smiled coyly. 

Mal's eyes flickered for a moment. 

"What else did he win?" 

But River folded the paper into the palm of her hand and held it behind her back. There was no way she was going to let it go. It was the key to getting Jayne to hold his end of the bargain. Her eyes dared him to fight her for it and for a second the energy radiating from him suggested that he would, but he backed down. 

"Fine. You just run it by me before doing anything completely stupid, do you hear me?" 

"Yes Captain." 

She gave a salute and her eyes gleamed as she skipped away. The paper curled into her hand, warmed by it, pressed into the grooves of her skin. She could feel the lines of ink on it bend into the new creases, snapping over folds and creating new shapes. It didn't matter, she knew what it said. 

* * *

The warmth of the engine room surrounded him. Jonah liked it here. Everything in it spoke volumes. He could sit in the hammock and absorb the leftover threads of Kaylee, learn about her straight from the source. It wasn't a Kaylee scared and terrified and in desperate need of comfort, nor was it a Kaylee seen through the eyes of River, tinged with need and adoration and a little bit of hero worship. 

Here, in this room, was a Kaylee who spoke to the engine, who cared for each and every piece and part. There were patches and repairs made by someone who couldn't bear waste. Orderly piles of junk on the shelves from one who couldn't part with anything as long as there was some possible use for it. 

The colors lived inside these walls, oranges and rusted reds that spoke of joy and peace and heat. The emotions that ran through this space were hard and fast and had been felt to their fullest. 

Jonah knew exactly why River was drawn to this woman. 

He thought about the coldness he'd woken up to, the sterility and anonymity of the place that had held him for a year and a half before they'd tried to kill him. The prison that had held River for six months after that and the children for another twelve. 

Kaylee was everything the Academy was not. 

He sat in the hammock, closed his eyes and waited for her. The curiosity of her crept over him well before he felt the dip and shifting of his weight that tumbled him against her as she settled herself next to him, shoulder to shoulder. 

_That and more. Kaylee. My fun, like before, but not. Never go back._

They shared warmth. 

_I saw what happened to Magda._ River flinched at his thoughts. _Show me the other five._

_Charles. Col. Magda._ She continued the litany of names. _Aida. Tyson. Taban._

Jonah let the images pass into him, the faces of the younger ones that had died because of him. It hadn't happened all at once, not on the same day. They'd made it last, gave the full impact to those left behind. 

_There are eight of us now._ He thought. _There should be seven._

_Hidden in the basement, thirteen made from twelve_ her brain countered, _Shouldn't be there. Too many._

_We're the variables._ It sounded like both of them and River couldn't discern who it was. _One of us is included in their plans. The other isn't._

They sat, side by side, not speaking and trying not to think. There were too many thoughts to be had and very few of them were pleasant. Very gently, together, they made the hammock swing. 

_You called me sweet heart..._ River picked up his hand and examined the large fingers, the wiry hairs that dotted the back of his wrist. *... still do. On the inside.* 

"River? Don't." 

He said it out loud and she felt him withdraw from her mind more than when he took his hand away. Both acts left her lonely. The hammock tumbled at the loss of his weight. 

* * *

_The door opens and River steps inside before they can put a hand on her arm and guide her in. Faces turn her way and several of them call her name. A group of them crowd around something in the corner. Her heart freezes._

_Evan runs up to her, shy little Evan who was so quiet in the first week they never thought she'd say anything and now she speaks loud and fast so that they can't see how scared she is._

_River! The girl cries and grabs her hand. It's Jonah!_

_She lets herself be pulled to the crowd in the corner and already knows what she's going to see._

_He hit one of them. Daniel explains. After they took you._

_They all move, shifting away to make a space for her by his head, and River can't stop the gasp that escapes her lips. Everything about him looks bloody and broken and bruised._

_Jonah. She kneels next to him, takes his hand and twines her fingers into his. It's about the only part of him that doesn't look like it will hurt. Why?_

_He cracks an eye open to look at her and there is a large purple clot in the middle of it._

_You're not wrong. He rasps it through cracked and swollen lips. They didn't bring you back wrong._

_River feels it and it stuns her, makes her pause. That inhalation of another person, the only difference is that this time she keeps it, she knows what it is. Relief that isn't hers courses through and over her._

_She doesn't know if the tears in her eyes are hers for him or his for her._

* * *

"We'll split up." Daniel said again and they nodded. Kaylee got the impression that they were speaking aloud for her benefit. "Minmei, Binh and Alex, you stay here. Watch these guys and keep an eye out for any breaches of the perimeter." 

The sound of the metal cutters continued from the elevator. 

Alexandria made a face. 

"No." Daniel told her. "You're staying here and you're going to rest. Do you hear me?" 

He reached out to her stubborn face and Kaylee saw him touch a gentle finger to the red raw marks at the side of her forehead and along strategic points across the base of her skull. 

"It ends today." His voice was deep and tightly controlled as he made the promise. "One way or another. It's time." 

They moved then and Kaylee followed him, Bethany and Sebastian down the hall. The three of them had their guns at the ready and she, well, she had a keen eye and a broken chair leg. The hallway split into two and, without a word, Bethany and Sebastian turned to the left. 

"What do you mean?" She asked him. "One way or another?" 

His eyes sized her up and down. 

"You know how we're going to get out of here?" Daniel waited for the slow shake of her head. "Neither do I. There's only one way in or out and that's the elevator shaft. Even the air is pumped in through miniscule pipes. They're going to get in sooner or later." 

He stopped in front of a door and turned the handle. 

"There are too many of them and not enough of us." A sigh punctuated his speech. "You've bought us time, but we can't stop it." 

She stepped into the room behind him and waited for her eyes to adjust to the dark. Not each room was equipped with emergency lighting. There were odd shapes along the walls and a distant humming. 

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" She turned on him. "What about the others?" 

"Do you even know what it's like in here?" He didn't look at her as he began searching the cabinets in the middle of the room. "All those stories River told you? They're nothing. Nothing to what came after. You don't know, you'll never know. You heard what they did to Alex last night! You can see the scars! What makes you think she can take another three years of this? Any of us?" 

Kaylee said nothing. One thing she knew about engines was that when one wanted to overflow, sometimes the best thing to do is let it. 

"We watched them wear River down and we couldn't do a thing about it! Every time she came back from them she was worse, just a little more gone, a little more cracked. Every single time we knew it would happen to us as well. Jonah got off easy! They left him alone for the past eighteen months." 

He was shaking and Kaylee took a step towards him. Daniel couldn't feel anybody but himself at that moment. A bursting of a bubble he hadn't known was there, hadn't allowed himself to, an oozing of resentment at the responsibility he hadn't asked for. Five younger faces looking to him to save them, to make it all alright. Twelve long months of intimidation, fear and pain. 

"River got out, too. She left us in here for a year, Kaylee, a full year!" 

"It's not her fault." She said softly. 

"And it's not mine." Daniel let it out in a sigh, his momentum gone as his eyes scanned the desks in front of him. "Do you think they're just going to slap us on the wrist for this? We either find a way out or we go down in a blaze of glory. You think you can come in here and show Bethany how happy River is and she's just going to accept it and continue to play science experiment? Alex? Sebastian? They all want out. Or they want it over." 

His face was calm again and he looked her in the eyes when he repeated himself. 

"One way or another." 

"River's coming." Kaylee said it quietly, but with enough conviction for him to take notice as she hefted her chair leg again. "They're coming back. And I never agreed to this kamikaze mission of yours. So, I'm not giving up just yet, I don't care how long it takes." 

Daniel tasted her hope like bitterness on his tongue and he wanted to like it, wanted to open to it, but he'd learned long and hard. He turned to a handle on the wall and pulled open a drawer. 

"You remember those words, Kaylee." Her eyes adjusted to the swirling mist of dry ice that poured over the sides. "Because you're going to need them if that elevator gives way. You're not ready for what they're prepared to do if they get you alive." 

* * *

Jonah's hand swept in broad strokes across the paper, the pencil creating fast lines and sure measurements. Without thinking about it, the plans he drew were to scale. 

"Four hours." Mal announced to the table. "We need to organize this thing." 

"They know we're coming." Jonah announced. "They have to. It's no use being coy about it, they'll spot this ship the minute we break atmo, because they'll be looking for it." 

"Frontal attacks," Zoe nodded. "we're known for them." 

Jonah drew little crosses on the outsides of the building and Jayne eyed it warily. 

"These are their main defense locations. Discreet, but powerful canons. Take these out from a distance and we've got a good chance of getting close." 

"Um?" Wash raised his hand. "Serenity doesn't have external firepower." 

"Don't need guns." River stepped into the room. "Canons work on navigation, radar controls, heat, seek, destroy. Block the nav sats. Electricity fields swarm the screen. Needle through a haystack." 

"I can do that." Wash replied. 

"This is where they're keeping her." Jonah pointed as they strained over to look. "Same as the others. Everything goes our way, they'll all be there." 

"Little problem." Mal said. "Nothing ever goes our way." 

Jonah's lip curled in amusement. 

"We'll know." He looked at River who stayed standing by the door. "When we get closer, we'll know where they all are. We'll adjust the plan then. Best case scenario? They're within easy reach. Just ideal? They're all together somewhere." 

"Worst case?" Asked Zoe. 

"Training ops." River intoned. "Separated. Guarded. Isolation. Spread out. Too late if it's the med lab." 

"Then let's not make it the med lab." Mal felt a chill when he thought of those words connected with Kaylee. "How are we doing this?" 

"Three teams." Jonah said. "Jayne, Simon and River will find the children. Mal, Zoe, Wash and Inara will find Kaylee." 

Glances were shared across the table. 

"That's an interesting line up you got there, three of them and four of us." Mal pointed out. "Exactly what will you and the Preacher be doing?" 

"I have my own agenda." Jonah replied, looking mal straight in the eye. "I need cover. Mr. Book can provide it." 

"My concern," Mal continued, "is whether Sheppard Book will return from this agenda." 

"Mr. Book will be fine. My agenda is River's agenda." Jonah said as River stared at him, her mouth falling open. "Get Kaylee, get our children, make sure they never do this again." 

"The unwinnable war." River announced. "You won't come back this time." 

"River..." Jonah turned to look at her. "Don't..." 

"You never listen to me!" 

She shouted the words as she ran out of the room. Mal heard the distinct sound of a bunk hatch opening and knew she'd gone to Kaylee's room. He turned his focus back to Jonah. 

"You wanna tell us what that was all about?" 

* * *

_When they finally relent and let him inside her room, Jonah finds her pressed into a small ball in the corner, sobbing. He's next to her in a flash, crouching on his haunches and trying hard to resist the urge to touch her as she scrambles away from him and buries her head in her arms._

_River? He tries to break into her pain. It's me, it's Jonah._

_I know, of course I know. She moans into the wall. I can't not know, can I? I knew when the door opened._

_What have they done? It's a question whispered to himself. Jesus, River._

_I can't stop it. I tried, but it's all too loud, too bright, I see what I shouldn't. I hear everything. Too much at once._

_She brushes her hair aside to brave a look up at him and the look in her eyes makes him stone cold with anger._

_There has to be a way, River._

_She shakes her head slightly._

_It hurts, more than anything you know. She whispers her plea. Don't do it._

_Jonah looks at her with surprise._

_I didn't say..._

_It's River that reaches out to him, her hand touching his forehead and he can feel how scared she is, can feel how much she's trembling when she actually makes contact._

_I hear it anyway._

_It happens suddenly, the breaking of a wall, she covers his face and presses the pads of her fingers into his flesh. He feels her shudder before she climbs into his arms._

_Please don't do it._

_I can do it, River, for you. She softens against him and begins to cry again. I'll find a way, I promise._

* * *

* * *

"Get back to the others, now." Daniel said, suddenly. He looked at Kaylee's confused face. "Not you, them." 

She raised an eyebrow, but nodded. Kaylee could not stop looking at the drawers, six of them, that lined the wall. She couldn't believe, didn't want to believe the tiny bodies that were stored in them, twisted and misshapen. Her eyes fell to one of the tags that stood just to the right of a small foot. 

Prototype One. Genus: subject RTx and subject JSy. 1507/2516 - 0709/2516. 

Daniel clipped a data stick into the desk screen, his eyes scanned the read out. Next to his hand stood a metal lock box whose lid had been prized open. It was full of data sticks. 

"We need these." 

He was speaking more to himself than Kaylee, who was looking in another drawer and reading the tag with interest. Her eyes narrowed just a little bit and she bit her bottom lip. 

Prototype Two. Genus: subject RTx and subject JSx. 1112/2516 - 2602/2517. 

"What are you waiting for Sebastian? I said now!" 

* * *

Alex cried. Her head bent down as she let her hair cover her face. Minmei's hand smoothed over the knobs of the girl's spine, soft and comforting. Binh looked at his sister. 

"He doesn't mean it," but the three of them knew Binh was lying, "he won't let anything happen to us." 

Alex sniffled and raised her right hand, the butt of the gun rested in the crook of her elbow. She squeezed the trigger without looking and didn't flinch at the loud bursts of fire. 

* * *

Inara knocked softly on the infirmary door. She waited for Simon to look up and gesture her in. He was looking at a screen bright with many colors that decorated a spinal cord. She could only assume he was going over River's file. 

"I'm not bothering you, am I?" 

He shook his head. 

"Bothering? No. I'd have to be doing something for you to be bothering it, wouldn't I?" He made an apologetic expression. "Sorry, it's just, they're up there planning strategies and I'm left out in the cold again. Sure, they'll load me up and expect me to follow, but I can't help strategize..." 

Inara gave a patient smile and he stopped. 

"Sorry again." He clicked off the screen. "What can I help you with?" 

"Nothing." Her face was blank, but Simon wasn't fooled. "I was just distracting myself like you were. They don't want my superior strategic mind either." 

Silence stretched out awkwardly and Inara smiled again, with interest and concern this time. 

"I was wondering, how's your leg?" 

He looked down in surprise. 

"My...?" Then it hit him. "Oh! The gun shot? It's okay. Still aches a little, especially if I'm chasing River around the ship, but it's good." 

"Oh." She nodded. "Good." 

Something in her voice made Simon look up. A second revelation hit him. 

"You're worried about this, aren't you?" 

"I've never been shot before." Voice small and weak. "I mean, there's nothing to say I will be today, is there? It's just..." 

"Possibilities for casualties seem a little high?" He finished for her. "The thought had crossed my mind as well." 

"Mal does have a tendency to drag us all into danger, doesn't he?" She said with a small, indulgent smile. "Even if we don't want to go." 

Simon thought for a moment. 

"He also has a tendency to be right sometimes." It was a quiet admission. "He trusts River and Jonah to get us out of this, maybe we should, too." 

Inara looked at her own hands, twisting into each other in front of her stomach. Simon looked out to the common room behind her. Neither of them saw the other nod in gentle agreement. 

* * *

"He's very loud." Said the man on the right. 

"Loud?" Responded the doctor in front of him. "He's just had a round of bullets put through his eye!" 

Screams sounded from the elevator shaft behind them, where several people were hoisting the man up. The two men with blue hands sighed. They had almost smiled when they'd been told progress had been made. 

"He shouldn't have put his eye to the hole." The man on the left replied. "At least now we know they're armed." 

The doctor looked at the data pod in his hand. 

"The guards were armed. There were four of them and Dr. Warne down there." 

"Not for long." Said the man on the right. "The children must know by now." 

"Nobody can leave that basement." Added the man on the left. "Terminate anything that moves." 

* * *

Sebastian and Bethany entered the main room at a crouch, they kept to the walls as they made their way over to the open elevator doors. It was quiet, the screaming man had been taken away and the gunfire was at a standstill. Alex stood with her back pressed against the wall to the left of the door. The twins to the right. They all had their guns at the ready. 

A sudden burst of fire sounded and sparks bounced off the floor. They counted to three. The fire stopped as they knew it would. 

_Now._

Alex and Minmei turned and fired through the small opening. 

* * *

"Stay there!" 

"I don't think so!" Kaylee shouted as they ran down the corridor. "I can hear the gunfire, too." 

Daniel skidded to a stop and turned to block her. 

"Look. There's no one else down here, Sebastian and I scanned the floor. The safest place for you is anywhere but that room. Do you hear me? I don't have time for this." 

She stopped short of barreling into him. 

"Then let me help." 

"You can help by staying here. Right here. Don't move." He looked at her stubborn face. "River would kill me if I got you hurt. Stay here." 

He turned and ran towards the noise. Kaylee clenched her jaw and twisted the chair leg in her hands, muttering under her breath. She hoped he could read her thoughts right then. Boy howdy, did she. 

* * *

"Honey?" Zoe asked sweetly. Too sweetly. Wash sensed danger. "What the hell were you doing to our room?" 

"What?" Now, he knew from experience that when she got like this it ended up a lot easier, for everyone, to come right out and admit it. Whatever the hell it was. The only problem now was that he had no idea. Hell, if he knew he would own up to it, he wanted to own up to it. If he knew what it was, he'd say it. "I don't..." 

"My clothes are thrown all over the floor. It's a complete mess." Her smile was not friendly. "And I know that I didn't do it. Which, out of the two of us, leaves you." 

"I haven't been down there." He pleaded his innocence as he gestured to the bridge controls. "I've been here preparing our incredibly incredible canon confusion defense plan. You know that." 

"I can count to two, husband." She wasn't even fake smiling anymore. "Minus me, makes one." 

Wash's mouth thinned out and his eyes narrowed. 

"I said I didn't do it, sweetie cakes." 

"I'm sorry." Inara stopped at the door. "I thought Mal was here, I need to talk to him. Someone's been through my things, my shuttle is a mess..." 

Her words trailed off as Zoe and Wash turned to stare at her. 

* * *

She crept down the corridor, inching closer and closer to the main room. Light flared in time with the sound. The firing continued in short bursts and with each one she held her breath. There were no cries from this side of the elevator that she could tell and that was a good thing. 

When she got to the corner, she pressed her back against it. Slowly, so very slowly, she peered around the corner. Alex and Sebastian were on one side of the doors, Bethany and Minmei were on the other. She saw Daniel and Binh dragging the guards out of the way. 

Daniel looked up and glared at her. 

"Stay close to the wall." He sighed. "Bring that table over here. You get hit by a stray bullet and I'm not responsible." 

Kaylee dragged the table over and watched him turn it on his side, creating cover for the five captives. She looked at the faces of the men, some scared and some angry, all of them glaring. The question didn't even need to be asked. 

"These men are innocent." He explained. "Well, maybe not the good doctor here, but these guards? Haven't done a thing against us yet, we made sure of that. It's not their fault who they work for." 

Her eyes flicked to the gun fight. 

"Those men?" He answered. "They're shooting at us and are fair game." 

"Okay then." That was logic Kaylee could understand. "What do I do now?" 

"You stay here and you watch these men, make sure they don't become a problem. And this time do what I say and stay behind the table." 

He waited until she got into position. 

"I knew you wouldn't stay away." He told her. "And yes, I could hear your thoughts." 

She made a face at him and he smiled back. 

* * *

It took great skill to walk in combat boots without making a sound, River had been practicing. Her usually bare feet were tightly bound in the large boots and she could feel the pores of her skin crying out for air. Silently, she promised them great freedom soon. 

She had to promise a lot of her body freedom. Her own assortment of clothes consisted of free flowing dresses, loose pants and shirts. Nothing that suited her needs. At that particular moment, only the boots and leggings belonged to her. 

There was no time to bend to the flows of confusion and anger that she knew she had caused. They would find ways to move on. She needed to be ready. She needed the strong armor of Zoe's clothes, the stretch and elasticity of Inara's. And a Chinese pendant around her neck from Kaylee, because she wanted it and it meant happiness. 

He didn't hear her come up behind him and that was just the way she wanted it. She reached around his shoulder and took the blade from his hand. 

"What the...?" Jayne spun in his chair and his face flared in shock for a second before he relaxed. "Gorram it, girl, don't you be takin' my knives." 

She set the blade carefully on the cloth with its counterparts and pushed the whole thing aside. In its place she gently laid down one sheet of blank white paper. Disarm. 

"Not now." He growled. "We ain't got time. I gotta get these babies ready." 

"Two hours." She did not sound worried at all. "More than enough." 

She handed him a pencil. He looked down at it. 

"I told you, I don't draw pretty." 

"You owe me." She pointed out. "Fair and square. I won." 

"Weren't nothing fair about it." He mumbled as he glared back at her. "I'm not gonna draw no..." 

"I owe you, too." 

River's eyes sparkled as she leaned close to his ear, her lips stopped just short of touching the flesh of his lobe. Warm breath tickled his neck as she whispered to him. A grin floated over Jayne's face. Disable. 

"That's just to start." She straightened up, walked around his chair and primly sat down next to him, placing her own sheet of paper in front of her. "More where that came from. Lots of." 

Jayne coughed and looked at his page. 

"Pretty? You reckon?" 

River hummed to herself as she began to draw. 

* * *

**_DISARM. DISABLE._**

_The words flash, white and stark, burnt into her brain by the screen as it flicks images at them so quickly they can barely register what they're seeing. Her eyes, watering with the effort not to struggle against the clamps holding them open. Her hands twitch in the binds holding them down. She can hear the others next to her, behind her, in front of her, can feel them give in._

_A split second image of a man with a gun. A sunflower. Disarm. A foot rising fast. A flame. A feather. Blood flying. A hand with a ring on it. Disable. A body falling to the ground. Water. Stars in a black sky. A cry. A book with its pages open._

_Over and over again until River sees them behind the lids of her eyes when she can finally close them. She sees it in her sleep. It makes her mouth dry and her eyes ache._

**_DISARM_**

_It's such rewarding work. River doesn't blink as she speaks, she looks him straight in the eye as the gown falls to her feet. Working with gifted children all day, stretching their minds._

_She watches him knowingly and does not break eye contact as she steps into the tank. His pulse is escalating and his eye twitches._

_Stop it._

_She's so proud of her daddy, she boasts about you to her friends. River gives a wicked smile. But you don't tell her about this, do you? She wouldn't be so proud if she knew about the blood, would she? About the screams?_

**_DISABLE_**

_I said stop it. He can't meet her eyes anymore. Just get in there._

_I wonder how much she could take before she screamed. River lowers herself into the water. How long it would take for her big, brave daddy to put a stop to it._

_He doesn't answer, but River hears it anyway, sees the truth to the thought he desperately scrambles to cover from her. A contract signed. A deal made concrete. At least this man will fight for his daughter, won't sell her out for any price._

_It makes her gasp out loud._

**_DISARM_**

_River lies back and lets the water cover her, waits for the lid to close so she can weep. A flash of pain hits her forehead, a red stabbing agony that makes her jackknife. Water splashes as she sits up and grabs the edges of the tank. She knows the shape of it now, knows the depth of the cry._

_Jonah. She cries the name. Leave him alone._

_His hand pushes her back down and the back of her head hits the edge, water gets into her open mouth and she chokes on it as the lid closes quickly. She can't breathe, but she has to take in the oxygen that hisses into the darkness, has no choice, because how else can she sob when she feels the blades in another man's skull?_

**_DISABLE_**

* * *

A loud explosion sounded and Kaylee finally took her eyes from her captives. Heat swarmed over her and made her blink. She pushed herself up and struggled to see through the haze. 

"Kaylee!" Came Sebastian's voice. "Get back now!" 

"What?" She tried to see where he was. "What about...?" 

"Leave them!" Bethany's voice now. "They'll be fine." 

She felt a small grip on her arm and was pulled away. Her eyes cleared and she saw Alex attached to the hand. They scooted around the corner and back into the hallway, breathing hard. 

"The others are fine." Alex said automatically. "But our defense just weakened." 

Kaylee looked up at the sound of heavy footsteps. 

"Go!" Shouted Daniel as he appeared. "Back to the lab, now!" 

She didn't have time to wait for the others to appear, Alex grabbed her hand and began to run. Kaylee had to force herself not to pull back, not to demand they wait for a visual head count of the others. 

They burst into the room and Kaylee stopped to catch her breath. Alex scanned the lab and immediately pointed at a door in the far wall. They hadn't gone through that one when they'd been there before. 

"Get down!" Minmei hissed as she came running in, followed by Binh. "And it's silence from now." 

They dropped to the floor and Kaylee realized her fingers were gripping the steel of her chair leg tightly. She was going to need to have it surgically removed at this point. 

As the sound of gunfire echoed through the floor, Kaylee followed Alex as they crawled towards the door on their elbows and stomachs. She turned back to see the twins lying in wait on either side of the door they'd just entered. Binh gestured for her to keep going. 

Glass shattered over the floor as a window exploded. 

Kaylee breathed in and slowly swept a path clean with her hand. It didn't stop the shards that crunched under her elbows when she pulled herself forward. She bit her lip against the sting of it. 

Alex scrambled to a sitting position when she got to the next room and gestured for Kaylee to do the same. They sat with their backs against the wall, waiting for the next move. 

She wanted to ask what was happening, but the warning look in Alex's eyes told her to stay quiet. Kaylee picked the small glass pieces from her skin and tried not to look up at the drawers that were significantly larger than the ones in the first room. 

* * *

"Wait..." Mal paused as he leaned over the bridge to look out into the black. "that's it? That little moon over there? There ain't nothing on it." 

"No." Simon replied with a straight face. "The top secret government facility that specializes in torturing children is obviously going to be in the midst of a thriving metropolis." 

"Are you helping?" Mal turned on him. "'Cause if you're not helping, you can go see to your sister." 

* * *

Jayne frowned at the wall. He bit his lip. Reluctantly, he reached up and edged his fingers underneath the corner of one of the more worn posters. The paper tore easily and he felt something inside him wince. Just one. He could spare one. He didn't need no gorram nudie posters anyway. 

Very carefully, he lifted the new sheet of paper and smoothed it against the wall, his right hand finding the tape, stretching off a piece and sticking the picture up. 

He hated to admit it, he really did, but there weren't nobody Jayne knew could draw a fine picture like this. It beat any of the pictures he'd had before. Girl knew how to create something worth looking at. 

She'd drawn a gun. Damn if she hadn't gotten all the specs right, too. It wasn't Vera, but it might have been a very close relative. Hell, if Jayne ever came across this one in real life, he'd have to be careful not to make Vera jealous. 

It made him wonder what River had done with the picture he'd scribbled at. 

* * *

Kaylee swallowed and closed her eyes, she leaned her head back against the wall and tried not to listen to the sounds of fighting that burst over the increasingly small space. 

A small hand made its way into hers and she closed her fingers around it, gripped it tight. 

"It's gonna be okay." She whispered as quietly as she could. "You'll see." 

Another gunshot and Kaylee felt Alex shift that little bit closer. 

"That's what River used to say." There was a long pause before the tiny little voice returned. "But she stopped saying it after a while." 

* * *

"Nothing." Wash tapped the screen again, just for emphasis. "No scans, no ID requests, not even a patrol ship." 

"They're masking it." Zoe said. "They have to be." 

"No." Mal stared at the land they were hurtling themselves at. "They want us there. They won't attack until we're too close to turn away." 

The three of them turned for confirmation from River and Jonah who were both staring out at the approaching building. River looked scared and her head shook side to side slightly as her mouth formed words she didn't say out loud. Jonah didn't move, but his whole body seemed to press forward. 

"They don't know." River said. "Not even watching." 

"That's good." Wash looked from her to Mal. "Isn't it?" 

"I don't think so." Mal replied softly. 

"Something's happening on the inside." It was Jonah who spoke. "Something big." 

"Not good." Confirmed Wash. 

"Fry them anyway." River ordered, then pointed to the right of the building. "Land there." 

"No." 

They looked at Jonah, but he wasn't talking to River, he was still staring forward. 

"Yes." Contradicted River, matter of factly. 

Mal looked between them. 

"No, yes, what?" 

"My question, exactly." Wash launched the landing gear. 

"They're not together?" Zoe guessed. 

"They're together," Jonah told them, "but they're in the basement." 

"Dead tunnels." River whispered. "No one comes out. Not twice. Shouldn't go in." 

"That's never stopped me before." Mal tried to lighten the mood. 

"Not you." River rolled her eyes. 

"What does it mean?" Mal moved the conversation along. "That they're there?" 

"It means," Jonah clarified, "that to get to them we have to go through every single person in that building, fifteen floors worth of armed guards and several feet of solid steel. They've barricaded themselves in." 

"Oh." Was Mal's reply. 

"That's why nobody's looking for us. We have to go straight through them to get what we want." 

"If we can't get to them," suggested Zoe, "that means that no one else can either. Doesn't it?" 

"Brick by brick." River recited. "London bridge is falling and down will come baby, cradle and all." 

"That." Agreed Jonah. 

* * *

Kaylee felt Alex jolt, she looked down to see the girl's eyes wide with surprise. It scared her, stopped her heart for a second, until she made out the beginnings of a smile on the small face. 

Alex jumped into a crouch and gestured for Kaylee to follow her again. Minmei and Binh were already making their way down the main corridor. They walked in a crouch, close to the ground. Far ahead, closer to the main room, Kaylee thought she saw a flash of color in the dark, a glimpse of Bethany's red hair. 

* * *

"Five minutes, people." Mal ran down the stairs into the cargo bay, his feet thundering on the metal. "Time to get organized." 

Zoe was already unlocking the weapons cabinet. They were joined by Jayne and Book. Simon stepped in from the door to the infirmary and Inara from her shuttle. Wash entered from the stairs leading to the bridge. 

"First and foremost," Mal declared as he reached in and grabbed hold of a weapon or two. "This is a rescue mission. We get in, we get Kaylee and the others, we get out." 

He looked at each of them as he handed the guns out. They nodded in response. 

"No need for heroics." He cocked a small pistol and handed it with reverence to Inara. "No fancy moves. Everybody in agreement here?" 

Mal went to ready the next gun, a large semi automatic, it jammed in his hands. He gave a small, patient smile. 

"Zoe, Wash, Inara, you're with me. We're the draw, we provide cover and we hold the exit." He bit his lip as he used the heel of his hand to bat at the mechanism. "Jayne, Simon and River you're the... River? Doc, where is your sister?" 

"Here." Mal jumped as River appeared next to him. She reached out and took the gun from him. 

"Hey now, I don't think..." River gave him a look and he gave her one right back. "No guns, remember?" 

She looked him straight in the eye and, without watching what she was doing, clicked the bolt into place, adjusted the trigger mechanisms and fired the gun up. It whirred in her hands. Her eyebrows rose in amusement and with a carefree dangle of her wrist, she handed it over to Jonah who was behind her. 

"New rules." She told him. "No killing Kaylee." 

River leaned forward, bending past Mal's unmoving form, to reach into the cabinet and pick out the weapons of her choice. She stepped back and stood up straight between Zoe and Jayne. 

Mal blinked. 

"You know, I just can't argue with that." He handed some grenades to Zoe. "Fine. You three head straight for that elevator shaft and get those people back." 

The ship shuddered. Wash scanned the walls. 

"Looks like we've hit land." 

* * *

_He remembers when River first woke up she was quiet, that she shied away from them a little. He remembers that it took several more operations before she cried with the strength of it, until she could barely stand to be in the same room with them._

_Jonah wakes up once and he knows what they've done. Knows that the onrush of sound and light and voices are not his. There's nothing gentle about the way they've stripped him back, nothing to ease him into it._

_He barely makes it to the sink before he throws up, deep and trembling. It doesn't help, because it's not physical, what his body needs to purge._

_It doesn't help knowing that he asked for it._

_When they come into his room, it's like a hundred different screams in his head. He knows what River means by too loud and too sharp, it makes him cry out in a way that they hadn't been able to find before._

_How do you feel, Jonah?_

_Such a smug question, so sure of itself. He wants to hurt them, wants to make them see what they've done, to him and River, to poor little Charles and what they'll likely do to the others._

_I can't... He begins and then stops. It's too much._

_There's something in there, he feels it for a second. A thread of disappointment. He knows in an instant that one of them wanted him to succeed, wanted him to break from it and show them how it was done._

_Jonah breathes in and tries to find it again, pushes past the countless meaningless images he gets of faces and paperwork and meals not eaten and the horrid possibility of other children before them that didn't even make it this far._

_You've done this before._

_The accusation is heavy and instantly a current runs through the room, dark and dangerous. He has to be careful, Jonah knows that if he says too much too soon that they're going to do something he won't like._

_This is what you did to her._

_Again a flash of disappointment, a sudden excitement smothered with reality. He wants to examine it, wants to know what it really means, but he can't decipher it. Everything is crowded and thin and he can't grasp hold of any one thing let alone the one that he wants to._

_She's so still when they lead him into the large room. He knows even without looking for her that she's sitting in the corner, watching the door. Her eyes seek him out and run over him, top to bottom, but it's the openness of her that makes him gasp._

_Where everyone else is closed and hard to see, River shows it all. He's not sure if it's because of what they've done to her or if she's always been like this. He can feel the twist of emotions in her, the relief and the anger, building up and winding into each other. She begged him not to do this and he's done it anyway, but she's glad he's back and that he's not hurt. Not on the tip of the iceberg, anyway._

_If he tries hard enough, he can block out everyone else and focus on her. Jonah knows that if he can do that, he can learn to control it like he promised her and if he can do that, he can teach her to do it, too._

* * *

There was an explosion in his brain, Jonah felt it hit him like he hadn't felt it since those first few months. Hard and fast and painful, red hot and sharp. It took his breath away. He had to stop himself moaning out loud as he closed his eyes and leaned against the wall. Six of them reaching out to him at once, eager and relieved, worn and ready to snap. 

He tried hard to push them back, to tell them to be patient. It wasn't time yet and it was too much for River. Jonah felt her stumble under the onslaught. It took everything he had to break through to her from this distance. Simon and Jayne were with her and he could feel them holding her up. 

_You wait!_ It was harsher than he'd meant it and he felt them recoil as if he'd slapped them. He toned it down a little. _Let her adjust. Just hold your positions, wait for us and clear the shaft._

Finally he felt River give her okay. They were waiting in place. Jonah nodded at Mal and a small stunner grenade was thrown around the corner, down the hallway towards the large group of armed men who weren't even looking their way. He counted twenty men as Zoe and Wash slipped across the mouth of the corridor to the other side. 

The guards reacted immediately, lining up with their backs against the wall, ten on either side. They weren't too worried. It was a straight hallway and their directive was clear: all they had to do was prevent anyone making it past them to the elevator shaft and down to the kids. The men in front knelt down, guns aimed and ready, those behind aimed over their shoulders. Those in the very back got onto their coms and called for backup. Slowly, the first few in line began approaching their attackers and the group moved forward. 

* * *

_River, it's time._

She nodded to Simon and Jayne. 

Silently, River opened the door. Her gun was armed as she slipped into the hallway and faced the guards. Jayne slid up next to her. She rolled her eyes at him and he rolled his back. Babes in the woods. Not one of the twenty armed men was looking their way. They both aimed carefully anyway. 

Behind them, Simon carefully applied the sealant to the stair access door next to the elevator. He set the fuse and stepped back. 

_Jonah. Now._

Another grenade was launched and it exploded at the same time as the door. River nodded at Jayne and looked back at Simon, she grabbed his arm and spun him to face the guards. Shouts and heavy pounding from the now obscured door called attention back to them. 

That's when the gunfire started. 

* * *

_You heard him. Clear the shaft. Any way we can._

"Kaylee." Alex said. "Stay against the wall, but stay close." 

They ran into the main room. It did not take Kaylee long to locate all six children. She wasn't sure why there had been such a sudden shift in their tactics, but it had to be drastic and it made her heart race. It made her wish she could read their minds, too. Just for a moment. They were firing heavily now and not aiming to merely wound. Kaylee saw Sebastian pistol whip a man and take him down. 

Bethany turned, eyes wide, and began to shout a warning. Kaylee spun to see the doctor staggering towards her, having freed his arms from the ties. It happened in slow motion and, as she raised the chair leg, Kaylee saw his left arm hanging oddly. The leg came down hard on his dislocated shoulder and he crumpled into a moaning heap. 

"Ha!" Kaylee crowed. "I don't need no stinkin' gun!" 

* * *

"Zoe!" Mal yelled. 

They turned and fired again. Jonah had to hand it to them, they had taken out a few of the guards already. At an unspoken signal they pressed back against the wall on either side of the corridor and moved aside, letting Wash and Inara take over as they reloaded. Wash puffed up his chest. 

"Inara!" He called in a deep voice and she let a wry grin float over her face as they took aim and fired. 

"Cover us." Jonah grabbed Book's arm as Mal and Zoe came to the fore again. "We're going in." 

They ran doubled over as the bullets whizzed past them. The first door was locked, but the second was open. 

"Make sure no one comes in." He said as he sat on the floor and then laid himself out. "No matter what happens." 

* * *

River heard them coming. 

"Eyes front." She ordered. "Thirteen left." 

Jayne and Simon closed ranks as she stepped back and turned to face the elevator shaft. She was ready when the doors were prized open. The first two fell back with her bullets. The rest were more cautious, but she still had the advantage as she aimed upwards and sent a volley of ammo ricocheting around the shaft. 

Their screams were punctuated by a spike of desperation from Simon. River looked down at the guns she had left, one of which was almost out of ammo, then back up at the half open doors. She felt them swarming into position. 

"Here." She thrust one into his hand. "Eight rounds left." 

"River, no." 

"Simon." She whined until she felt him relent and take it from her. She reached around Jayne's waist and slipped a large blade from its sheath. Her eyes gleamed. "Thanks Jayne. Follow me when the bullets stop. Get down to them." 

And then she was gone through the door. 

* * *

"Zoe!" 

Wash jumped forward as she was blown back and hit the wall with a thud, he grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the line of fire. She was okay, he told himself that before even had a chance to run his eyes over her, before he heard her strained voice reassuring him. He had to keep telling himself that after he saw the blood. 

"How many are left, Mal?" He asked without looking up. 

"Six." Came the response. "Only a matter of time, we're pickin' them off like flies now. She okay?" 

"I'm fine." Came Zoe's voice. "Just a graze." 

"Let me go to..." 

"You stay behind me, Inara!" Mal ordered. "She says she's fine." 

* * *

Jayne stepped backwards. There were two men facing them, three facing Mal and the others at the end of the hallway and another man who'd just gone down. Far as he could tell there had been very few casualties on their end. It was a good day. Another step backwards. 

There was a click as his gun ran empty. 

"You heard the girl, doc, jump in after her." 

They slipped through the thin space left by the doors, Simon first and Jayne coming after, to find what looked to be an empty shaft. No sight of anyone. Nothing but a sheer down and several ropes careening down. 

And several groaning bodies lying in a heap at the bottom. 

"Where'd she go?" Simon asked. 

"Through that hole down there, I guess." Jayne shrugged and wound one of the cables around his wrist. "Same place we're headed." 

Simon gave a little whimper and reached for one of the abandoned climbing cables. Next to him, Jayne gave a cry and Simon looked to see the rope around his wrist pulled tight. They looked up to see several more men above them. 

"Doc?" Jayne dropped his empty gun. "Gimme that gun." 

Simon hesitated and Jayne frowned. 

"You know how to climb and shoot at the same time? Do ya?" Simon shook his head and Jayne snatched the gun. "Then gimme!" 

"You don't know what you're doing!" Came a voice from above. "You don't even know who you're dealing with!" 

"Huh." Jayne answered through gritted teeth as they began making their way down. "Wouldn't be a bunch of untrained goons, half of whom are lyin' on the floor pissin' their pants, would it?" 

"We're talking about River Tam, you fool. You have no idea what she can and will do." 

Jayne felt Simon pause beside him. 

"You mean that ninety pound little slip of a thing that put half your men on the floor? We don't rightly care." He called up and aimed straight. "See, we just call her that _weird_ girl." 

And then he let some more bullets fly. 

* * *

There weren't many of the men left, Kaylee watched the six children advance on the few that were left. It had gotten quiet suddenly, all the noise from above them had stopped, the fire and the explosions and the smoke had died down. She felt a movement behind her. 

Kaylee spun with her arm raised. 

A small hand stopped her wrist on its downward spiral and Kaylee's eyes widened. She dropped the chair leg. 

"River!" ***


	10. Frying Pans and Fires

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Explosions. Kisses. Gun Fire. Flirting. Talk of a mutiny. What more do you want?

***

"They've made contact." Dr. Miyamoto didn't wait to be asked to speak, his nervous, breathy voice broke into the room. "River Tam and two others have made it into the basement." 

"Really?" Asked the man on the right. 

"It doesn't change anything." Said the man on the left. "Kill them all." 

"We're trying!" He pleaded to no avail. "It's not as simple as..." 

His words trailed off to nothing as he stared forward, eyes wide with panic. One shake of his head and he took a step back. The two men looked at each other and then turned to see what was behind them. With a casual flick of their blue hands, they waved the doctor away, already forgotten. They both smiled. 

"Jonah." Welcomed the man on the right. 

"We've been waiting for you." Admonished the man on the left. "You took your time." 

* * *

_They don't take him to the med lab, they take him instead up to another floor and leave him in a room. He can't find it in them before they go, they don't know why they've been asked to bring him here. It sends more than a few chills down his spine._

_Jonah._

_He spins around and tries to find a source for the voice, but there is none. There's nothing but the walls. It doesn't help him, he can't read into a voice coming through hidden speakers. He suspects that they know this._

_One of the walls flickers into a screen in front of him and he finds himself looking at a room full of desks, his eyes narrowing in confusion as he looks at face after face of happy students at work. It takes him a moment to register the school they'd all been dragged away from. It takes him another second to register the face in the tenth row, fourth from the right._

_Jonah gasps out loud and can't stop himself reaching up to touch River's face, alight with success as she scribbles into the notebook in front of her. As he watches, River leans over and passes a note to the girl next to her. They both giggle._

_He thinks about the frail, trembling creature waiting downstairs for him and his blood boils._

_She has a lot of talent, that one, and it's going to waste. The voice says casually. We want a lot of things from River Tam and we have ways of getting them out of her._

_Jonah wants to shout, but it itches at him, his helplessness, the knowledge that one step out of line will not only cost him bruises and blood, but mostly likely will cost the others as well._

_There is a way. The voice continues. You can save her a lot of pain._

_The image in front of him changes and Jonah does cry out. River strapped to a chair, eyes wide with terror as they force the instrument right through the middle of her forehead in one brutal push. Her fingers twitch and close tightly over the hand rests, her knuckles turning white. He hears the echo of her screams and knows it's happening right now._

_We have a proposition for you, Jonah._

_The River on the screen looks so small it's almost painful._

_Help us and we can help her._

_The image flickers back to the River of before, somehow larger, blown up and swollen by the peace within. The screen flickers back and forth. Smiling. Screaming. Smiling. Screaming._

_Stop it! He yells finally. I'll do it. Whatever you want, just stop it._

_Her face pauses in mid laugh in front of him._

_We knew you would. You're such a good boy._

* * *

River lowered Kaylee's wrist between them and held it there with her right hand as she went to touch the blossoming colors of Kaylee's cheek with her left. Her fingers stopped short of making contact and she winced. Her sharp eyes swept Kaylee up and down, a frown formed as a crinkle between her eyes and her mouth opened. 

"It's okay." Kaylee rushed to fill the gap, lip trembling through the small smile she tried to give, her own left hand coming up and touching the top of River's head, dragging down over her hair. "River, it's okay." 

River closed her eyes, leaned her head forward and touched Kaylee with it. She could feel the horror and the relief and the hope and the triumph, wanted to swap herself for it. Kaylee twisted her wrist in River's grasp until their hands came level and their fingers twined, she looked over River's shoulder to the darkness of the hallway. 

"Where'd you come from?" 

"The dead tunnels." River shuddered through her whispers. "Can't go back again." 

_River!_

She gasped and bought her head up to look past Kaylee. 

_It's you!_

_She's back!_

_We missed you!_

A smile edged her lips and she nudged against Kaylee. 

_What are you waiting for? Kiss her!_

River laughed. 

_Sebastian! I told you to stop it!_

She pulled Kaylee into a gaggle of limbs, hands and exclamations. Sebastian grabbed her hand and she sparked with the thought of freckles on a white face. Minmei touched her arm and she felt a soft loneliness. River turned to touch Alex's cheek and bend a kiss to her forehead, slipped into a thread of despair and pulled herself out of it. 

Kaylee smiled to herself as she watched River in the middle of it, preening over them, having to touch each one over and over to make sure they were there and, in turn, each of them reaching out to touch her. She felt herself being jostled and steadied in the midst of it. 

Not once had River let go of her hand. 

"Kaylee!" She looked up to see Simon climbing over the tables propping the elevator open and Jayne slipping down through the hole that had been made. "River! Where'd you go to?" 

All eight of the huddle looked to them. 

"We all here, are we?" Jayne grumbled, his eyes picking over them to assess injuries and showing more relief than his gruff voice. "Great, 'cause we've got company." 

"Time to move." Daniel agreed. 

* * *

"How's she doin', Wash?" 

"Hey!" Zoe gritted out as she sat against the wall, legs splayed out, her right hand clamped over the hole in her left shoulder. "She's just fine. She can talk for herself." 

"Yeah, well." Mal made a face as he eyed the corridor. "She tends to underrate her injuries. Wash?" 

The man in question looked at the beads of sweat that formed on his wife's forehead, saw the tendons on her neck stretch out as she pressed her head back into the wall against the pain, saw the thick blood as it oozed through her fingers. He saw the determined set of her jaw. 

"She said she was fine, Mal." Wash touched her good arm and did not look up. "Weren't you listening?" 

"Good." Mal ignored the undercurrent. "We're going in. Inara'll stay here with her." 

"What?" Wash did look up then. "What happened to staying here and holding the exit?" 

Mal pointed down the hallway. 

"There are twenty bodies lying on that floor, each one connected to loaded guns." He spoke slowly. "I mean to take those guns and make sure those men stay down." 

"Go." Urged Inara. "I'll make sure Zoe's okay." 

"But..." Wash began. 

"I ain't askin', Wash." A little tension may have entered Mal's voice. 

"You go." Threatened Zoe. "Or I will." 

"Fine." Wash kissed Zoe's forehead. "Fine. I know when I'm beat." 

"Check them." Mal gestured to the first few men farther along the hall. "Don't let your guard down." 

He stood by the second door, waited for Wash to pass and then knocked. 

"Sheppard? Jonah? You still in there?" 

"That we are." Book's face appeared. "Everyone alright out there?" 

"More or less." 

Mal watched Book's eyes travel down to his shirt and back up again. 

"That blood is it?" 

"That's the less part. Zoe's down, but not out." He frowned. "So you two are just... sitting in there?" 

"Basically, yes." 

"Ai-yah. Tyen-ah..." Mal hissed. "We could have used you out here! Inara could have stayed in there..." 

"Mal." Interrupted Book. "I believe the boy was right. I don't know what he's doing, but I suspect he's making some important people very angry right now. If they find him, they're not going to be particular about who they need to get past. Or how." 

Book looked down, away from Mal's eyes. 

"If those children can see half the things Jonah and River can, it's probably better I'm not close when they first meet everyone." 

"Well," Mal scowled, "if you're just going to use logic on me..." 

He hefted his gun and stalked off. He could handle River stepping up to the plate and taking charge. Hell, he could even take Jonah boarding his ship and practically running this mission with River. Mal was no idiot and he knew their inside knowledge and particular skill set made them more than superior in that respect. It was not knowing the _why_ behind things that got to him, made him want to spit, because it wasn't in him to keep asking for reasons. That was not his job. 

"Wash?" He asked as kicked a gun away from a fallen man. "Who's the captain here?" 

"Who's asking?" Came the easy reply. 

Mal frowned. 

"I am." 

"Then you!" Wash nodded. "Of course it's you." 

"Fine. Just... fine." Mal sighed. "Here, take these back to your wife." 

"Mal?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Can we call it the rendezvous point?" Wash jiggled just the slightest bit. "I can be taking supplies to the rendezvous point." 

"Just take these," Mal pointed, "over there." 

"Kill joy. I vote Kaylee for captain after the mutiny." Wash mumbled and then gave a noticeably insincere smile as he raised his voice. "Why? What are you gonna do?" 

"Me? I'm going to pretend I actually am the captain," Mal replied, "and check on the rest of my crew." 

There had been no real movement in the hallway since the last man had fallen and Mal's eyes kept returning to the gap in which River, Jayne and Simon had disappeared. Things were going too well for him to be comfortable right now. 

He heard Inara talking to Zoe, voice soft and yet still stretched tight with adrenaline and nerves. Wash's footsteps were loud, too, echoing in his ears. Mal looked over his shoulder to make sure they were staying low and on alert. He was about to yell at Wash for turning his back when he saw Inara's face as she leapt to her feet. 

"Mal!" 

A blast hit the side of his hip, making him stop mid step as he heard the guns. He felt the heated tunnels of air that the bullets left as they sped past him. His body thudded into the wall as several guards pushed past him. Mal saw Wash throw himself over Inara and pull her back behind the wall. 

* * *

"Why don't they just seal us off, or blow us up?" Simon's question was met with glares from all sides as they waited just outside the elevator. 

"Can't destroy it." River said as she bent her head back to look at the ceiling. "Worked too hard. Many years. It's a last resort. It's us that's dispensable." 

Kaylee's hands were already shaking in the wires of the control panel when the gun shots sounded. Her eyes glanced up and she saw movement above her, people in the shaft headed straight towards them. Heat pressed up against her back. 

"I got you." Jayne said over his shoulder. "Just get it working." 

"I'm trying." Her voice shook as the tables were pulled out of the way of the doors. "It's easier to pull it apart than put it back together." 

She jumped when Jayne's gun went off. Suddenly the space was too small, too small to hold her and one man let alone the seven other people who waited just outside the doors. Definitely too small to hold another groaning, injured man who fell through. Sebastian reached in and pulled him out of the way. 

"Kaylee?" River urged desperately. "We need up." 

"What's happening?" She demanded. 

"Mal's been shot." Daniel explained as he looked back towards the rooms. "He needs help now." 

"Oh god, oh god, oh god." Kaylee bit her lip as her fingers slipped again. She closed her eyes and breathed in. "Come on, you can do it." 

A whirring sound echoed around her. 

"Got it!" She exclaimed with triumph. 

River knew, they all felt it, but she knew. Before the group began to file into the elevator she grabbed Daniel's arm and looked him in the eye. 

"No." She spoke it so they all could hear. "You lead them. Not me. You. I'll stay." 

"River?" He began. "I..." 

"Go!" She insisted and pushed him through the doors as they began to close. "That's an order!" 

"River?" Kaylee shoved her way to the front and tried to stop the closing. Daniel grabbed her and she struggled to get free. "Let me go!" 

"We ain't got time for this!" Jayne urged as he kept watch through the hole above them. "It's now or never." 

River wanted to reach in and touch Kaylee, to tell her things would work out just fine, to say the words out loud, but the doors were closing and she didn't have the time. Her eyes closed and she pushed into the throng of panic, swam through the rapidly beating hearts and pumping blood. There were too many of them. 

One breath and she forced herself to hold it, she'd done it with Mal and she could do it again. Kaylee's confusion seeped into her and she scowled. There wasn't time, not yet, and she let it wash over her as she pushed past it. She found what she was looking for, Daniel pushed it to her, the others pushed through him, too, and she felt Sebastian and Bethany. 

There were pieces here, she had them now, she just didn't how they fit. 

* * *

"What are you going to do, Jonah?" The man on the right challenged, amused. "Glare at us?" 

Which is exactly what he did, a frown creasing his expression as he took a step forward, getting closer to them. They had confidence on their side, they had time and experience and they'd learned a lot since he'd been gone. 

"Still trying to save the girl?" Asked the man on the left, unconcerned. "Still so noble?" 

They hadn't learned enough, he felt the tides of thought within them, wave after wave of meaningless data that they used to confuse him, to stop him seeing what they didn't want him to. 

"We're not going to tell you." The first man taunted. "And you've already guessed that there's something to know, haven't you? That's why you're here." 

"We can help her, Jonah." The second man spoke with a soft tone in his voice. "We've found a way." 

It didn't change a thing, Jonah knew it, they should have known it, too. He took another step forward and watched their expressions change from amused to slightly annoyed. 

"You cost us River Tam." The first man told him coldly. "You cost us months of valuable research and planning." 

"Now you owe us." Finished the second man. "And we will take it out of you in spades, Jonah. Don't think we won't find you in here, wherever you are." 

Jonah reached one hand forward. 

"It's only a matter of time before we find you." Informed the man on the right. "And don't think you'll be able to plead for River's life this time." 

"Once we have you, Jonah, and everything in your brain..." 

The second man stopped talking. His eyes went wide. There was a small, slow trickle of blood running down from his left nostril. It shone thin red against the blue of his fingers as he wiped it away. The two men both looked to Jonah standing there. 

He smiled. 

* * *

Book watched the muscles of Jonah's face twist, he saw the boy's hand reach up and grasp for something that wasn't there. It wasn't the one sided unspoken conversation that worried him, so much as the tremors that came over Jonah, the sheen of sweat that coated his face. 

There were cries and more gunshots outside the door. 

He gripped his gun and looked back and forth between the supine body and the sounds. His mind was made up before he registered the steps he'd taken. The door burst open and cracked against his face. 

Book's fingers squeezed the trigger hard and he kept his ground as the recoil hammered against him. The stunner hit him in the stomach and he fell to his knees, gasping, as the armed men surrounded Jonah's body. 

* * *

_He knows what he's going to find before he gets there. They let him into the recovery room as part of the arrangement. She's lying on the bed, unable to move because she's strapped in for her own safety, and Jonah can't take his eyes off the small, weeping dot on her forehead._

_River? He speaks gently. Can you hear me?_

_She whimpers softly in response._

_You're going to be okay. He tells her. I made sure of it._

_Jonah can feel the tendrils of her reach out to him, can feel her trying to find the thread of thought that they play with. For the first time he blocks her, creates a wall she can't get through, not when she's weak like this._

_It's going to be better. He promises._

_Her eyes flick up and try to find him, but he's standing a little too far out of her line of vision. Better for her, he thinks, so much better that she doesn't see what he's just done, that she never gets to touch the growing pit of guilt in his stomach. Maybe, he won't let himself dwell too much on it, maybe it's just better for him._

_He doesn't know that woman or her family, doesn't even want to. He wants to know the girl lying in the bed, the one whose hand inches out to him and squeezes tightly._

_It's okay. She manages to crack the words out and hisses through the movement it causes her head. Whatever it is, it's okay._

_Jonah lets his chin fall to his chest and cries._

* * *

The elevator surged up, making the men above them scramble. Kaylee softened in Daniel's hands and waited until he let go before she pushed her way to Simon. They parted as one to let her through and the moment before the doors opened, as they all raised their weapons, it occurred to her that they wanted her behind them. 

The six children poured out of the doors when they opened, leaving Kaylee and Simon to follow, Jayne holding the rear. Kaylee stumbled as she saw the bodies that lined the hallway. Bethany turned and gestured to Simon. They both looked to see Mal lying in a pool of blood. Kaylee and Simon fell to a kneeling position next to him as Minmei and Binh stayed just in front of them. Daniel, Bethany, Alex and Sebastian continued forward. 

"Captain!" 

Mal opened his eyes and blinked as he tried to shift himself up. 

"Kaylee? That you?" 

"Stay still." Simon ordered as he began to check the main wound. "This looks pretty bad." 

"Yeah, Captain, it's me." 

She saw Mal sigh and give in to Simon's effort to keep him still. 

"Kaylee? I need you to do something." Simon didn't meet her eyes. "I need something to dress this wound. I need it now, no argument." 

"What?" She couldn't think straight. "I don't..." 

"He wants a shirt off one of those bodies." Jayne gestured as Mal gritted through a hiss as Simon's fingers pressed all manner of tender points. "And Kaylee? You take one of those flack jackets and you put it on. You hear me?" 

"The bodies?" She hesitated. "The dead ones?" 

"Well," Jayne suggested as he kept aim on the open elevator doors. "you could always just give them that there flimsy gown you got on." 

"Not at all inappropriate, Jayne." 

Simon glared at him as Kaylee swallowed and made her way over to the nearest body on the floor. 

"We all up here?" Mal gasped, he noticed that Simon wouldn't meet his eyes either. "What? Who's missing?" 

"River." Supplied Jayne. "Damn fool stayed down there." 

Simon clenched his jaw, but didn't say anything. He and Kaylee began tearing up the purloined clothes and Mal stifled a moan when Simon started tying them around his hip and the surrounding mess. Jayne grimaced down at them, then looked at Binh. 

"You got these covered, do ya?" 

He waited for Binh's nod and saw him and Minmei stand guard at either end of the trio. Jayne smashed his way through the nearest door, took a quick look around and began to upend a table, taking a distinct pleasure in sending everything on top of it skidding onto the floor. 

* * *

"What's happening?" Zoe demanded. 

"They're back." Wash answered automatically from his position against the wall. "Looks like a bunch of little mini soldiers are clearing the pack from the other end." 

"What about Mal?" 

"I can't see." Inara gasped as she fell back and tossed aside the empty gun for another among the pile Wash had brought back. "He's been shot and I can't see." 

"He's fine." Wash took a second to look at her. He could see the rising panic in her, even if he hadn't heard the hysteria in her voice. They needed her to remain calm a little longer. She could fall apart later, that was when he planned to completely lose it. Maybe he should give her the schedule. "It's Mal, he's always fine." 

"Yes." Inara nodded, although she didn't sound entirely convinced. "Of course he is." 

Zoe closed her eyes, let her head fall back against the wall and tried to stay awake through the pain. 

* * *

_Alex._ Daniel ordered in his head. _You keep going straight. Help those three hold the exit. Bethany, Sebastian, you're with me._

They entered the room quickly and silently. Nine men surrounded a body on the floor. Daniel grabbed the first man from behind and twisted his neck. It didn't kill him, but he would be useless for a while. The other eight turned and raised their weapons. 

Bethany delivered a high kick to the man nearest her and he doubled over, groaning. Sebastian fired at the two men behind the groaning one. Daniel dove to the right and aimed even as he rolled. He took another one down. They heard the gasp of air that Bethany as she was tackled to the floor by the man she'd just disabled. 

Daniel didn't react, he knew Sebastian would be on to it and he wasn't wrong. A crack sounded as the boy brought the butt of his gun down hard on the back of the man's head. He turned away and pretended not to notice the warmth that flowed between the two as Sebastian helped Bethany back to her feet. 

Four men left and no time to think about it. He took another man out with a shot that was too easy. Another man fell under Bethany's gun. The two remaining men looked at each other. Sebastian, Bethany and Daniel smiled. 

"You have one chance." Daniel told them. 

"Where are the Operatives?" Asked Sebastian. 

Nothing but confusion and panic radiated off the men, the three of them could feel it. They would get nothing from them. 

"Sorry." Bethany said with a small shrug. "That's not good enough." 

When they were clear, the three of them stood next to Jonah's body and looked down at him. They didn't touch him. Daniel looked over to the groaning man in the corner of the room. 

"How long has he been like this?" 

"Since we got here." Book managed. "An hour, maybe?" 

_We have to find them._

The three of them dismissed Book easily. He would be fine and his own men would help him. Their responsibility lay at their feet. 

_We have to find them, now._

* * *

River did not waste time. There were too many jigsaw pieces in her head, bouncing around, screaming for attention, waiting to be fitted together before they would sit down and let themselves be read. Wash was a piece, a piece with a plastic tree and memories he tried not to see, but River had. 

Daniel and Kaylee had handed her another piece, a room with data disks. And drawers that hurt. Bethany and Sebastian theirs, another room with locked compartments, cooled and labeled, the Latin names labeled neatly. The harshness of Dr. Williams held one or two. River's mouth formed the words that had flickered through her from the doctor as he'd tried to barter with her. 

She caught one and managed to see it's shape before it slipped out of her brain's fingers. Puzzles couldn't be forced. They had to be teased together. Logics and observations. River grasped another and tried to smell it. 

Concentrate. River took one step in front of the other, her eyes closed as she stepped delicately over the debris. Forests and trees, she told herself, the picture is too big. 

She dropped to a crouch and spun around, holding one leg straight out. It connected sharply, she leapt high and landed on top of the man who'd fallen onto his back. Her elbow slammed into his chest and he stopped moving. 

"Sleep." She told him. He was going to wake up very grumpy. "Good boy." 

There were echoes down here that she didn't want to think about, she couldn't help it. They snaked into her and made her dizzy. Her eyes scanned the walls as she breathed, one hand twisting in a strand of her hair. The pieces, she tried again, one into the other. 

It clicked and she ran. 

* * *

Wash listened and heard nothing, it was too silent for his liking. He promised himself that next time he was going to be on the first team inside, this holding the exit deal was hard work. He cocked his gun. Slowly and carefully, with a nod to Inara, he began to look around the corner of the wall. 

And squealed as he nearly bumped into a small girl standing with her back to them, gun aimed down the hallway. 

"Don't worry." Alex turned and looked up at him with a hint of amusement. "I'm on your side." 

"That was my battle cry." He told her. "It puts the enemy on edge. Very manly." 

Alex smiled as she scanned him and then Inara, but when her eyes fell to Zoe she frowned. Kneeling down, she placed her gun by her side and brought her hands up in front of Zoe's face. She clapped once, loud and sharp. 

"Zoe!" She clapped again and waited for the slow blink of Zoe's eyes flickering open. "Zoe, stay with us, okay? Simon's on his way." 

"Who...?" 

Worry sparked in Wash at the dazed question. 

"Simon, honey, you know..." 

"She knows who Simon is." Alex shared a smile with the half conscious Zoe. "My name is Alex." 

"Is everyone...?" Inara broke in nervously. "Are they all okay?" 

"Mal will be fine." She assured them. "They're on their way. Kaylee too. We're all getting out." 

Inara heard the catch in the little girl's voice, the slight rising of hope and fear all at once. Her eyes met gray ones and she saw the light spread of pink over delicate cheeks. It made Inara wonder when hope had become something to be embarrassed about. 

* * *

"Team six, pick up this frequency." Dr. Miyamoto's voice grew slightly shrill. "That's an order!" 

The com in his hand crackled with feedback. He felt like throwing it at the wall. 

"Doctor?" Scratched a voice. "Team six." 

"Status?" He tried not to sound too relieved. They needed someone in that basement. 

"The children have gone." Gasped the voice. "All but River Tam. They've disabled two of our men and the doctor." 

"The whole project has been compromised." The decision was made in an instant. "You know what to do." 

"But doctor?" Came the shocked voice. "River Tam? And..." 

"Her too. And don't worry, your families will be well compensated for their loss." 

* * *

"Ready?" Simon asked. "One, two, three!" 

Kaylee watched, wide eyed with sympathy and a little fear, as Jayne and Simon lifted a wincing Mal onto the overturned table, its legs sticking up in the air and making the whole thing more than a little awkward as they tried to fit Mal's body through them. 

"We ready?" Jayne asked. 

He and Simon each grabbed a leg of the table and began to push it down the hallway, Minmei taking the lead and clearing anything out of their path and Binh taking the rear. 

"Wait!" Kaylee began to run back to the open door of the elevator and Binh grabbed her arm. "I'm not leaving her there!" 

"We have to go." He told her as she pulled out of his grasp. "She told us to." 

"I'm not..." She stopped, noticing the stubborn look in his eye, the set of Minmei's face, the slightly hopeful rise of Simon's and the furious glare of Jayne. "Fine, just let me do one thing?" 

She ran to the elevator, Binh close behind, his eyes searching the spaces that made them most vulnerable. Her fingers found the controls, she stripped two wires and began to twist them together. 

"No." Binh said suddenly. "Send it to one, not the basement. She'll make it." 

Kaylee frowned, but nodded. It whirred again and they jumped free of the doors as they closed. 

"Are you done?" Jayne growled. 

She nodded as she stepped between the two men to help push the makeshift stretcher. Simon nudged her gently with his shoulder. 

"Thank you for trying." 

* * *

It wasn't as if he liked his job. He scoffed at the word, it wasn't a job, it was a sentence. There had been a name for this assignment back in the military. Gravy train with a one way ticket. Good pay, but there was no coming back. Nobody left this job voluntarily. 

That's what everyone had said. 

He hadn't listened, he'd listened to the credit signs that had blinked at him from the contract instead. Listened with the knowledge of mouths to feed and bills to pay. 

After a while he'd learned, like the others, to block out the large, wounded eyes of the smaller ones, the angry resentment of the others. To ignore the way they slowly lost the ability to fight back. 

To disregard the screams in his dreams and the fact that his own family's laughter tasted like blood in his mouth. 

They were doing good work, the line came back to him sounding bitter in his head. The same old line they spat out every time there was a problem or a query. Or a man who begged for a transfer to save his sanity. Good work, this game of torturing children, good, good work. 

So he followed the order as he reached into the hidden compartment and found the blocks packed properly and kept dry. It shouldn't have surprised him, nothing about this place should surprise him anymore. 

The small lumps of plasticine nestled easily into the strategic places he pressed them into. The fuses sparked easily and his eyes traveled to the darkness that he'd watched the girl run into as he began to count. 

In a strange, twisted way he'd be glad when it was finally over and, along the same veins, so should River Tam. 

* * *

She held them in her hands. Her brain itched at her, something trying to break its way in. Then she felt it, like the smell of sulphur inside her nostrils or the tick of a detonator. Her eyes flew to the door. There was no escape there. 

River clutched the box of data disks and sighed. 

"This is the last time." She mumbled to herself in disgust. "No more." 

River opened one of the larger drawers and ran a hand over the body. She was long gone, whoever she'd been, ripped and torn for the prize inside. Tears and gasping and calls for people she had already made sure would never find her long before she wanted them to. One lonely soul. 

There wasn't time to mourn this one, not now. River stretched herself along the body and slowly inched the drawer shut. Cold skin made her shiver. Darkness and close walls made her shut her eyes tight and try to picture other things, not that she ever could. 

The explosion was loud when it happened. 

* * *

_You can do it._

_His voice echoes around her head and River sighs patiently, curbs her frustration, she can't do it. She hasn't been able to do it yet and she doesn't think she ever will._

_Don't think like that. Jonah's soft voice is tinged with its own frustration. Just because it doesn't come easily, doesn't mean you have to give up. You can't be a genius at everything._

_River's eyes snap open in the dark. She feels herself primp under the insinuation. He knows what he's doing, the deep volley of his laugh tells her that, but it doesn't matter because she's going to prove him wrong now._

_She looks up at the ceiling and shivers under the thin sheet. Jonah's room is four doors down and sometimes there's a lot of traffic between them. It depends on how bad the threads are from the other rooms._

_Next to her Aida dreams of a mother who once kissed her forehead. Those are the dreams that hurt more, sometimes. It's strange how even the nightmares lose their meaning and the memories that used to make them smile now make them wake up with hearts that beat too fast and lungs that refuse to breathe._

_Focus! Jonah finds her again. You can't stop to look at every little thing. Find what you want and ignore the rest._

_That's easy for you to think. She pouts at the dark and feels him make a face. You know how to do it._

_River. He pauses and it sounds like begging. You need to be able to do this._

_She gets a flicker of something darker and tries to grab onto it, tries to do exactly what he's telling her to do._

_Marcus. She tells him with more than a hint of pride. Pudgy guard number two. He's thinking about selling information about us to some people he knows._

_Almost. Jonah rewards her with a smile in his voice. You're not concentrating like I told you._

_Enough, Jonah! She sighs, suddenly deflated, and rolls over. Yes, he is thinking about it, but no he's not going to do it, because they pay him too much money and they're holding sensitive information about him. So there._

_See? I told you, you could do it._

_I'm going to sleep, now, Jonah._

_You're welcome, baobei._

_River smiles into the pillow._

* * *

He'd switched into doctor mode the moment he'd heard the word 'shot'. Clinical and unemotional. It's what they'd taught him at the hospital, to separate himself from his own feelings. All the easier to deal with the worst emergency cases. It was nearly impossible to concentrate on sewing up the torn platysma of a stab victim if you listened to the gurgles of blood in their throat. 

It was exactly how Simon was able to stand still in the elevator and watch River not come with them, how he was able to hold back from fighting the children when they left her there, able to focus on helping Mal and getting him out of the main danger area. 

How the roar of the blast below them and the trembling of the entire building did not make him jump. Simon saw, in slow motion, the paling of Kaylee's face and the way her eyes grew huge with panic. He almost envied her. She let go of the stretcher and turned back the way they'd came. 

A loud crunching sound echoed in the next instant and Simon felt the compartment he had forced his fears into split in two distinct halves. One felt immediately relieved at the sound of the elevator jamming in the shaft and blocking a backdraft of flames engulfing them all. The other half was holding desperately to Binh's promise before it shattered and left him empty. 

"Pick her up." He told Jayne without blinking as Kaylee's foot slipped when she began to run. "Carry her if you have to." 

* * *

It echoed off the walls in the room. A reverberation that shook them, even this high up. The two men looked around them and the man on the right managed a short, bitter laugh. 

"You feel that, Jonah?" He wiped at the bloody streak under his nose. "That's everything you're trying to save, gone up in smoke." 

Jonah tipped his eyebrow with a savage kind of triumph. 

"We may have lost everything," the man on the left gasped out as he tried to stop the flow of blood. "but we're prepared for that. Are you?" 

Jonah stopped smiling. 

"You can't go back." The first man realized. "It's too much and you can't go back." 

"This is a little too far out of your league, isn't it, Jonah?" The second man smiled again. "Once again, you're too late and too weak to save anyone, let alone yourself." 

Jonah shrugged, he was already here and they were right in saying he couldn't go back, he might as well make good use of his time. He pictured it the way he knew River would, the data flowing through their heads rippling and parting like water to allow his own thoughts in. 

* * *

Alex didn't see it in colors or pictures, like some of them, she couldn't see whole words and sentences written out like pages in a book. What she got, if she wasn't careful, was a nauseating wave of feeling that washed over her, an overwhelming sense of _knowing_. 

Knowing that the pain didn't bother Zoe, not really, it was merely an unpleasant fact of an unpleasant situation. She'd had worse and survived and she wasn't going to let this stop her now. No, what annoyed Zoe most was how early she'd been made useless in the fight, how much the injury worried Wash whose sole job was to keep that little flair of joy and innocence alive in himself so that it didn't die in her. 

Knowing that Wash was holding together because the idea of folding at that moment and failing them all, especially Zoe, was just too much responsibility that he couldn't handle. 

Knowing that Inara hated every minute of it, hated shooting her gun, hated being shot at, hated that everyone she cared about was in danger, but most of all she hated the level to which it excited her, made her feel alive in ways being a companion and selling facsimiles of herself never had. 

Alex watched the approaching group without reacting to the new onslaught of emotions that crashed over her, pounded into her. She stood still and let the debris of it settle itself through and around her. 

Suddenly she knew Mal was a kaleidoscope, angry at himself for being overcome so stupidly, triumphant at the fact of overcoming so many of them first, relieved to have Kaylee back unharmed, worried about River, about Zoe, and scared beyond belief that this could be it and he would never see the result, never know how it all turned out. 

Knew the release of Kaylee's sob, Kaylee who had stopped struggling against Jayne and melted into a numb automatic trance, led by Jayne's firm grasp on her wrist. There was a torrent building in there, held tenuously at bay by Minmei and Binh's repeated assurance that River had made it out, a desperate need to believe it. A pressure Alex felt eddy and shift and threaten to boil over as Kaylee let herself be drawn into the solicitous hands of Inara, hands that ran over Kaylee, making sure she was really there, because they couldn't run over Mal. 

Knew the thin, tenuous control that radiated from Simon, a desperate gratitude, and guilt for that gratitude, for Zoe's injury as he went to check on her, an act that let him concentrate on something other than the urge to forcibly shake one of them until they told him exactly what was happening to River. Alex knew a silent horror in him, too, the resentment of seeing herself and Minmei and Binh, of Daniel and Jonah, of all of them, of seeing what to him was an unharmed version of what River should have been. And wasn't. 

She knew Jayne's confusion, the fear of these little people he didn't know and was risking his life for. Not his mortality, but his life, Serenity as he knew it, the safety and surety of days where Mal strutted like a cock in a farmyard, but watched over them all. Where Kaylee made them all humble and gave them the word family. With Zoe's unflinching loyalty, Wash's easy jokes. A life where Book offered him friendship in a form he'd never had before, equality and acceptance. He was even guarded about the back and forth bickering with Simon, a camaraderie he hadn't felt since he'd left his brother. And River, the fear of her unpredictability that was slowly leaking into a grudging respect and awe for all that she'd been through and the strength she had. He didn't want to lose any of it. 

"Book's in that room." Alex pointed as she looked at Jayne. "You better go get him." 

* * *

Burning the candle, the words danced through her head, fire consuming both ends. River felt the buckles of her boots heated through the leather, she felt the blisters that formed on her exposed calves and wanted the cool of Simon's burn gel. Soon, she told herself as she pulled her body forward another few inches and then pushed the boxes in front of her, soon. Data for Simon, savior in the making. The crackle of flames roared ahead of her. 

River crawled from the frying pan into the fire. 

* * *

"Stay with him." Daniel ordered Bethany and Sebastian. _And stay alert._

Bethany blushed as she nodded. 

"Gonna gimme a hand?" Jayne asked as he lifted Book's arm around his shoulders and tried to get him into a standing position. "He's not light, ya know." 

Daniel looked at them. 

"I have to check on the others." 

Jayne opened his mouth to say something, but he was stopped by the light flutter of Book's hand waving at him to forget it as he forced himself up. 

"Let him be." Book managed to gasp. "Boy has a job to do." 

As he walked past them, Daniel paused. 

"It's just a stunner. He'll be fine in half an hour or so." He couldn't stop himself, couldn't hold back the bitterness that crept into his voice. "I guess they had orders not to hurt him." 

He found the rest of them crowded around either side of the hallway entrance. Before he reached them, Daniel knew Alex was in love. She was almost purring on the inside and he ached for her. Three years was a long time for someone so young to be without family. It was inevitable, he already knew it without having to feel the tendrils that were beginning to sprout in the others, that they would fall in love with her, too. 

She did that. 

"I'm Daniel." Was his introduction and then he asked, even though he already knew the answer. "Everyone okay here?" 

He waited for the visual confirmations, the quick, curt nods of his team and the slower, shakier nods from the others. Regroup and reaffirm, the words were like instinct to him. 

"Jayne's right behind me with Book." He eyed the group. "It's all clear right now. I want the injured on the right side, closest to the exit, as well as Wash, Kaylee, Simon, Binh and Minmei. Standard cover points." 

He knew the last order confused most of them, but that wasn't his concern right now, the twins knew what he meant. That left Alex, Jayne, Book and Inara on the left. From what he'd seen, it was a line up that could handle themselves admirably. As they shifted and moved themselves, Daniel let himself relax the slightest little bit. 

They were going to get out. And they were going to get out relatively unhurt. A few minor scrapes and gunshot wounds, but he knew their team had faced worse and so had his. Simon was capable, he had no doubt of it, anyone related to River couldn't be anything but. He smiled at Kaylee. 

"How are you doing?" 

"Been better." She tried to smile back and ended up grimacing instead. "Been captured, poked at, shot at, dragged back here and people I love are either bleeding to death at my feet or trapped in fiery explosions. Plus, I dropped my chair leg. You?" 

He chuckled. 

* * *

It led to the furnace room. River clung to the edges of the tunnel she crawled out of, halfway up the wall, and scanned the room. It glowed hot red in the back of her eyes and on the skin at the back of her neck. Slowly, she picked her way along the wall to the opening she needed and crawled back in. 

The air was cooler and fresher in her lungs here. 

The higher she rose the easier they came to her, the more eager she was to join them. The metal around her became cooler and she let her hands and the skin of her legs linger on it. As long as she could feel them, she knew they were safe, knew that they were there. 

It was Jonah that worried her more. 

Flashes of him forced their way into her, leery skeery faces, trickles of blood, sounds of screams in her ears. Her own screams. The rapid acceleration of a heart in panic. His body lying vacant and helpless on the floor. 

The room was empty when she forced her way in and through. Not too many guards in the hall. First floor Binh had said. River had gone to the third. Silently, she tiptoed up to the men with their backs to her, her eyes taking in the scorch marks that covered the wall near the elevator. The doors were warped, twisted into themselves, folded open slightly against the weight of the car itself. 

"Explosions do that." She said calmly. 

The men turned around in shock. River smiled. And waited. They attacked first. 

* * *

_They sit in silence, chewing on their incredibly nutritious food, perfectly balanced and packed with everything their bodies need and nothing that they want. River remembers when a person could take pleasure in things like food. When even simple meals were a sumptuous feast of texture and color and taste, heat and sizzle._

_She sighs._

_Jonah isn't with them today and it makes River's nerves jingle. Jangling up her spine and scratching there until she wants to scream it all out. They don't hurt him much anymore, nor her or any of the others, it's a form of stasis that she doesn't understand._

_He brings her things, little presents from outside. Nothing tangible, nothing that can be taken from her or used against him. Important things, though, so very important that those who keep them wouldn't realize their true value._

_Last week Jonah brought her a song. A thin thread of music that someone else had been humming inside their head. River can hum it herself, now, knows the tune by rote. It makes her heart beat to imagine hearing the melody, to imagine the steps she'd dance to it._

_He gave the boys a dirty joke and they've all been giggling over it for two weeks now, even Bethany and Kiku. Something about a Minister, a Preacher, a sequestered Companion and a duck. Put it on his bill, indeed._

_For all the baubles that he brings, River knows that it's worse when he goes. Because he's going to come back all closed and sheltered, he won't let her inside for days._

_He keeps telling her that he's made it better as he reaches up to touch her forehead and River smiles when he does this, smiles because he cares, because he is the one thing that keeps her sane, because he needs her to._

_Because he can't acknowledge how much everything still hurts her, so how can she?_

_It's always calmest before the storm._

* * *

River climbed up the shaft, foot over foot and hand over box laden hand. It was blessedly quite when she got to the fifth floor. Home base. Daniel had already grabbed Jayne and was headed down the hall to meet her as she placed her back against the elevator door and stood to the side. 

Daniel aimed and River heard the sound of men gasping and falling behind her. 

"Time to go." She smiled at Daniel, then handed Jayne the boxes. "Give these to Simon." 

With her hand suddenly free, River lightly wrapped it around Jayne's neck and watched his eyes widen with fear as she lifted herself up onto her toes and placed her lips very gently on his. 

"And give that to Kaylee." 

She took the gun that Daniel offered her and they left Jayne standing a mite bewildered as they spider climbed their way up another two floors of the shaft. 

"Before today," Daniel told her in a half whisper, "I never knew how fun this place could be." 

River rolled her eyes in response, but she silently agreed with him. 

Dr. Miyamoto, Dr. Mathias and half a dozen guards were waiting for them. River felt an involuntary spasm, a hundred needles poking at her, hands that tore parts of her away. She lost the air that held her upright and her face pointed straight to the floor. 

* * *

"Are they going to be alright?" Kaylee asked, more than a little fear in her voice. She could have been asking Simon or Minmei the question, either of them would have her answers, but Minmei kept quiet and Simon looked up to find her watching him. "Simon, are they okay?" 

"Yes." 

He wasn't sure exactly what to say. Mal's hip was torn up pretty bad, he had a bullet hole in his left arm and he was falling in and out of consciousness with the loss of blood. Zoe was faring much better, she had one wound in her shoulder and that had been taken care of straight away. If he could get them to the infirmary soon, Zoe would make a full recovery and Mal would have very little to show for the pain he was now in. 

That soon, though, wasn't soon enough and he was entirely sure that telling Kaylee that wasn't going to help her get any calmer. They all heard Jayne's footsteps returning and he left his patients to look around the corner with the rest of them. 

"Here doc," Jayne thrust something into his hands. "that's from your sis." 

Minmei smiled and raised her eyebrows at Jayne. He blushed and glanced at Kaylee. 

"Um... yeah." Quickly, moving faster than strictly necessary, Jayne leaned in and pecked Kaylee's lips, leaving her stunned. "That's from River, too." 

"Aw, Jayne." Kaylee broke into a grin. "That was sweet!" 

"No it weren't." He insisted, still blushing and his face getting redder with every second. "I ain't sweet." 

Two rooms away, Sebastian grinned as he read the thoughts in Jayne's head, the memory of whispered words. Bethany rolled her eyes and batted him across the arm. She smiled coyly. 

_She and River aren't the only ones who can do that._

Sebastian paled. 

* * *

_It's not them, River._ Daniel kept his eyes forward, facing off with them, as he felt her wilt beside him. _The images aren't from them. The Operatives and Jonah are in the room behind them. That's where our real fight is._

"Children." Dr. Mathias spoke as if greeting old friends. "You need to stop this now." 

_He's scared, Daniel. Everybody's scared. Can't give up, retribution will hurt._

Daniel spared a quick glance to the figure next to him, her hair was covering her face now, her neck bent forward, her shoulders rounded and he knew the posture well. It was burned into his memory, the small form of the girl before she'd been broken out, scared and afraid of anything. 

"River?" Dr. Miyamoto began gently. "We know it's hard, still. We can help you. You see what we've done with the others? How well it's worked with them?" 

It wasn't words that came into Daniel's head then, it was a sound of longing, a whimper half formed. 

"All gone." She whispered under her hair. 

Daniel's face went smooth in shock as he felt River let her gun slide out of her fingers and fall to the floor. He held out his hand to stop her, but she stepped forward, out of his reach. One step, two steps, gentle and awkward towards the men. He saw the triumphant look enter Dr. Miyamoto, felt the spark of hunger for scientific interest and a sharp sense of loss over what they were about to do from Dr. Mathias. 

"River?" Daniel had to try. "Don't go to them." 

She shook her head in jerks as the two men reached out to take one arm each, the guards watching Daniel carefully. 

_Now!_ River's clear and concise order hit him when he most expected it to. 

River grabbed both doctor's wrists and swung them around. Daniel rolled and released the spring loaded blade attached to the wrist they hadn't even looked at when he'd pointed his other arm forward to reach for River. He'd have to thank Jayne later. The guards' fire didn't even come remotely close to him as he slashed at their ankles. 

The doctors fell against a wall, on either side of River who swung into a high kick and stunned Dr. Miyamoto with a foot to his head. She turned and smiled at Dr. Mathias. 

"River?" He pleaded. "Don't do this." 

"Don't worry. I haven't killed anyone in twelve months." She assured him. "Not yet, anyway." 

And then he was out for the count. Bullets sounded behind her and she turned to glare at Daniel, surrounded by six bleeding bodies. 

"What?" He asked her as he bent to retrieve some more weapons. "I can't make any such claim." 

They moved to the closed door and Daniel kicked it down. River saw two men standing side by face, facing the other wall. She saw no one else in the room, but she felt him. Felt the thoughts and memories Jonah was throwing at them, all their works reflected back to them in ways they'd never considered. 

It was doing absolutely nothing to them, they didn't care. They turned as one and River felt a link snap as she met their eyes. 

_Go, Jonah! Go now!_

She and Daniel looked at the two men. The two pairs of blue hands. River's fear was not for show this time. Neither was Daniel's. 

* * *

It was loud, the crack of a door being thrown open. Alex didn't flinch, she grabbed a gun and skidded it down the floor of the hallway. Faces all around her turned to watch the figure run out of the room. 

Jonah bent down low enough to scoop the sliding weapon as he ran down the hall, closely followed by Sebastian and Bethany. Alex sighed as she watched them climb into the shaft. 

They never let her fight. 

A hand came down and rested on her shoulder and Alex curved into it, let herself fall into the comfort that Inara offered, both with the touch and the flow of understanding that poured from her. 

* * *

"Your kingdom is falling." River told them. "We can see the Emperor's nudity." 

"Yeah." Agreed Daniel casually. "I guess it's just really cold in here." 

"River Tam." Said the man on the right. 

"We've been waiting for you." Said the man on the left. 

"You call me that, the doctors call me that, but you don't call me." She set her jaw. "I am a girl, I walk like a girl, sometimes I talk like a girl. There is sun and laughter and I play." 

She smiled dreamily. 

"I flow like a river, ripple like water." River became serious again. "You couldn't take that from me. You couldn't take it from any of us." 

The man on the right held up a little silver instrument, a small cylinder, its end spiked out and River felt the pressure build up inside her head. She didn't turn away. 

They watched her keenly, eyes boring hard into her skull as they waited, watched for the first sign of what was to come. The device exploded in the man's hand and his blue fingers clutched at empty air. 

"Your toys and trinkets don't scare us anymore." Jonah walked into the room, flanked by Sebastian and Bethany, his gun arm lowering slightly. "You don't scare us anymore." 

They stood in a line, the five of them, and began to walk forward. 

"Your men have all gone." Sebastian told them. 

"Shot down or run away." Bethany added. 

"There's nowhere left to turn." Daniel explained. 

"We're not the last." The first man said. "Killing us won't stop anything." 

"Oh," Jonah closed his eyes momentarily, savoring the thought, "but it will feel so good." 

The man on the left didn't say anything, he scrambled for his own little silver instrument in his breast pocket. River and Jonah glanced at each other and smiled as gunfire sounded from behind them. 

Jonah held out his hand and River took it, letting him draw her in and felt his hand come up to support her waist. She dipped her knees and sprung up as he twisted her onto his hip. Her feet flew out and hit the man hard as she continued the momentum and landed, changing balance enough for Jonah to spring forward and grasp the device as the man staggered. 

They stepped back and Jonah held it in front of him. The two men's eye widened as they watched him click it open. 

"Go ahead," Challenged the man on the left. "It won't affect us, we..." 

He stopped in mid sentence as River lifted her gun and shot him twice. Once in each of his blue hands. Sebastian took the hands of the man on the right. They both doubled over. 

"Okay." Jonah said. "Where were we?" 

"About to kill yourselves." Gasped the first man. "You use that thing and..." 

"What?" Jonah challenged back. "It's not pointed at us. You don't think I ever watched you? It's not a blanket weapon." 

"And we can hear how it works." River pointed out as she tapped the side of her head. "You're getting very loud." 

River, Jonah, Daniel, Bethany and Sebastian watched calmly as the two men stopped still, seemingly shocked to feel the blood that trickled out of their noses and then began to pour from their eyes, mouth and ears. 

Two floors down, Minmei, Binh and Alex closed their eyes and watched as well. 

* * *

"It's too quiet." Wash whispered. 

"And what?" Zoe managed to gasp out. "You thought you'd jinx us all?" 

The loud explosions of renewed gun fire gave her the perfect opportunity to glare at him. He accepted it, she was right, she was always right. 

"Get them ready to go." Binh said to Simon. "We need to move fast." 

Jayne and Simon steadied the stretcher, while Book and Wash lifted Zoe to her feet between them. Kaylee and Inara stood and waited. The three children stood at the end of the hallway, guns pointed and ready. 

"Retreat!" Minmei ordered as they began to shoot. 

The table screeched on the floor tiles as Simon began to push it forward, Wash, Book and Zoe followed. Jayne joined the cover fire. Kaylee waited, resisting Inara's attempts to pull her away. Daniel rounded the corner first, turning to fire in the direction he'd just come from. 

"Kaylee!" He yelled. "Just go!" 

"Come on, mei mei." Urged Inara. "Let's go." 

Bethany and Sebastian flew into sight and they kept running, not even pausing to look at Kaylee and Inara as they caught up with the group of injured. Kaylee watched the space that the children fired into. 

"Come on, River." Kaylee urged. 

And there she was, skidding around the corner, Jonah right behind her. 

"Kaylee!" She gasped. River ran up to her, threw her hands around Kaylee's waist and spun her around once. "We have to go." 

"That's what I keep saying." Inara murmured as Jonah grabbed her hand and all four of them began to head back to the ship. "Do you think she listened?" 

"No chance." Jonah answered and smiled at the glare Kaylee sent him. 

They caught up easily with the first group. Serenity gleamed ahead of them, welcome and shining as she stood on the ship bay. Kaylee grinned as she saw her. It had only been a few days, but it felt like a lot longer. The gunfire sounded loud behind them all. 

Jonah, River, Daniel, Sebastian and Bethany stopped as one, shock and pain on their faces. 

_Pick her up!_ Jonah's thoughts shouted desperately. _You pick her up and carry her back!_ ***


	11. A Stitch In Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of work to be done: lives to be saved; engines to mend, mercs to tease; and relationships to mend.

***

"We all here?" Wash kissed the top of Zoe's head as he let Book take her weight from him and turned to scan the crowd of people swarming over the cargo bay. "Are we all on board?" 

"Yes." Jayne answered, the last person up the ramp, the limp body in his arms hanging loosely. "Get us off this damned rock." 

Inara pounded the button that closed the doors and sealed the airlocks. Wash ran up to the bridge with a last look to his wife. Simon, already folding up the sleeves of his shirt, left the stretcher where it lay and turned to gesture Jayne to the infirmary. 

"Bring her in, Jayne." He noted with a small amount of relief that the large man had had the presence of mind to pick her up face down without flipping her over. "On her stomach." 

Together, they lay her down on the gurney and Simon reached for the sedatives that would hold her under. His eyes picked up the gentle way Jayne's oversized hands smoothed the edges of her skin, tried to comfort the soft arms that didn't respond. Simon placed a mask over her face to help her breathe and attached the requisite monitoring devices before looking at the red, gaping holes across her back. 

"Jayne?" He looked up. "I need you and Book to get Mal up on the side gurney and dope him, too. Zoe's going to have to wait." 

"She gonna be okay, doc?" 

Simon looked up to the windows that surrounded the infirmary and saw them all watching. He hadn't felt like this since his first days as an intern, the supervision, the monitoring. The horrified, intense stares of those who cared about the dying patient on his table. 

"I don't know." He swallowed hard and looked down. "Just... just do as I say." 

"Doctor Tam?" Simon looked to see a pale, blonde haired boy hovering by the door. "I can help. Bethany and I can help." 

It's not like he had much choice. Simon nodded. 

* * *

_It stings, drugs burning like volcanoes in her skin, rivulets of fire that pump and throb and pump again. She can't stop it. Can't halt it. Can't give them what they want. Not ever. Never. Wouldn't do to hand it over like a shiny bauble._

_They've left her in a room, alone, discarded like trash. Thrown away. Stored until needed. Until there's a question to be asked, even if there aren't any answers. River had answers once, she thinks she did. Knows she did, because they still look for them._

_She cries for the blood that was once on her knees, belonged to a man who held her hand, who gave her peace in her head. Peace they stripped away. Each death hers. River has seen them kill and almost wants it for herself._

_Kill me! Words shouted at faceless men, masks that hide nothing. They're so angry they don't care. Didn't care when they made her watch as Charles went down. He screamed his last. He still screams in her head. So does Aida. So do they all. Kill me and leave them alone!_

_Men in the room. Talking, so many words that say so little. Big ideas and fallacies of leadership. The needles in her eyes. What did you see, River? What was in their heads, River? Bark once for yes and twice for no, River. One needle, two needle, three needle, four. Tell us what they won't._

_Jonah, she sobs, she can't create any other sounds as she falls onto the bed, Jonah._

_Jonah's gone, River. The small voice hits her from the side and she gasps. He's been gone for months now._

_She can't do anything but whimper._

_You'll be okay, River, I promise. A small hand enters hers, softly and with care, as another hand runs over her back, smoothing the sharp edges and turning her whimpers into small mewls and then nothing. That's what you told me and that's what I'm telling you. You just need a few days, like last time, that's all._

* * *

River couldn't look away, she sat on the back of the couch, her boots long gone, and stared through the infirmary windows. Her glazed eyes watched Simon without seeing, saw him head bent and hands bloody as he gently lifted the little metal tweezers from somewhere too close to a spinal cord to be anywhere near comforting and dropped the little bullet fragments into the dish that Bethany held. 

There were a lot of things floating through the ship right then, most of them dull and aching, heavy fears and silent prayers. The sharp tang of terror had burned off with the haze of fire through atmo. They were drifting through space, literally and figuratively. 

Jayne echoed off the walls, edgy and nervous, ricocheting from one room into the other. She felt him drawn to the space by the cargo hold entry, the little window to watch eagle eyed like he had once before, drawn there and then repelled by the twin bodies lying on their stomachs and looking through the glass. Twins in general made him anxious, twins with possible psychic powers made him turn around and head into another room altogether. 

Minmei and Binh weren't about to move anytime soon. Daniel sat to the left of River, also watching the proceedings. Bethany and Sebastian handed tools to Simon when he needed them, sponging away blood and debris, reaching over and doing some small thing a second before Simon asked them to. Inara stood to the side, unasked and unquestioned, monitoring Mal, holding his hand in a fever of worry. 

Wash streamed into the room and she looked up at him. 

"Everyone's keeping vigil now." 

He nodded sadly at her then joined Zoe and Book on the other sofa. The three of them made a conglomeration of worry and concern, pain and exhaustion. Fear, impatience and a touch of anger. Book patched up Zoe as best he could and River didn't want to feel it, didn't want to hear the words and terminology that ran through his head, the words of a training that led to other things. 

Other things that made Jonah tense beside her to the right. Jonah, whose jaw was already clenched tight, because he couldn't feel her either. They'd tried and they could reach everyone else in the room except the girl on the table. 

River leaned forward and looped her hands over the head of the woman sitting on the couch in front of her legs. Kaylee leaned back and looked up, her hands coming up to grasp River's. Their eyes met for an instant and then River rested her chin on the top of Kaylee's head as she continued to look at the small form on the operating table. 

"You'll be okay, Alex." River whispered. "I promise." 

* * *

"I never said thank you." Kaylee looked at Jonah. "For being there before." 

"They shouldn't have done what they did." He turned to look at her. "I'm not going to say I'm sorry they brought you there, because I'm not. We're all out here now, but they shouldn't have hurt you like that." 

It was palpable, hanging thick in the air. Even Kaylee could feel it, she felt it in the slight shift of River behind her, the jolt of surprise that the girl gave. She could see it in the clenching of Jonah's jaw. When she looked around the room, she saw the twins, Bethany and Sebastian looking at Daniel. Daniel looked straight at Jonah. 

The two of them stared at each other for a long moment, not moving. It did not escape her notice that Daniel reached out to take her hand, without looking away. It was Jonah who broke eye contact first. 

"We'll talk about it later." Jonah looked up again. "Not now, okay?" 

"Fine by me." Daniel said, a little more coldly than strictly necessary. "I'm not going anywhere." 

"C'mon!" Kaylee said, loud and forcefully bright, as she stood up and pulled Daniel with her. "Let's go find some clothes. I don't know about you guys, but I'm awful sick of these gowns." 

Daniel allowed her to tug him to his feet, but pulled his hand out of Kaylee's and stood with his arms crossed. 

"Yes." Agreed Wash across the room, also standing up. "And I should check the bridge again. Make sure there's no one following us. Or space trash to bump into. Or..." 

"Honey?" Zoe looked up, opening one eye from the sleep she had appeared to have fallen into. "Just go. I'll be fine." 

"Jayne?" Book called. "Would you like to help me in the kitchen?" 

* * *

River closed her eyes and walked through the eddies of everyone. Her knees lifted at the stairs and she pushed the balls of her feet down on the grills of metal. So many voices and very few of them hers. She didn't want to follow Kaylee to the crew quarters, because Kaylee had questions about what had just happened, but if she stayed she'd have to sit between them. 

And between them wasn't a place to be right now. Fire and boil and scars running deep. People would be caught in the cross fire. 

She pressed the door open with her feet and slid down the ladder silently, landing softly on her toes. Kaylee stood with her back turned, staring at a shelf of dried flowers, Chinese prints and other assorted oddities. 

"It's funny." Kaylee said to the room, without having turned around. "I collected all these so carefully, just to prove I'd been places. That I'd seen worlds fancier than Serenity, that I could have belonged there." 

River stepped forward, wrapped her arms around Kaylee's waist and rested her cheek on her shoulder blades. 

"And you know what? Every second I was in that place, hell, every second I was on that other planet..." Kaylee gripped River's hands as she spoke. "... all I wanted was to be back here. I don't need no dances, or stupid pink dresses with stupid pink ruffles, I didn't need..." 

She stopped and breathed in deeply. River smiled against her back. 

"I liked your stupid pink dress." 

Kaylee let her breath out in a mix of laughter and a sob. 

"Thanks, I think." Something on the wall caught her eye. "Hey, what's this? Is this supposed to be a girl?" 

"Yes." River let Kaylee go and brought her face up to the paper taped to Kaylee's wall, her face glowed with pride. "It's me, I'm dancing." 

Indeed, if Kaylee squinted and leant her head to the right a little, she could see the line of arms... or maybe that was a leg... was that supposed to be hair? 

"It's nice." She said. "Did you...?" 

River straightened up and set her face. 

"Jayne drew it. It's pretty." 

"Jayne?" Kaylee looked back at the picture with wide eyes. "Jayne drew a picture?" 

River nodded. 

"I can't believe you made him kiss me. You're evil." Kaylee smiled as River tried to contain the small giggle that came out with a restrained sob. "Okay, clothes. I can fit out Minmei and Bethany, I think. But we're gonna have to raid Mal and Simon's rooms for Binh, Daniel and Sebastian." 

"Yes." River agreed sagely. "Jayne and Wash are too big." 

Kaylee paused, but let it go. River smiled sadly anyway and they shared a look. River's face fell slightly when, as she knew they would, the energies shifted again and she sighed. 

"What just happened between Daniel and Jonah?" 

* * *

"Here, Simon." Book pressed a cup to his lips. "It's just water, flavored with a little honey." 

He winced at the too sweet taste, but drank it anyway as he continued to sew together the edges of Alex's spleen. It wasn't too far off the glucose mixture given to the surgeons back in Capital City. Dehydration and energy were important factors when trying to concentrate during a twelve hour operation. He nodded in thanks. 

"Inara?" Book turned around. "Why don't you get yourself something to eat? Jayne and I have prepared some food. And I think Kaylee might appreciate a donation of spare clothes, she only has so many to spread out. Don't worry, I'll let you know if there's any change." 

Inara, who had been about to protest, blushed at the implication and merely whispered her thanks before giving Mal's hand another squeeze, carefully edged her way out of the infirmary and quickly through the common room. 

Looking at the two children standing to the side, he saw their gowns marked with blood, and the way they refused to look him in the eye. Book didn't blame them, he hadn't heard their full names yet, but he wasn't sure he wanted that small flare of recognition, the spark of memory that would come and the guilt that followed. 

Simon looked up from Alex and tried to breathe through the tension. 

"Go." Simon said kindly to Sebastian. "You two need to get some food as well, get a new change of clothes and then come back. I can manage without you for a while." 

When they were alone and Book took a pair of gloves and placed them on his hands, stepping up next to him on the table, Simon spared a glance to the common room through the window. 

"I don't know which is worse, you and those kids just then, or those two out there now." 

* * *

"You sanctimonious son of a...!" He stopped. 

"No, Daniel, please." Jonah prodded. "Go on. Really." 

"How dare you?" Daniel seethed. "How can you sit there and let Kaylee fawn all over you, thanking you for, what did she call it? 'Being there'? What did you do? Nothing! It was us and you know it! We stopped Dr. Williams! We got her away from them and kept her alive down in that basement. All you did was lie in a bed for eighteen months." 

"I'm sorry." Jonah blinked. "Did my almost dying inconvenience you?" 

"Don't bring that bullshit here, Jonah, don't you dare." Daniel couldn't remember the last breath he took. "How long were you awake, exactly? Long enough to allow them to threaten Kaylee? Long enough to allow them to electrocute Alex into a trembling pool of nothing? Was that it? Were you awake long enough to allow them to bring Kaylee in the first place? Or was it longer?" 

Jonah didn't answer. 

"How long, Jonah? Answer me! How long were you lying down there letting all of us go through hell so that you didn't put yourself in any danger?" 

"It's not that simple, you don't..." 

"Don't even dare tell me it was the moment the goddess almighty River Tam walked in." Nobody, not even Daniel in the midst of a rant could miss the angry flare that surged into Jonah's eyes or the warning bells that went off inside his head. "You weren't there when they did this to her! God, Jonah, you were alive and they made us watch everything they did, knowing we'd be next. Where were you then? Where were you when she was begging us to just kill her and it took all our energies to convince her to hold on that last little bit? Or when Bethany screamed in pain for three days straight because of what they did after River had gone? Where were you then?" 

Just outside the kitchen, at the top of the stairs, Kaylee sat with her back to the wall, listening to the voices that rang through the entire ship. In her arms, River trembled. At the bottom of the stairs, the room had split. Jonah was well aware that Bethany, Sebastian, Minmei and Binh stood behind Daniel. 

"Stand down, Daniel." Jonah's voice was deadly serious. 

"No." And he didn't. "It doesn't work that way anymore. You've been gone too long." 

"You don't have any idea do you?" Jonah remained calm. "None of you do. I thought when you'd found the..." 

He paused. 

"None of you knew I was there, because I wasn't. I nearly died and they barely kept me alive, kept me breathing, but not conscious. I have no idea why they needed me back, but I have my suspicions, most of which revolve around all of you being dead. Is that what you want to hear, Daniel?" 

By the look on his face, no, no it wasn't. 

"Yes, I woke up when I heard the twins thinking about River, when I heard them bring Kaylee in. No, I didn't make myself known to you. I had to get out and I had to get out then. I've never let you in my head, Daniel, any of you," at this, Jonah pointed at the stairs, "and if you want to know why, just look what they did to River because of it." 

Two feet appeared, slowly, one at a time, followed closely by legs that turned into River. Kaylee was not far behind. If Daniel had needed a release, it was obvious that Jonah did, too, because he was nowhere near slowing down. 

"You saw what they were doing down there, Daniel. The very second they solved their little equation, we were all dead. Without them they needed us. I kept us alive by destroying their files. River kept you alive by not telling them. The fact that neither of us could tell them, kept you alive." 

He paused to let this sink in. River walked to the middle of the room and stood to the side of them, in the charged space between them, her eyes flicked back and forth between the two. She didn't say anything, she just stood there as Minmei and Binh walked to stand behind her. 

"If you or they knew I was awake, you'd be dead. If they got their hands on River again, you'd be dead. If the both of us were gone, they'd need you alive. Does that suit you better?" 

Daniel had lost a little of his bravado by this point. Bethany and Sebastian had moved to stand behind River as well. 

"Was it hell for you after I was gone? Yes. Was it horribly, unforgivably cruel what they did to River? Yes. Was it unfair that you were burdened with everything after the two of us were gone? Yes. You know what, Daniel? None of it was fair, from the very start. We all got the very shortest end of a very short stick, not one of us made it out of there unscathed." 

Jonah's voice became sharp and controlled. 

"But as I see it, you're not dead, you're not lying in that room bleeding to death, nor are you so mentally scarred that you can't string a sentence together. You've come out of it a lot better than some. So grow up and get over it!" 

River watched Daniel's fist come out of nowhere in slow motion, they all felt it connect solidly with Jonah's chin, felt the reverberation of Jonah's spine hitting the sofa he fell back onto. 

"Now," asked Jonah as he rubbed his face, "does that feel better?" 

"Little bit." Daniel admitted. "I'm still right, though." 

"Yes." Jonah agreed with a grin. "And so am I." 

"Men." Kaylee sighed in disbelief as Sebastian reached a hand out to help Jonah up. 

Stuck in her place on the far sofa, Zoe had to silently agree. 

* * *

He looked down at the plate on the table in front of him, the hairs on the back of his neck were beginning to prickle and he hated that feeling. Granted, it wasn't the best meal ever cooked up, but they'd had a lot worse. He counted to ten very slowly, then he just couldn't take it. 

"It ain't just for show." Jayne snarled. "Either get some and eat it or leave a man in peace." 

Two of the kids inched into the kitchen and eyed the room carefully. He pretended to focus on his food and watched them out of the corner of his eye as they huddled together at the other end of the table, reaching out to scoop the food onto their plates. 

"So, uh..." He looked up and wasn't sure whether he wanted to meet their eyes. "How's the little sproggit doin'?" 

"Getting there." The girl answered him. "Simon's very good." 

He allowed himself a half hearted grunt in reply, even though he did agree with her. They were lucky to have a medic on board, any medic, let alone someone who could patch them all up like the doc could. 

The boy was watching him quizzically. 

"What?" He blurted out. "Whatcha starin' for now?" 

"You do realize that you can't really lie around us, don't you?" Sebastian asked genially. "We know you appreciate Simon, you admire his work." 

"Don't do that." Jayne pointed at them with his fork. "Don't you be messin' around my head, y'hear? It ain't no place for kids. Y'all are worse than River, you know it? At least she keeps most of it to herself." 

"You can't scare us away." Bethany assured him. "We already like you, it's too late." 

"Great." Jayne went back to his food. "I'm just thrilled to hear it. Let me eat." 

He still felt eyes on him. 

"What now, boy?" 

"Can I...?" Sebastian faltered for a second. 

"Spit it out." Jayne muttered. 

"He wants to see your guns." Bethany explained with an entirely smug look on her face. "And then play with the big boy weights." 

* * *

Wash looked at the screen and felt nervous. There was no ship following them and he couldn't understand why. Surely there'd be a passel of Alliance ships tailing them by now, they'd made themselves well and truly known. 

He heard the footsteps and knew who it was. It should have surprised him that he could identify everyone by the way they stepped into the bridge, but it didn't. Briefly, he considered ducking and hiding under the chair. 

"Thought I'd find you here." 

"Kinda hoped you wouldn't." He admitted. "I..." 

"What'd they do to my girl?" Kaylee broke in and her eyes flickered over the console. "She sounds different." 

"Something." He shrugged. "You'd have to ask Jonah, it boosted us up real nice, though." 

Their eyes met and he looked away first. 

"Kaylee? I..." 

"Don't, Wash." She sat in the copilot's chair and tapped at the paneling until a hatch opened and she could peer into a mess of wires. "I'm just glad you're alright." 

"Me?" He nearly fell out of the chair. "What? I'm fine, it's you that..." 

Something in the way her chin wobbled, in the stubborn way she set her face and refused to look at him again made him stop and think. He went over the last few days in his head, the guilt when he'd first remembered how they'd taken her, the relief when River and Jonah had come back and told them that she was okay. 

"You didn't know, how could you?" It was soft, his realization. "What did the doctor tell you?" 

"That, uh... that you were..." She sniffed and fiddled with wires that didn't really need it. "Nothing. He didn't tell me anything. It's good that they got you out when they did." 

"No." He said it firmly. "It's good that we got you out when we did." 

She seemed to relax a little. 

"You guys coulda come earlier if you'd really wanted." She tried to smile as she sat back in the chair. "I wouldn't have minded." 

And that, Wash surmised, fulfilled just about the entire quota of serious and emotional talk the both of them could handle in one sitting. He gestured back out of the bridge. 

"How's Alex?" 

"Simon's still working on her." She shrugged. "River's a little more relaxed now, so I guess it's not so urgent anymore. It's what I figure, anyway. I don't know about Mal." 

He rolled his hand in a gesture for her to carry on. 

"Zoe's gonna be fine and you know it." She said. "Sheppard patched her up real good, she's still pretty woozy, but she's happy waitin' for Simon." 

"I know about my wife." Wash explained gently. "I meant you." 

"Oh, me." Kaylee gave a small smile. "I'm a little shook up, bruised some and my leg aches somethin' fierce, but they didn't do nothing that won't mend itself. I better go see to my ship, she's straining a little." 

Wash didn't say anything, he didn't need to. He felt it in the way she'd placed her hand on his shoulder when she'd stood up to leave and given him a little squeeze. Only Kaylee, he figured, could accept an apology he hadn't given when she didn't even feel it needed to be given in the first place. 

* * *

The next time Simon looked up, Book had gone and he found himself looking at Jonah and Daniel. It was almost a relief to have them in there with him. He looked at Jonah. 

"You can really do it?" He waited for Jonah's nod. "Then pay attention." 

He looked down at Alex's body and thought about what needed to be done. When Jonah stepped up and took the weaver out of his hand, Simon allowed himself a breath before changing his gloves and gesturing Daniel over to help him with Mal. 

* * *

Inara looked across the gangway and smiled. Even without her years of training, it was fairly obvious what was happening here. She couldn't help but delight in it, she'd never had it and, in her line of work, rarely ever saw it. 

"He's really quite handsome." 

Bethany jumped and turned around, a flush already spreading over her face. Below them, in the cargo bay, Jayne was spotting Sebastian at the weight bench. She made a face at Inara. 

"You're very quiet, I usually know when people are there." It was a guilty smile. "I didn't hear you." 

"I'm not surprised." Inara's eyes flickered down and up again. "He seems to like you as well." 

"Yeah." Bethany smiled down at the same moment that Sebastian smiled up. "He does." 

A sudden sharpness stabbed at Inara, gone as instantly as it came and left her confused. A mixture of longing and envy that she didn't want to explore, didn't want to understand why the stark openness and surety of the two made her a little bit empty. 

"When you're part of a dozen or so that can read minds," Bethany explained quietly, "it becomes irrelevant to play games and deny what you feel." 

"That's..." wiser than I'll ever be in a thousand lifetimes, Inara thought, "... a very positive way of looking at it." 

"Oh," Bethany teased, "I don't think it'll take you a full thousand." 

Inara ducked her head, her lips still smiled, but her eyes sharpened just a little. 

"What," Bethany continued regardless, "with all the people you see in your..." 

"I really wish you wouldn't do that." Inara looked up again and met Bethany's eyes head on. "If you have questions, you're welcome to ask me, but please don't take from me what I'm not willing to give." 

"I... I..." She blushed and looked away. 

"You're human," Inara interrupted. "you're, what? Fourteen, fifteen? You're nervous, even if you can read every little thing in his head. It's only natural to be curious." 

"Fourteen." Bethany thought for a moment. "It doesn't feel like it, sometimes. Time played tricks back there. It seemed..." 

She stopped speaking and bit her lip. 

"I'm fourteen." 

Bethany didn't look up at Inara, didn't want to look into her eyes. She could already feel the wave of pity and concern and she didn't want to be drawn into something more, not when Inara had expressly asked her not to. It was second nature to them all now and she hadn't stopped to wonder what others would feel about it. 

"Well, Miss Fourteen," Inara coaxed Bethany back into comfortableness, "if you do have questions, my shuttle is always open." 

* * *

Their steps were almost choreographed, River could see it in the way they moved together. She sat crouched into fabric of the sofa, thighs pressed up against her chest and chin on her knees, and stared through the window of the infirmary. 

As she watched, Simon held out his hand and Daniel placed a small, sharp pair of scissors in them. Neither of them looked up or made any other sign. Simon's trust given without question, letting Daniel inside his head. 

It was like a curse, sometimes, floating on the waves of other people, their comfort and ease. She could see what was and what could be, but she also knew what wasn't and what never would. 

Jonah looked up, like she did, knowing and accepting, like she was. She watched him lift his right hand and beckon her to join him and her skin itched to do it, to just give in to him. He knew, just as well as she did, that she couldn't ignore the other people in the room, that she couldn't press down the ache that they bought forth. 

_River?_

She shook her head. 

_I want you in here._

_It's not your operating room, Jonah, not really your choice._

Her feet drifted through the air and hit the floor softly as she pushed herself up. If she concentrated hard enough, she could float past the space in front of her and search through the multitude of people on board. The one she wanted was already in the engine room. 

* * *

It was an eternity of waiting. The ache in his chest had returned and made it hard for him to breathe. The stunner had hit him hard and he was still trying to recover, not that he could complain, not really, considering the alternatives. 

He was almost grateful when they finally came. Almost. Book had hidden himself in his berth mostly to avoid causing any unnecessary grief to any of the children, but also to escape his own memories. He didn't want any of them knowing his thoughts, knowing the truth of it. 

The knock was soft on his door. 

Not that he could stop them if they wanted to find out for themselves. 

"Come in." 

"Teng." 

They spoke in unison and didn't waste any time. Book couldn't help the flood of memories, the instant connect to faces and past assignments, the quick cold motions he'd gone through at the time. He let it roll through his mind like an offering. 

"They think we're dead?" Minmei asked softly. 

"Yes." There was no point lying or cushioning the impact. "I'm sorry." 

"Some people will never be redeemed for the choices they make." Binh said as they turned to go, his eyes met Book's. "And others will spend eternity trying to atone for the choices they didn't." 

"And where do I fit in?" He couldn't help but ask it. 

"You were only following orders." Minmei said. "We don't blame you." 

When he was alone, her words offered no comfort. History, well back to Earth that Was, was already full of men that were only following orders. 

* * *

"Are you trying to be stealthy?" Kaylee asked as she looked into her engine. "'cause I could hear you coming a mile off. And you're usually on top of me before I even notice you're there." 

She stopped and thought about her words with a small smile on her face, not that there was much she could do about taking them back. 

"Still can be." River teased her with an exaggerated sigh. "If I really must." 

"Well, you know, if it's such a chore..." She wiped her hands on her coveralls, her sweet, sweet comfortable coveralls, and sat up from beneath the hulking machine, "... you don't have..." 

Kaylee was cut off by the swooping of cloth and a small body pressing down on her, all limbs and small, hot hands. She couldn't help the breathy little half gasp, half laugh as River pressed their foreheads together and forced Kaylee back to the ground. 

"Not a chore." 

"So I see." Kaylee closed her eyes as lips, soft and warm and quick, landed lightly on the end of her nose, both her cheeks, her brow. "Minx." 

When she felt the next downward stroke of a face, Kaylee thrust her chin up and captured River in a kiss. Her hands came up and cradled the small head. There was nothing to do but gasp when River hooked her legs around Kaylee's and rolled them suddenly. 

She found herself looking down at deep brown eyes that were beginning to dilate. 

"Prefer you on top, though." 

That Kaylee could oblige. 

"So I see." She kissed her again, long and hard and just a little bit desperate. 

They lay there for a second, breathing against each other, skin pressed against skin. Then there was a breath, an inhalation, and the moment was gone. She couldn't have said what it was, a shiver, the way that River trembled underneath her or something deeper. Something that eddied and flickered behind the girl's eyes. 

Kaylee rolled onto her back and looked up into the engine. 

"You're still worried. I thought the danger had passed." 

River closed her eyes and soared through the ship. 

"Done all he can, one man in an army of hurt. Time is the key, watch to time and time to watch." She opened her eyes and looked at Kaylee's worried face. "We have to wait and see." 

"But..." Kaylee couldn't quite grasp it. "You, all of you, you're so calm now. I thought..." 

"Suppress the panic, worry accomplishes nothing." There was something almost robotic about her voice that made Kaylee shiver in her spine. "Focus is key. Complete objectives." 

"River?" 

"Complete the objective, Kaylee." Shakiness hit River's words, a rapid beat that Kaylee didn't want to recognize. "Objective is to fly away, fly away home, nobody has a home. But we have to keep going. Get away, far, far along the way." 

Kaylee reached out and pulled River to her, ran her fingers through River's hair. 

"We're going, we're going." She whispered. "River? We're going as fast as we can. That's why I'm here, to make sure the engine keeps us going." 

The edginess calmed and there was quiet as Kaylee closed her eyes and let small sounds pass through her lips, soft cooing that made River limp and pliable. 

"She's not broken?" River sounded so small coiled up into her shoulder. 

"Serenity?" Kaylee smoothed the hair away from River's face and planted a soft kiss on her forehead. "Nah, 'course not." 

Letting herself fall away from Kaylee, River felt the steel of the floor on her shoulder blades and thought again about melting into the ship, disappearing and losing all feeling. She wondered if there was such a thing as too much green. 

"Jonah really did some work on her, though, didn't he?" Kaylee eyed the coiling wrapped around the core heater. "She's straining right now, we've gotta land sometime soon so I can put her to rights." 

River let a shuddered breath rip through her and lifted a hand to run fingertips over cool metal, it was worn and heavily scratched, maybe even beginning to show a little rust at the edges, but strong and well cared for. 

"Boosted the ship, brought us to you." She sighed and wondered what would really be said if Kaylee ever followed the thousand different meanings in their words. "A stitch in time." 

"Can't argue with that." 

Kaylee reached out her hand without looking and a wrench landed softly in her palm. She didn't see the glow of River's eyes as she wrapped her fingers around it, or the way the girl's face crinkled to stop the mewl in her throat. 

"Thanks, baobei." 

* * *

"How're you feeling, sweetie?" 

Zoe blinked her eyes open to see Wash sitting on the floor next to the sofa. She could feel his hand sweeping through her hair and let herself drift into the motion for a second. 

"I'm okay." She managed a small smile for his benefit. "Feel like I was shot, but I'm okay. The Captain?" 

Wash glanced back at the infirmary. 

"Simon and one of the boys are just finishing with him now. Simon looks happy enough with it." 

She raised her brow. 

"He looks happy?" 

He gave a soft breathy laugh in the dark. 

"Well, he doesn't look upset with it." His eyes caught her about to speak again. "Alex is still under, but they've finished working on her now. I don't know how she is." 

Good enough. She groaned a little with the movement of her shoulder in the sling Book had made for her and rested her head back. 

"Just a little bit longer, Simon wants to take a look at you before we move you to our bunk." Wash placed a kiss on her brow and Zoe breathed in the smell of him. "You scared me, Zo." 

She thought about the trek into the hospital back on Orpheus. 

"Just paying you back, husband." 

* * *

Jayne watched the boy's veins strain in his arm. 

"Okay, that's enough, little man." 

He reached out to take the barbell. He'd have to be blind and stupid not to see the fire that passed in the kid's eyes, or the way his chest puffed up. 

"My name is Sebastian." 

Jayne chuckled. 

"Yeah, and I'm Jayne Cobb the third, bleedin' esquire." He handed the boy a towel. "These are my weights and I say you've had enough. Little. Man." 

"I can do it..." 

"Sebastian." They both looked over to see Jonah standing just inside the door way. "I think Bethany's looking for you." 

Sebastian raised his brows, but didn't say anything as he stood up and gave a slight nod of the head to Jonah before leaving. Jayne grinned as he sat down. 

"Bethany, huh? That's the red headed one?" Jonah nodded with a blank expression. "The very same girl I've been led to believe can read all our minds an' probably knows the very words we're sayin' right now? She's just drivin' herself crazy searching this ship for that boy? Is she?" 

"Yes." Jonah admitted unapologetically. 

"Damn fool's wasting her talents then." He gestured for Jonah to sit down. "You want something in particular?" 

Jonah picked up a small weight bar and hefted it experimentally, curling his arm up and feeling the strain of his under used muscles. 

"Not particularly, no." 

Jayne eyed him, the too obviously distracted drifting look of him and his eyes sparked. 

"Thought you'd be all hovering together, you an' River." 

"She's..." Jonah's eyes lifted up and over the ceiling. "She's busy." 

A small, knowing chuckle escaped Jayne's lips. Bulls eye. A man who makes a living as a tracker, hunter and fighter doesn't miss when he aims for a target. Not if he wants to make any kind of a living. 

"They make a mighty fine pair, don't they? 'Course none of us really seen it coming." He paused "Always figured Kaylee as a man's woman, you get my drift." 

As if Jonah could escape from it. 

"Like to drive a man crazy, those two together." Jayne could still feel soft, warm breath in his ear and the pictures it painted. "Sometimes it just ain't fair." 

Beside him, Jonah answered with a mixture of a sigh, a shrug and a sad little laugh. 

"No, no it's not." He looked at the man next to him. "At least you only have what River told you." 

Jayne perked up and looked all manner of interested. 

"You get visuals with that head of yours, do ya?" 

* * *

Simon pushed his exhaustion back even further, breathing in sharp and sudden to flood his system with oxygen. His eyes blinked open and closed and he let his shoulders roll. They were nearly done. 

Words like trabeculae and endosteum drifted through his brain as he eyed the carefully restructured bone before him, meticulous eyes picking over the thin shining strands that he had fervently prayed to be intact. Only the saphenous nerve had seemed to take any real damage and even then it hadn't been that drastic. He'd have to wait and see if any permanent damage had been sustained. 

All things considered, Mal had come out of this luckier than Simon had first hoped. It would take a while, and Mal would most likely have to learn a great deal of patience when it came to recovery times, but the captain would most likely come out of this with nothing more than a slight limp. Not to mention the many new scars Mal seemed to attract like a magnet any time they had a job. 

He looked up to see Sebastian and Bethany sitting in the common room, talking quietly. 

"They seem close." 

"They do, don't they?" Daniel didn't even look up as he held the edges of skin aside for Simon to finish inside the wound. "It's going to be interesting when it develops into something else." 

"When? Not if?" 

Daniel shrugged. 

"We take a lot of guesswork out of life." There was an undercurrent there that he didn't bother to hide, something that hinted at pride and possessiveness and a readiness to strike back at anything that struck first. "They're good for each other, we can all feel it." 

Simon put the laser tool down and reached for the dermal weaver, he spared a glance up at Daniel and a thought sprung into his mind. 

"You can feel... everything?" He looked down again, unsure if he really wanted to know. 

"Everything." Daniel confirmed. "But you learn to sift through most of it, ignore what you don't need. You look the other way and allow them to have their moments. Accept that the others are doing the same thing for you. Otherwise you'd be too embarrassed to do a single thing." 

"You let them drift in and out without pausing to examine or care, showers, bathroom visits, sexual thoughts, moments of anger, of grief, pain and humiliation, they're all parts of life. We just share them." 

Simon watched the edges of Mal's skin knit together as he heard the words, but he was thinking about River, about the way she moved through the ship and always seemed to know when to avoid the bridge, how she would often curl her lip and smile at Jayne when he hadn't said a word, or the way she'd never seem to burst into his room at the wrong moment, but often minutes after when he'd had time to collect himself. 

* * *

"No ruttin' way!" 

"Jayne." Kaylee wheedled with a smile. "It's just for now, there ain't no room on Serenity for everyone." 

"There's plenty of room, you just ain't looked hard enough." 

She sighed. 

"Bethany and Minmei are gonna sleep in River's room, River's gonna bunk with me." She couldn't help the smile that crept over her. "Jonah and Daniel in Simon's room, Sebastian and Binh in Mal's room, which just leaves..." 

"I ain't bunkin' with the doc, Kaylee." 

River's eyes glowed. 

"He'll keep his hands to himself." 

"He better!" Jayne exploded. "Gettin' to be so a man can't even sleep by hisself." 

"See?" River turned to Kaylee. "Told you he'd agree." 

Jayne glared. 

"I didn't agree to nothin'!" 

"Jayne?" Kaylee asked, suddenly curious. "Jayne, why won't you look me in the eye?" 

"Ah," he searched for a believable response, searched hard, "nothin'." 

Yup, he thought, that oughtta do it. 

"River?" Kaylee turned a disbelieving glare onto the girl next to her. "He's blushing. What did you tell him?" 

"Ah," she searched for a believable response, searched hard, "nothin'." 

River and Jayne giggled. Kaylee sighed. 

"I don't believe you two!" 

* * *

He let a little groan pass through his throat, the final admission to complete exhaustion as he stepped out of the infirmary. Both Alex and Mal were resting, Simon probably had two or three hours before Mal would make his way out of the anesthetic. 

The colors of the common room, even muted in the dark, were a welcome contrast to the starkness of the room he'd just spent hours in. It was quite and Simon tried to remember when they'd all drifted away, slowly, into their own spaces. 

The room had seemed always full of someone, at first it had been everyone, watching eagle eyed, then slowly they had trickled away and come back and left again. Different permutations of the same faces staring through the window. Different bodies inside the infirmary, some helping him and some giving blood where it was needed. Eventually they'd all stayed away. At some point, he'd told Daniel to go and rest as well. Only Book remained in the infirmary now, with strict instructions to call him if anything changed. 

There hadn't been much to do and he supposed he could have finished long before this, but he'd always been thorough, always had to stay with his patients for longer than necessary, just to wait and watch and hover. 

Zoe was sleeping when he made his way to the far sofa and he nodded at Wash, sleepy eyed and sitting there with his wife's head resting on his legs, running a hand through her hair. 

"How is she?" 

He spoke softly and his hands were gentle as they lifted the bandage to check the wound. It wasn't perfect, but it was better than he'd expected. Book had done well. 

"She's groggy, but I think she's good." Wash replied. "What's the official word?" 

Simon saw the worry behind the blue eyes. 

"I think you're right." He felt Zoe stir as he put the bandage back in place. "Make sure she has some fluid, okay? She lost a fair bit of blood. I'll help you get her to your bunk if you like." 

"I can walk." Came Zoe's voice, weaker than Simon could remember ever hearing it. "Just give me a minute." 

His head was heavy as he left them to it, eyes all but falling out of his skull. There was one thing he was itching to do before he went to sleep, though, something that made him walk over to the table. 

The boxes sat there, smeared with blood, Simon wasn't even sure whose. Excitement scratched at the edges of his nerves, nobody had said anything, but he knew, he knew what it was, had known the minute Jayne had shoved them into his hands. 

He reached out to open the first one. 

"No, Simon." 

Simon jumped and turned. 

"River!" 

She was standing just outside the common room, in the cargo bay, arms stretched out and holding onto the edge of the doorway. Her hair fell down in a straight line as she leaned back. He saw the way her dress moved, rippling in a gust of air that he supposed must be from the cooling vent. 

"You need sleep, Simon." She admonished him with a stern face. He was about to protest when she let go of the frame and stepped into the common room towards him. "Three years in a room, trapped. Rapunzel can wait to let down her hair." 

"But..." 

"Go to bed, big brother." She set her face stubbornly. "Before you drop. I won't carry you." 

"Fine." He didn't have the energy to argue with her. "I'm going, I'm going." 

She allowed herself a sleepy yawn and Simon arched his brows. 

"Shouldn't you be going to bed, too?" 

"I will." She replied and went to stand by the vent again. "When I'm ready." 

* * *

Kaylee heard the hatch creak open and listened to the barely there footfalls of River climbing down. She felt exhausted and was ready to fall asleep and never wake up. She was lying in her bed, her very own, non medical bed, that had never felt this comfortable that she could remember. 

"C'm here you." She lifted the blanket up and reached out to take River's hand in hers. "Geez River!" 

River practically hummed as Kaylee pulled her deep into the bed, covered her with hands and legs and arms and everything that would keep her in one place and not let her splinter into a million different thoughts and dreams and fears and memories. 

"How do you get so cold?" 

* * *

"Ching-wah tsoa duh liou mahng!" 

He heard the words before anything else filtered into his brain. Not that it took long for the pounding to start, the throbbing of his head and the soft burn of bullets taken out of his body. He opened his eyes, blinking at the sudden onrush of light and twisted his head as far as it would go. 

"You sure took up swearin' quick, doc." 

Simon turned away from the screen to look at him. The display glowed an eerie aura around the doctor in the muted light of the darkened infirmary. 

"Captain, how do you feel?" 

"Just peachy, top three." Mal coughed and groaned through the pain it caused. "How do you think I feel?" 

"You need to lie back down." Simon walked over. "Don't even think about destroying all the work I just put into patching you up." 

Mal let him press his head back down to the hard bed at the side of the infirmary. Simon's hands began a dance around him, feeling his forehead, checking various machines. Out of the corner of his eye Mal saw a small body lying face down on the gurney, a mask helping her breathe. 

"What happened?" He looked up at Simon. "Everyone get out? Zoe? Kaylee? I remember Kaylee." 

"We got out. Everyone." Simon looked at the bed in the middle of the room. "Alex, the youngest one, she was shot pretty badly. I'm still not sure if she's going to pull through. Zoe and Kaylee are fine." 

"And me?" 

"I was under the impression nothing stopped you for very long, Captain." That was when Mal knew he was going to be okay. "Your left arm has a new bullet scar and your right hip needs time to knit properly, but you're going to be fine. You lost a bit of blood." 

"Wash?" Mal asked and Simon nodded. "I've got more of his than my own at this point." 

"There are a few other odds and ends, some minor scratches that come with the territory." Simon couldn't help but recite the rest of it, giving the report as he figured Mal would want it. "River has a few burns from the explosion, Kaylee's a bit bruised in places and her leg was stunned, Book was stunned all over." 

Mal blinked and gestured back to the screen. 

"So why are you swearing?" 

"That..." Simon stopped and breathed in deeply, his eyes flashed. "They're data disks. From the Academy." 

Mal didn't say anything, he wasn't sure what he should say. He was fairly sure what would be on them. 

"This one looks to be a log, some basic information kept by one of the doctors. The things he's written." Simon turned back to the screen and scrolled down. "He refers to them as subjects, just subjects. Extreme heat tolerance simulation, exposure to toxins, they were guinea pigs. Termination of subjects..." 

Simon's voice trailed off to a whisper, unbelieving and full of cold anger. The kind of soft awe that Mal had heard when people described the horror of battlefields back in the war. 

"Everything is listed so coldly." Simon's breath hitched in his throat. 

"What?" 

"I'm in here." Simon couldn't take his eyes off the screen. "They knew I was searching for her." 

He couldn't say it, couldn't verbalize the horror at seeing River's name added as an afterthought to the destruction that was so casually described, the way his whole chest clenched when he read his own father's name. 

And those words, at the very start, the most damning of them all. 

* * *

It was empty in the shuttle, the walls were stark and there were boxes stored at random. It was in complete contrast to Inara's shuttle that they knew was lush with silks and satins, trappings of grace and luxury. There was no furniture to speak of, so they sat on the ground. In a circle of five with a hole where the sixth should be. 

They didn't speak, didn't make any sound, really. 

They just sat. 

Separate. 

* * *

Kaylee heard the commotion from the kitchen. A sudden onrush of movement and the clatter of feet rushing through the ship underneath her. She looked across the table at Jayne, their eyes met and they stood up at the same time. 

She knew what she would find when she went down the stairs. Simon standing over Alex, his face red with effort, machines sounding alarms, River and Jonah waiting by the infirmary windows, their faces blank. 

* * *

_He looks at the numbers in front of him, knows exactly what they're going to do with them, knows exactly how to change one digit here or there so that the whole thing backfires in their faces._

_He doesn't._

_It's still fresh in his mind, the arc of his back as they pumped the fluid into his veins and traced it on their screens, the way their ears seemed closed to the moans he couldn't bite back, or tears that came from his eyes even as he tried to hold them back, tried not to give them the satisfaction of knowing how it got to him._

_One of them likes the pain they cause, the others don't care either way as long as they get their numbers, but Dr. Williams takes great pleasure in making everything worse than it needs to be._

_So Jonah gives them the correct data and curses himself for it, but knows that as long as he plays by their rules, they'll at least pretend to play by his. The rest of the children have been operated on, but he knows that they weren't put through any pain because of it._

_None of them have really felt pain in months, but Jonah knows how easily that can be taken away from them, how easily he can be back in that chair with the electrodes taped to his skull with them monitoring the spikes of his brainwaves as they make him listen to one of the others scream. They get the best results when it's River and they're not shy of abusing that knowledge._

_He knows they have the perfect threat, because Jonah can take anything they want to do to him, take it and stare them in the eye as he does, but he can't take anything if it happens to the others. And they know it._

_It's no longer about how much blood they take from him, it's become how much they want from the others._

* * *

"She's stable." Simon eventually spoke to the people outside the infirmary doorway, even if he didn't look up to meet their eyes. "But I've done all I can do here, she needs more, I don't have the proper medical facilities..." 

"Hey, wait a minute." Jayne broke in. "Proper medical means core, means Alliance, means the people who shot at us in the first place. You don't think..." 

"What do you want to do, Jayne?" Kaylee turned on him. "Sit back and watch her die?" 

"I ain't sayin' that." He glared. "It's just..." 

"He's right." Wash answered. "We can't just waltz up to the Alliance all 'here's a twelve year old girl that doesn't officially exist with gun shot wounds from a fight that didn't officially happen in one of your facilities that we're not officially supposed to know exists, oh but don't worry, you should see all of the other guys that we shot down dead while we were there'. We'd all be humped faster than you can say..." 

"She knew." Daniel spoke calmly. "She knew the risks, we all did, and she agreed to them. I'm not handing her back when we're so close." 

"She's a twelve year old girl!" Inara exclaimed. "She couldn't possibly understand..." 

"Death?" Sebastian challenged her. "I think that concept was drilled into her clearly enough." 

"I'm not comfortable going to the Alliance." Zoe offered and the room quieted. "But I don't think it's our decision to make." 

She looked pointedly at the two figures standing at the window, looking in at the girl in question. As everybody watched, Jonah nodded to River and only half the people in the room understood the meaning behind it. She nodded back and, one by one, the other children nodded in return. 

Jonah looked up. 

"Call the preacher." 

* * *

"Hey Cap'n." 

He opened his eyes to see Kaylee standing next to him. 

"Mei mei." Mal eyed the swirl of color over her cheek. "Oh. Look at you." 

"Me?" She clucked. "You're the one got shot." 

He felt the rapid click of her fingers over his brow, smoothing the sheet over his chest, saw the way her eyes didn't quite reach his and the jerky little tremble of her chin. 

"Don't you worry 'bout me, Doc says I'm gonna be fine." He looked over to the empty bed in the middle of the room. "They take her out already?" 

"You've been asleep a while, Cap'n." She looked out to the common room. "Book's taken her in the shuttle." 

"How'd they take it?" 

She rolled her eyes at him. 

"How do you think they took it? Ain't one of them happy, but I don't think they had a choice." A pause. "It's not like they were gonna let her die, is it?" 

He looked at her in surprise. 

"Ain't no one was gonna be left to die, you hear me?" 

Kaylee smiled. 

"I know that, you fool." Her eyes shone just a little. "I never doubted you'd all come for me. I learned something else though." 

"Really?" Mal couldn't help the smile that came at her obvious pride. She was probably the only fool he knew that could take being kidnapped, threatened with Buddha knows what, put through a gun fight and still come out of it with a positive life lesson. "What's that then?" 

"I may not know how to shoot a gun or be handy with my fists like the rest of you all are, but I can still take care of myself when I need it." 

"Well, that ain't nothing we didn't know before." 

Kaylee poked her tongue out at him and he laughed until the pain made him groan. 

* * *

"Hey you." Inara picked up his hand and held it in hers. "You had me worried." 

Mal looked her in the eye. 

"What?" A smile broke out, he couldn't help it. "You think if I died they wouldn't honor the free rent I promised?" 

She squeezed his hand just a little tighter than necessary and he frowned. 

"Hey! Ow." He complained. "I'm a sick, wounded man here." 

"I won't argue with the sick part." 

* * *

Simon walked over the gangway towards the kitchen and found himself stepping over several bodies. 

"River?" She rolled over to look up at him with a smile. "What are you doing?" 

River shrugged her shoulders and gave him wide, innocent eyes. Bethany and Minmei appeared to be suspiciously holding back giggles as well. 

"Fine." He said. "There's a meeting in the infirmary when you're finished here. I'm just going to tell Wash and Zoe." 

He gave them a warning glare and left them to it. As he stepped into the kitchen he heard the distinct rumble of a growl sound far below. 

"Quit watchin' me, gorramit!" 

* * *

Mal was not sure what had been going through the heads of the Firefly creators when they made Serenity back in ought three, he had often thought about the ingenuity of the design, but he was fairly sure that no one had thought to build an infirmary to hold fourteen people. 

Even if one of them was propped up on the gurney, that being himself, and four others were sitting perched on the outer benches, that being River, Kaylee, Bethany and Minmei, and several others, namely Sebastian, Jonah, Jayne and Daniel were crowded in the doorway, it still left Zoe, Wash, Inara, Simon and Binh to crowd the rest of the space. Mal could barely keep track of them all. 

"Guess we have to make a decision." He opened the discussion. "Now, y'all are welcome on Serenity..." 

"We're leaving." Jonah announced. "As soon as Book lets us know, one way or the other, what's happening with Alex, we'll find somewhere." 

"Don't be hasty." Mal added. "You don't know..." 

"We can't go back to our homes." Jonah continued as spokesperson for the group. "Our families either think we're dead, are incapable of housing us, or knowingly made deals with the people who did this. Even if they were to take us in, we'd only be placing them in danger by being there." 

"But surely...?" Kaylee began, but stopped when River put a hand on her shoulder. 

"It's better if we remain dead to them and they to us." He looked at River. "We can't stay here, either. This ship wasn't built for so many people and we've already put you in more danger than you deserve to be." 

"I'm staying." A tear ran down River's cheek and Kaylee leant her head onto River's shoulder. "Splintered again, like a china doll broken." 

Jonah looked like he wanted to go to her, but he didn't. 

"Book says he knows a place, a quiet little planet." There was still an edge to the way he said the man's name. "We'll set up there for now. As long as we stay together, we should make it through this." 

"You'll have to come visit us." Bethany broke in. 

"Damn straight." Kaylee told her. "Try and keep us away." 

* * *

_He stands tall and stares them in the eye, he can almost ignore the sweat that trickles down his face and between his shoulder blades, the tremble of his arm as he holds it out straight._

_It hurts, doesn't it? They ask him, with something he recognizes as pleasure. We can stop anytime you say so._

_He shakes his head and thinks of River._

_It's entirely familiar to him, the thick sound of blood as each drop falls. His blood. He wonders when he became immune to such things, when slicing open the veins in his arm and risking his own life to save another's became something he did on a regular basis._

_We hope River Tam realizes just what you're going through. Their voices drift into the haze that has begun to fall. You've passed every one of our tests so far._

_He should know by now just how much the human body can take before it passes into unconsciousness, he should but he can't seem to recall it just now._

_A white hot pain slides into the arm and he knows they're finished for now, can't help but wonder how much more he can take. He keeps his mind focused on River and knows he'll take anything else they want to dish out._

_Your loyalty is surprising, Dr. Tam. Marcus' voice says in his ear. We'll have your sister to you within the week._

* * *

Simon looked at the second box sitting open on the dining table. 

_But he said, Simon,_ He could hear Kaylee's voice over the com so many days ago. _Dr. Williams said they have a drug that can repair broken pathways in the brain._

_Experimentation with Expallion42..._ read the reports on the data disks, _promising results in subject Daniel H... initial results have raised hope for the recovery..._

He turned to River. 

"Are you ready, mei mei?" 

* * *

Haven was a small white planet in the Burnham Quadrant. Far enough away from any Core planets to ensure minimal Alliance interference. The surface is dry and dusty, not much vegetation to speak of, most of the planets' living is garnered through mining the deep core for the mineral rich substances that are sold easily on nearby planets. 

Far enough away from the eyes of the Alliance for seven people to create their own haven without attracting much notice. For a Firefly class transport ship to make regular visits without drawing unwanted attention. 

Hidden well enough for sixteen people to stand in a clearing, grouped around eleven different rocks that were specially placed. Eleven different names etched into them. Half the group said their goodbyes, while the other half paid respects to people they never knew. 

* * *

River looked up and squinted at the sun. She breathed in deep, taking in the smell of the earth she lay on, the feel of the heavy dust in her nostrils and the lush, damp green smell of it. 

"Hey." Came the warm voice next to her. "What're you smiling at?" 

She turned to look at Kaylee, lying next to her, and let her eyes drink in the rounded cheeks and the sheen of heat that covered the woman's face. Kaylee glowed, she still glowed, and River couldn't get enough. 

"Shh." She whispered. "Can't make a sound." 

"Oh, don't you worry." Kaylee grinned as she reached out and traced light fingers over the skin of River's belly. "I'm gonna be quiet as a mouse." 

River trembled with her giggles. She slapped Kaylee's hands away and rolled over to lay a kiss on warm lips. Kaylee tasted as green as the earth they lay on and River thrilled to it. 

"Now let me concentrate." 

River shifted away from Kaylee so that she lay on her stomach, belly and knees pressing into the dirt, careless of the clothes she wore. She took hold of the rifle and looked into the view finder to find Mal leaning on his cane, Jayne with his scowl and the group they were bargaining with. A warm hand rested on the small of her back. As she watched, Mal tipped his head towards a man sitting high on a horse. 

"If I make this shot, Jayne has to learn demi-pointe plies tonight." 

* * *

**THE END.**

* * *

People have asked and so I researched this when writing this last chapter, the results were pure coincidence and not planned at all, but I think they're rather fitting. 

For those interested: 

_**Jonah**_ : Hebrew origin, meaning a dove, a bringer or sign of peace. 

_**Daniel**_ : Hebrew origin, 'my judge is the lord', one who serves a higher law than man. 

_**Sebastian**_ : Latin origin, revered one. 

_**Bethany**_ : Hebrew origin, 'house', one who offers security and comfort. Also means 'life'. 

_**Minmei**_ : Chinese origin, little plum.

 _ **Binh**_ : Chinese origin, peaceful.

 _ **Alexandria**_ : Greek origin, defender of mankind. 

* * *

I have to (well, okay, I don't have to, but I'm going to, so there) thank many people: firstly, Miss McKay, for not holding back and pointing out what didn't work and what needed to be changed and also for putting up with my live parodies of 'Adam's Spleen' in chat. Thanks bunches and it's still all your fault, even if I don't know what 'it' is. 

Secondly, to thatweirdgirl for naming Minmei and Binh, they desperately wanted names of their own. 

Thirdly, thanks goes to many devoted feedbackers because my fragile ego likes to be stroked (including, but not limited to): SB, reallykaylee, thatweirdgirl, Ambodell, Nutluck, Adrienne, Rich, moshpogfahfeng, Artships, Rob, Diz, Rinny, Rinney, Missjasadin, RubyMoss, Kizziecstars, Inalasahl, Patrick, Rachel, Leah, Sheri, Angela and everyone else who commented or emailed. And, gosh darn it, doesn't my spell check love you all? 

And, lastly, to anyone who's read "Adam's Rib". 

Thanks again. *** THE END


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